SO's of providers, how do they do it?

[Dizman 68]

I have read a few posts from different forums online and have found that most people in the hobby may not know if a provider has an SO. Many may not care or may not want to know. One thing I have found is that not many SO's of providers say much about the ups and downs that both providers and their SO's will encounter.

So I figure I will put my two cents in, which sucks because I only get a penny for my thoughts, so I’m in the hole before I even get started. Not that my version is worthy of a penny, but, you can be the judge of that.

I’ve dated a provider for almost a year now, and I will tell you honestly, it is one of the hardest relationships I have ever been in. It is the most passionate relationship I’ve ever been in. It is the most erotic relationship I’ve ever been in. I have felt more ecstasy, pain, love, frustration, longing, jealousy, desire, excitement, and pure pleasure while with her than at any time in my life. She is a very smart, honest, talented, hard working and giving woman. Most of the time she is sweet, caring, funny, beautiful, sexy, playful, and respectful to everyone around her. She strives to do her job to the best of her ability, and her abilities are the best in my book. She tries to make everyone happy, and that’s when problems arise. As her SO or BF, whatever abbreviation you want to use, I care about her and I worry about things that every man on this site, at one time in their life or another, may have worried about. Not just the normal jealous crap that can come up when she leaves to see a client. I worry about her safety when she has a new client. Could this person hurt her? Is he part of LE? Did she remember to have her contact list open and the emergency contact ready? Will he want to force something on her that is rougher than what she is willing to let him do? References help a lot but how do you know if a person is capable of being a stalker, rapist, or even going as far as ending a life? How can you be sure that the client doesn’t have an STD? What if a condom breaks? What if he forces BBFS? There is no way of ever predicting the plethora of things that could go wrong when you are a provider.

The one thing that everyone I know has asked, how do you do it? How do you let her walk out the door to meet another man? Just so he can have the companionship that he wants but doesn’t get at home. Maybe because he wants it without the issues of a relationship, maybe he travels too much for a relationship, or maybe he just can’t get it without paying for it due to any number of things.

Well it's simple or not, you have to trust each other, which is not an easy thing to do when one of you has an earn-a-living lifestyle that may include sex with another person.

Clients are in a position that allows them to see only the part of a provider that they want. A provider see’s only the side of the client that he allows them to see, at least for the most part. In most cases all they see is the good side of each other. This can cause many problems that the client will never have to deal with and may never know about. It is the provider and her SO that will deal with those problems.

Enter in, jealousy and respect and finding a way to keep both of them in check by understanding that it is a business transaction. If one of those gets loose. Things can become very clouded to both the provider and her SO.

On one hand, if the SO gets jealous, it can cause problems that the provider doesn’t have to deal with when they are with a client. This can create the illusion of a better place to be, yet as in so many cases, it is an illusion or a fairy tale so to speak. One that may destroy something real. If the SO or the provider don't stop talk about this type of problem, they could end up loosing something worth keeping.

On the other hand, if a provider doesn’t treat their SO with the same respect that they show to a client, problems will again come up that the provider may not see when they are with a client.
Being the SO of a provider, and knowing what the provider does in their job is hard and may be, the toughest part their relationship. As it could be for any man or woman in the same situation.

Yet if both sides can communicate with each other, it can work.

That being said, what if the provider allows personal problems at home to slip into the time or conversation had with a client? The trust and the respect between the provider and the SO, has now been breached and without them both taking steps to fix the problem, they will fail.

What if the SO lets his jealousy lead them to seek time with another provider or reach out to another person who may show them the respect they feel is lacking in their relationship? If the personal problems slip into that time, the problems again will cause a breach in the respect and trust between them and without taking the time to talk, they will fail.

I love my girl, yet we have had issues that have come about due to jealousy and respect that have caused a lot of sleepless nights. It has caused arguments that leave us both feeling hurt, worthless and wanting nothing more than to give up and walk away.

Is it crazy to be in a relationship with a provider?
Is it crazy for a provider to have an SO?

Yes it is, but, tell me something, have you ever made love to someone that combines a true feeling of love, with the craziest, knock your socks off, leave you shaking, I think I see dead people, OMG it's God sex, that didn’t cost you something? If not, try being man enough to fall for a provider or even harder try being a provider with an SO. No matter what side of that coin your on, you better hope you’re strong enough to handle it and have one hell of a big emotional checkbook and lots of stamina, because in the end, when the lube is wiped off, the bed is fixed, and the sex swing is reinstalled, it could cost you more than money could ever replace. Yet, if you can keep Jealousy and Respect in their rightful place in this unbelievable mind boggling relationship, you may find yourself richer than any lottery winner and WAY more Satisfied. (yep I capitalized it)

Since this post we have gone through a several tough spots and I have even been ready to walk out the door. I have to constantly remind myself of one thing.

As a provider, she is one of a kind and she will leave them in a state of emotional bliss. She will leave them, because she doesn't love them, she may not even like them, but she will do her job and they will gladly give her their money. Over time they may even fall for her but as with most all of her clients, she will leave them and go to another appointment. She loves only one man and that man, is me. She makes me feel more than anyone else ever has or could, and without this one thought, I would leave.

Why would I leave someone who makes me feel so much? I would leave her because I love her. If it came down to it, I would do anything to save her from pain. I would gladly lay down my life for her, if only to save her from feeling the hurt she feels for me, because she knows the pain I feel when she walks out the door to an appointment. So, I would leaving, because the pain I feel and show towards her job, causes her to feel pain. In the end, I hate her job and the pain it causes, and she is beginning to hate me because of my pain. It is a circle that can only be fixed by letting go of the greatest friend, lover, and the only soul mate I have or will ever know. It will kill me, and that price is greater than all the money of every client she has ever seen or will see, combined. It is a cost she will not fully realize till she retires and finds that the only so called men in her life, were just jobs that have ended and no longer require her services.

I'm not sure what the future holds for us. I have started trying my best to find ways of reacting better to the things that hurt me, so she doesn't have to be reminded of that pain. It isn't fool proof but, I hope she will find some way to react better to the pain she feels because of me. It took me this long just be able to handle some things and I still don't sleep right. Only time will tell. As of this posting, we are happy and doing better. I hope it continues to get better. You just never know when another chapter in our erotic novel will start.

Thanks for listening to my POV on this subject. I hope I didn't offend. I do hope my post will help someone in this type of relationship. If not, it helped me. The time spent thinking about all the things this love has, made me realize, I have more than I could have hoped for.

I'd like to know what others think about the subject. I look forward to reading the good and the bad.

Stay safe,

[Lil General]

I have been living with my Gf who is a massage provider. It is tough but she was doing it before I met her. I love her but not the things she does. Then it sucks knowing she has done favors for other guys all day and you get the cold shoulder. Not just anyone has the mind frame or strength for this kind of relationship.

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by Italian Hound

Not just anyone has the mind frame or strength for this kind of relationship.

I don't think it is "strength" that lets you have that kind of relationship. It is something far less.

Originally Posted by Dizman 68

I have read a few posts from different forums online and have found that most people in the hobby may not know if a provider has an SO.

Many may not care or may not want to know.

I think that most simply do not WANT to know. For some of the reasons you'll bring to the table shortly.

One thing I have found is that not many SO's of providers say much about the ups and downs that both providers and their SO's will encounter.

So I figure I will put my two cents in, which sucks because I only get a penny for my thoughts, so I’m in the hole before I even get started. Not that my version is worthy of a penny, but, you can be the judge of that.

Sometimes the value in saying something lies in the relief it brings you to simply say it.

I’ve dated a provider for almost a year now, and I will tell you honestly, it is one of the hardest relationships I have ever been in.

I only lasted 5 months. But in that case it was her that didn't deal with lifestyle issues. Personally.... I never got emotionally involved..... I just enjoyed the upsides of dating her......

It is the most passionate relationship I’ve ever been in. It is the most erotic relationship I’ve ever been in.

I can agree wholeheartedly there.

I have felt more ecstasy, pain, love, frustration, longing, jealousy, desire, excitement, and pure pleasure while with her than at any time in my life.

I never dealt with the pain or jealousy on my side of the fence.There was a lot of ecstacy and excitement She however didn't handle it well as I did see other ladies.

She is a very smart, honest, talented, hard working and giving woman.
Most of the time she is sweet, caring, funny, beautiful, sexy, playful, and respectful to everyone around her. She strives to do her job to the best of her ability, and her abilities are the best in my book. She tries to make everyone happy, and that’s when problems arise. As her SO or BF, whatever abbreviation you want to use, I care about her and I worry about things that every man on this site, at one time in their life or another, may have worried about. Not just the normal jealous crap that can come up when she leaves to see a client. I worry about her safety when she has a new client. Could this person hurt her? Is he part of LE? Did she remember to have her contact list open and the emergency contact ready?

This is wear some guys reading are going to start having a problem with what you are bringing to the table. The idea of a jealous SO at home, possibly right after a fight, worried about where she is and who she is with, a session that goes long for some reason, and the SO has an opn contact list in front of him knowing who she is with and where she is at?

Most guys prefer blissful ignorance of this subject.

Will he want to force something on her that is rougher than what she is willing to let him do? References help a lot but how do you know if a person is capable of being a stalker, rapist, or even going as far as ending a life? How can you be sure that the client doesn’t have an STD? What if a condom breaks? What if he forces BBFS? There is no way of ever predicting the plethora of things that could go wrong when you are a provider.

But in all honesty dude.... You are projecting too many concerns of your own on a lifestyle she had already chosen before you got involved...

The one thing that everyone I know has asked, how do you do it? How do you let her walk out the door to meet another man? Just so he can have the companionship that he wants but doesn’t get at home. Maybe because he wants it without the issues of a relationship, maybe he travels too much for a relationship, or maybe he just can’t get it without paying for it due to any number of things.

Here.... you start to ask a valid question and then shift focus off yourself into client issues.... I believe some of the questions you are asking of the clients actually reflect some self awareness or self loathing for some of your own feelings......

Well it's simple or not, you have to trust each other, which is not an easy thing to do when one of you has an earn-a-living lifestyle that may include sex with another person.

Clients are in a position that allows them to see only the part of a provider that they want. A provider see’s only the side of the client that he allows them to see, at least for the most part. In most cases all they see is the good side of each other. This can cause many problems that the client will never have to deal with and may never know about. It is the provider and her SO that will deal with those problems.

Enter in, jealousy and respect and finding a way to keep both of them in check by understanding that it is a business transaction. If one of those gets loose. Things can become very clouded to both the provider and her SO.

and all too often it does get loose.... at least on one side of the fence..... clients get just a little too much attention.... have a little too much fun.... get a little extra time or that lunch or dinner date and then they end up thinking there is more and you start wondering if there is more.... But in the end I think the only one clouded on the issue is you/the SO as well as the client.....

I think the provider usually knows where she is at in all this but the same emotional needs going unfulfilled in the client's life are what was there in the SO/BFs life when this kind of relationship started....


On one hand, if the SO gets jealous, it can cause problems that the provider doesn’t have to deal with when they are with a client. This can create the illusion of a better place to be, yet as in so many cases, it is an illusion or a fairy tale so to speak. One that may destroy something real. If the SO or the provider don't stop talk about this type of problem, they could end up loosing something worth keeping.

Maybe she has already made this decision before you brought this to the board? I think you just brought up what this is really about.... Your jealousy and insecurity being up against a client providing her a better place and time to be....

Personally.... I don't believe for a moment that if what you have is realher life..... I am SURE we will see a few ladies chime in that they have no problem with their SO but hundreds of thousands of ladies across the country that are in relationships struggle to keep their parnters from ever knowing what they do.... and there are but a handful of truly successful stories....

Same with guys that date or marry strippers.... Been there too.... We had numerous issues until she with dancing but it was mostly on her side because I would never commit fully to a relationship while she did and the one time she went back to it in the 2nd year we almost broke up over it in the 2 weeks she tried...

We stayed friends with a few other couples and after 20 years are the only ones that are still married although that is winding down as well....

On the other hand, if a provider doesn’t treat their SO with the same respect that they show to a client, problems will again come up that the provider may not see when they are with a client.

Here again you are really letting HER know you are having issues as well as letting guys know that there is a potential for a real problem here.

Being the SO of a provider, and knowing what the provider does in their job is hard and may be, the toughest part their relationship. As it could be for any man or woman in the same situation.

Yet if both sides can communicate with each other, it can work.

This isn't the place you should be trying to work this out..... I think you are writing the final chapter in your relationship here man..If she won't communicate about it then maybe it already IS too late and it's time for you to move on......

That being said, what if the provider allows personal problems at home to slip into the time or conversation had with a client?

I think we would hear about it either in the Locker Room, review or behind the scenes gossip.....

The trust and the respect between the provider and the SO, has now been breached and without them both taking steps to fix the problem, they will fail.

Here is another reason for her clients to worry.... How are YOU going to take steps to fix the problem of what she is talking about when she is with them?

What if the SO lets his jealousy lead them to seek time with another provider or reach out to another person who may show them the respect they feel is lacking in their relationship? If the personal problems slip into that time, the problems again will cause a breach in the respect and trust between them and without taking the time to talk, they will fail.

Once again.... I think your airing all this in the wrong place but hopefully you will educate a few of the guys.....

I love my girl, yet we have had issues that have come about due to jealousy and respect that have caused a lot of sleepless nights. It has caused arguments that leave us both feeling hurt, worthless and wanting nothing more than to give up and walk away.

I think this is a lot more an obsession than love....

Is it crazy to be in a relationship with a provider?

Not if you remain realistic, honest and open and love is not a part of it....

Is it crazy for a provider to have an SO?

Once again.... So long as real love is not involved..... It's fine.....

But I don't believe TRUE LOVE can be balanced with a lady that sells her body for a living....

Yes it is, but, tell me something, have you ever made love to someone that combines a true feeling of love, with the craziest, knock your socks off, leave you shaking, I think I see dead people, OMG it's God sex, that didn’t cost you something?

It's sad that the only place you have really felt this is with a Provider.... I've met a lot of ladies over the years that are so incredibly good at what they do that I've walked away with that feeling..... In the last month it happened with a local Indy for money as well as a visiting lady from California that did not take a dollar from me..... And it's been a part of other relationships as well.....

I think maybe your equating "love" to just having had one incredible ride on lady that knows what she is doing....

If not, try being man enough to fall for a provider

Sad here man... Really sad..... and a part of your problem with her as well as what she will see as well.....

Your "measurement as a man" is not validated by your falling in love with a provider.....

or even harder try being a provider with an SO. No matter what side of that coin your on, you better hope you’re strong enough to handle it and have one hell of a big emotional checkbook and lots of stamina, because in the end, when the lube is wiped off, the bed is fixed, and the sex swing is reinstalled, it could cost you more than money could ever replace. Yet, if you can keep Jealousy and Respect in their rightful place in this unbelievable mind boggling relationship, you may find yourself richer than any lottery winner and WAY more Satisfied. (yep I capitalized it)

So what has gone wrong for you? When did you lose track?

Since this post we have gone through a several tough spots and I have even been ready to walk out the door. I have to constantly remind myself of one thing.

Sounds here like you are trying to remind her of something that she is not really listening to anymore...

As a provider, she is one of a kind and she will leave them in a state of emotional bliss. She will leave them, because she doesn't love them, she may not even like them, but she will do her job and they will gladly give her their money. Over time they may even fall for her but as with most all of her clients, she will leave them and go to another appointment. She loves only one man and that man, is me. She makes me feel more than anyone else ever has or could, and without this one thought, I would leave.

Sounds like you are stating a case to her and while also hoping your "competition" looks at her in a different light....

Why would I leave someone who makes me feel so much? I would leave her because I love her. If it came down to it, I would do anything to save her from pain. I would gladly lay down my life for her, if only to save her from feeling the hurt she feels for me, because she knows the pain I feel when she walks out the door to an appointment.

Seems like your reaching an ultimatum here.... Dude... When she walks out the door.... She's already told you what really matters..... She needs/wants the income the lifestyle brings her.... Suck it up and accept it or get the fuck out.... because SHE has already made her choice... Whining about it here may hasten the inevitable but wakeup and read the writing on the wall......

So, I would leaving, because the pain I feel and show towards her job, causes her to feel pain. In the end, I hate her job and the pain it causes, and she is beginning to hate me because of my pain. It is a circle that can only be fixed by letting go of the greatest friend, lover, and the only soul mate I have or will ever know. It will kill me, and that price is greater than all the money of every client she has ever seen or will see, combined.

Obviously not dude.... You just don't matter as much as what she wants...

It is a cost she will not fully realize till she retires and finds that the only so called men in her life, were just jobs that have ended and no longer require her services.

A choice she is making for the rewards it is bringing her now..... I know a young lady withe balance and intelligence that has recently made this decision and decided that she wants certain things now that her youth, body and talents can bring her that she may never get later in life. I have a tremendous amount of respect for her for being able to verbalize it as well as the rationale she displays..... Maybe your gal is simply not able to verbalize it to you....

I'm not sure what the future holds for us.

Are you a betting man? Because I would make a wager that you are not going to be a part of her future for much longer..... and it's not going to be your choice....

I have started trying my best to find ways of reacting better to the things that hurt me, so she doesn't have to be reminded of that pain.

So you plaster it on the internet to be in her face and a nonstop reminder of what is waiting for her at home?

It isn't fool proof but, I hope she will find some way to react better to the pain she feels because of me. It took me this long just be able to handle some things and I still don't sleep right. Only time will tell. As of this posting, we are happy and doing better. I hope it continues to get better. You just never know when another chapter in our erotic novel will start.

Want to bet that chapter will start as soon as reading what is here as well as what comes starts to set in for her?


Thanks for listening to my POV on this subject. I hope I didn't offend. I do hope my post will help someone in this type of relationship.

You may come to realize that it really helps her make a decision....

If it comes out who she is it will probably have a negative impact on her business as you've raised some issues that most clients prefer to never know about.....

If not, it helped me. The time spent thinking about all the things this love has, made me realize, I have more than I could have hoped for.

I'd like to know what others think about the subject. I look forward to reading the good and the bad.

Stay safe,

Good Luck....

[Sexy Roxanne]

Personally, I just keep boy toys here and there. With work and school, I really don't have time to maintain a relationship. I really don't think I would even want to maintain a relationship while in this buisness, I tried once but it led to him eventually not being able to handle it. So I had to move forward. I have a goal and that goal will be met in the summer, therefor I do not have time for relationships getting in the way. So grab a boy/girl toy and have fun, no strings attached, I love it!

[guest021911]

Dizman - Like I stated in the other forum, I very much respect your candor and POV from your perspective. I know that writing about it helps heal your wounds and scars from dealing with the day to day behind the scenes of what like is like for you and her at the dinner table at the end of the day. Both the girls and the boys pay a price in the hobby emotionally to various degrees. Being a BF/SO/ husband of a provider only magnifies the problem for both, for the many reasons that you explained so well. I think many more on this board will benefit from what you wrote....Thanks again for sharing your story with all of us in such a public way. I wish you nothing but the best Diz.

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by Sexy Roxanne

....... I really don't have time to maintain a relationship. I really don't think I would even want to maintain a relationship while in this buisness, I tried once but it led to him eventually not being able to handle it. So I had to move forward. I have a goal and that goal will be met in the summer, therefor I do not have time for relationships getting in the way. ...........

Having heard this story many times over the years that is the most common answer I have seen presented from the female side of the fence....

Most men truly CAN'T handle it...

[AidanRedd]

I personally think it's easy. Then again, I've had a bit of practice at it.

I prefer a girl that is a professional freak and won't get jealous of me, I won't get jealous with them.

It seems each time I'm about to have sex with a sweetheart, that's when my phone starts ringing with clients. It seems to happen almost every time.

Open relationships really seem to be the best. It cuts jealousy out of the equation and just really makes everything easier.

[guest012411-3]

personally ..........i will take this job to my grave......everyone has skeletons in their closet........and this is just one of those i choose to keep between me myself and i.......... if and when i ever did descide to pursue a relationship i would cease providing my services........... i believe that when you are in a relationship your man deserves 100% of YOU....... that being said..........

in my honest opinion .....i think it is impossible to be a provider and have a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP............ mixing the two is just EXTREMELY TOXIC.

to each their own ................

[Booth]

Holy crap that makes me want to blow my brains out and I couldn't even make it half way through the OP.

[Carl]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PO7q5z5wbNc

[irishlad]

OK, you got that all off of your chest. Complicated for sure, but you know what, all relationships are, with hot girls of all kinds 10X.

But, while you're probably not...

just incase...

Don't even contemplate revealing your SOs name, handle or anything remotely like that after such a post.

That's the only adivce I can give you that I'm pretty sure is good.

Just in case.

[Dizman 68]

Don't I know it!

I thank you for the comments and I am glad you can offer opinions both positive and negative. I wrote this to let others know some of the things that have in the past been a part of this type of relationship.

Whispers, some of the things you replied I agreed with some I didn't. I appreciate just having you read and post it's a good thing.

Candyman thank you for the comments, the luck and support.

I hope it will give someone else a better idea of what being in this type of relationship can be like. It's hard work but like it was said in this thread, all relationships are hard.

Thanks for the comments and hope to see more.

[Sarahsmiles]

I like the fact that you had the courage to start a thread such as this knowing that you may get some flack, along with some support or positive comments.

As a provider, I can safely say that in MY experience, it has not been possible for even the "strongest" of guys to be able to handle my "profession". I started doing this a temporary fix to a financial situation after my SO at the time cheated on me and had been supporting me financially while I was recovering from a pretty bad car wreck. The timing sucked as rent was due in 3 days. Regardless, I lost his respect and never regained it...not that I needed it...but if I had waited just a little longer, we may could have worked it out. He turned from "a best friend" to a "boyfriend" to a "betraying a**hole" to someone who had absolutely no respect for me and did EVERYTHING is his power to hurt me and damage any relationships I had with his friends, family, and extended it elsewhere when he could. Shit happens, though, and it all happened for a reason.

I didn't "date" for a long while. When I met someone about a year and a half ago, he knew what I did, didn't like it, but said he could handle it...and he tried. There are many other variables involved in our situation to get to where we are right now but now I am at a fork in the road. If I want to EVER be in a "healthy" relationship...if there is such a thing...I have to be willing to make some changes to benefit the relationship and that also means that I am going to have to actually trust someone...especially a guy. So, I am retiring at the end of the year, if not sooner, and am letting him "take the reins" financially...and it's so fucking scary...but such is life. It wore him down...I could never do it...I'm never going to be able to have any sort of relationship if I do this...so this is my choice.

In my opinion, don't try to fool yourself if it really is a huge issue to you because it doesn't get better. You met her when she was doing this and obviously chose to accept it. If it gets to the point where you can't do that anymore...and it most likely will...something has to change.

Good luck!

[RALPHEY BOY]

Sarah, just be careful once he takes the reins as you say, make sure he does not become a control freak...those two go hand in hand quite often

[Guest120311-2]

Relationships of this kind do take extra care to be successful. Here are some of my thoughts on how to make life better with a partner in whatever profession.

Trusting each other, while together or apart ,to do no harm to the relationship you have together. She has a bit of her life you aren't involved with. I'm sure she isn't with you 24/7 either. Then you have what the two of you make together by choosing to be partners. That is what's sacred! The BS on this or other boards and the stereotypical views society has dictated, have no business in your heart. It's yours and YOU can choose how you want to feel!

Have totally honest communications when things are good and especially when issues arise. Don't keep concerns, fears or anger hidden, they will eat you alive and poison your relationship. If she is wonderful enough for you to fall in love with, trust her with your feelings and work with her to make things comfortable for both of you.

Understanding and respecting each others strengths,weaknesses, insecurities and personalities are paramount. Ego's are double edged swords. I hope you both can keep them in check and remember what it is, that's important to you both.

It does take a special kind of man to truly love someone in this profession and be able to stay, but as you already know, the rewards can be wonderful as well.
Good luck to you both!
Tess