Demiland, love, and dating

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by WTF

Only three? lol It is getting confusing. At the risk of being accused of badgering Lauren...

Look let's just focus on the words and forget who said it. But to say you want someone to be happy , yet then restrict their options is not being truthful. To the viewer. Like I said from the start it appears it could very well be a Hobson Choice.

No it is not a Hobson Choice, the potential SO can choose not to either get involved or can choose not to stay if it doesn't work for him. A Hobson Choice is an apparent free choice that offers no real alternative; here there is a real alternative.

As far as the letter of introduction post you refer to by Tim the Enchanter I do hope Tim will clear that up; I happen to know exactly what transpired and the post is unintentionally leading to the wrong conclusion (yes, I know without TIm I have no proof for it so I leave it as that)

[WTF]

Originally Posted by terbul

WTF ... martyrdom? .... Please ....

I think she was trading you for a drink

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duo_and...ils#Rusty_Nail

I'd like one of those drinks right about now!

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

I was trading him in for blood poisoning.


Sepsis

Blood poisoning! Heaven forbid, drop your drawers and hike your behind!

http://www.cartoonbrew.com/cartoon-c...ermometer.html

[Monsieur]

Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

On your point about seeing into the future, I was not implying that was the tact I would take. I don’t dwell on the past or drift into the future rather I am someone who lives in the present. By my statement earlier, I meant that when the time occurred and one found themselves in that previously thought about “future state”, it was then no longer the future then but is, in fact, the present. That means you will react in the present and only by reacting in the present do you have the correct actions if you have trained yourself to do as I have just described. Furthermore, if you have applied yourself and your experience then you will react correctly or as correctly as your training will allow.

How very Montaigne-esque.

Sir, you have managed to reveal the secret to living life well and happy.

[terbul]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Ummm even in free countries with free speech, if someone publicly questions your character, you can take legal actions. If someone harasses you, you can press charges.

Do not mistake free for lawless, honourless anarchy.



No... it wasn't. I was teasing Terbul, who mentioned martyrdom. I probably wasn't any nicer to offer to be stabbed with a rusty nail in exchange for WTF leaving me in peace.

To be clear I quoted martyrdom. wtf claimed that honor (?) for himself.

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

No it is not a Hobson Choice, the potential SO can choose not to either get involved or can choose not to stay if it doesn't work for him. A Hobson Choice is an apparent free choice that offers no real alternative; here there is a real alternative.

Logic would suggest if someone knows what they're getting into a relationship with a polyamorous professional companion, they're happy with the style of relationship. Therefore, I would not be in a relationship with someone who is unhappy, but a guy who is thrilled to meet a compatible match. If he's in a relationship with me, it's fair to say, he will take advantage of the freedom I give him, and we aren't going to be at odds at all. You'll have two perfectly happy sexual hedonists dating each other.

If I'm away on a date, my SO isn't hurt. He's taking the time to have his own fun, and will likely share his adventures when I return.

Again, you cannot compare the expectations of a monogamous or traditional relationship, with the rules and expectations of mutually open relationships.

[guest051510-1]

Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

I understand Colette, I really do. Yet, you brought up far too many things that have to be addressed individually and discussing some of those items here would not be appropriate. Overall, my opinion of what you wrote is that it is most unfortunate you feel the way you do being as young as you are but it is your opinion and I respect that. However I look at what you wrote as the very reason why I retired from seeing providers almost two years ago and that what you wrote speaks volumes about who you are with very few written words.

Personally, I did not want to live like you described and that is why I made the choices I did a couple of years ago but that is me.

Aaahh, LD, thank you. You are so sweet. You saw that I was feeling left out and you gave me some attention.

No seriously, I've been married 4 times (one for 10years) and I'm not THAT young. (But thank you)

Like I said in the first part, I don't know how I feel. I question my feelings on this subject all the time. I have a best friend that I LOVE very much. I value ever moment we get to spend together. I enjoy just hanging out with him. I get jealous from time to time when he is doing work for an attractive female. I know he's not going anywhere. He is not my boyfriend and neither of us want a serious relationship. I have had my fill of bad ones and he is planning on joining a monastery. He wants to be a monk when he retires. He lives like a monastic right now, but keeps his job to meet his child support requirements. But as soon as his children are of age, he will quit and move away. He knows of my new career choice and his position is that it is not his place to judge me. I've NEVER in my life had a friendship that was so simple, yet so perfect. We always have each other's back, but neither of us put demands on the other. In a different set of circumstances, I could see us being an old married couple. But, I work in this world and he is celibate by choice. But, through this friendship I have gotten a taste of pure unconditional love. Something that is closer to Agape than I have ever known.
------------------------------------------------------
1If I speak in the tonguesa of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

No it is not a Hobson Choice, the potential SO can choose not to either get involved or can choose not to stay if it doesn't work for him. A Hobson Choice is an apparent free choice that offers no real alternative; here there is a real alternative.

As far as the letter of introduction post you refer to by Tim the Enchanter I do hope Tim will clear that up; I happen to know exactly what transpired and the post is unintentionally leading to the wrong conclusion (yes, I know without TIm I have no proof for it so I leave it as that)

OK , while I do not agree with your view of the HC , it is not important to the conversation.

Let's get back to the concept of a open relationship choked full of restrictions. Is that a open relationship? Another contrast?

Also and more on topic you never did answer my question. Would you want to be with a woman that had a SO and they wanted to be together yet she CHOSE to be with you? That really would eliminate the assumption that they both BOTH wanting to be together I suppose! But hey on the flip side it would also eliminate the meaning of them having a SO! LOL

Would YOU want to be with a woman where you were secomnd choice. Oh yea, you are first choice if there is no other choice but really that is a distant second. Is my double standard having any meaning?

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

But the greatest of these is love.[/I]

Or Albus Dumbledore to Harry Potter

[guest012511]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

I've heard from other ladies, that they'll have a one night stand with some guy they pick up, and at the end of the romp, the guy notes "Wow, that was amazing. There's something... different about you." No one wants to say "Oh, I slipped into escort mode there for a little bit. Glad you liked it, I did to."

...thank you and goodnight!

[WTF]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

then surely you can badger someone indirectly as well. Doing it in such a fashion is clever but that does not mean the rest of us are idiots and cannot see through it.

.

Did we have a vote in the forum and I missed it?

You speaking for all of us now DG? LOL

Lauren had asked that I not ask her anymore about it. I respected that request. There have been others, including you that continue you to ask me about my feelings on the matter. Now Lauren has felt the need to insult and continue to insult.

[Guest053011]

WTF:

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

I have always encouraged my SO's to see other ladies. I ask only that they not be in my social circle. I strongly prefer it be a professional lady instead of a swinger or some woman he picked in a bar.

Originally Posted by WTF

I am reminded of this commercial. Wow, you didn't say I could have a real person, only one you choose for me. Is that really how an open relationship is. Why call it open. Sounds controlling to me.

Harsh. Actually, I happen to think escorts are real people. I know, me and my Quixotic ideas.

Nit-picking character-bashing badgering to continue a non-argument.

People who knowingly get involved in polyamorous relationships have a very open talk early on about what where the boundary lines are for both parties and agree before they start working on a deeply attached involvement. No wrong or right, only compatible and incompatible.

Note the use of the word prefer. Implying, the choice is actually his, he can indeed pick up women in a bar, airport or grocery store. It's up to him to be a good judge of character when picking up a woman, choosing one that's safe, and making sure she understands that it's no-strings-attached fun. If I'm dating him, I trust him, and trust his judgment, and trust he'll be honest with her about me. I have preferences, but the final decision is his.

[Camille]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

Just following the wishes of a lovely lady Compliments - Page 7 - ECCIE - Your source for escort reviews

Ever fall in love with an escort? a client? would you run away and scream in horror if it was happening or go with the flow and see what happened? Would you date an escort if you met outside of the demi world? As an escort would you be upset if your SO saw escorts?

I have never fallen in love with a client.
However, I have sat on the edge of that ledge we call love with my legs dangling over the edge...questioning whether a jump into the unknown really will be that sublime.

The money is not the issue. The limitations are.
When we are in each others lives on each others terms (whether it be as an escort/mistress etc) I don't really see how one can fall in love. You need freedom to do so..or I do. That said, I have become very close to a few clients and opened myself fully to them. Have I had any of these relationships evolve into anything else? Nope and that's ok.

People need to recognize the warning signs of getting too attached in an unhealthy way. Googling a person online, watching their online cativity putting way too much focus on a relationship that does not have the freedom to grow organically is a recipe for disaster. There is a fine line between being interested and being stalkerish or appearing predatory. In a relationship without the freedom to grow organically often people spend too much time in their own heads. Without all the details I've been on the receiving end of this type of behaviour a couple of times and it really creeps me out.

Despite a complicated entrance into this buisness I like to keep things simple. Within that context I try had to be honest with people without hurting them. In the last 18 months I have met 3 gents that were incredible polite, real gentlemen and just nice people. Sadly though, on meeting, there was zero connection. He felt more like a work colleague than a date. I work hard to cultivate situations that embrace the latter and I wont compromise either of us by exploring the former. I have had to stop those 3 dates BUT I spent time with them before they left making sure they understood it wasnt anything they did wrong. It's not easy but I'm pretty sure its easier (for them)than fooling around with someone that you dont feel is enjoying you. Or to put it another way, rejection is never easy, but it has to be easier to deal with before intimacy occurs than after. The way I treat dates in this world is really no different than the way I would treat someone in a less confined environment.

I do have one client that I really enjoy. I am extremely sensitive to his nuances and know that he is holding back to a degree from getting too close. I have acknowledged this so that he doesn't have to feel awkward but I am not going to encourage him to let his full guard down. I have no intentions of living in his part of the world so why would I suggest we should explore a relationship knowing that hurdle would inevitably come up at some point? I see the bigger picture and I'm not going to pretend to him that I dont. Of course its tempting because on many levels we are very compatible but I'd rather he hurt because he didnt open his heart more than hurt because I encouraged him to open it and then I crushed it.

C

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by WTF

OK , while I do not agree with your view of the HC , it is not important to the conversation.

Let's get back to the concept of a open relationship choked full of restrictions. Is that a open relationship?

Also and more on topic you never did answer my question. Would you want to be with a woman that had a SO and they wanted to be together yet she CHOSE to be with you? That really would eliminate the assumption that they both BOTH wanting to be together I suppose! But hey on the flip side it would also eliminate the meaning of a SO! LOL

Would YOU want to be with a woman where you were secomnd choice. Oh yea, you are first choice if there is no other choice but really that is a distant second. Is my double standard having any meaning?

I'm actually not going to answer that question. Whether or not I would accept such a relationship has no relevance to this discussion. OTOH the fact that a gent does have a choice is relevant. By definition a relationship is defined by the individuals in it. If they are in agreement on what open means then bully for them, they are probably way ahead most of us.

[guest041110]

Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

Aaahh, LD, thank you. You are so sweet. You saw that I was feeling left out and you gave me some attention.

No seriously, I've been married 4 times (one for 10years) and I'm not THAT young. (But thank you)

Like I said in the first part, I don't know how I feel. I question my feelings on this subject all the time. I have a best friend that I LOVE very much. I value ever moment we get to spend together. I enjoy just hanging out with him. I get jealous from time to time when he is doing work for an attractive female. I know he's not going anywhere. He is not my boyfriend and neither of us want a serious relationship. I have had my fill of bad ones and he is planning on joining a monastery. He wants to be a monk when he retires. He lives like a monastic right now, but keeps his job to meet his child support requirements. But as soon as his children are of age, he will quit and move away. He knows of my new career choice and his position is that it is not his place to judge me. I've NEVER in my life had a friendship that was so simple, yet so perfect. We always have each other's back, but neither of us put demands on the other. In a different set of circumstances, I could see us being an old married couple. But, I work in this world and he is celibate by choice. But, through this friendship I have gotten a taste of pure unconditional love. Something that is closer to Agape than I have ever known.
------------------------------------------------------
1If I speak in the tonguesa of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Ahh… I Corinthians13. Odd you should quote that since I remember sending it to the one I was very much in love with but she never understood, and never will, what I meant by it when I sent it to her.

I understand you a little better now Colette and what you described about the relationship you have with your friend is what I prefer to have now rather than a romp in the hay with a lovely woman. Connection is more important to me now than it has ever been and there is a reason why I hold in my belief that this is oh so true: “The wages of sin is death…” Romans 6:23.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Ummm even in free countries with free speech, if someone publicly questions your character, you can take legal actions. If someone harasses you, you can press charges.

Of course, you can, anyone can sue another....does anyone think that any of this falls into that category?

I do not think anyone has questioned anyone elses character.

You asked for me to no longer question you on the matter. I respected that. Others have pursued the matter since then. I have answered their charges. You insult and now threaten.

What is going on, are you OK?