Can one really love their spouse and hobby?

[Bobave]

Once in a while this place gets interesting. After having questioned the OP's motives, I thought about his handle. Sparafucile was an assassin in the opera "Rigoletto". Complex plot dealing with betrayal and sacrifice.

[Chaataca]

Can you love your wife and hobby? Yes. As long as you are up front and honest about it.

If you have to hide it, or be decitful and dishonest, then no. And it makes you a massive piece of shit. My opinion obviously.

Originally Posted by Sparafucile

i have a cohort who, appears to be happily married "with" kids. Now I am not an expert in coming to conclusions but this guys ring comes off every time he takes a long lunch and he comes back looking flustered. I have even seen hobby sites up on his phone while he stepped away. This guy genuinely seems to love his family and I am not aware of any marital issues. He's actually the kind of guy who mentions his wife a lot (in a good way) and he seems to be always doing something for her. I can't imagine the ethical and moral dilemma this guy must go through. However, I may be wrong and this is completely not the case. But this leads me to my question, can a guy genuinely love his wife and partake in the hobby? I am interested in hearing from hobbyist and providers alike.

[beyondthere]

Originally Posted by anita

Same soup everyday would have been okay to eat, but not if the ingredients are not switched up from time to time. Some wives don't make the effort to spice things up or at least be enthusiastic during sex. Humanity is a buffet. However after it is all said and done, the heart wants what it wants...

Anita, if you were married to someone for 20 years you would most likely do the same thing. Especially if you also had some kiddos to raise. Sex generally becomes less of a priority for women in a relationship with their energies focused elsewhere. This does not mean that they still do not enjoy sex and are willing to spice things up. They generally need some effort from the husband to inspire them to do so, which most men are to lazy to do. (romance, flowers, starting them a bubble bathe with candles etc. etc.)

Originally Posted by Fawlty

I was sexually faithful when I was married, but I don't claim pure, unselfish love toward my former wife even though I did aspire to that. Sexual fidelity isn't the definitive act that authenticates unselfish love, nor is sexual infidelity the definitive act that invalidates it.

There are men who have cheated on their wives that would unselfishly take a fatal bullet to protect them. If we require perfection in all actions and motives in order to use the term 'unselfish love" we set a standard that none of us live up to. Of course, the man who would die for his wife and also remain sexuallly faithful has a more sustainable claim to being unselfishly loving toward his wife than the one who cheats.

I'm not edorsing infidelity or oblivious to the fact that some guys who cheat are falsely claiming they love their wives. Being the one that declares when that is the case is beyond my pay grade or abilities.

I think you and I are on the same page.

"unselfish love" is not so much the standard as I see it. It is the goal knowing that we will never attain it but continue to strive for.
Like the saying " progress not perfection". The goal is perfection knowing it is not attainable but the goal that we are moving toward with our progress.

______________________________ ______________________________ _____

Again 4 pages and still not one provider is going to disagree that loving your wife and hobbying are attainable. I am curious as to how many providers have ever had a quality, loving and long term relationship or marriage. (at least 10 plus years) Without this experience to draw from I feel they have nothing to contribute to this topic and question.

Except in the rare cases where the couple hobbies together or the wife gives permission to the husband. Very rare case of wife permission but, there are some. I know of one in Santa Fe NM, where the husband is totally open and honest with his wife about hobbying and she supports him and even participates in helping him pick out ladies to play with. Again a rare instance.

[str8.2.bbbj]

The OP sounds like a woman. Why are you checking out the guys phone? Why are you all up on his after lunch appearance?

I'm sure the guy really loves his wife; but, as has been started several times already, love and sex are 2 different things and men NEED to roam. And every man (and smart woman) knows that men, in general, apply different weight to live and sex. We can fuck a chick' s brains out and high-five her like it's nothing.

That's just how it is.

[rexdutchman]

Love and sex are DIFFERENT , just saying

[doug_dfw]

Originally Posted by Chung Tran

I guess the OP figured it out since his account is now disabled..

Guess OP was self analyzing.

[TinMan]

OP is going through the 7 stages of grief, questioning why her husband would do this considering all his declarations of love.

[Charlotte Breeze]

Originally Posted by nicholas linnear

No.No.No.
All the providers that so sweetly said yes, here's a question:
1.You, as a provider right now, meet a guy you fall in love with. He makes a generous living, more than able to care for you.
You stop providing and get married....one year later you find out he still fucks working girls.
Is that love?
Not so ecumenical now are we?

Guys....NO.

There are men that don't EVER cheat on their wives ( big fat ugly smelly sometimes too, or handicapped)
That is pure unselfish love.
Fuck sex isn't everything

Why ask if you think you already have your answer?

[FunInDFW]

[t4two]

Uh, yes you can. I adore and love my wife, but for her sex is a chore she no longer wishes to do. It has been 8 years. After 4, I started hobbying and our relationship improved soon after I got over the guilt. And no, she does not know.

[doug_dfw]

Originally Posted by TinMan

OP is going through the 7 stages of grief, questioning why her husband would do this considering all his declarations of love.

Wise observation TM

[doug_dfw]

Only in America is the issue of a male's smelling flowers in far off fields a paramount sin. Followed by Canada and Australia and New Zealand. Britain and Continental Europe Russia expect that men have mistresses but must provide for their spouse and family. In China and Japan it is the poor man that does not have more than one concubine.

The reality is the male is designed to sow the seeds and care for the female who brings them to flower. Certain religions have wisely counseled sowing seeds in one's backyard.
Different cultures have developed other less constraining restaints. Since the Flowerchild mushroomed in the 60's that restraint in America has lessened. ERgo, the "mix" of opinions we have today.

[melannie_star]

Originally Posted by doug_dfw

Only in America is the issue of a male's smelling flowers in far off fields a paramount sin. Followed by Canada and Australia and New Zealand. Britain and Continental Europe Russia expect that men have mistresses but must provide for their spouse and family. In China and Japan it is the poor man that does not have more than one concubine.

The reality is the male is designed to sow the seeds and care for the female who brings them to flower. Certain religions have wisely counseled sowing seeds in one's backyard.
Different cultures have developed other less constraining restaints. Since the Flowerchild mushroomed in the 60's that restraint in America has lessened. ERgo, the "mix" of opinions we have today.

Doug you are so smart.. It is turning me on

[Invisible1]

Doug for President.

[Prolongus]

Mormans have it right. For the guys.