Why does it have to be someone's loss?

[Guest062912]

First, let me state that this question is asked with legitimate curiosity and only a tiny bit of irritation. Mostly, I'm just really wondering why.

Why, when a provider declines to see a client, or vice versa, for whatever reason, does it have to be someone's loss? As in, "Oh well, it's his/her loss." Why? And why is it usually said with an air of superiority? As if the other person were really missing out on a great thing (which could very well be true). Is this a way to make yourself or the rejected party feel better? Is it intended to make the other party feel guilty or bad about it?

I see it said a lot here (and I suppose other places too, just more often here in the hobby world) and I don't understand the necessity to be so... what's the word I'm looking for? Passive-aggressive? Childish? Lacking in grace and tact? That's what it seems like to me. I could be way off. Can someone give me a good, legitimate reason to say things like this that in no way could be considered negative or mean-spirited?

Hobbyists that use it love to point out how much money the provider is missing out on. I'd like to state for the record that if I decline an appointment with a client, I'm not at all worried about the money I'm missing out on. I've declined because I've already taken into account that I could be turning down someone who could end up being a regular, and put a lot of money in my pocket over time, and decided that the money doesn't matter as much as my reason for declining. Which is why I went ahead and declined.

Providers love to point out that the hobbyist is missing out on the best pussy he'd ever have. Chances are, he doesn't want to see you because for one reason or another, you just don't fit his tastes. So your pussy would probably not be the best he's ever had, at least in his mind. I doubt it's meant to be a negative reflection on the provider. No one is everyone's type, right? If Elizabeth Hurley isn't everyone's type, why would you expect to be?

I'm of the opinion that if an appointment is declined for any reason at all, all parties involved should, at least in part, be relieved. Be glad that you can spend your time/money elsewhere with someone who is excited to spend it with/on you, instead of being upset that you don't get everything you want, when you want it.

So, comments? Opinions? The line starts to the left. There are complimentary tomatoes on the table should you feel the need to throw them. They hurt less than stones.

[Guest082216-1]

Most of the time, when I hear this expression used, and not just here, its triggered by the person causing the issue doing so in a way that is upsetting for some reason to the other person. Its a bit of a defense mechanism.

They may be thinking:
'You don't want to see me? Well, your not good enough for me anyway! Your loss"

[Gonzo DFW]

I don't see it as a loss. Since I've never asked and you've therefore never declined, I wouldn't perceive it as a loss. I'd actually appreciate it because if you didn't think we'd click, I wouldn't enjoy it anyway. Selfish, I know, but it would save me time and money and provide me of the opportunity to visit someone else who might better satisfy my needs. For all these reasons I wouldn't be offended in the slightest. Honesty in this case is the better policy; at least, for me.

[Krunkman]

It's usually going to be a point of view issue, as sell as a potential face-saving thing that someone uses to make theirselves feel better about the rejection/turn down.

As always it's a YMMV issue.

[Guest062912]

Originally Posted by Gonzo DFW

I don't see it as a loss. Since I've never asked and you've therefore never declined, I wouldn't perceive it as a loss. I'd actually appreciate it because if you didn't think we'd click, I wouldn't enjoy it anyway. Selfish, I know, but it would save me time and money and provide me of the opportunity to visit someone else who might better satisfy my needs. For all these reasons I wouldn't be offended in the slightest. Honesty in this case is the better policy; at least, for me.

My thoughts exactly. This makes sense to me. The "his/her loss" comment seems unnecessary and childish. The equivalent of when you were a kid and someone didn't want to play with you, so you threw a tantrum and said "Fine! I didn't want to play with you anyway!" Did it ever make you feel better or change anything? Didn't for me. But I digress. Thank you very much for your input.

[Jules Jaguar]

i had a little situation in dallas iso a week or two ago kinda like that, i think it saves everyone (providers and guys)time and money to do their research before meeting. if a guy decides not to see me for whatever reason i dont get upset about it i want to have a good time too

[lisa.lisa0302]

Good question

I cant speak for hobbyist but they can be really crude. Without ever knowing what really happen.

Well as a provider, we get stomped on all the time. I certainly don't advertise the best pussy around, however, I think some hobbyist should be a bit open-minded.

I also think alot is competition, can I be honest?, flat out stupid childish competition.

Can I throw flowers at you instead, the pretty smelling kinds.......hehehe

[Randall Creed]

It's just one of those commonly used expressions. I guess the sayer is basically saying, 'I know I'm a good person, and if you don't like good people, then you're missing out.

Admittedly, when a provider won't see me, it does kinda bother me. The feeling lingers, probably more than I should let it. I feel like I'm a good guy on these boards. I may occasionally say things that aren't popular, but that just means I'm not one of those confined to always say things that are politically correct or would be stamp approved by the masses. [shrug]

Anyway, for the most part, it's just an expression used by many that doesn't always have meaning.

[Guest062912]

Most of the time, when I hear this expression used, and not just here, its triggered by the person causing the issue doing so in a way that is upsetting for some reason to the other person. Its a bit of a defense mechanism.

They may be thinking:
'You don't want to see me? Well, your not good enough for me anyway! Your loss"

It's usually going to be a point of view issue, as sell as a potential face-saving thing that someone uses to make theirselves feel better about the rejection/turn down.

As always it's a YMMV issue.

So you agree that it is a defense mechanism? Okay. I can understand that, I suppose. I still do not see the necessity, but I guess I can't expect everyone to behave in a way that I approve of or agree with. Even though I consider such a thing immature and mean-spirited, I guess if a person were very sensitive to rejection or their ego was easily bruised I can see how they might find such a statement necessary to save face. Personally I'm of the opinion that they should work on their confidence and self-worth, but it takes all kinds and not everyone has the same strengths and weaknesses. Thank you both for your input.

i had a little situation in dallas iso a week or two ago kinda like that, i think it saves everyone (providers and guys)time and money to do their research before meeting. if a guy decides not to see me for whatever reason i dont get upset about it i want to have a good time too

You're a smart cookie, Jules. I love your attitude. Thank you for your input. BTW, love the new avatar.

[Guest062912]

Originally Posted by Rambro Creed

It's just one of those commonly used expressions. I guess the sayer is basically saying, 'I know I'm a good person, and if you don't like good people, then you're missing out.

Admittedly, when a provider won't see me, it does kinda bother me. The feeling lingers, probably more than I should let it. I feel like I'm a good guy on these boards. I may occasionally say things that aren't popular, but that just means I'm not one of those confined to always say things that are politically correct or would be stamp approved by the masses. [shrug]

Anyway, for the most part, it's just an expression used by many that doesn't always have meaning.

But why would a person waste time and effort making a statement that "doesn't have meaning"? To hear themselves talk? Hopefully, when a person says something, there is meaning behind it, or something they need to express. A parrot can say something that doesn't have meaning. I like to think most people are a bit smarter than a parrot.

As for being a good person, usually a pass on an appointment with a hobbyist or provider has nothing to do with whether or not they are a good person. I would think it would more often have something to do with perceived compatibility (or lack there-of). So, the statement remains rather pointless and rude to me. Thank you for your input. Feel free to explain further if I just missed the point of what you were saying.

[JohnJohn]

Please don't forget that it's not always meant in a passive/aggressive way. If I say it to someone, it's meant as a 'pat on the back' sort of thing. While the aggrieved person is thinking in a 'glass is half empty' way, it's a reminder that the 'glass is half full' also.

It can be meant nicely but it's all in the context.

[Randy4Candy]

Well, WHY would anyone want to put themselves ON PURPOSE in a situation that might not work out for the best.....? Hell, there's plenty of providers and even more hobbyists and it's probably a good thing to "shop" for the experience you would like to have at least as much as you would when buying a gas grille, pair of shoes, or whatever.

[Randall Creed]

Me saying it 'doesn't have meaning' means the person saying it didn't mean anything by it. They just SAID it, but didn't mean it...because it's a commonly used expression.

Does that help?

[txcwby6]

To be blunt, this is more of a business-oriented question; namely the goodies being offered by the Provider, so I think the signage "I refuse the right to refuse service to anyone" applies. It's not like there's only one pussy in town so it's not being rationed in my opinion. If one Subway isn't up to my standards or the cute lady fixing my salami doesn't want to serve me then I'll drive to the next Subway. No offense either way.

[Fiero]

I think it's said as a way to save face or because feelings are hurt. It's said in many areas of life not just here. Kind of like...you can't fire me I quit.

Now where I'm concerned...This isn't a cheap endeavor so I try hard to make sure someone knows what I like before I see them through my P411 profile. If someone reads that and refuses to see me I'd be thankful. The worst sessions are the ones where likes and expectations are out of whack.