Jealousy - Why we feel the need to be #1?

[Marcus Aurelius]

I don't want to sound nit picky like WTF. But I don't believe NB was talking about a client. I could be wrong.

[Ansley]

Originally Posted by Marcus Aurelius

I don't want to sound nit picky like WTF. But I don't believe NB was talking about a client. I could be wrong.

Nicolette wrote
Recently, my best-est friend in the whole wide world introduced a new friend into our group.

I don't get that way about clients.

You are absolutely correct Marcus. I thought NB meant 'our group' as being the hobby world. Then she does say she doesn't get that way with clients. Boy I screwed that one up!

Off to take that class in reading comprehension....

[Aidan MacKenna]

If you are marketing GFE how can you do it and NEVER border on L O V E... I'm just saying, if there is no room for jealousy or love in the demimonde, why would people look for GFE here?

Now, that said, to quote a good friend of mine, "this isn't e-freaking harmony!" I don't think any of us are looking for love or jealousy, but it happens. Isn't the original question why?

We are dealing in intimacy here folks. Intimacy stirs deep emotion and here lies why people may have the tendency to become jealous in the demimonde. I'm just saying...

[TexasGator]

Originally Posted by WTF

she's just jealous that I know so much about love and Jealousy!

...and he's got the Cease and Desist Orders to prove it!

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by TexasGator

...and he's got the Cease and Desist Orders to prove it!

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by Marcus Aurelius

I don't want to sound nit picky like WTF. But I don't believe NB was talking about a client. I could be wrong.

I have to agree, the wording of the post does suggest this is a friend outside of the DM world.

Love and jealousy can evolved regardless of how two people meet.

[Marcus Aurelius]

It's that hot (female condom) guy I bet.

[Aidan MacKenna]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

So, does that mean you'll live as long as you don't fall in love????

It means I'm still recovering from having my heart ripped out several times and I'm not sure I could make a full recovery if I fell again... The worst was being in love with a jealous person (lol... just trying to stay on topic).

[Guest053011]

NB, my opinions on the matter:

We are afraid that if we aren't number one in their lives, we've started down a slippery slope into becoming invisible.

Once we realized a friend or lover's attention has shifted it's focus, being number two means we could fall to number three. Or disappear off their radar altogether.

Those who are closest to our hearts are an integral part of our lives, the columns that hold the roof up. They are often a part of our identity, a release of pressure and stress, their opinions matter and are felt deeply, their perspective alters our view, they are a part of our eternal environment, their presence changes our daily existence. Loosing them shakes the foundation of our private worlds.

It sucks. Nothing makes the hurt of being rejected by someone you care about easy to take.

So any sign of possible rejection - even if it is imagined - fills us with fear.

I have experienced jealousy over clients (though they never knew it), but I invest a lot emotionally with those who are comfortable delving a little deeper. I realize that's hardly the norm, and does indeed blow up in my face every now and again. Alas that is part of the adventure, we learn each time and become better explorers.

Your friend may be changing, and so he's shifted his attention to a place that suites his internal head space. Sometimes people just drift, but come back. It is also possible that they will never return.

Regardless of what's happening in the mind of a partner or friend, I think all we can do is let them know they're truly appreciated and cared for, be there for them in what ways we can, and hope they can find a place for us in their lives.

Don't act on your jealousy. Just continue to be the best friend you know how to be. The rest is his choice.

Now in the cases where people become jealous of those they do not love: It comes down to being self absorbed or having a weak sense of personal identity.

[Ansley]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Alas that is part of the adventure, we learn each time and become better explorers.

I liked that line the best. Thanks for posting. I had been waiting for your words of wisdom.

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by Ansley

I liked that line the best. Thanks for posting. I had been waiting for your words of wisdom.

Fill a room with monkeys on keyboards and eventually something will make sense! LOL

[Marcus Aurelius]

The infinite monkey theorem states that an infinite number of monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare.

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Fill a room with monkeys on keyboards and eventually something will make sense! LOL

Suddenly WTF's posts make sense.

[guest051510-1]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

NB, my opinions on the matter:

We are afraid that if we aren't number one in their lives, we've started down a slippery slope into becoming invisible.

Once we realized a friend or lover's attention has shifted it's focus, being number two means we could fall to number three. Or disappear off their radar altogether.

Those who are closest to our hearts are an integral part of our lives, the columns that hold the roof up. They are often a part of our identity, a release of pressure and stress, their opinions matter and are felt deeply, their perspective alters our view, they are a part of our eternal environment, their presence changes our daily existence. Loosing them shakes the foundation of our private worlds.

It sucks. Nothing makes the hurt of being rejected by someone you care about easy to take.

So any sign of possible rejection - even if it is imagined - fills us with fear.

I have experienced jealousy over clients (though they never knew it), but I invest a lot emotionally with those who are comfortable delving a little deeper. I realize that's hardly the norm, and does indeed blow up in my face every now and again. Alas that is part of the adventure, we learn each time and become better explorers.

Your friend may be changing, and so he's shifted his attention to a place that suites his internal head space. Sometimes people just drift, but come back. It is also possible that they will never return.

Regardless of what's happening in the mind of a partner or friend, I think all we can do is let them know they're truly appreciated and cared for, be there for them in what ways we can, and hope they can find a place for us in their lives.

Don't act on your jealousy. Just continue to be the best friend you know how to be. The rest is his choice.

Now in the cases where people become jealous of those they do not love: It comes down to being self absorbed or having a weak sense of personal identity.

That was PERFECT!!! You really hit on some key points.

On a different note, as this has played out he and I are still best friends and I let him know where I stand. But, now I understand the games some people (not my friend) play. For example, if he had wanted me as more than a friend, this sort of thing could have made me decide to step things up to a more intimate level. As we stand, best friends works best for both of us, especially in this point in both of our lives and he wasn't playing any games.

However, I can see someone using the fear of loss to get someone to commit. I hate games in relationships, but I realized that making someone jealous could force their hand and make them more involved in the relationship.

[Guest083011]

Originally Posted by LaurenSummerhill

Fill a room with monkeys on keyboards and eventually something will make sense! LOL

Originally Posted by pjorourke

Suddenly WTF's posts make sense.

Word!