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clusterlizard · 06-17-2013, 07:54 PM

Okay, I can only speak from the perspective of a (potential) client. Back in the day, I was working at a small shop while attending college. We happened to be located right next to the (small) city police station. We'd always get all sorts of riff-raff wandering over from jail, usually to use our pay phone and have someone come to pick their sorry ass up.

One day, I was sitting around doing homework or whatever else I could find to avoid tending my duties, when a rough-looking woman wandered over. She had short blonde hair that looked like it existed in the vacuum of space, she had on shorts and a ratty shirt. Her lack of a bra accented the sagging of her breasts to an offensive degree.

She sat down in a chair we kept out for visitors (usually girlfriends) and started digging through her purse. She produced various tubes, cakes and powders, applying them all in a disgusting smear on her face. Unfortunately, she didn't produce any teeth to replace the ones obviously missing from her mouth.

She began rambling on, not taking the hint that I was trying to avoid all contact.

"My name's Angel, babe. Been in that jail all night."

"Hmmm."

"You got change, babe? I need to make a call."

I dug out four quarters and waited for her to pull out a bill.

"I ain't got no money, babe."

"Oh. Well, I'll give you a quarter." Anything to get her out of there.

"Thanks babe."

Angel made a call and squared away a ride. She hung up and looked at me.

"I like them big brown eyes! You want a date tonight?"

"No."

"I'll rock your world honey!" She gave me a big, toothless grin.

"Yeah. No." I shivered.

"Okay, babe. Well, maybe I'll see you around."

She wandered out to the intersection and disappeared by the next time I checked.

nycalcharlie2003 · 06-17-2013, 08:01 PM

C'mon man ---- are you trying to keep that babe all to yourself??!! Share her contact info!!!

Charlie

buttmann · 06-17-2013, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clusterlizard

Okay, I can only speak from the perspective of a (potential) client. Back in the day, I was working at a small shop while attending college. We happened to be located right next to the (small) city police station. We'd always get all sorts of riff-raff wandering over from jail, usually to use our pay phone and have someone come to pick their sorry ass up.

One day, I was sitting around doing homework or whatever else I could find to avoid tending my duties, when a rough-looking woman wandered over. She had short blonde hair that looked like it existed in the vacuum of space, she had on shorts and a ratty shirt. Her lack of a bra accented the sagging of her breasts to an offensive degree.

She sat down in a chair we kept out for visitors (usually girlfriends) and started digging through her purse. She produced various tubes, cakes and powders, applying them all in a disgusting smear on her face. Unfortunately, she didn't produce any teeth to replace the ones obviously missing from her mouth.

She began rambling on, not taking the hint that I was trying to avoid all contact.

"My name's Angel, babe. Been in that jail all night."

"Hmmm."

"You got change, babe? I need to make a call."

I dug out four quarters and waited for her to pull out a bill.

"I ain't got no money, babe."

"Oh. Well, I'll give you a quarter." Anything to get her out of there.

"Thanks babe."

Angel made a call and squared away a ride. She hung up and looked at me.

"I like them big brown eyes! You want a date tonight?"

"No."

"I'll rock your world honey!" She gave me a big, toothless grin.

"Yeah. No." I shivered.

"Okay, babe. Well, maybe I'll see you around."

She wandered out to the intersection and disappeared by the next time I checked.

I think that was same chick Quagmire married on family guy last night, was she slightly cartoonish? Giggity

clusterlizard · 06-17-2013, 08:08 PM

i thought about making it a review, but since it was basically a ncns on my part...

Johnny4455 · 06-17-2013, 08:18 PM

cluster, started out great, bad finish to your story.... can you just embellish, what would you do if you had a chance to be back in that situation... just fucking make it up...

clusterlizard · 06-17-2013, 08:20 PM

i'm a pessimist. i believe every story ends badly

buttmann · 06-17-2013, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clusterlizard

i'm a pessimist. i think every story ends badly

I'm the eternal optimist and there is NO WAY that story ends well!

Guest011214 · 06-17-2013, 08:54 PM

just to clarify.....i'm not the Angel in that story...lol

Misawahawk · 06-17-2013, 09:01 PM

The one that got away?

dirty dog · 06-17-2013, 09:45 PM

Helicopter will be PM ing you for contact information.

bartipero · 06-17-2013, 09:46 PM

Was she 3 feet tall with a head so flat you could set your beer down on it? You may have missed the proverbial perfect woman.

nycalcharlie2003 · 06-17-2013, 10:17 PM

It just dawned on me- you will probably get a PM from Mexmex asking about her teeth! Just a heads up!

Charlie

clusterlizard · 06-17-2013, 10:34 PM

I was dating this lady once. She had three kids and had been divorced for about a year. Actually, I knew her long before we started dating, we'd met about 15 years earlier when she was 15 and I was 25. She was friends with my girlfriend (18) at the time.

Anyway, yeah, we got in touch again and started seeing each other. She told me all about her psycho ex and how she had a restraining order on him. Some of the stories she told me were horrible and, admittedly, a little hard to believe. Rene was heavily medicated on prescription drugs and I wondered at times how in touch she was with what we loosely refer to as "reality".

All of my doubts were cast aside one night. I was driving home late one night when I got a phone call. All I saw on the phone display was Rene's last name, so, of course, I answered.

"Clusterlizard?" A male voice asked.

"Uh, yeah?"

"This Douchebag. I hear you're a really stand-up guy."

"Oh."

"So I guess we can settle this between ourselves."

"Huh?"

"I heard you've been staying over at my kids' house. I heard you took them to school."

"What?"

"Well, I think you owe me some child support money."

I laughed, "are you insane? What are you talking about?"

"You think you got it real good, don't you. Ready-made family. I'll sue your ass. I'll beat your ass."

"Dude, you're fucked up."

"You know Rene's a slut don't you? She's a fucking whore!"

At that point I hung up.

There were many more encounters with Douchebag. He made Rene's existence utterly miserable until one night I called and she said never to call back. Then Douchebag got on the phone and again told me, in a complete rage, he was going to beat my ass.

A few days later, I hear a pounding on my door. An enraged voice yelled at the top of his lungs, "I know you're in there Clusterlizard! Open the door! I'm going to beat your ass!"

I grabbed my shotgun, went to the door and pumped it. Suddenly, it got quiet and I watched as he walked down the parking lot off to his truck he had parked someplace where I couldn't see it. The whole time screaming madly, "Clusterlizard is an asshole! Clusterlizard is an asshole!"

I don't understand where rage like that comes from in people. I've had a stepdad that was the same way. He beat up my mom. The bad thing is, you can't usually get rid of them before they commit an act of violence against someone.

I recommend everyone arm up.

malwoody · 06-17-2013, 10:41 PM

Well, you said her mind was altered.. Could be he was in a similar state..

Just a theory mind you..

clusterlizard · 06-17-2013, 10:48 PM

Actually, now that you mention it, yeah she did claim his roommate was dealing something or other. Hard to tell how much of stuff like that is hyperbole. People tend to try demonize the other party in situations like that.

This is story is one of a couple illustrating why I decided to look into escorts. Far less drama for me involved.

Quote:

Originally Posted by malwoody

Well, you said her mind was altered.. Could be he was in a similar state..

Just a theory mind you..