A few one-liners
1. These are strung together like you'd hear from a stand-up comedian. Enjoy !
2. Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!
3. The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
4. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.
5. My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
6. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
7. After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Fuck it, soldier on!”
8. I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
9. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
10. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
11. My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
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My Bio Page - Arkansas
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