With so many girls to choose from, why get hung up on one provider?

[JohnnyCap]

Originally Posted by Alexa_Allure

I thought the same thing when I encountered my first screening failure. I sent a very polite response declining the appointment, and wished him well in his hobbying escapades. Needless to say that did not go over well, and he let me know exactly how he felt about it. So when I encountered the potential client noted in this post, I decided to implement the advice of more experienced providers. But it's looking like this is a no-win situation any way you slice it....

It seems to me you believe the right thing to do is not ignore people. I agree with you. But it went bad once, or more, and some veteran ladies tell you to do what you don't feel good about, ignoring, and you get the same result anyway. But in this case, you know you didn't do what you believe in; to politely decline. The veteran ladies are just saying what they think you need to hear and what is easiest.

Whether you say no or not you have a freaky wannabe customer. He could just be a capitalist salesman playing the numbers game. You probably should have a prepared denial message that you can change a few things about to personalize it. I can't say a firm polite response will end it but if ignoring isn't, why not try one message? It's more courteous.

Third option...start a cyber friendship. Talk to him like a prison penpal via email. Keep him at arm's length.

[MaxiMilyen]

Originally Posted by JohnnyCap

It seems to me you believe the right thing to do is not ignore people. I agree with you. But it went bad once, or more, and some veteran ladies tell you to do what you don't feel good about, ignoring, and you get the same result anyway. But in this case, you know you didn't do what you believe in; to politely decline. The veteran ladies are just saying what they think you need to hear and what is easiest.

Whether you say no or not you have a freaky wannabe customer. He could just be a capitalist salesman playing the numbers game. You probably should have a prepared denial message that you can change a few things about to personalize it. I can't say a firm polite response will end it but if ignoring isn't, why not try one message? It's more courteous.

Third option...start a cyber friendship. Talk to him like a prison penpal via email. Keep him at arm's length.

Potential Stalkers are best ignored. Any kind of response is like a feeding frenzy of encouragement to those that are unable to control such impulses. If you've ever been pursued by someone you don't want anything to do with, that would make more sense to you, I'm sure. Talk to him like a prison pen pal? Really? Cause that's not inviting potential danger in our line of work, especially considering he knows what she does and his reason for contacting her in the first place? LOL

Alexa...it is NOT in your best interest, if you've already politely declined, to respond to this individual again, or even if you were not polite. Of course, some are smarter than others and may even contact you under various names or different numbers. Just look for tale tell signs. Better safe than sorry, hon.

[gimme_that]

If I'm getting declined on.....personally Id rather know by phone. Email can be so impersonal in that case in my opinion. Most guys will be curious as to why specifically you don't want to see them....not so much to annoy you or put you on the spot....but for their own benefit.

I once had a reference who would talk bad about me with potential ladies I wanted to see......then behind the scenes tell me she would see me again. I was having a problem seeing certain ladies.

But one lady took that ref with a grain of salt and took a chance on seeing me and we had no issues. She told me in the strickest of confidence what that lady said........and we talked and we just decided to meet. Providers refs at tiomes can be a messy scenario sometimes. competetive.

[JohnnyCap]

Originally Posted by MaxiMilyen

Potential Stalkers are best ignored... if you've already politely declined...

Who isn't a potential stalker?

And she hasn't politely declined, from what I've read.

And the penpal suggestion, while a distant, farfetched half-humorous suggestion, is just a little thinking out of the box. Like herding cattle, the cows will go where you make it easy to go. Make it tedious and boring to him, he'll move on. Maybe; he hasn't otherwise.

I know you ladies deal with a high volume of inquiry, but you chose to. When I've had to dismiss someone, or be dismissed, I've preferred direct communication over being ignored.

[pyramider]

Originally Posted by gimme_that

If I'm getting declined on.....personally Id rather know by phone. Email can be so impersonal in that case in my opinion. Most guys will be curious as to why specifically you don't want to see them....not so much to annoy you or put you on the spot....but for their own benefit.

Its not a breakup between people who have been dating. Why would a lady want to talk to a fucktard she has no desire to see? It needs to be impersonal. If she were to talk to him then it becomes personal and more likely he will resort to begging his case, and then cursing her out.

[joesmo888]

I would ignore him. I wouldn't contact him and tell him he is blacklisted cause then he will set his sights on the providers who blacklisted him and who knows from there. so you are doing the right thing

as far as why he keeps messaging you after being ignored I have no clue. maybe when he was a teen he got turned down a bunch of times by a girl and then she finally gave in so he thinks that's what he is supposed to do with girls to get their attention?

[Worldtravler]

Well it works both ways. What do other hobbyist do when you get PM'S or random texts of providers that you seen in the past and you care not to see them again. Do you just ignore them or kindly tell them your not interested in seeing them?

I for one just ignore them.

[CarolineDavenport]

Originally Posted by Cpalmson

For some guys, a "no" actually means "yes". They are simply wired that way. We call those people rapists or potential rapists. It could also mean he is in "love" with you or some aspect of your persona he can't let go of. Either way, you could have a problem on your hand. Since you've told him no, telling him again will do no good. Ignoring him/not responding is your best approach for now. Hopefully, this dude is somewhat normal and eventually it will get through his thick skull to leave you alone. It may take months or longer. Now, if this guy truly is deranged, I do think you need to take some measures to protect yourself. If you have a friend who is computer savvy, you might be able to do a background check and get the guys real name and info. With that in hand and hopefully all the records you have of him contacting you, and go to a lawyer and discuss drafting up a cease and desist order or some type of no contact order. I'm not saying go through with that idea, but be prepared to in case you really feel threatened for you physical safety.

^^^ Best advice on this thread.

Sorry gents, but your insistence that she should have verbally declined him is coming from your perspective, not hers. There is some logic in simply never responding to someone who failed screening. I know you don't see it that way, but that's because you've never dealt with the myriad of problems that can arise from rejecting someone, no matter how nice we are about it. I saw someone say that a guy would want to know why, not to annoy her, but for his own benefit. In my experience, this is wrong. When I was naive enough to actually answer why I would not see a particular guy (too young, too PSE, reputation for bad hygiene, etc.) all they wanted to do was argue and try to convince me to see them anyway. Not a one just said "Ok, thank you" and moved on. Most get angry. Most will try to pass screening again under a new name and with new references. Some will threaten bad reviews or worse. It is a huge headache. Usually, when you just stop responding, you get none of these headaches. They send 2-3 more emails, get the picture, and move on.

I'm not saying you're wrong for wanting at least a "No, thank you," I'm saying your brethren screwed that up for you by being jerks about it.

[MaxiMilyen]

Originally Posted by JohnnyCap

Who isn't a potential stalker?

And she hasn't politely declined, from what I've read.

And the penpal suggestion, while a distant, farfetched half-humorous suggestion, is just a little thinking out of the box. Like herding cattle, the cows will go where you make it easy to go. Make it tedious and boring to him, he'll move on. Maybe; he hasn't otherwise.

I know you ladies deal with a high volume of inquiry, but you chose to. When I've had to dismiss someone, or be dismissed, I've preferred direct communication over being ignored.

I believe she told him no when she found out.

2. prison humor....while I enjoy a great sense of humor....(this is just a suggestion) when a lady has expressed a situation might be outta hand, this may not be the best time to get funny as someone else might believe that it's perfectly all right to pass such erroneous info along.

3. Most here are independent, and last time I checked, independent businesses all choose to run their business in the manner they see fit. And if a lady is made to feel harassed or threatened, no hobbyist should encourage her to do anything to ag the situation on.

I realize it might be a fantasy, but I have always adhered to the belief that men are protective of women and those who might impose a threat of any nature to the ladies are the ones we should be trying to encourage a different behavior from, rather than encouraging the lady to reward bad behaviors. idk I may be confused, and we should only look out for ourselves. Either way, we (the ladies) at least gotta have each other's back, hon.

[gimme_that]

If the guy doesn't respond back after she checks his references. With and inquiry into why they could not meet.......wouldn't that be some small admission of guilt.?

If you decline and he simply says........oh ok. No problem.......isn't the silence and simplicity of him just saying ok look worse.

[john_deere]

Originally Posted by CarolineDavenport

^^^ Best advice on this thread.

Sorry gents, but your insistence that she should have verbally declined him is coming from your perspective, not hers. There is some logic in simply never responding to someone who failed screening. I know you don't see it that way, but that's because you've never dealt with the myriad of problems that can arise from rejecting someone, no matter how nice we are about it. I saw someone say that a guy would want to know why, not to annoy her, but for his own benefit. In my experience, this is wrong. When I was naive enough to actually answer why I would not see a particular guy (too young, too PSE, reputation for bad hygiene, etc.) all they wanted to do was argue and try to convince me to see them anyway. Not a one just said "Ok, thank you" and moved on. Most get angry. Most will try to pass screening again under a new name and with new references. Some will threaten bad reviews or worse. It is a huge headache. Usually, when you just stop responding, you get none of these headaches. They send 2-3 more emails, get the picture, and move on.

I'm not saying you're wrong for wanting at least a "No, thank you," I'm saying your brethren screwed that up for you by being jerks about it.

but not all of us are this way, and encouraging girls to use unprofessional business practices on everybody isn't the answer. i'm not saying you have to justify a rejection, but refusing to communicate at all just because you THINK you know what someone is like is pretty weak. it's business. if you can't handle the hassles along with the good parts, then maybe it's the wrong business for you.

the bottom line is, there are girls out there who don't paint all guys with the same broad stroke, yet they still manage to stay professional, safe, and sane. if you can't tell someone "no" without pissing people off every time, maybe they aren't the problem...

[MaxiMilyen]

Originally Posted by gimme_that

If the guy doesn't respond back after she checks his references. With and inquiry into why they could not meet.......wouldn't that be some small admission of guilt.?

If you decline and he simply says........oh ok. No problem.......isn't the silence and simplicity of him just saying ok look worse.

Not really. She may not like his age, his race, his posting style, or a myriad of other reasons. She's just not interested. No harm no foul, as there are plenty who will be.

I understand that egos are fragile, but there are times we gotta bite the bullet and go for something else. Sometimes, it just wasn't meant to be.....ya know?

Now, if ya already know you have someone who has reported you for whatever reason and it wasn't true, it might be smart just to be upfront when contacting a new lady and say something along the lines of, "You might run across such and such, but please contact so and so and they'll tell ya the scoop on that, because it was a false report, and I 'd really like to see you, but know this might cause you to decline my request." Honesty is usually the best policy in this situation, IMO.

[pyramider]

Originally Posted by MaxiMilyen

Honesty is usually the best policy in this situation, IMO.

This is the hobby, what has honesty got to do with anything? Taint is real honesty, feel free to post taint.

[MaxiMilyen]

Originally Posted by pyramider

This is the hobby, what has honesty got to do with anything?

You're right! What was I thinking?

Taint is real honesty, feel free to post taint.

Nah, I'm too shy....if ya really wanna see it, it'll have to be up close and personal, cause then I'm an exhibitionist!

[Alexa_Allure]

Originally Posted by JohnnyCap

It seems to me you believe the right thing to do is not ignore people. I agree with you. But it went bad once, or more, and some veteran ladies tell you to do what you don't feel good about, ignoring, and you get the same result anyway. But in this case, you know you didn't do what you believe in; to politely decline. The veteran ladies are just saying what they think you need to hear and what is easiest.

Sometimes, yes, and particularly in this situation. Generally I don't feel obligated to pacify everyone, and I am resolute in my decisions once made. But I guess because the decision to ignore this guy was based on my trust in the advice of other providers and their knowledge of his prior behavior, rather than my own assessments, my sense of humanity wrestled with my sense of logic. (And before you get your panties in a wad, this isn't a case of girls dogging a client for personal reasons to screw with the dude; the issues brought to my attention are legitimate safety and health concerns).

Now, TO BE CLEAR, I have no regrets about my decision to trust in the advice of more experienced providers when handling this situation. I do trust their perspective with this issue of safety, and agree that a lack of response was the sensible decision given what these ladies learned the hard way through their own personal experiences. But I'll admit: the dumb-bitch part of me felt a little bad for not providing him with a response, as the gentlemen here have clearly acknowledged they would like to receive.

Thankfully, when that doubt creeps in and I start to lose sight of logic and reasoning, her Majesty Davenport swoops in and bitch-slaps me back to reality......

Originally Posted by CarolineDavenport

Sorry gents, but your insistence that she should have verbally declined him is coming from your perspective, not hers. There is some logic in simply never responding to someone who failed screening. I know you don't see it that way, but that's because you've never dealt with the myriad of problems that can arise from rejecting someone, no matter how nice we are about it. I saw someone say that a guy would want to know why, not to annoy her, but for his own benefit. In my experience, this is wrong. When I was naive enough to actually answer why I would not see a particular guy (too young, too PSE, reputation for bad hygiene, etc.) all they wanted to do was argue and try to convince me to see them anyway. Not a one just said "Ok, thank you" and moved on. Most get angry. Most will try to pass screening again under a new name and with new references. Some will threaten bad reviews or worse. It is a huge headache. Usually, when you just stop responding, you get none of these headaches. They send 2-3 more emails, get the picture, and move on.

I'm not saying you're wrong for wanting at least a "No, thank you," I'm saying your brethren screwed that up for you by being jerks about it.

So when can I expect this guy to realize he missed the "send 2-3 more emails, get the picture, and move on" memo and adjust accordingly Miss Davenport?

***FYI in case anyone found themselves wondering if this post sounded a little too familiar (is she talking about me?!?) -- you can relax. This guy is not a contributor here (although no doubt a lurker ) so the provider contributions to alerts and client intel mentioned in this post aren't specific to members of this site.