Dating an Escort....

[Kelly TNT]

I asked this same question on another board yesterday. I'm curious what you guys think...

I was reading this guys blog yesterday...

He is dating a girl that is in the business....

He was talking about how he is fine with her being an escort.

He doesn't mind that she sleeps with men for money, while she comes home to him at the end of the day.

He then talks about his GF/provider that would Not be as accepting of him if the roles were reversed. She would not be okay with him sleeping with Anyone else. Money or No Money.

So, my question is this.....

If you were dating an escort...

Would you be okay with her Not wanting to share You with Anyone else?

I have my own views...I mean, hello..I am an escort. I know the relationship struggles that I've been through.

I just found this topic on his blog very interesting.

Any thoughts??

~Kelly TNT

[Guest100610-3]

She needs to remember, whats good for the goose, is good for the gander.

[Kelly TNT]

However....

I think for most girls in the business they look at what they do as just that...business. Personal relationships are formed. Connections on all levels are made...but, at the end of her work day, her personal life begins. Those relationships/connections are left at the office. So to speak...

I think unless she were to Want the lifestyle of having an "open" relationship with a man..then, it would have to be like the lives of these two from the blog. (If she's going to remain in this business of course.)

He is okay with her work, because business is business. And, she is not seeing any clients out side of work. Personally, they are exclusive with one another.

I think this is such an interesting topic! Hahaaha...I struggle to find the right words here...

I am in a crazy line of work. No doubt. But, does it mean in my personal life I'm this sleep with who ever, when ever kinda girl? No. I am Very much the opposite. I love being with one man. He is the One that gets me. ME. Does that make me an asshole for wanting him to not be with anyone else because of my job?

Hell....maybe? I don't know...

Hmmmm.......it's all so bazaar to me really.

~Kelly TNT

[lagniappe]

Kelly, I don't think it makes you an asshole, it just means you are a normal woman in terms of your attitudes toward relationships. The fact that you have a very abnormal job doesn't change that.

I expect that for the VAST majority of women monagomy is the price of admission if a man wants to connect deeply. Not all perhaps but well above 90%.

I've known a lot of women in this hobby. Been friends with some. Close to very few. Even in the closest relationship I can recall however, I've not indulged the fantasy that I knew the real woman, not deeply.

I suspect there are some providers who genuinely would not care if their SO also played around. In some cases they may be able to have just as deep a relationship with their SO as any woman with a non-hobbying man. Clearly those are lucky people who have found each other. I suspect there are quite a few providers who have come to terms with the fact that their SO also hobbies because they either don't feel like they have standing to object or they have been told they do not by their SO.

A guy understands that day in and day out providers are not all that into the sex with their clients. Converstion with some may be fun, some are more attractive than others, but the sex is not something yall really look forward to.

And ladies, please, that was not a twisted challenge to all of you who have seen me to chime in with "Oh Lagniappe, I love it with you! You're special to me!! Give little lags a kiss for me!!"

Anyway, we know that largely its just a job, a way to pay the bills. But a guy also figures that for each provider, at least every now and then, because of looks, personality, the fact that he is particularly considerate, skilled or whatever, the sex is OK or better than OK, or pretty darn good. Guys believe that every now and then one of those orgasms is real. And because we believe that, deep down we also believe that IMCBCI is dead on, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Now, a large part of the reason we believe that is the simple fact that it takes little if any emotional connection for us to have great sex. To us, a great sexual encounter doesn't necessarily require embezzling from the emotional trust account we share with a woman with whom we really connect. I expect that most providers who are in a committed relationship feel guilty at least some of the times when they do have a great time sexually with a client. Hell, some probably feel guilty every time they have sex with a man not their SO! Those ladies really should consider another line of work. The provider with those guilt feelings probably feels that her SO who hobbies SHOULD feel quilty every time he sees a provider, and might resent it if he doesn't. Maybe not. I don't know all that much about women. If I were such an expert, why would I need to hobby?

[guest041110]

Interesting thread Kelly. You know a very small amount of the crap I went through with a currently active provider so keep my answer in that context (there were two providers I was involved with but only one of them really mattered to me back when).

** Disclaimer --> All references to "you" are made in the general sense and not towards anyone specifically.

===============

As far as I am concerned, if I am out of the "hobby" then so is she and there is no discussion on that point. I had a provider that I thought was being sincere but in one instance several years ago while we were in the middle of screwing our brains out, she gave me a trick question which she claimed was to test me about my sincerity if I really loved her for who she is (her non-provider side) or for her being a provider. The “test” was about me wanting to do a threesome with another girl, that was unnamed, and her. This was something that I had never mentioned nor hinted at anytime and it was the farthest thing from my mind. In the middle the action, she comes up with this so that should give you an idea of how some providers minds work. My answer then was simple and direct: No, I only wanted her which she refused to believe and said I failed her test.

Now moving to the present and the reason why I wrote if I am out of the hobby then so is she if she is going to be with me is because I learned to never trust an escort I am screwing with my personal information much less my love after those two hookers I was involved with. I have seen too many escorts use the dodge that “Hey, baby, it’s just bizness. I leave it at the ‘office’ when I come home to you…” but that has always been a lie of major proportions. Any escort that uses that is in denial because what is your “work”? "Work" in this case is having intimate relations with other men which therein gives the escort all the opportunity to play the field while some guy is being faithful to you? For what… trust, love? Plllleeeeaaaazzzzeee…. That is crap and I have always thought that! The problem with that falsehood is that no one “…can serve two masters…” (Substitute masters for love). There is no trust in that situation and never will be.

Either you love the guy with all that is meant by such a claim which means you love all of him including his ideals, his thoughts, his feelings and his physical attentions to you

OR

You are just playing him for the fool he is, if he allows that, while loving the biz more because you don’t want to keep your skirt down and panties up.

I have never understood how or why a guy would tolerate his woman being a prostitute and not being a player himself. If that is the situation one finds themselves in then they are far better off renting the cow rather than buying, i.e. commitment, the milk. As I told one of those hookers years ago, I would deal with her being in the business while we were not exclusive but if we got committed, i.e. married as she brought up the subject, then I absolutely would not tolerate her being a provider just as I would not be in the hobby if I were married to her or otherwise in a committed relationship. Keep in mind, I accepted that her for who she is and did not hold her being a provider against her as I really did love her at that time. Ergo I had accepted her for who she is, or rather who she lied about being but that is another matter. Anyway, my response caused her to lose it completely by losing any grip on reality regarding me as evidenced by her lying spree to others about me that has yet to abate even after years have passed.

In my view, it is a seriously screwed up idea that “…it’s just bizness…” and I pity someone who buys into that. If the girl can go out and get screwed for cash then so can the guy go out a screw girls for cash. Like has been posted, what works for the goose, works for the gander and there is no getting around that.

Besides... It’s just bizness… whatsthamadda… baby? Come on! You do it, right? We’re equal, right? We both want to have fun screwing...

Point made by all the above Kelly is this:
There are always pro's and con's for decisions we make. One has to weigh the benefits with the negatives in regards to where one wants to go with their life; only then does anything make sense. For the record, it cannot be one sided in a romantic relationship for such to be lasting. If it is not more or less equal, those relationships usually fail in a super-nova way particularly when escorts are involved...

Since you asked for opinions...

[Hawkeye9]

I would love to date someone,so I would not have to spend time on these ridicolous sites.
Although I would love to read about my girls performance, so I could tease her about it. But that may be sharing BCD or provate comments and I would get banned from here like I did from the other monger site!!

[Bestman200600]

When you do have an LTR and connect with a provider life is good. Providers' bring much more to the table than SOs. Being happy in life is what's important. xoxoxo

[guest123009]

Originally Posted by Kelly TNT

[SIZE="3"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]
[COLOR="Navy"]He is okay with her work, because business is business. And, she is not seeing any clients out side of work.

That made me chuckle. Shows how difficult this world is that we play in. "I am not seeing anyone I am fucking".

Originally Posted by lagniappe

A guy understands that day in and day out providers are not all that into the sex with their clients. Converstion with some may be fun, some are more attractive than others, but the sex is not something yall really look forward to.

And ladies, please, that was not a twisted challenge to all of you who have seen me to chime in with "Oh Lagniappe, I love it with you! You're special to me!! Give little lags a kiss for me!!"

And I think that is why for most providers keeping the emotional attachment problems out of the business is probably not that difficult as compared to the men.

Originally Posted by Bestman200600

When you do have an LTR and connect with a provider life is good. Providers' bring much more to the table than SOs. Being happy in life is what's important. xoxoxo

Not sure I agree with that. Unless you are just speaking about sexual expertise. I think providing can take a toll on a person more than most jobs. And sometimes the reason for providing is based on prior baggage.

Kelly, you seem to be one of the "mature" providers in the sense that you treat this as a business and not as a desperate means of making money or to address childhood trauma. If someone like you meets a man, you should expect them to be monogamous... unless he is also a provider. Then you should expect him to also have his work to do as well.

Of course, I think that most men separate sex from emotion. His personal makeup may mean that he would enjoy variety and that it does not mean he does not love you. Many of your customers are probably this type of husband.

[1thatgotaway]

This might just be a "burn the bridge when you get there" sort of thing.

It might not be a bad idea to see how he feels about the issue before you trouble yourself looking for a solution. If he percieves a difference between seeing a client and sex with someone else in your personal life he might just agree with you. Problem solved!

If he does feel like he is getting the short end of the stick then you should probably move on. I think it is better to keep looking for the right person then changing yourselves to fit each others needs.

I don't think it matters that you can't reconcile your feelings with logic. Feelings aren't supposed to make sense. What fun would life be if they did?

~1TGA

[steverino50]

Originally Posted by Kelly TNT

I am in a crazy line of work. No doubt. But, does it mean in my personal life I'm this sleep with who ever, when ever kinda girl? No. I am Very much the opposite. I love being with one man. He is the One that gets me. ME. Does that make me an asshole for wanting him to not be with anyone else because of my job? [/COLOR]



~Kelly TNT

Asshole? Are you kidding? If I were single and you were 20 years older.....

[Guest012510-4]

A wonderful topic Kelly!

I will speak for me and only me and on this topic I have very direct and specific experience. I will not bore you with the specific details as it would require a book.

Let me point out - my thoughts only and that doesn't mean it is for everyone.

This profession is one of wonderment, fantasy and it provides some of us with a means of survival and it enhances the lives of others. However, I am not sure what it does for a relationship if you want a deep, personal, committed relationship that is truly based on the more traditional values.

Most of us were taught as children that monogamy is required for a truly complete and committed relationship. Unless in your heart of hearts you don’t believe that monogamy is necessary to have a committed relationship then I don’t see how it works. We can hide behind a smoke screen all we want and say it is a job – it is a job but it goes against the basic morals most of us have been taught as a child. If you and your partner at the core of your soul require monogamy then I don’t think it will ever work long term for one person to have a job as a provider and it not cause a bit of struggle.

I guess any of you who question that then ask your partner if he/she is okay with you being a provider/hobbyist. I am sure there are plenty of good reasons but for me it would just be excuses or forms of denial about what I want in a relationship. If they are okay with it I would probably ask why? How does it benefit him/her if you are a provider/hobbyist? Job or not we give of our beings when we work in this profession. I can’t do it and pretend. I lived in denial a very long time about this and I lied to myself and to the other person because I thought I could separate sex from love. In fact that lie has probably placed a scar on my heart and ability to long for a true and deep connection with a life partner down the road. I can have sex without being in love obviously; but if I am truly in love I can’t have sexual encounters with others without enormous amounts of pain and internal conflict.

For me the fact is even though this is a job, what I give is real-it my time, body, words and 99% of the time I can find a true connection at one level or another. Okay, so it sexual or sensual but it is there. Not to mention that no matter how careful I think I am being, I am putting my safety and health at risk to some degree and a by- product of that is putting the feelings and health of my partner at risk if something was to happen to me. I am as safe and paranoid and clean as a person can get and that goes from screening all the way across the board. But I would be fooling myself if I thought this business was fool proof. It is not and we all know why.
Some of us on both sides take this risk but we do it with full knowledge.

I believe each person has to answer this for themselves?

Do you want to be in a committed relationship? If so do you really think it is okay to have sex with others outside of your relationship for any reason? Is it okay for the other person to have sex outside the relationship for any reason? Is it really okay for me if he is okay with me having sex with other men? I would ask this question in silence and be honest when answering it.

If I want true loved based on my definition of love – it would not be okay – period. That is me.

But dating does not always equate to love and love does not always mean you get to spend your life with that person!

I will never give up on what I know real love should be. I believe it exist even for me. Once I find it and commit to it I am done with any and all parts of spending any effort on one thing that could compromise that love. I will want that person to love me so deeply and intensely that he would not want to share me either.

[Kelly TNT]

AMEN SISTER!

Jolie Star...I love you. Will you marry me?

That was some Good Lovin right there!

Thank you for your post.

Thank you GUYS for your posts!! I really wanted to see what you thought about this.

If you are Single in the hobby...If they are Single working as a Provider.
Hmmm... You never know...it could be you that is faced with a decision like this one day...
It can and does happen!

Hmmm....very very interesting...


~Kelly TNT

[dentonseek]

I don't believe its possible for that sort of relationship to work, perhaps temporarily but not in the long term. The tenets, canons, rules, whatever you want to call them, of a relationship all call for a single partner.

Whatever drove a woman to become an escort is an underlying force which will ultimately cause the demise of any traditional relationship. Be it variety, boredom, money, erotica, that feeling will surface again and make your relationship seem like its not worth giving up your double life for. I'm not saying its not possible but for the women who were once escorts that quit this job and became someone's wife...they didn't really want to be escorts to begin with, they just sort of ended up here. The ones who wanted to be escorts, thats going to be tough. Society has laid down its ground rules and as hard as you try to say you don't have to follow those rules...you do.
Even swingers have to hide their identities to protect themselves from society.

[guest041110]

Yeppers… that pretty much nails it dentonseek.

[Guest012510-4]

Kelly, well we are both Providers.........the marriage just might work......we would totally understand each other and imagine all the fun we could have!

I accept........................ ...lol kisses and more kisses to you sweet lady