Tell your best jokes!

[CG2014]

SO FUCKING TRUE, TOO!

[CG2014]

SO FUCKING TRUE, AGAIN !!





Remember this I posted in here 2 pages back:

https://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p...8&postcount=18

[maxim_232]

I don't want to brag, but she sucks my dick like my cum contains all of her Daddy's approval.

[Meatman69]

Originally Posted by CG2014

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

No joke, true story.
A young woman comes home from
Work on her Bithday.
Goes into the kitchen.
Gets a jar of peanut butter.
Sits on the couch.
Gets naked.
Puts PB on her naked "cookie".
Whistles and her little dog
Comes running and starts licking PB & and "cookie".
Then friends and co-works
Come from hiding and hollor
"Surprise!"

[DFWClubgoer]

What has 6 breast and 8 teeth?

The waitresses at a Waffle House!

[setipdx]

The way I heard it was..

Rats. Big fucking rats with dicks this long!

Always loved that joke...

Seti

[duopoly]

I've got great Knock-Knock joke.


You start it...

[Purlie Victorious]

Originally Posted by duopoly

I've got great Knock-Knock joke.


You start it...

OK, I'll bite.

Knock knock

[thebear69]

cowboys......cowboys who

who are these looser cowboys

[wfguy71]

A lady is unloading her grocery basket at the checkout; yogurt, several single serving meals, cat food, etc.


The checker says "I bet you're single"


Surprised, she asks "Wow, how did you guess?"


"Because you're ugly"

[Havana Daydreamer]

One of the funniest programs ever on tv, here are some

of the best lines from that show...



HOLLYWOOD SQUARES



These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now!



Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.



Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.



Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.



Q . Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)



Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.



Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A.. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.





Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..



Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.





Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.





Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.





Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.



Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.



Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.



Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.



Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?



Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..



Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.



Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.



Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.



Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

[Chung Tran]

funny stuff, but.. I believe that all the old Hollywood Squares jokes were pre-scripted, except for Paul Lynde's.. if you notice, Lynde always paused, thinking of a funny punchline, and it often came out jagged, while the others threw their lines out immediately, they were rehearsed already.

[Poppa_Viagra]

Originally Posted by Chung Tran

funny stuff, but.. I believe that all the old Hollywood Squares jokes were pre-scripted, except for Paul Lynde's.. if you notice, Lynde always paused, thinking of a funny punchline, and it often came out jagged, while the others threw their lines out immediately, they were rehearsed already.

They were prepared lines. I'd love to find out who actually wrote them.

[wfguy71]

Two racehorses are in the paddock, talking. One says, “Hey, do you remember the 2nd race, last Saturday..."

“The one that you won?” asks the other horse.

“Yeah, the race I won. Before the race, one of the trainers was walking around behind me, and I felt a pinch in my hindquarters."

The other horse says, “Hmm, that's odd. You remember two Sundays ago, the third race...”

First horse says "You won that day!"

"Right, I ran great that day and won. It's weird, I remember feeling a pinch in my hindquarters that afternoon before I won"

A stable dog walking by says, “You two are morons, you’re being doped. They’re injecting you with a drug to make you faster!”

The first horse turns to the other and says, “Hey, a talking dog!”

[Charlie Brown]

Dear God, please send clothes for those poor ladies on Grandpa's computer. Amen.