Discovered GF is a Provider

[am-a-pleaser]

Originally Posted by alluringava

So if she was upfront about it before your marriage, would you have accepted that and married her anyways? Because most men wouldn't.

If she would have explained what she got from it, and acted in ways to reassure me of her love for me, I could have dealt with it better. I was young so I'm not sure if I would have married her.

I've matured now and have an understanding of the difference between the physical and emotional attachments. I don't expect a lady to tell me everthing of her past. If it comes out in the present, I'd like the honesty.

I often think my next wife will be one from the hobby, though I'm not looking for that. Providers have an understanding like no other. I have a tremendous respect for most ladies in the business.

I did have a girlfriend who provided. She and I stayed together for a year. Her deeper involvement into substances we can't talk about here lead to our breakup. As you could guess, that addiction was more important to her than anything.

Communication and honesty are important.

[offshoredrilling]

Originally Posted by Crash Davis

I'm surprised I've not seen any say book at date with her and see what goes. Pretty hard not to admit when she opens the hotel room door in a sexy teddy.

and if it goes well. its a win. If it goes bad no loss.

[bladtinzu]

Sounds to me like she still thinks de-nile is still a river in Egypt and not what she is doing. Hope to hell you didn't bareback her because you know as well as I do she will have that "one special client" and well... Yeah get tested if you did.

[BigOil]

Crash - I discovered her and her friends ad. Texted the GV# while on the phone with her...spent almost 45 mins. off and on the phone with her while she put me on hold or had to "call me back". Went back in and matched up the times of the interruptions - synced perfectly with my hobby calls and "screening" texts to her. Got an immediate call from the number while off with her, answered and heard the exact same traffic noise in the background but no one on the line. She made my voice.

I promptly got a return call from another number, different provider. Didn't answer. I called her back and she was totally shaken, completely in shambles. She couldn't even talk to me. I was made, she was made, and we both knew it.

Got a call from her later in the night while she was entertaining - heard the guy coughing in the background. She was proving her point I think. That her livelihood was indeed more important than I. That was it.

And I did get tested - all clear. Thank God. At least she didn't F*** me in that regard.

Savak - I have no desire to drag her rep through the mud. She's a doll and I enjoyed my time with her. Learned a lot too. We're both better off. And I am keeping my head up...in more ways than one. Watching my back too.

[MrGiz]

Just curious.... it appears that you consider yourself to be on the righteous side of your personal, mutual-covert situation... correct?

[clitlicker7]

Originally Posted by BigOil

White Chocolate, no she wouldn't admit it. Said my evidence was fabricated and based on suspicion and false intuition. Turned it around and tried to make me out to be paranoid-delusional. I know what I know. Her angle is plausible deniability. Her "real job" and her network is diabolically genius.

If I'd married her, she wouldn't have stopped. She knows I make a really good living and could have bankrolled her lifestyle. She's addicted, and apparently a pathological liar.

First thought; what if she is telling the truth and you're dead wrong? Unless there is a website with her pics or if you actually set up an appointment and when you show up its her in the room then all you have is circumstantial evidence. And calling someone out for being a Pro when you haven't caught them in the act is bold. I suspect the relationship is over now because you called her out provider or not, I think she's done with you at this point.

Originally Posted by BigOil

This website is immaterial to our situation. She isn't on here. She gets business in other ways. Ive been on here in the past, when single. I never hobbbied while with her, or any other relationship. She won't admit to it, so without transparency, it can't be resolved.

Ok, I gotta call you out for the Double Standard on this one. It doesn't matter if you hobbied in the past or not you still did it. So instead of staying cool and remembering what you've done in the "past" which I think is BS more like present, you accuse your GF of being a provider with an airtight alibi that you were able to unravel. Ok. And how were you, a part time hobbyist able to find ECCIE so quickly in order to do some "research"? Something about you doesn't quite make sense to me.

[Sweet N Little]

Sorry you got hurt Bigoil..I wish you the best.

[Dorian Gray]

I'm STILL trying to see where the problem is

[BigOil]

Just trying to make sense of it all Giz. Righteousness is subjective. But honesty is righteous so my pursuit of truth may make me righteous. Maybe not. My deceit in pursuit of truth may be offsetting.

The search for truth is a worthy and impeccable pursuit. Sometimes the truth is so elusive that it is easier fabricating a cheap facsimile of a near truth, or no truth at all. Sometimes the truth is best left where it is...lost in the dark realm of someone else' secrets. - Brian Bays

[Lovelyelle_01]

Originally Posted by savak

man, this kinda cements my trust issues with women. The part that gets to me is the lying, saying nothings going on while there is stuff going on.

Call me old fashioned, but I actually prefer to be committed to one person and know that they are committed to me and only me. But for now, I'm 26 and free to live my life a little more openly.

Best of luck to the big man. Like my home-boy says - keep yo' head up playa

Maybe it's not women you shouldn't trust, but your OWN CHOICES that you make in the type of women YOU CHOOSE to deal with. Any man who says "women can't be trusted" or any woman who says "men can't be trusted" should take a look within themselves and figure out why THEY chose to deal with the type of people who can't be trusted. Because if that was the case, there wouldn't be so many successful relationships today.

Trust in a relationship is not just about trusting that someone will remain faithful to you. It's about trusting that this person will love and take care of you in every aspect, whether it be physical, mental, emotionally, spiritual, or any other way. It's about trusting that someone will keep you safe and never harm you in any way and trust that you will do the same. No relationship is perfect. We are all human and make mistakes. But, when you trust that someone wants the same things you want and will take care of you even during those imperfect times, it's a lot easier to move on and continue growing as one. I don't see any resolution in deeming all men untrustworthy because of past lovers who shouldn't have been trusted to begin with.

Edited to add: I'm 26 as well. Call me old fashioned, but I happen to think that chivalry isn't dead. There are trusting/trustworthy people all around you. Sometimes, people are just blinded by their own sight. I know I've been on more than one occasion. You live, and you learn. The key is to LEARN.

+1

Originally Posted by am-a-pleaser

Communication and honesty are important.

[BigOil]

Originally Posted by clitlicker7

First thought; what if she is telling the truth and you're dead wrong? Unless there is a website with her pics or if you actually set up an appointment and when you show up its her in the room then all you have is circumstantial evidence. And calling someone out for being a Pro when you haven't caught them in the act is bold. I suspect the relationship is over now because you called her out provider or not, I think she's done with you at this point.

Ok, I gotta call you out for the Double Standard on this one. It doesn't matter if you hobbied in the past or not you still did it. So instead of staying cool and remembering what you've done in the "past" which I think is BS more like present, you accuse your GF of being a provider with an airtight alibi that you were able to unravel. Ok. And how were you, a part time hobbyist able to find ECCIE so quickly in order to do some "research"? Something about you doesn't quite make sense to me.

Thought response: She isn't telling the truth. I know what I know and it's enough. Like I said, I have no intention of blowing it up. I'm done. She can do what she wants. It's a free country. She was done a long time ago when I first started to suspect. She kept me around for a whole host of reasons, one of which MAY have been love. Jury is still out on that one.

I haven't hobbied in over 10 years. I've never hobbied while in a committed, monogamous relationship. If I were ever to do so, it would only be if there was total transparency and was mutually agreed by both parties in the relationship.

[clitlicker7]

If you're done BigOil then why post anything at all? Especially the use of the word Devastated in the title. Sounds to me like you have doubts about yourself and not being able to make her "a one man woman" . Like I said earlier you've hobbied before so IMO you can't get upset about dating a provider if she is one. Unless her face or identifying tattoos are in the ad you saw or you actually set up an appointment and met her in the room to confront her she can deny til the grave.
BTW as a hobbyist I find it hard to believe you never saw a provider while you were in a relationship with another woman. Hobbying isn't something you can turn on and off like a light switch. I KNOW and so does everyone else here so playing that card doesn't work for me. Plus where did you know where to look for her ad after 10 years out of the hobby? A lot of things have changed in 10 years on the web. Hmmmmmm.

[BigOil]

Originally Posted by clitlicker7

If you're done BigOil then why post anything at all? Especially the use of the word Devastated in the title. Sounds to me like you have doubts about yourself and not being able to make her "a one man woman" . Like I said earlier you've hobbied before so IMO you can't get upset about dating a provider if she is one. Unless her face or identifying tattoos are in the ad you saw or you actually set up an appointment and met her in the room to confront her she can deny til the grave.
BTW as a hobbyist I find it hard to believe you never saw a provider while you were in a relationship with another woman. Hobbying isn't something you can turn on and off like a light switch. I KNOW and so does everyone else here so playing that card doesn't work for me. Plus where did you know where to look for her ad after 10 years out of the hobby? A lot of things have changed in 10 years on the web. Hmmmmmm.

How do I know? I'm a male with a pulse. It's not rocket science. I agree, once a hobby/provider always one. And it takes one to know one. But if I'm getting a steady supply from a nice girl, I ain't lookin elsewhere...bottom line. That's just me. And I would have stayed with her if she'd admitted it. If she lies about it, then I have to think she's going to lie about other things. Like her feelings for me. Or her feelings for clients. I know emotion and physical can be separated. But I'd never know her real feelings if she's a liar.

I AM done. Just thought I might vent on here - I felt it might be an appropriate forum. It's not something I can openly discuss with anyone in my life. For a multitude of reasons. If this thread is inappropriate then i'm sure a mod will take it down.

[clitlicker7]

You would stay with her if she admitted it? Did you ever tell her it was ok if she did provide after she denied? Its a natural response to deny anything about the hobby because of the stigma that comes with it. And did you volunteer any info about your past hobbying? If you didn't you're a liar as well. Just because you didn't get a direct question about it doesn't mean its not relevant in this situation. Sounds like you just wanted a way out because if you had feelings for this girl and you found out she was a provider and she didn't know how to be upfront with you, telling her about your past would put you two on common ground. Its cool to want to get out of a relationship if you want to be out just be honest with yourself about it. And don't take my replies personal, I like to play devil's advocate sometimes. Now that you're single again call up one of those hot Austin providers to help you get over the pain and anguish of a break up.

[BigOil]

CL7 - When I told her I knew, I asked her tell me the truth - that I can live with anything as long as it's the truth. She still denied it and accused me of being crazy. I asked her what she would think if I was a male provider? She said she couldn't handle it. Her words: "I WONT share you with anyone". So my hobby past becomes irrelevant because we're discussing our present situation and she's established no openness - I don't judge her on her past so mine isn't up for judgement either. Done deal. Her double standard, not mine. I would have rather stayed with her and figured out a way to make it work, but C'est la vie. Looking very fwd to being single - already back on the scene. No harm no foul. I hope she's happy and stays safe.