Military Jokes for Veterans Day.

[hotindallas]

First of all, to all of the Veterans (including you who are currently serving):

THANK YOU.

That being said, since it is veteran's Day, I have one joke concerning each branch:

Air Force:
An F-22 Raptor fighter was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. Over the radio, the fighter pilot said to the B-52 crew: "Anything you can do, I can do better." Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?" The B-52 pilot responded "We just shut down two engines."

Navy:
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

Army:
An Army Captain was assigned to a remote desert post. During inspection, he noticed a camel tied up outside the barracks. He asked the soldier showing him around, "why is that camel there?" The soldier said "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get frustrated, if you know what I mean. When they do, they use the camel." A month later the Captain was himself sexually frustrated, so he put a ladder behind the camel, climbed up, dropped his pants and started having sex with the camel. The same soldier who had shown him around earlier appeared, so the Captain asked him, "Is this how the men do it?" The soldier replied, "No sir, they usually ride it to the next village where the women are."

Coast Guard:
Did you know that you have to be 6 feet tall to join the Coast Guard? That way, if your ship sinks, you can wade to shore.

Marines:
The US Navy no longer allows US Marines on board their ships. Now that they are letting women on board, they don't need the Marines any more.

[soldierboy44]

ROFLMAO......AWESOME....Loved the Air Force and Coast Guard jokes.....almost pissed my pants

[garhkal]

One of my favorite older military jokes went something like this..
SO 3 battle fleets were out in the Atlantic doing war games when the Admirals of all 3 fleets decided to hold a meal on the deck of a carrier.. THey got a chattin and the French commander goes "Our boys have the most guts". The American said" no ours do".. The brit said, "Na.. WE DO"..
After going back and fourth for a few, the french commander said "We'll, i will prove it... Leftennant, Jump of the flight deck".. The young officer looked perplexed for a second, then took a run and leaped off the flight deck..
The American admiral, not to be out done ordered a young Seaman, to go up the tower and jump off there. ANd he complied willingly..
The Brit said.."Now Watch this! Ensign, i want you to do the same as the French officer did" That young officer looked over the side, then came back to the admiral and said "BALLS TO YOU Mate, i ain't stupid!"

Then admiral said back to his French and American counter part, "NOW THATS GUTS!"

[greyghost48]

In reply to the F22, in my era it was an F4 doing rolls etc around a C-141 eastbound across the Atlantic. The 141 Commander came back with a reply “with watch this”. A few minutes later the F4 pilot says I’m waiting. The 141 Commander comes back sorry we just finished our steak dinner.

[mongerer_]

loooool - omfg - so funny, this thread is cool

[Rey Lengua]

Originally Posted by greyghost48

In reply to the F22, in my era it was an F4 doing rolls etc around a C-141 eastbound across the Atlantic. The 141 Commander came back with a reply “with watch this”. A few minutes later the F4 pilot says I’m waiting. The 141 Commander comes back sorry we just finished our steak dinner.

This sailor tips his hat to ya ' ghost. Earlier in life, was a military dependent that saw a lot of 141's at Kadena back when their 'fighter jocks " were still flying the Phantoms. But NOBODY messed with the HABU........

[fontslinger]

Always a favorite....

Canadians: American vessel, please divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Negative. Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.