I can see how you might think I'm condescending and dismissive - I disagree with a lot of what you have to say. However, my words are aimed at your philosophy, not you. Perhaps I should use softer adjectives and ease up on my tone. I guess I'm a bit in business mode while since I'm at the office and being to blunt for my own good. I don't mind you in the sandbox, but if I disagree I'll say so. Naturally I feel passionately about a subject that my life revolves around.
Driving to a lunch meeting this thread a few thoughts bounced around. The following is not a judgment or directed at anyone, just the meditation of a drive across town on a warm day.
Oh to beat a dead horse! I had additional thoughts on the matters of concern for the abused and victimology:
When studying therapy for the abused we were taught that the experience of violence (regardless of the type) is an extremely private experience, in fact it is the most personal and intimate (and thus traumatic) experience a person can have.
Ever drive down the highway after a nasty accident, and the only thing slowing down traffic ate the rubber necks slowing down to take a peak? Or see the gathering gawkers at the side of an ambulance? That is a deep violation for the emegency staff on scene and the victim. In therapy discussions with paramedics you find they are deeply disturbed by the onlookers for that very reason.
It's a bit much to post about someone else's tragedy in detail, even if we do not know their name. It is disrespectful to try and find out that kind of information about someone's past. If they want to let you know about such experiences, they'll bring it up. Trying to surmise before getting involved with them is prying. Most people discuss such things with a precious few in their lives.
Also, the people who are survivors of violence do not want to be defined by their pain. They don't want their entire character , and every future experience to be looked at through the lens of that traumatic event. It is important to be able to separate the subject's construct of personal identity from the event that occurred. To suggest a victim of violence should be treated with great delicacy when that is not what the subject asks for, seeks, or desires, takes away their perception of power and control over their own identity - which is precisely what happens in an instance of violence. Believing that a victim of violence is fundamentally and irreparably changed takes away their hope of being whole again. Who wants to be pitied? So this might sound confusing, but what I'm saying is: to forever treat victims, as victims, revictimizes them... I think my brain hurt itself on that one.
I have a great fascination with WWII history. There is quite a bit of debate over the word "Holocaust", which is theologically insulting to many. It's meaning translating to "
burnt offering". The problem with that: a burnt offering is a gift to God (and a pagan one). As the holocaust survivor in "The Reader" said: "Nothing come out of the camps..." Nothing good came out of it, there is no silver lining, no hallmark sympathies apply. In stead many have adopted the word: Shoah. It translates as "calamity". It is a dark place, void of God. Sheer, empty blackness.
We should not wear other people's wounds as a badge of honour, or try to give true darkness a silver lining.
Quote:
Originally Posted by discreetgent
I think you are overstating the case. The key part of your statement is "if it becomes evident to me." I don't think you would get much disagreement on that. However, if I am reading your previous posts correctly you are positing that one should pro-actively find out if an act will damage a woman psychologically, ie did she take up escorting based on a history of abuse or other psychological trauma. I - and I think others - are positing that we do not have that kind of obligation. Unless it is really evident to us we are not responsible for basing our decision on the choices that she has made.
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So rational and reasonable. Regardless of our past, we would like to be treated as capable, responsible adults with pride. No one wants to go into a therapy session when they're looking to play.
