What would you do if a Provider tells you that she "Loves You"?

[Chevalier]

Originally Posted by Cpalmson

At that point, it begs these questions. 1) Why is the guy spending so much time with the same provider-- especially if he has an SO?

Why do some men have affairs with just one woman, rather than one-night stands with a lot of different women? Why do some men maintain simultaneous civilian relationships with more than one women? I suspect there is substantial overlap between the answers to those questions and the answer to your question.

Originally Posted by Cpalmson

2) If he doesn't have an SO, why is he willing to keep providing a donation to see the same provider instead of acting on the mutual perception that there is some sort of spark and try for a normal civie relationship with the provider?

I suspect in many cases it may be because he's uncomfortable having a civilian relationship while she's still in this business. Or perhaps it's for the same reason that some couples maintain long-term relationships without escalating to moving into together or getting married -- they're satisfied with the relationship just as it is.

Originally Posted by Cpalmson

3) If the provider is the one with these feelings, why doesn't she ask the client if there is the potential for something more while at the same time offering to at least stop taking the donation or better yet stop being a provider altogether?

Some may ask whether there is a potential for more.

I suspect in many cases she doesn't offer to get out of the business entirely because she still has to make a living and he doesn't offer sufficient financial support that would allow her to quit working while maintaining a reasonable lifestyle. It's one thing to stop paying $250 or $300 every time you see her; quite a bit more to eliminate all of her income.

As far as offering to stop take the donation, I gather that some do. Of course, that can lead to problems as well. If he's not paying, can she afford to see him as often and miss out on paying customers? Will it reduce the amount of time they can spend together because she has to replace the money she was getting from him from other customers?

Originally Posted by Cpalmson

that means the two parties are spending way too much time together and forgetting the reason it is a hobby. They've overstepped the "rules" of the hobby and are embarking down a road fraught with problems and unintended circumstances.

There are certainly some beliefs about how to "hobby" that are so widely held that they approach being "rules." Maintain discretion. Don't out somebody. Don't short the envelope. Don't refuse to give references. Etc. But I'm skeptical whether your beliefs about how to "hobby" are widely held enough to quality as "rules." Different people approach P4P in different ways.

There are indeed potential problems and unintended consequences with having an ATF or falling in love. But: (1) many people are disciplined enough to minimize the risk; and (2) there are plenty of potential problems and unintended consequences in P4P even if you don't have an ATF and don't fall in love.

[stimulatethemind]

I'm fairly certain that every situation like this is somewhat unique. Love can come in different shapes and sizes. I am currently in a SD/SB type relationship, which started out as a provider/client. During the course of several months, I have come to care deeply about her and have told her that I love her. She has also told me that she loves me. What does that really mean? In our case, neither of us has any interest whatsoever in any type of "forever after" relationship. Neither of us wants to move in together, get married, have kids or anything of that ilk. We love each other, but are not necessarily "in love" with each other. We sincerely desire to make each other's lives better, care about each other deeply and truly enjoy every minute that we spend together. I do not own her or control her, nor does she own or control me. We do not ever judge each other. What we have is all the good parts of an intimate, loving relationship and none of the bad. We see each other an average of twice a week and speak on the phone almost every day. Our last two dates have not even included any BCD time (although most times it does), one night we had dinner, looked at Christmas lights, took a carriage ride and ended the evening with some wonderful chocolate fondue. Last night we had a fantastic dinner at a fine dining establishment and went to the theatre. I love her because she is kind, caring, intelligent, a wonderful conversationalist and, just in general, a great companion. Oh yeah, she is also stunningly beautiful. Where is all this going? Who knows, but when it ends (as it most likely will) someday, I can certainly forsee us staying as good friends because we truly do enjoy each others company so much. In the meantime, yep....I love her!!!

[stimulatethemind]

Originally Posted by Chevalier

Why do some men have affairs with just one woman, rather than one-night stands with a lot of different women? Why do some men maintain simultaneous civilian relationships with more than one women? I suspect there is substantial overlap between the answers to those questions and the answer to your question.



I suspect in many cases it may be because he's uncomfortable having a civilian relationship while she's still in this business. Or perhaps it's for the same reason that some couples maintain long-term relationships without escalating to moving into together or getting married -- they're satisfied with the relationship just as it is.



Some may ask whether there is a potential for more.

I suspect in many cases she doesn't offer to get out of the business entirely because she still has to make a living and he doesn't offer sufficient financial support that would allow her to quit working while maintaining a reasonable lifestyle. It's one thing to stop paying $250 or $300 every time you see her; quite a bit more to eliminate all of her income.

As far as offering to stop take the donation, I gather that some do. Of course, that can lead to problems as well. If he's not paying, can she afford to see him as often and miss out on paying customers? Will it reduce the amount of time they can spend together because she has to replace the money she was getting from him from other customers?



There are certainly some beliefs about how to "hobby" that are so widely held that they approach being "rules." Maintain discretion. Don't out somebody. Don't short the envelope. Don't refuse to give references. Etc. But I'm skeptical whether your beliefs about how to "hobby" are widely held enough to quality as "rules." Different people approach P4P in different ways.

There are indeed potential problems and unintended consequences with having an ATF or falling in love. But: (1) many people are disciplined enough to minimize the risk; and (2) there are plenty of potential problems and unintended consequences in P4P even if you don't have an ATF and don't fall in love.

+1000
_

[Old-T]

When it happens it seems thefirst recation of many guys is "well then she should stop charging him". But what does he then do for her, other that expecting it for free? Often the same and loudest guys think they owe nothing in return.

[Cpalmson]

Originally Posted by JohnnyYanks

Interesting position but I tend to disagree. Isn't any act of giving (something of value; otherwise it is merely discarding) emotional? Isn't (good) sex about giving, while also receiving?

So you just batten down the hatches and ride baby ride? No glee, no joy? No wistful pleasant memories hours post-coitus?

YMMV, I guess.

I'm talking about feelings for the person that remain after you say good bye. I compartmentalize. Who sang the song? Fleetwood Mac? "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one your with." For me, seeing a provider is like buying a new car. I'm not emotionally attached to the car. It meets a need. Sure when I'm buying the car, there's the euphoria, anticipation, etc, but in the end, I'm not giving my heart and soul to a car. It just gets me from point A to point B. Same with seeing a provider. There is emotion in the moment, but at the end of the day, I'm not giving her my heart and soul. Compartmentalize. Sure, she's a great person. We shared a good time, but that was it.

[TheAntichrist666]

Honestly, I don't know what I would do.

[Guest071313-5]

Originally Posted by Cpalmson

Compartmentalize.

Compartmentalize as in Viktor E. Frankl ?


“Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of their personality.” – Dr. Viktor Frankl

Translation: Hot fucking sex! Lol

[wildwooly1]

There are various types of love !
you can love your dog !
love to eat steak!
love to fuck!
love your provider...lol and there is all kinds of feelings you can have for different people in your life and you have to look at every aspect of the relationship to understand what you have.
I have civie friends I tell them I love ya all the time and I guess I do in a certain way...do I want to marry them or live with them...hell no !
Is there a special bond ..Yes and you can have these feelings with a provider or a client but what kind of love is it?
I have gotten to a point in life where I appreciate special people in my life and respect them and I guess you can say I adore them to a certain point and they make me enjoy life more because of their part they play in my life.
LOVE ? I take that with a grain of salt..what does love mean ? next time im with one of my Atf's ill have to ask her if she loves me....or could it just be she loves my money...lol
Its just like the old song from Crosby stills nash and young..if you cant love the one you want then love the one your with..hell that's in my tag line and I live by it !
In other words...enjoy life and love the ones around you.

[JONBALLS]

the early 20's girls seem to just roll of their toungue when their leaving saying goodbuy

, never really think anything of it other than just what they do for alot of people as it just sems general

[wcdann]

I have had a few providers tell me that I always just say thats sweet and just carry on as normal I dont make an issue of it one way or the other and it has never become an issue.

[kymberlane]

RUN! And RUN FAST!!

[Guest032714]

Originally Posted by kymberlane

RUN! And RUN FAST!!

to her arms?

[awl4knot]

Let's see if we can break this down into basic points:

1. Hobby love does happen.

2. Hobby love is a game changer.

3. Hobby love rarely lasts.

4. Hobby love may mask secondary gain.

5. Hobby love can be volatile and dangerous.

6. True love may be hard to find.

7. You will do what you will do, so I'll shut up.

[TSKrystiKakes]

Originally Posted by Sweet N Little

and only then will you find out if its "true love"

my motto ...lol

I have that shirt !!! hehe

[markroxny]

I wouldn't be too concerned about it if she is still charging you for sex. If however, she stops asking you for money and still has sex with you and still tells you she loves you, well that's something different.

Love is shown, not just spoken. If a woman doesn't charge you for sex, cooks for you, buys you gifts and talks to you every day, then I would take it seriously.

Otherwise I would put the "love" in quotes. A lot of time you can translate "love" to "I really appreciate you". A lot of providers come to really appreciate some of their regulars who look out for them and are sweet to them. It's a kind of "love". In Love, is something different, as I have stated.