Affair?

[thisguy23]

Tell her to call FastGun he has done extensive research in this area of relationships and will have all the answers.

[Guest081115-1]

Rule #1 Don't get emotional involve with a MARRIED MAN!
No matter how it is feeling of the intimacy "real love making sex". Married man doesn't leave their wives. If he said he love Your friend that doesn't prove it! The relationship has a glass ceiling. Honestly, no one want to be in a relationship that doesn't grow.
Do not hold the false hope that it will be a long lasting love. "I love you" Don't count, calling, texting , hanging out is only way to keep her in his back pocket. How would she know of what he is telling her is real? I think she should keep her journal so, someday she had something to look back and read it.
Once, you have the emotional ties with someone the affair can last for a while but once the reality set in and it's get to complicated things will be different. The feelings of hurts, anger, deceit, lies, manipulated and used.
These type of relationship will never be flourished if built from the ground up based on sneaking around, mistrust and false hope.
She is the "other woman" involved with a married man as always waiting for her turns so, she would see him. Those time can be very long and emptiness will finally catching on. On the other hand his wife who is married to him for many years, sacrify with him, had children, being a good mother and a wife. Even though you mentioned that she is okay with it. No, she doesn't!. How can you be sure? Even if he decide to leave her it still doesn't guarantee that this relationship will last. If he can do this to his wife. He will do it to your friend. It just a deception and turmoil. It will be painful when the time for break up! It will not be easy.
Your friend is single and happy being a provider. I'm sure she is attractive, confident, intelligent and have a lot to offer. Don't get involved emotionally with a hobbyist. Let this profession be the way it should be. We all play and have fun. Get into the relationship with someone who is married is not a good idea. It will never be a happy ending story.

[Emary Preston]

Originally Posted by Feisty Kat

Rule #1 Don't get emotional involve with a MARRIED MAN!
No matter how it is feeling of the intimacy "real love making sex". Married man doesn't leave their wives. If he said he love Your friend that doesn't prove it! The relationship has a glass ceiling. Honestly, no one want to be in a relationship that doesn't grow.
Do not hold the false hope that it will be a long lasting love. "I love you" Don't count, calling, texting , hanging out is only way to keep her in his back pocket. How would she know of what he is telling her is real? I think she should keep her journal so, someday she had something to look back and read it.
Once, you have the emotional ties with someone the affair can last for a while but once the reality set in and it's get to complicated things will be different. The feelings of hurts, anger, deceit, lies, manipulated and used.
These type of relationship will never be flourished if built from the ground up based on sneaking around, mistrust and false hope.
She is the "other woman" involved with a married man as always waiting for her turns so, she would see him. Those time can be very long and emptiness will finally catching on. On the other hand his wife who is married to him for many years, sacrify with him, had children, being a good mother and a wife. Even though you mentioned that she is okay with it. No, she doesn't!. How can you be sure? Even if he decide to leave her it still doesn't guarantee that this relationship will last. If he can do this to his wife. He will do it to your friend. It just a deception and turmoil. It will be painful when the time for break up! It will not be easy.
Your friend is single and happy being a provider. I'm sure she is attractive, confident, intelligent and have a lot to offer. Don't get involved emotionally with a hobbyist. Let this profession be the way it should be. We all play and have fun. Get into the relationship with someone who is married is not a good idea. It will never be a happy ending story.

Maybe "affair" is not the appropriate phrase/term. They don't tell each other they love one another, they do not make promises and there is no deceit. The thing that was conflicting for her was "being the other woman". Sex and time are not required for them to have be a relationship. He supports her decision, wether or not they are being intimate or not.

[Guest081115-1]

Originally Posted by Emary Preston

Maybe "affair" is not the appropriate phrase/term. They don't tell each other they love one another, they do not make promises and there is no deceit. The thing that was conflicting for her was "being the other woman". Sex and time are not required for them to have be a relationship. He supports her decision, wether or not they are being intimate or not.

Oh, so I see that it is different according to the "mutual agreement", right?
So, I guess if there is no "love" involved and being together and enjoying each other company and the sexual encounter was natural and intimate.
So, I guess there are a high level of TRUST. Then let it be. Carry on as long as they can. No one really can tell what they would have to do. I just thought that logically when involve with someone who is already married are not going to be a smooth ride.

[makmak]

I really feel sorry for the guy she will eventually marry. A semi truck couldn't hold her emotional baggage.

By the way, women who say they do not fall in love are the ones who fall deeply in love.

[Doodle23]

Originally Posted by Emary Preston

The thing that was conflicting for her was "being the other woman".

Tell your friend it's time to put her big girl panties on and act like an adult. She made her own bed, now it's time for her to lie in it. She should have thought about the possible consequences before agreeing to letting her hubby play with another woman. Human beings, and women especially want whatever it is they feel they can't have. I'd bet dollars to donuts if this other woman weren't around that this guy would have just been taken for granted by the wife. If she were fulfilling her wifely duties correctly then maybe this whole situation could have been avoiding and the husband wouldn't need to look for pussy.

[Pink Floyd]

Joey Buttafouco
http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/n...her/index.html

[Vivienne Rey]

Originally Posted by Emary Preston

Have you ever had one? How did it work out?

I have a friend that has never had one or ever wanted to. She is very conflicted because of the circumstances.

Advice or input would be nice?

I have gone outside of a couple of my relationships and felt like a horrible person, long after the fact. I felt horrible because I allowed externals to define right and wrong for me.

Infidelity is, most often, the symptom of something greater. Cheating is not the only way to break a vow or a commitment to another. I learned through my own experiences, and through my search for an SD, that we can absolutely contribute to our partners being unfaithful. We don't get married/commit to go without. Being denied sex, intimacy, happiness, companionship, support, respect, etc. means you are going without. I will not go without. I no longer feel bad about what I did. I would do it again.

Without knowing all the details, it would be hard to determine what the downsides would be for your friend. It really is a very personal issue.

Originally Posted by samantha thom

You want to know the WORST that could happen. Tell her to watch the movie "Unfaithful" with Richard Gere and Diane Lane.

Yeah, not a happy ending.

[Guest081115-1]

here are some information online that is available if your friend ever need it. Good luck!
http://halloftheblackdragon.com/reel...a-married-man/

[pmdelites]

Originally Posted by Emary Preston

Maybe "affair" is not the appropriate phrase/term. They don't tell each other they love one another, they do not make promises and there is no deceit. The thing that was conflicting for her was "being the other woman". Sex and time are not required for them to have be a relationship. He supports her decision, wether or not they are being intimate or not.

pls tell me if this is the correct interpretation of what you've written.

Wife and Husband are married. The Husband and Wife are more like roommates.
for some reason, Husband is not getting what he wants [sexually] from the marriage and decides to get that from someone else.
The wife knows and encouraged him to see providers.
The wife didn't expect him to develop feelings for any provider he might meet or for any provider to develop feelings for him.

Husband meets OtherWoman, who used to be a provider but now isnt [what she a provider when she met Husband?]
Husband and OtherWoman get along great, have fun, and good sex.
Husband tells OtherWoman that he will not separate or divorce his wife [for whatever reason].
OtherWoman "never had one [an affair] or ever wanted to" and now "is very conflicted because of the circumstances."
OtherWoman "continues to love the single life but she herself knows that she is not ready for anything further anyways."
OtherWoman's problem is "not having enough of his attention and affection as she would like. It's not like a traditional affair, per se."
"They don't tell each other they love one another, they do not make promises and there is no deceit."
OtherWoman wants to know what to do.

One of your concerns is what OtherWoman will do if a "good man comes into her life." Will she "dismiss a real relationship because of her inability to give up what she has with this man."


If that is correct, then here's my take on it.

1. whether or not this is a provider/client relationship, a fling, or a full blow affair, the main thing that matters is he is married and says he wont leave his wife. as long as that stays the same, OtherWoman will never get the attention and affection "as she would like." She will always be the other woman. There are many many examples of this in the world and we all know how the large majority of them turn out - not too well for anyone involved.

2. Even if Husband decides to leave his wife, there is no guarantee that he wont find AnotherWoman when he determines that there is something missing in his relationship w/ OtherWoman. Then OtherWoman will kinda know how Wife felt.

3. OtherWoman needs to decide what she wants and if Husband can help her get it. If he cant, she should end their relationship and move on.

4. what FeistyKat wrote in post #32 and the article she linked to at halloftheblackdragon.com are both right on!!



now back to your original questions "Have you ever had one? How did it work out?"

years ago, my s.o. and i had an open relationship. she had occasional dates w/ a few very intimate male friends and i had dates w/ a few very intimate female friends. sometimes, she, her friend, and i would go out to dinner, a movie, festival, etc. sometimes she, my friend and i would do the same. a few time, we had threesomes w/ her friend or w/ mine. she and i agreed up front that we would NOT unilaterally decide to leave our committed "primary" relationship.
our "secondary" relationships were fun, friendly, intimate, and involved sexual trysts [sometimes, a bunch of us would get together and have group parties, almost like swingers but we werent swingers].
most of those friends either moved away or died. currently, i have a few female friends i would like to have a "secondary" relationship with these days, but we are not as sexually interested in our current acquaintances/friends as we were back then. thus, we wont do a one-side open relationship. so, i just lust after these women and hope :^)
btw, i am still w/ my s.o. after 20+ yrs. i hobby for one special kind of activity but do partake in others.

for us, we had "affairs" with others. we both understood and stuck to the ground rules. it worked out well.
it is not very common in non-swinger, non-polyamory, non-communal relationships.

[Emary Preston]

Originally Posted by pmdelites

pls tell me if this is the correct interpretation of what you've written.

Wife and Husband are married. The Husband and Wife are more like roommates.
for some reason, Husband is not getting what he wants [sexually] from the marriage and decides to get that from someone else.
The wife knows and encouraged him to see providers.
The wife didn't expect him to develop feelings for any provider he might meet or for any provider to develop feelings for him.

Husband meets OtherWoman, who used to be a provider but now isnt [what she a provider when she met Husband?]
Husband and OtherWoman get along great, have fun, and good sex.
Husband tells OtherWoman that he will not separate or divorce his wife [for whatever reason].
OtherWoman "never had one [an affair] or ever wanted to" and now "is very conflicted because of the circumstances."
OtherWoman "continues to love the single life but she herself knows that she is not ready for anything further anyways."
OtherWoman's problem is "not having enough of his attention and affection as she would like. It's not like a traditional affair, per se."
"They don't tell each other they love one another, they do not make promises and there is no deceit."
OtherWoman wants to know what to do.

One of your concerns is what OtherWoman will do if a "good man comes into her life." Will she "dismiss a real relationship because of her inability to give up what she has with this man."


If that is correct, then here's my take on it.

1. whether or not this is a provider/client relationship, a fling, or a full blow affair, the main thing that matters is he is married and says he wont leave his wife. as long as that stays the same, OtherWoman will never get the attention and affection "as she would like." She will always be the other woman. There are many many examples of this in the world and we all know how the large majority of them turn out - not too well for anyone involved.

2. Even if Husband decides to leave his wife, there is no guarantee that he wont find AnotherWoman when he determines that there is something missing in his relationship w/ OtherWoman. Then OtherWoman will kinda know how Wife felt.

3. OtherWoman needs to decide what she wants and if Husband can help her get it. If he cant, she should end their relationship and move on.

4. what FeistyKat wrote in post #32 and the article she linked to at halloftheblackdragon.com are both right on!!



now back to your original questions "Have you ever had one? How did it work out?"

years ago, my s.o. and i had an open relationship. she had occasional dates w/ a few very intimate male friends and i had dates w/ a few very intimate female friends. sometimes, she, her friend, and i would go out to dinner, a movie, festival, etc. sometimes she, my friend and i would do the same. a few time, we had threesomes w/ her friend or w/ mine. she and i agreed up front that we would NOT unilaterally decide to leave our committed "primary" relationship.
our "secondary" relationships were fun, friendly, intimate, and involved sexual trysts [sometimes, a bunch of us would get together and have group parties, almost like swingers but we werent swingers].
most of those friends either moved away or died. currently, i have a few female friends i would like to have a "secondary" relationship with these days, but we are not as sexually interested in our current acquaintances/friends as we were back then. thus, we wont do a one-side open relationship. so, i just lust after these women and hope :^)
btw, i am still w/ my s.o. after 20+ yrs. i hobby for one special kind of activity but do partake in others.

for us, we had "affairs" with others. we both understood and stuck to the ground rules. it worked out well.
it is not very common in non-swinger, non-polyamory, non-communal relationships.

Like I said....Not the typical affair.

Yes - she was a provider when they met.

The physical attraction they have is a bonus on top of the friendship that they have. Both of them knew what they were getting into.
He is focused on raising his kids and having a traditional inviroment. She is focused on her career and education. She has no problem attracting men that will date or marry her.
She has a problem with not having enough time or devotion for one person. The whole dating and friends with benifets has never worked out for her either. So maybe this is a good alternative?


Really.....this is all too hard to explain via message board. I was just curious about this type venture. This is not a one size fits all deal, I suppose.

[pmdelites]

sounds like this may be the root of her overall concerns...
"She has a problem with not having enough time or devotion for one person. The whole dating and friends with benifets has never worked out for her either."

whatever her situation, glad she has a friend in you to talk about this.
and, as i have learned over my life, better to just let her talk about it and listen to her than solve her concern/problem.