Sorry for being late to this thread. I just finished jacking off to someone's showcase.
ahem [rolling out scroll]
1. If you attempt to put a condom on a soft dick, you are on my 'I will never see you a-fucking-gain, you sorry bitch!' list*. Ladies, the label...THE LABEL says to put it on an erect dick. Do you know how to get a fucking man's dick hard?? It's really not that complicated. Up down strokes with a tiny bit of lube in your pretty lil girly hand SHOULD do the trick. You're CBJ. I get it. Completely your choice. That wouldn't stop me from seeing you. The fact that you bungle around with a soft ass dick, that apparently, for some reason, you can't spark any life into, not only looks terrible, BUT IT'S THE WRONG WAY TO DO IT. If you're new at dealing with men's dicks, I apologize. 18. Only had a couple bf's. Ok. My bad, but take this and run with it. If you're 27 and doing this, you fucking suck! Lubed stroking, ladies, 99 times out of 100 will make a dick very hard and condom ready. Freebie tip: Once he's wood, wipe the base of his cock free of lube so it keeps grip on the condom, but leave the head a little lubed up. It helps the guy cum quicker and gives the impression that your pussy is really good. He'll come here and write a great review about you and another 50 guys will be nodding, talking about, 'yeah, she's on my list'.
2. I like girly girls, the ones that show some enthusiasm that I'm seeing them (don't overdo it, though), the ones that wear the cute girly stuff that tells me, 'Oh, yeah. You're about to get some pussy!!!'. It's OK to touch me before the session 'offically' starts. You know, those early ice breaker moments. It's OK to sit in my lap. Let me feel you up a bit as we're warming up to each other. Not groping like a horned dog or anything, just my hand resting on your outer thigh or butt a little or your tiny waist a little, you know what I'm saying? Our bodies are mingling, which starts the blood flow process, which means you probably won't have to work so hard to get me wood in a couple minutes.
Your sweet, sexy, girly body is doing half the work already.
3. Be smelling good. In most cases this means not smelling bad. Evidence of a shower. Some of that body spray stuff that you girls love to wear, the fruity-ish smells. Something with peach or melon in it. Just a hint. Don't overdo it. And please, not in a spot that I'm inclined to lick. Maybe just a spray or two on your clothes and not necessarily your skin, yeah. Perfume taste on my tongue had me sick for 3 days once, even though I had a great time with her. Not smelling bad goes without saying, of course. One other thing: smelling good makes up ground if you're not a baby doll Playboy cover girl. I'd rather see an average looking girl who smells like cucumber melon and no yucky sweat traces on her than a Julia Bond lookalike who feels and smells like she ran 3 miles before the session. Yes, I've had this once or twice, that icky, slightly grimy feeling on her. Yeah...I know.
4. Don't be an 'ewww' girl, you know, one of those who acts like she's afraid to touch a dick. Using two fingers to move it. WTF is that, acting like the dick is going to jump up and grab you!! This one kinda plays off #1, so I won't dwell on it. Don't be scared of a dick. Come on.
5. If you still use Trojan condoms......I hate you.
6. Super bright lights on is annoying. Just use 1 or 2 'mood setting' lights, maybe one on the bathroom or the kitchen at an angle. Ambient light should be enough, not search lights.
7. Back to condoms. Ladies, bad condoms will make your work harder. Poor lube containment. Poor heat transfer. Both parties start to hear that clock ticking and nobody wins. OK. Trojans stink. They make your kitty smell like burnt rubber from the friction. They just really suck and should be only bought out of necessity. Dallas has FOUR condom stores (at least). I've physically set foot in EACH of them. Getting the cheapest pack from Walgreen's on the corner is not the answer. Last but not least: Don't do the SUPERSIZE COKE CAN stretch-over application when you put the condom on. You are
WEAKENING THE CONDOM when you do that shit! Stop it! Condoms ROLL on...especially if the dick's hard (circle back to #1).
8. I like to peel panties. If you could, leave those on and let ME pull them off. [whisper] It gets me more excited as we head to the good stuff. Thanks.
This is all I can think of for now. I may return.
* = I don't like to use the B word. I just said it there to add emphasis.
totally never noticed the r. Quite possibly the coolest handle next to "Tinman". 
