Why does it have to be someone's loss?

[Guest022712-3]

Rambo--

If you don't stop pussyfootin around and get your behind to Addison-- it'll be YOUR LOSS

[Randall Creed]

Originally Posted by DecemberLove

Rambo--

If you don't stop pussyfootin around and get your behind to Addison-- it'll be YOUR LOSS

LMAO!! I hear ya.

It definitely will be.

[Lust4xxxLife]

Originally Posted by Fiero

I think it's said as a way to save face or because feelings are hurt. It's said in many areas of life not just here. Kind of like...you can't fire me I quit.

...

Exactly right, Fiero. The mindset is "If you're rejecting me, the only way I can not be a loser is if you're more of a loser than I am." Basic insecurity.

When it comes to rejection, practice makes perfect. Seriously. A 'mentor' once taught me that if you aren't being rejected by a significant portion of the women you approach, you're playing below your abilities and you aren't developing your skills. Just like sports. That was a looong time ago, of course.

When someone rejects you for some reason, especially in the male-female context, the best response (in my experience) is a huge complement. Something like "Oh no, well you know I won't be able to stop dreaming" ... and say it with a smile. Don't say it like a dork. Don't say it like a pick up line. Mean it. It should be easy because you wouldn't have approached her if you weren't interested. Let your honesty and your humility show.

Why? Because you've just saved face and she might feel like a bit of a shit for rejecting you instead of feeling glad that she did. Because she's now seen a magnanimous and strong side of your character, and that's attractive. Because you haven't burned a bridge and have an opening to go back and try again (if you ever want to).

Just my $0.02. Lots of other accurate observations on here too.

[Chica Chaser]

Originally Posted by tracibrooks

But why would a person waste time and effort making a statement that "doesn't have meaning"? To hear themselves talk? Hopefully, when a person says something, there is meaning behind it, or something they need to express.

Because it's more polite than sayin "Well, Fuck You then"?

Originally Posted by Shackleton

As to the first, I think it's a defensive reaction like others have suggested. No one likes getting rejected, especially if it's based on something personal. Maybe it's a way to try to salve some wounded pride by attacking the person who did the rejecting. At least in the context of provider-client, though, I think you're right that it is a little lacking in grace. I also agree that I'd rather get rejected than have a sub-par session. But, I can understand why someone could get their feeling hurt if he were rejected because he was too old, or too heavy, or the "wrong" ethnicity, or bald, etc. I think I'm old enough and mature enough not to lash out and seeing one particular provider instead of another is not the most important thing in my life, but it still wouldn't feel good having someone I want to see and who is in the business of seeing guys reject me because of who I am.

In the second case, I think it's just a way to make the rejected person feel better. I can empathize with someone who's been rejected and feels bad about it. By saying that it's the other person's loss, I'm affirming the value of the person who has been rejected. I'm not trying to insult the rejecting party because the statement is not addressed to him or her and most likely they never hear or read it. Yeah, it may not be true. But, we all tell little white lies to smooth relationships and make others feel better about themselves. And, that's a good thing.

No stones or even tomatos being thrown your way. Maybe a pillow, but it would only be done in fun.

As usual, Shack is right on the money. It's simply a defense mechanism to the original rejection (by either party). It is human nature to deflect the blame. How an individual handles the rejection pretty much defines their maturity level and classiness. (Shown in rebuttals to poor reviews and WK's, as well)

[DFK Hunter]

Originally Posted by Rambro Creed

Traci, if you don't retire from the hobby right now and give in to all my sexual whims it'll be YOUR LOSS!!!

You bastard! You stole my flirt! No Traci
, don't do it. It's your loss if you don't choose ME!

[Guest062912]

Originally Posted by Lust4xxxLife

Exactly right, Fiero. The mindset is "If you're rejecting me, the only way I can not be a loser is if you're more of a loser than I am." Basic insecurity.

When it comes to rejection, practice makes perfect. Seriously. A 'mentor' once taught me that if you aren't being rejected by a significant portion of the women you approach, you're playing below your abilities and you aren't developing your skills. Just like sports. That was a looong time ago, of course.

When someone rejects you for some reason, especially in the male-female context, the best response (in my experience) is a huge complement. Something like "Oh no, well you know I won't be able to stop dreaming" ... and say it with a smile. Don't say it like a dork. Don't say it like a pick up line. Mean it. It should be easy because you wouldn't have approached her if you weren't interested. Let your honesty and your humility show.

Why? Because you've just saved face and she might feel like a bit of a shit for rejecting you instead of feeling glad that she did. Because she's now seen a magnanimous and strong side of your character, and that's attractive. Because you haven't burned a bridge and have an opening to go back and try again (if you ever want to).

Just my $0.02. Lots of other accurate observations on here too.

Hands down best outlook on rejection. And the most appropriate, classy, and desirable response to rejection I think I have ever heard. Well played, sir. Favorite post of the thread, so far. I think I would have a hard time rejecting you, love.

[TexTushHog]

It's denial, or a defense mechanism, to the hurt caused by the rejection if I don't miss my guess. It's a neutral thing you can say other than to say what you really want to say, which is, "I wonder what's wrong with me? She doesn't even know me and I'm being rejected? What did I do?"

Kind of takes your mind off the tougher questions, at least if you're a superficial thinker. Or at least doesn't call attention to your hurt feelings to those around you.

[pmdelites]

Originally Posted by tracibrooks

...
pmdelites - Way to do some research! Your findings are interesting. I only got to check out the first link so far, but the post dealing with the phrase in question was really interesting and insightful. I will be sure to check out the other links as well. Appreciate the effort, and thanks for sharing.
...

traci, nice to know someone appreciates me .
thanks for not rejecting my hours of work over the keyboard


seriously, i like searching out information and passing it on. i spent about 30-40 minutes doing that search. on another post where i paraphrased a song that went "some day soon, gonna be with him, some day soon", i could hear the voice of the woman singing the song [from many many moons ago] but could not come up w/ her name. found out it was sung by the kingston trio, then found out it was judy collins. voila!!

with the internet, searches like that are so much easier than in the old days of trudging to the library and talking w/ the reference librarian to find the info.

and none of them ever looked like you!!!
.
.
.
.
oh, and by the way, ...
it's all OUR LOSS for spending so much damn time on this thread
when we could have had tons of fun playing!!!

[pyramider]

The male of the species has to learn with dealing with rejection early in life. Its just a defense mechanism.

[Guest082517]

I think it's more about trying to make oneself feel a little better about himself.
It may come across as rude or and even a hint of a superiority complex but more so it's an insecure reaction to being rejected.

[Guest062912]

So, I guess this discussion is winding down. I'd like to thank everyone that has participated thus far. It was lively and varied and I really enjoyed it. I'll leave it open, but I won't really be active unless something new and different is expressed. Thank you all very much for the discussion. I wish more ladies had chimed in. I realized going into this that the board might not be all that receptive to such an idealistic and psychological debate/discussion, but I was pleasantly surprised by all of the responses, some of which were very interesting and intelligently phrased.

Happy Friday everyone!

[ziggy48]

For my two cents, I think Fiero and Shackleton are right.
Rejection and fear of rejection can cause someone to lash out. They can be trying to protect themselves by retaliating.
They may be trying to quickly install self-worth. We all want to be wanted. When rejected we all need to feel worthy. Unfortunately some try to do that by making someone else feel not worthy.
Everyone has choices. Respect the choice and move one.

[Hercules]

For the guys, there's a helluva lot women for us out there. If one says "No thank you" to a bewty-kawl just say "Thank ya ma'am" then ask the next gal. Best way to get over a woman is to get under another one.
For the gals. No amount of money is worth ignoring that gut feeling that says "No". There will always be horny phuckers with cash looking for fun.

BTW, Traci....like the stocking and heels pic, got anymore like that

[Guest050911]

Rejecting the rejection, so I can be the one that wins... Common is not the most adult thing to do...

I am reminded of all the TV shows / movies with the "You can't fire me, I quit!" comment... Same concept, I am in the same place I was before, but I won because I say "Your / His / Her Loss.... "

I do not winn or lose in a good response like Traci's... I get to be right where I was, just without the anger / sadness that causes me to say "Her Loss". I got get a ice crwam, a drink or a short trip to my favorite porn site, then I search again....

Thanks for the thread, Traci.... I enjoyed reading the differing opinions...

PPE

and yes, Great ass.... And you know what I want to do with it....

[MaxiMilyen]

This has certainly got to be one of my favorite threads ever and I actually read every line of everyone's posts. It was informative without being argumentative and I have learned better from Traci's writing style and attitude. She has by far, been one of my favorite individuals on this board and I am happy to see that she maintained the thread without allowing drama to ensue the differences of opinions and how they were stated by each individual.

That being said, my .02 is probably much more emotional than Traci's logical one would be. I can imagine those who have empathy for another person's disappointment concerning being declined and them wanting to help smooth out the "ruffled feathers" when they state something like this. Using simple cliches of this nature are just a way of saying "I feel your pain". Most of us have experienced being turned away at some point in our lives and most of us understand this normal human emotion of being rejected, hence the need to comfort even if passive aggressively or if it's at the expense of the so called "offending party". It's human nature, even in a community such as ours, to lash out at those who offend one of "us" or hurt our feelings.

Maybe explaining in as nice a way as possible when rejecting someone would go a long way to ensure this particular cliche is used a little less. That's what I do when I reject seeing someone, rather than avoiding them or simply telling them I can't or won't see them. There are those we do have to be blunt with because they just can't seem to take no for an answer, though. It happens at times, but I am thankful it doesn't happen too often. I hate to say No, but I will and do. And yes, there has been the occasional gent I did end up seeing because they used the same tactics suggested earlier in the thread by Lust4xxxLife, rather than getting upset with me.