Sugarbaby Sugardaddy: your thoughts?

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by barneyrubble

Then I suppose an UTR lady who only saw one--or just a couple per month gents-might fall into that category. I've read a few posts on UTRs, but if they are under the radar I am unclear on how they get found.

There are a few ways they might be found. First of all some ladies in that category might post but not have any website or any form to communicate with them from the boards; an introduction would be required. Other ladies may use an agency with strict instructions on the type of engagement they are willing to accept. Finally are the ladies that you just won't find unless a gent or another lady makes an introduction. If you are around demiland for a while you can come across gents or ladies who might make such an intrduction.

re: guilt over financial need. There are ladies that have other occupations and escorting is a relatively small part of what they do; some do it as a lifestyle choice and finances are meant to 1. create a boundary and 2. yes for extra cash. Perhaps a lady like that would be a better fit for you.

[ShysterJon]

barneyrubble: Three points:

1. You don't have to be rich to have a SB. Read the post I referenced in my previous reply.

2. I think you're describing a fly-by-the seat-of-your-pants, drop-whatever-you're doing, arrangement with a SB. I'd never try that. For one thing, I'm a busy guy and most of my life must be planned in advance. That's why I have set days and times with my SB. I plan my life around those periods. They are engraved in stone on my calendar. I literally have filed motions to continue trials and hearings to preserve those periods.

For another thing, if you expect your SB to see you on short notice, there's a good chance she'll come to resent you. What if she tells you she already has plans with friends, family, or her bf? Are you going to demand she cancel her plans and see you? That's a good way to kill a SD-SB relationship. A SD MUST let his SB have her own life. If my SB tells me she can't make one of our meetings, and she has a good reason, I gracefully wish her well. Chances are she'll respond with gratitude and some extra time to make up for her absence later. Or something special BCD. Haha.

A final reason to have preset times is because, despite any romantic notions to the contrary, in a way a SD is an employer and his SB is his employee. I've said a zillion times to my SBs, "Baby, we're not dating. Unless there's an emergency, you need to make our meetings." A SB needs to see that making the appointments means she gets her allowance. If she's AWOL, she's not gonna get the green -- it's that simple. All my SBs have been young, and young people need, and come to like, structure.

3. Whether you "use" your SB or she "uses" you, or both, is up to you and her. Those dynamics aren't unique to a SD-SB relationship and can exist in ANY type of relationship. I think it's safe to say each of my SBs came out of our relationship further along in life and a better person for having known me. Each would probably say I treated them better than any guy ever has. (A common reason girls go on SD-SB web sites is because they're tired of all the B.S. that comes with dating guys their own age.) Each was certainly better off with the degree I helped her get and all the gifts I gave to her.

[RickO'shayRabbitt]

Shyster,

I think you are echoing my point about expecting the lady to be available at your whim, which is what I think Nicole was referring. I agree with you. I would only expect her to be available with some advance planning. If it was a spur of the moment thing, and it happened to fit everyone's schedule--great. But if it didn't work out, I don't think the SD should be miffed.

As for finding someone through an agency, like I said I am new here. I require discretion. I have read too many (actually just two--but too many for me) accounts in newspapers where agencies were busted and their lists seized by the police. I'm not a high profile politician or anything like that, but I don't need my name on a list somewhere. So, that ain't happening.

Other side of all of this, I live in a city (south Texas) where there just doesn't seem to be a ton of choices or options. I think I began this foray with a delusional romanticism about finding my fantasy heroine. So far? Not so good. LOL. It has me curious as to what the men consider their success ratio to be as far as having sessions which have lived up to or surpassed their expectations? That's probably another thread altogether.

[Guest112113-3]

Originally Posted by Nicole Preston

Maybe I just had some bad SD's, LOL...who knows?

OK Nicole I know this is a cheap shot...I apolize before hand, but with one YES you did, and my heart goes out for you on that.

More on my fours years of SB-SD to follow later on this evening....

[Katy Alexander]

When I was just out of high school I supported my 40 something boyfriend for several years. I am not certain what that makes me aside from a complete idiot

I do not think I would make a very good SB.I spend huge amounts of time alone, and I kind of like my life that way.I think that being a low volume escort is the best way to go for me.I am able to meet my financial goals,but my life remains private, and I get to remain a hermit lol.

[The White Queen]

AGREED!
Had a regular metamorphose into a SD... on his own...he indirectly said that "paying" offended him, but he would take me to buy furniture, groceries, clothes, make-up, etc...my big bills. he was reconciled to my profession (provider), but gradually became more and more markedly territorial (???). Asked too many questions; would show up unannounced, etc...I guess I didn't really fall into the SB category as much as the "mistress"...he had a SO he would yell at for-what seemed to me-trivial mistakes...which, ultimately, is why I had to break it off. You see how a man treats the women that are closest to him and you know...it's only a matter of time...anyway, we eventually had a sit down. Maybe if we had initially been more straightforward regarding ground rules/boundaries, etc...it would have been...sufferable ...but, anyhow, i ended things well. we speak occassionally, but never try to get together. It's j too strained...

[Guest012211-3]

Originally Posted by Woody of TX

OK Nicole I know this is a cheap shot...I apolize before hand, but with one YES you did, and my heart goes out for you on that.

More on my fours years of SB-SD to follow later on this evening....

LOL...I KNOW what/who you are thinking about and NO that was not an SD. Just a really, really bad choice For those who have known me for awhile ( and some of you do)...rest assured that chapter in my life has been closed for many years

[Guest112113-3]

Originally Posted by Nicole Preston

LOL...I KNOW what/who you are thinking about and NO that was not an SD. Just a really, really bad choice For those who have known me for awhile ( and some of you do)...rest assured that chapter in my life has been closed for many years

Good to see you have not lost your sense of humor....

Sorry about the cheap shot...but love your avatar....that look does it.

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by barneyrubble

For the record, two who are having a bit of a spat here--ATL and one of the ladies--I took his quote about "requiring that she work" to mean he would prefer that he wasn't her only source of financial support. His "requirement" could have been his own--not specifically making someone work. That's how I saw it, and that is how comments can be misconstrued, even when directly quoted. Surely the lady can see that?

"Spat" aside , yes, I don't want to be anyone's sole source of support. If things end (& they always do), it can create problems. Second, I don't have the time to spend with her other than maybe once a week. If she doesn't work (or go to school or something), I don't know what she does all day? (I don't mean that like I'm trying control her or monitor her every movement just kind of the old adage, "idle hands do the Devil's work" or something like that)

Originally Posted by discreetgent

There are a few ways they might be found. First of all some ladies in that category might post but not have any website or any form to communicate with them from the boards; an introduction would be required. Other ladies may use an agency with strict instructions on the type of engagement they are willing to accept. Finally are the ladies that you just won't find unless a gent or another lady makes an introduction. If you are around demiland for a while you can come across gents or ladies who might make such an intrduction.

.

"UTR" in the strictest sense really is a misnomer. No one is truly UTR. As DG points out, some ladies are closer to UTR than others.

Originally Posted by ShysterJon

barneyrubble: Three points:


2. I think you're describing a fly-by-the seat-of-your-pants, drop-whatever-you're doing, arrangement with a SB. I'd never try that. .

I'd never associate a SB with a "booty call" -- that is a 2am come over baby call -- & even if I called and she was unavailable on short notice I understand -- after all if I really need "immediate release" there are plenty of numbers I can call that bill by the hour.

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by Becky

When I was just out of high school I supported my 40 something boyfriend for several years. I am not certain what that makes me aside from a complete idiot

rotflmao

[JohnnyFarangly]

I have had a couple of informal SB's.

I would take them to nice dinners and sometimes shopping.
Maybe pay an unexpected bill or fix a car.
They dated an older man.
We were both comfortable with the relationship, but eventually moved on.

I am looking for a more formal one now,.

[CajunGent]

Over the years, I have had several sugar babes. In each case we developed a friendship outside of the bedroom, and even though our sexual relationship has ended, they still call or email me on occasion for professional advice. Professional advice meaning business or tax advice.

The most important aspect of a sugar babe arrangement (to me), is that a special (but discreet) friendship can be formed. The key is for each party to the arrangement to know the limits. I would consider a bootie call at 7 am to be an infringement on her time and personal life. On the other hand, a text message requesting that I come over and service her orally after lunch might be just the afternoon dessert I needed. Bottom line is we took time to get to know each other, and gave each other mutual respect. It can work, but takes effort, and cannot be all about the sex.

Just my 2 cents.

Cajun Gent

[sofiaofhouston]

Originally Posted by travelling_man

I have a SB now and as Alice said it's much more like a mistress than an escort. She is married, but separated, mid 20s and has her own job and pays her own bills. I have offered to "pay" her but she won't accept any money in that sense. Instead she wants me to take her places, do things together, buy her things and fuck her as often as as long as I can. We have gone to Stars and Mavericks games together, we went to the Margarita Ball and beforehand went shopping for a new formal, purse, shoes, lingerie, etc. I buy her presents from time to time and always bring her something back from my out of town trips, but the total amount I spend does not come anywhere close to what I would spend with an equivalent amount of time with a provider. To top it off she has a great body and an insatiable sexual appetite that is not being filled any other way. She insists that we fuck each time we get together.

But she does want to move toward something more serious and we have an understanding that if she does find someone to "date" in that way then our relationship as it is now will end. I'm hoping that doesn't happen but I know it will one day.

Since I'm not giving her any money (even though I try), that leaves me some extra to hobby once in a while and to pursue other SB arrangements where I do give them cash each time we get together. Those girls insist that they aren't escorts, but wouldn't be fucking me if I weren't giving them money. I have done the SB thing long enough that I know an amount that works and if any girls try to have a GPS with me I just tell them what I'm willing to offer and if they accept great....if not I move on. The important thing is to find something that works with the lady you are with, establish the ground rules clearly as the last couple of posters have stated and that's all that matters.

Do You Think she'll tell you if she starts to * date*?

[Guest021710-3]

Originally Posted by Nicole Preston

Like I said, it just wasn't for me...sometimes I want to go to bed at 8pm and watch crap tv without being bothered, or enjoy my morning coffee without being poked, lol.

How about a bottle of wine in the morning with a poke?

[Jacquie]

Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

Seems like the guys are playing in both fields SD and escort clients. So, is it acceptable for us ladies to have it both ways? If I wanted a SD, would I need to keep my Nicolette job a secret? Would I need to use my real name or make up a third? I've never been a SB and probably wouldn't see the same level of financial flow, but there is this house I want to buy and I sure could use a co-signer since I have bad credit and no proof of income.

Absolutely.

I met my former SD because he contracted me to entertain one of his clients. As it turned out, he spent our whole first meeting flirting with me, instead of allowing me to do the job he was paying me to do. We had met for "drinks," but I never drink on the job.

It happened naturally that we became SD/SB. He gave me money every time I saw him, whether we had sex or not. He took me to a lot of restaurants that I probably wouldn't have otherwise tried. He cooked me gourmet meals. He fed me expensive chocolate. He got me presents. We were friends too, engaged me in debate and offered to teach me smart ways to invest my provider dollars.

Sex, while fundamentally apart of an arrangement, was not the most important element, and I genuinely think that is what makes the difference.

I agree with Nicole Preston. It does start to get tiring of being at a man's beckon call. The reason I provide part time is because it fits into my schedule. Otherwise, what's the point?

Plus, I could be honest with my friends about this arrangement. Since the SD was around enough, I had to explain him. Even my guy friends were not in opposition and expressed jealousy over a convenient arrangement that gave me gobs of money, while doing nothing but being outgoing, cheerful, and confident. It's held in an entirely different regard than being a "whore."