When a Hobbyist/Provider Outs You

[cheatercheater]

Originally Posted by DeAnna Luv

however..i know where you are coming from..if someone outed you..you have nothing to lose..so might as well name some names..and let the public decide

I want to play devil's advocate on that statement.

If the person was outed to a spouse, what if they are still in repair mode and all is not yet lost? Naming the perpetrator of the cowardly act would further incite said perpetrator to try and inflict more damage. Sometimes just the mere fact of posting would show a continued involvement in the hobby and probably the first promise in reconciliation is to quit the hobby.

No drama makes mama happy. I guess mama isn't happy.

If the idiot who mailed the school of a provider's child was publicly named, would that be enough reason for the idiot to do it again at the next school or to her friends and neighbors? He may become more aggressive in hurting her. I use the term idiot to describe the outing party to avoid points for vulgar profanity.

And in this community, sharing the information via private areas will work until a friend, posse member, or white knight is given the info. Then it gets back to the original asshat and the possibility of further aggressive outing starts.

TTH wrote on another thread of people trying to investigate the cause of a dirty deed and the habit of turning it back on the victim. (Brilliantly written IMHO) Is that what is happening on this thread as well? It is easy to say that the personal information should never have been available. It doesn't make it right to use the information to create havoc in someone's life.

There is no real easy answer that would pertain to each individual. My gut feeling right now is that if I was outed that I would go into attack mode and seek revenge. Put their picture with their handle or latest ad on a billboard close to their house or something. If you feel as though you can't be hurt anymore than you already have been, then by all means name the person. If there is still hope of minimizing the damage and reconciling with a loved one, then take care of yourself first.

[lionheart]

yummy...looks like I've got analisa on top of AND under me...guess I need to try the analisa sandwich for real one of these days

[travelling_man]

Originally Posted by cheatercheater

No drama makes mama happy. I guess mama isn't happy.

If the idiot who mailed the school of a provider's child was publicly named, would that be enough reason for the idiot to do it again at the next school or to her friends and neighbors? He may become more aggressive in hurting her. I use the term idiot to describe the outing party to avoid points for vulgar profanity.

The hard part about this is having proof of what was done. From what I read in LL's post, that alleged incident was done anonymously and no one has any idea where it originated. If in her mind a girl feels like she was wronged then any type of incident in the same timeframe no matter where it originated would seem to be related even if it wasn't. We have no way of knowing. I don't want to go on a witchhunt and fuel the fire with speculation and rumors. If you "heard" it from someone else then it is a rumor plain and simple. Unless a person sees something with their own two eyes then no one has a right to make any type of comment on pure rumors. Girls can tell very convincing stories when they feel strongly about something and weak minded guys can get sucked in very easily. And "gasp" girls can just plain outright lie to make guys feel sorry for them. (guys too so I'm not saying that only girls lie). I have fallen prey to a good sob story myself so I'm not innocent either. What I caution against is spreading of heresay and rumors based on something that you "heard" that can't be proven.

In the incident here it is pretty clear who is being discussed even though they weren't named. I have no opinion on this particular matter based on the criteria I gave above - I didn't see it so I'm not going to add fuel to the fire by making further speculation. If others on this board would take the stance there would be much less drama. I can take this information and act with caution, but without solid proof I can't see that any action is justified.

What I am talking about is if there is undeniable proof - let's say a girl outs someone by actually POSTING all of their personal information on the internet in trying to ruin their life. THAT is what I call undeniable proof - it was actually posted. If that happened, how would the members here feel about that person still being active in the community?

So let's keep the witchhunt in check and look for proof. If it comes out, then great something should be done. If not then a warning is in order to be cautious.

As cheatercheater said - naming names doesn't always serve a positive purpose. It would only instigate the person that probably is already mentally unstable to do something further. Usually in a situation like this the hobbyist has a lot more to lose so further instigating a person that already has outed them would serve no purpose.

[txcwby6]

There's a list on the AMP section of ECCIE containing the name and address of the AMPS. Why can't similar sections (Blacklisted Hobbyists & Blacklisted Providers) be established in the ALERT section in which the handle of the offedning Hobbyist/Provider can be listed? When/if he/she changes their handle that info can be placed there as well. Seems to me that it's time to do something. I think that the outted Hobbyist/Provider has to be the one that posts the name of the offender. Otherwise, it's all hearsay and become pretty unreliable. However, I do believe that people that out someone should pay a severe price.

It's pretty obvious that there's a Provider in this thread that committed the offense. Sad that the criminal has returned to the scene of the crime but what the Hell.

[St.Mateo]

All I am going to say is be VERY careful what is said from this point on
To say the least this is sensitive subject that any comment can do damage to innocent people and there at least a few here that are jumping on a bandwagon that is conjecture at best.

The OP idea is a general what would you do if this situation would happen to you.
Keep it on that and no names. He did not mention names just a situation
with a reference to what someone said to him.Several of you have taken it upon yourselves to think you may know whats up The key word here is "may" as in maybe which isnt fact so to say.

[Guest030911]

I heard thr rumor. Don't know what truth there is to it or not.

Funny thing is, I have no clue who was outed to whom or why?

Do any of you who posted on this thread? Did anyone hear it first hand?


My point is, let's disperse the lynch mob mentality and make sure the persons you are convicting are actually guilty of the crime.


Historically, there were a few people banned on ASPD where the evidence was clear and damning and those persons were banned from ASPD.

Tbone has made it clear that people who do not play well with others in the community get dealt with, however everyone was granted a "clean slate" when Eccie first started.

I am only guessing here, but if there is credible and convincing evidence that someone is outing people in our midst, the staff will probably discuss banning such persons for the safety of the community. However, I am certain they will not do so lightly and based on hearsay.

I urge everyone to use caution when making public accusations. It is easy to get caught up with the mob mentality when all we know is what we heard from someone else.

Have a wonderful day.

[ftworthmale]

Over the weekend ... I was informed by a hobbyist via PM that a provider (who I have seen ... I guess he knew that from my posts and/or reviews) had "outed" him to his wife. True or not ... I have no way of knowing.

[travelling_man]

Originally Posted by ftworthmale

Over the weekend ... I was informed by a hobbyist via PM that a provider (who I have seen ... I guess he knew that from my posts and/or reviews) had "outed" him to his wife. True or not ... I have no way of knowing.

While that is a shame, the question still remains about the proof. Just because you "heard" something, or someone "said" something doesn't make it true. I would have to ruin a provider's reputation because one guy said he was outed.

The same is true about a provider claiming that a hobbyist did something awful to her. Without the proof no one should cast judgment.

What could be affected is a hobbyist's life and future and for the provider it is her livelihood. These are far too serious things to just be tossing around through heresay, rumors and potentially false accusations because someone has a grudge no matter how believable the person might be.

Originally Posted by cpi3000

My point is, let's disperse the lynch mob mentality and make sure the persons you are convicting are actually guilty of the crime.

I urge everyone to use caution when making public accusations. It is easy to get caught up with the mob mentality when all we know is what we heard from someone else.

I couldn't agree more. We should all remember CPI's words.

[ftworthmale]

Originally Posted by travelling_man

While that is a shame, the question still remains about the proof. Just because you "heard" something, or someone "said" something doesn't make it true. I would have to ruin a provider's reputation because one guy said he was outed.

The same is true about a provider claiming that a hobbyist did something awful to her. Without the proof no one should cast judgment.

What could be affected is a hobbyist's life and future and for the provider it is her livelihood. These are far too serious things to just be tossing around through heresay, rumors and potentially false accusations because someone has a grudge no matter how believable the person might be.



I couldn't agree more. We should all remember CPI's words.

That's why I haven't gone anywhere with that ... I don't know ... I was just responding to CPI's inquiry ... about where the info originated ... and I did not / would not reveal any of the names.

[Jasser]

Originally Posted by travelling_man

While that is a shame, the question still remains about the proof. Just because you "heard" something, or someone "said" something doesn't make it true. I would have to ruin a provider's reputation because one guy said he was outed.

In that case, what is the point of the alerts section? Does anyone that reports something actually provide proof? What about the rape reports? Should we ask to see proof?

Don't get wrong, I get what you guys are saying, but at the same time you can't expect to see any proof on this site. To do so would require real life information.

Let's think about these possible scenarios...Traveling_Man, I'm going to use as an example, I have nothing against you at all.

TM schedules a session with provider X. I've heard rumors that provider X outed another member on the board to his wife. I don't say anything because I don't have any proof. After all, we are just speculating right?

So TM goes and sees provider X. She outs him the next week to his wife. His life is crushed! All his dirty laundry is aired out. His kids don't look at him the same. His wife divorces him and his life is wrecked.

TM is telling me this and respond with "ah man, I heard that lady outed someone else last month". How do you think TM would respond?

Yes, I could have discussed with TM through the "back channels", but I'm not anyone's buddy here. If I converse with another hobbyist, it's on this board. With that said, if there are rumors about a provider outing a hobbyists or someone spreading STD's, I want to know about it.

[Guest050911]

Jasser,

Your point is valid, but we also run the risk of "The provider didn't do what I wanted or will not date me so I will say she outed someone so I can ruin her Biz".

Proof can be sent to Mods, or the info passed. First hand accounts of outing should come from that member, not a friend of a friend. that is really what me mean, we just do not want to succumb to a rumor with no basis that destroys a Provide or Hobbyist.

PPE

[TheBizzer]

Originally Posted by PurplePussyEater

Jasser,

Your point is valid, but we also run the risk of "The provider didn't do what I wanted or will not date me so I will say she outed someone so I can ruin her Biz".

Proof can be sent to Mods, or the info passed. First hand accounts of outing should come from that member, not a friend of a friend. that is really what me mean, we just do not want to succumb to a rumor with no basis that destroys a Provide or Hobbyist.

PPE

Which takes you back to cheatercheater's point. It's kind of a catch 22, and I see both sides. I guess the best answer is to rely on back channels, but how is that any different than posting on the board other than the information travelling slower?

[midlifefun]

Originally Posted by PurplePussyEater

Jasser,

Your point is valid, but we also run the risk of "The provider didn't do what I wanted or will not date me so I will say she outed someone so I can ruin her Biz".

Proof can be sent to Mods, or the info passed. First hand accounts of outing should come from that member, not a friend of a friend. that is really what me mean, we just do not want to succumb to a rumor with no basis that destroys a Provide or Hobbyist.

PPE

First hand accounts were sent to the mods / admin here.

[txcwby6]

Originally Posted by midlyfecrysis51

First hand accounts were sent to the mods / admin here.

There you go! Hopefully some kind of system can be set up that will allow Hobbyists and Providers that out someone to face some real consequences. I sympathize with the predicament the Mods now face but...if nothing is done.........

[Jasser]

Originally Posted by PurplePussyEater

Jasser,

Your point is valid, but we also run the risk of "The provider didn't do what I wanted or will not date me so I will say she outed someone so I can ruin her Biz".

Proof can be sent to Mods, or the info passed. First hand accounts of outing should come from that member, not a friend of a friend. that is really what me mean, we just do not want to succumb to a rumor with no basis that destroys a Provide or Hobbyist.

PPE

Good point. I guess what it all boils down to is that we are nothing, but a bunch of lying, conniving, vindictive group of hookers and Johns that can't be trusted.

Seriously though, I get the point and you're right. Until hard proof is brought to the MODS, then the gossip should be kept on the back channels.

Less talky, more fucky