Tell me a joke!!!!!!!

[Grizzly]

Okay final one I promise

Do you know what is black and blue and found in a ditch?

A man who told one to many blonde jokes

lol

[SexyKaylen]

lol....yeah you need a spanking for sure...hehe

[Grizzly]

Originally Posted by SexyKaylen

lol....yeah you need a spanking for sure...hehe

I tried to warn ya Babe lol now time to set the appointment for my spanking hehe

honestly are they that bad lol

[SexyKaylen]

They are great jokes but I just wanna give you a spanking babe...

Originally Posted by Grizzly

I tried to warn ya Babe lol now time to set the appointment for my spanking hehe

honestly are they that bad lol

[Grizzly]

:

Originally Posted by SexyKaylen

They are great jokes but I just wanna give you a spanking babe...

spank away beautiful

[ElumEno]

[SexyKaylen]

LOL....Elum

[SexyKaylen]

Murphy's Law in Sex
1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2.Nothing improves with age.

3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.

4.Sex has no calories.

5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

8.No sex with anyone in the same office.

9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10.A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12.Virginity can be cured.

13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

[ElumEno]

Beyonce made a song called "Single Ladies" then went home to her husband
and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy. ~ Laila Daho

[royamcr]

A little boy about 10 years old was walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.

He came up to the doorstep of a whore house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said, "No!"

He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door!

The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

[Grizzly]

Originally Posted by SexyKaylen

Murphy's Law in Sex
1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2.Nothing improves with age.

3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.

4.Sex has no calories.

5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

8.No sex with anyone in the same office.

9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10.A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12.Virginity can be cured.

13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

I like #6 in the list but alad I don't get enough dates lol
Nice!

[royamcr]

An old and crusty retired Army Master Sergeant was sitting by himself at a bar when a beautiful blonde bombshell comes in the room.

She noticed the old Master Sergeant right away. She finds him rugged and handsome, and sits down next to him.

"May I buy you a drink?" she asks him. He obliges.

She's obviously interested in him. The blonde says to him "So tell me what you do. You seem to be in great shape for a man your age."

"I'm a retired Army Master Sergeant. I don't do much anymore, besides sit at his here bar every night."

She notices he isn't wearing a ring. "Are you not married?", she asks.

"Never have been. Spent most of my life overseas in combat. The army was my wife, until I left her."

At this point, they hit it off. They strike up great conversation, and continue buying each other drinks. The blonde's inhibitions have obviously lowered at this point, and without hesitation, she asks him another question.

"So tell me, Master Sergeant. How long has it been since you've been laid?"

He takes a long pause and stares in the distance in deep thought. He then says, "1955".

The blonde is shocked. "1955! You have some catching up to do! You and me, in my car, right now!"

They hopped in her backseat and commenced to the roughest sex she has ever had. She has orgasm after orgasm. She couldn't believe his sexual prowess.

She catches her breath after they finish. She's never been fucked so good before. Completely amazed, she says to him, "Master Sergeant, you definitely have not lost your touch since 1955. You were amazing!"

He takes a look down at his watch and says "I sure hope like hell I haven't, it's only 2330 now!"

[royamcr]

A girl is standing at The Gates of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.

She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"

He says, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos."

She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I'd rather go to Hell."

St. Peter says, "In Hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized."

She says, "That's okay. I've already got holes for that."

[royamcr]

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Sylvia.
How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
SYLVIA: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.

[Bartman1963]

Man goes into a bar.
Behind the bar is a beautiful young woman. Above the bar is a sign that says "Hand Jobs: $10, Ham Sandwiches $1.50"
The man asks the beautiful woman "Are you the one giving the handjobs?"
The woman smiles and demurely says "Yes I am baby"
The man replies " Then wash those hands and make me a ham sandwich."

A blonde woman is driving her convertible down the road.
In a field she sees an amazing sight. Another blonde woman is sitting in a row boat in the middle of a plowed field. The woman is rowing as hard as she can and is stirring up a cloud of dust.
The first blonde pulls over her car, walks to the edge of the field and tries to get the rower's attention. She yells, she waves, she goes back to the car and honks the horn.
No reaction. Just more rowing, and more dust.
In exasperation the blonde driver screams at the blonde rower "Stop rowing goddamnit! You are making all blonde women look stupid!"
No response from the rowing blonde.
Finally our driving blonde, who is angrier than hell, yells "Damn you! If I could swim I would go out there and kick your ass!!"