Wife threatens to "out" Husband

[Guest020112]

I'm a woman and if someone threatened me and threatened me, my home, my children they would be in some serious doo doo. Before no fault divorce lack of sex was grounds for divorce- on both sides. That is not really arguable. I don't know why society has become accepting of this as if it's ok.

If that he were my husband doing that to me he would no longer have a job, by any means necessary, money or a house if not a few broken bones and I'm only slightly facetious. That's vicious. He needs a vicious divorce lawyer.

No way should any human being put up with that.

[only1sweetmaddy]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

Actually, it is less than 70 percent who cheat and we really don't know the situation. For someone like you who finds that type of thing ok, then it may not be a big deal...for others, it is.

Not everyone marries to be cheated on, and the "it's her fault" thing only works for so long. Men who cheat usually will cheat on a supermodel porn star, so it can go either way. I know so many couples where the wife is cooking, cleaning, putting out, and the guy still wants something new. No other person is responsible for our actions. WE can decide to do what we know is best. It's called SELF control.

Bottom line....we all make choices and those choices have consequences we have to live with. It's always tears and apologies when someone gets caught lol.

You are very right about the consequences, because with each action one does it can come back to bite you in the arse later on. I believe firmly in good ol' "KARMA", what goes around comes around.

I'm very open-minded, I guess I can be to open-minded sometimes, but things like that don't bother me, it wouldn't really be the thought of him screwing someone else that would bug me, but if he decided he had feelings for the other person that would bug the shit out of me the worse!

[only1sweetmaddy]

All this could be avoided if folks like him wouldn’t cheat!
If you are not willing to be with one person and one person only, then don’t marry!
Unless you marry someone that likes to have an open marriage and enjoys that type of life style, there are women out there willing to do that, maybe not many, but they do exists.
Or if you are going to cheat be smart about it! Don’t leave any evidence what so ever! I forgot, how in the heck did the wife find out to begin with?

[Casanova69]

Originally Posted by Sweet N Little

Thats why you set "ground" rules before saying I do, Mine was if I had to go longer than 3 days without it was "grounds" for divorce

I guess that's an invalid point. I'd like to play devil's advocate for the wife in this story, SNL.

Maybe she's chronically tired. You know, raising children and tending to a house is quite hard work. Maybe she has no energy for sex. Seriously.

Or, she could have a medical issue that prohibits her from having the energy for sex (Epstein-Barr, etc.)

Finally, she could be suffering from a psychological affliction.

So, the story isn't as "black and white" as you presented it to be.

Married sex is something that can't be quantified in a contract; it has to naturally occur with the consent of both parties. After all, a married couple can't expect to have sex "X number of times per week". Life always presents us with the unexpected and we, as humans, have to learn to deal with it!!!

[Sweet N Little]

Those can all be very well true Casanova as Ive been there. I'm sure I don't have all the facts and things could be VERY different from what I was told, who knows but the main thing I was thrown off by was her threatening to "OUT" him for seeing escorts if he filed for divorce.
My query was not regarding their sex life as I couldn't give a shit about that ( not everyone was as lucky as me ) , I look at that as your on your on there.

[Casanova69]

Originally Posted by Sweet N Little

Those can all be very well true Casanova as Ive been there. I'm sure I don't have all the facts and things could be VERY different from what I was told, who knows but the main thing I was thrown off by was her threatening to "OUT" him for seeing escorts if he filed for divorce.
My query was not regarding their sex life as I couldn't give a shit about that ( not everyone was as lucky as me ) , I look at that as your on your on there.

Oh, I see. Well, the husband chose to see working girls. Therefore, he must live with the consequences.

While I'm not a believer in "Scarlett Letter Punishment", the wife is well within her rights to out him.

It may be fucked up in your eyes (or not since you don't care), but it is her choice, just as it was the man's choice to visit hookers.

[shorty]

Why is it that some of the hobbyist here hasn't chimmed in on this topic?

[Sweet N Little]

True he will have to live with his choices Casanova , thanks for your opinion
However outing him to his children (her threat) Is NOT right in my opinion, to me that is just mean and cruel and the only damage being done there is to her own children.
He will get over it, the children will have to deal with it for the rest of there lives.

[Casanova69]

Originally Posted by Sweet N Little

True he will have to live with his choices Casanova , thanks for your opinion
However outing him to his children (her threat) Is NOT right in my opinion, to me that is just mean and cruel and the only damage being done there is to her own children.
He will get over it, the children will have to deal with it for the rest of there lives.

Very true. The children always suffer the most in these scenarios. It's especially sad because all children are such innocent creatures.

However, if they do indeed become the products of a divorced household, they will forever be scarred. I feel for them.

[whitechocolate]

Being a professional in the field, be careful about any advice you give even with a lot more information. Every move has many psychological and legal ramifications. If a lawyer enters the mix, that can be both good and bad depending on the lawyer. Counseling is always best if the counselor is experienced and openminded. The best advice is not to do anything hasty and not to over react and think through any moves. It is wise to at least consult an attorney to discuss options but most options are best explored with a mediator or counselor.

[Casanova69]

Originally Posted by whitechocolate

Being a professional in the field, be careful about any advice you give even with a lot more information. Every move has many psychological and legal ramifications. If a lawyer enters the mix, that can be both good and bad depending on the lawyer. Counseling is always best if the counselor is experienced and openminded. The best advice is not to do anything hasty and not to over react and think through any moves. It is wise to at least consult an attorney to discuss options but most options are best explored with a mediator or counselor.

Written like a true gentleman. I'm glad somebody agrees with me!

[burkalini]

I don't care who's fault it was if you use your kids as a weapon in any dispute then your a shitty parent. If he was fucking around on her and she wants to get back at him the first thing she should think of is how is this going to effect the children. It's called parenting. It's not their fault that the two of you have issues and they don't deserve to be caught up in it. It just pisses me off when innocent children are used like this.

[Casanova69]

No marriage is perfect! Married couples must learn to welcome the good and accept the bad. Let's face it-married people aren't going to have fantastic sex every night. Petty arguments, children, and the improbable sometimes get in the way of lovemaking.

However, married people should do everything they can to salvage their relationships. Don't get me wrong, there are exceptions.

Most importantly, the children should not be involved in any marital squabble. That's just inhumane.

Let's put this thread to rest!

[Sweet N Little]

The fact that there are a kagillion members here on eccie is proof no marriage is perfect
In fact I believe from the contest they have going in the members section, approaching 100,000

[Old-T]

Far too many unknown pieces to know what the best (or least worst) answer might be, but some initial thoughts:

--These is no universal answer to "what's best for the kids". That would be my biggest question before deciding what to do

--The second unknown is how mush the man needs/values/cares about his reputation. It it will cost him his job it's much more a factor than if it won't. How does he feel is family will react and does he care?

--How well can he play the audience? What is is current reputation with those who he cares about what they think? What's her credibility? Because someone says something (even if true) does not mean it will be believed in the manner it was said. Is there "proof", or just the word of a former best friend? Any chance that the wife spreading stories about the husband spending time with escorts can boomerang back as "husband seeks quiet divorce because gold-digging wife and best frend carrying on behind his back"?

All in all, I'm surprised the "best friend" is getting off so lightly on this thread. he is a scum.