private problems being an escort and dating

[Camille]

One thing I have learned about escorting is that people never react how you would imagine them to when you tell them what you do.

Several years ago, someone I had been deeply involved with came back into my life. I wasn't escorting when we were involved...but I was when he came back. I had no desire to lie to him so I told him the truth..because I knew that he couldn't have me in his life whilst I doing this (long story). He was upset, angry etc...most of which I expected, but over time he calmed down and just said, "I can't be any part of this until you quit." Fair enough.

3 years later, I had grown close to a group of people that also knew him. It turns out that he had nastily thrown a comment out that exposed my escorting to 2 of the men in this circle...primarily because he thought one was dating me. In addition to this, he assumed I had spoken badly of him to them (he did some shitty things one of which jeopardized my job) and blurted out that he assumed this one man was dating me as revenge. When this man said he wasnt dating me NOR was he aware of what man number 1 had done his face dropped. He realized he had just made a complete clusterfuck out of something that no-one knew anything about.

The end result was that they rarely speak to him now. They are cordial but that's all. It essentially made them revaluate his loyalty to them (ie. would he throw things about them out there too that had been concluded from laboring under assumptions?)These people have become very close friends of mine. It was very hard to be told about this face to face by all of them...but they were kind and thoughtful in their approach and a little curious I suppose. I didn't justify it and make excuses for what I do, I just answered their initial questions honestly even though I was very scared. In the end, they decided that being an escort is only one part of who I am..and its not a part that they know...so they don't judge me on it. They judge me on what they do know. We don't talk about it (they basically asked me about safety issues and that's all) but there are no lies either.

One of these men has become my best friend and has been instrumental in helping me get a project off the ground that requires high level investors being involved. I am well aware of the trust that shows he has in me and I respect it fully. So whilst it might have started off in a really shitty way, it ended well for me. It would never have occured to me that the guy in question would have shot his mouth of the way he did...but the way you handle that often affects how others view you, to the point it surpasses being an escort or someone merely seeing you as one and nothing else. The ones he blabbed to are not necessarily the sort of folks I would have expected to see (and accept)such shades of grey so that was a really welcome and pleasant surprise. Like I said, people never react how we expect...so you alway have to be prepared for the unexpected....which sometimes is good, sometimes not so good.

Dating? I don't do it. I wouldn't tell anyone again what I do and I'm not willing to lie to someone I'm exploring a relationship with. I wouldn't expect them to do that to me, so I wouldn't do it back.

C xxx

[Fastcars1966]

Check out the Going without thread.
This might be a good reason

Originally Posted by London Rayne

I went an entire year once and could do it again if I wanted to. Sex is not the end all/be all when it comes to my life. It's enjoyable but without real intimacy that you cannot buy, it's not nearly as good. Honestly, skydiving is about the same rush for me and I do that every chance I get.

[Fastcars1966]

Real intimacy cannot be found without love, but I am not saying you can't have great sex and be treated nice to boot and showered with money and gifts. Both work for me.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by topsgt38801

Nina,

There are still men that will take you out, treat you well and compliment you as well show you a good time. As for the looks, they may not always be the best looking in the world, but looks can be so shallow and the inner person is where the true beauty lies. Many good and wonderful people are often overlooked because people only look at the outside and not the inside.

That is true, in fact , i do not really date "attractive" men since my experience with them is that they are shallow because women make it easy for them. I prefer people with good characters. The guy in question is a hot looking cornetto surf guy and all women digg him, so he does not really understand why i feel offended when all other women dig his small talk (well that was nasty, i know i am not easy going, but jealous rants i do not appreciate , and i do not appreciate anyone insulting my other sexual acquaintances or likes. Its one of these "I am polyamorous" cases - when they are really not, and can`t handle emotional involvements accompagnying my sexual desires.). Its a serious pain in the ass. All this jealous rants.

[Bri.Woods74]

I like ATLComedy's observation in church. I like being a lady. Just because I appreciate a man treating me special does not mean he is emasculated or I am helpless. We both take the best parts from courtesy, respect, and thoughtfulness. BTW a gentleman that treats me like that makes me feel special and warm inside too.

[Bri.Woods74]

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

That is very insightful. I was at church yesterday and my mind quickly wandered. I'd see these really hot women with these guys some folks might call "tools"

I'd think to myself, "how is he pulling that off? is he the SOB that almost hit me on the way in with his Maserati? does he have a foot long package?"

Then you would see the way he treated her: protecting her/differing to her as she entered the pew...how he took the screaming infant out so she could continue watching the service...how he brought the car around afterwards...

Some might call it emasculated....some might call it being a gentleman...but in our new world where a lot of guys are cheating dogs, some might call it smart...

btw, is your dancer sister available? has she maintained her figure? does she ever make it to ATL (and as you can see some of us guys are just dawgs)

Originally Posted by Fastcars1966

Real intimacy cannot be found without love, but I am not saying you can't have great sex and be treated nice to boot and showered with money and gifts. Both work for me.

Very well said. I meet some great people along the journey. The final destination.......still over the hill but enjoying the trek.

[butterflydust]

when so much of your self exists so entirely outside of a cultural norm -- a cultural norm that, thanks to puritanical attitudes, has somehow become intertwined with intrinsic human value -- quite frankly, those who are interested in dating and are uncompromisingly honest will find for themselves that, at least here in the US, the pickings are slim indeed. as if, particularly for wacky pint-sized radicals such as myself, they weren't slim enough.

i see a lot of sweeping generalizations being thrown around here, though, and it makes me uneasy. "men are players" (as if many women are not!!!), "clients and providers NEVER work out," and the like. that you may become accustomed to a certain outcome does not mean there cannot be a different one. i was verbally abused by both of my long-term boyfriends, but i certainly don't interpret that to mean that every man on earth is verbally abusive. it just meant, at least to my thinking, that i needed to S L O W the hell down and proceed with caution when making my next mate choice. (of course, what actually happened to little miss cautious is an entirely different story, but things don't always work out the way we've planned, i suppose -- for all intents and purposes, while i have a boyfriend, i do NOT have a mate, which is what i really want; i made the best possible choice i could have as far as the person himself goes, but have managed to stick myself into just about the most suboptimal circumstance i can imagine. nonetheless, it's a step in the right direction, and overall, i like to think i've made some serious progress.)

yes -- being a sex worker, and being honest about being a sex worker, is going to prove a roadblock to successful dating, IMO. however, also IMO, that person (or those people, you know!) who can accept you wholly, as you are, is absolutely a person who will prove to be worth the wait.

[Guest040414-1]

It is possible to find someone that can become a mate. I myself when I first met my guy I told him I used to do this and later in the relationship when **** hit the fan for me at my last job he told me to go back into this work and supported me. Well for him it is a turn on because he loves the idea of me with other men plus I am addicted to sex and this fulfills my needs when he can't give it to me enough. We are engaged and planning a future together but I still get what I need and that is this work that I LOVE doing!

Maybe we are just freaks lol but that is fine by me!