Fighting the Guilt

[Maximum4]

I was married and never cheated on my wife. Never had to because we were in tune and kept each others needs first and foremost. If she had become ill and I couldn't get off because of it, my commitment to her would have kept my dick in my pants.

"My wife is ill, so I'm going to fuck around on her. My need to get off is way more important than being honest and true to her." ??? I just don't get that mentality. I'd much rather hear "my wife is a bitch". I wonder, if your wife was dying, would you take a break until she was dead?

I'm not perfect and I sure do like the affection I've found in the hobby so far, but I would trade all the fun I've had to have my wife back. No sympathetic replies please.

Guy, if you really care about your marriage, work at it, don't use your difficulties as an excuse to cheat and lie. Or get out and hobby free of guilt. The opinions you are reading here are just excuses to justify hobbying or to make hobbying seem noble. It's far easier to make up these excuses than to man up and be a devoted husband. I dont know your circumstances, i can only suggest you weigh your options carefully.

[jackfengshui]

Originally Posted by Maximum4

I was married and never cheated on my wife. Never had to because we were in tune and kept each others needs first and foremost.

The opinions you are reading here are just excuses to justify hobbying or to make hobbying seem noble.

I'm glad for your marriage (with the key ingredient highlighted in bold), but why pass judgment on others who are not as fortunate?

[Maximum4]

I don't see it as misfortune. You're again, using "circumstances" as an excuse to hobby instead of being devoted.

So if your dick fell off and she wanted to fuck the pool boy while you were at work that would be just fine as long as you didn't know?

You don't need to answer. If it's okay with you, I really don't want to know. I just can't recommend living ones life like that.

[Doove]

Originally Posted by Laurentius

Why would we understand that sometimes theft is preferable, lying is good or homicide is justifiable ... while drawing such a hard line on adultery?

I tend to go back and forth on this subject, depending on which way the wind is blowing on any particular day. But then, i'm single so i'm only looking at it from an outsider without a vested interest. An outsider who is not all that concerned with the set of supposed morals that are forced on us by society. That said....

The main difference between this, and the examples you offer Laurentius is a pretty big one. While i don't think anyone would feel the need to hide from anyone the fact they stole a key from some terrorist, or killed someone in self defense (on the assumption they'd be believed, of course), not one person in here has indicated they've been willing to be open with their wives about what it is they do.

It's touchy, there is a huge gray area, the dynamics do make it a difficult situation, adding emotions to the mix infinitely complicate things, and most of all, i'm not sure i wouldn't be doing the exact same thing if in the shoes of many of those here, so i'm certainly not going to argue the point with any sort of vehemence. But nevertheless, any legitimate rationale offered is somewhat diminished by the fact that hobbying is, at the end of the day, covered up by lies. If the wife is unwilling or unable to provide for the physical needs of her husband, and if in spite of this she would divorce him if he obtained those needs elsewhere, then maybe the other parts of the marriage aren't as strong as "he" wants to think they are for the purposes of rationalizing his hobbying. So to that extent, i think Max does have somewhat of a point.

[jimmyb]

WOW you guys do like to tackle the hard ones. There is no easy answer there is no right or wrong.

Remember
DON'T JUDGE A PERSON SHOES UNTIL YOU WALKED A MILE IN THEM

[cnym]

Originally Posted by Maximum4

If you're married, your cheating on your wife.

Sorry Max, but way are you here ....................

[da kine kid]

I'm single at the moment, but I see it like this. We're men, physical and sexual affection is a big part of our need for intimacy, more so than for the vast majority of women.

If your wife or SO is not giving you that, and not for some valid reason like health problems or extenuating circumstances, you feel neglected and you crave that intimacy. For any red-blooded man, we need it, it's that simple. Man cannot live on bread and water alone. It's an intrinsic physical, spiritual and mental need, not want.
If you're either not attracted to your wife anymore, or she isn't giving you what you need, you should probably address that. However, it's not always so simple as that. There's other things like kids, financial concerns that prevent guys from jumping ship.

Morality isn't so black and white as we'd like to think. Husbands may not be proud of getting their kicks in that respect elsewhere and keep it on the down low, but suffering like a miserable bastard just isn't an option for many. Many can balance those parts of their lives. They may love their wives and honor them, which is why they're discreet, but they need to replace that other missing essential piece.

I'm going to go a little off topic here, but..

People are so conflicted about this in this country because of many of the backwards puritan values we still have. People all around the world are mystified as to how we're so tolerant of violence in our media, but we start thumping the bible when a bit of nipple slips on TV. Sex and celebration of the human body is a wonderful thing, and essential to our nature. This should not be repressed and vilified. I see this as absolutely ridiculous.

[offshoredrilling]

Originally Posted by Maximum4

If you're married, your cheating on your wife.

Originally Posted by cnym

Sorry Max, but way are you here ....................

Why not, he is no longer married.

[cnym]

Bravo ..... da kine kid

[cnym]

Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

Why not, he is no longer married.

That still does not state why Max is here, LOL
If you have a wife, a GF, a SO.....the same applies ............. Just saying.........

Lets not start knocking the married men with things like "you are cheating" ................... devotion...........blah blah blah.
We all have our own reasons of why we are here, so lets not play the Morality game please
If you want to refer to any religion, then having sex outside of wedlock is a Sin, so where does that leave all of us and the society that we live in.
Come on, Life is too short, I will live it to the fullest with No Regrets or Guilt!!!
Mt wife and kids have everything they need, financial and emotional, The Hobby is My Hobby without affecting them in any way , shape or form !!!!!!!

I have become a much happier and better person with the Hobby. It made me a better person to deal with within my personal marriage and my civilian work life and personal life.
I do not get upset any more, I do not get angry any more. My life and the life of all people around me has benefited.
I have made great friendships here with some of the Ladies, some I like a lot and some I love ......
This does not mean that I will not provide for my family with all they need including the emotions and the security ....etc.

[Das Ubersoldat]

Originally Posted by cnym

Mt wife and kids have everything they need, financial and emotional, The Hobby is My Hobby without affecting them in any way , shape or form !!!!!!!

As long as they don't find out, right?

[jackfengshui]

I am sorry that all you saintly single guys have to put up with so many married sinners like me in here.

[NormalBob]

Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

Why not, he is no longer married.

Married men (not you OSD). Put down the rocks for a moment. It sounds like Brother Max had a wife that died.

If so, that would certainly effect his perspective, given to be, what sounds like, a very close relationship.

[offshoredrilling]

I ant no saint. I deleted most of my first post to this thread thinking I have never been married. Asked 5 times got a yes 4 times. Took the bait hook line and sinker. But never got the bull ring in the nose. Have gotten the ring or in my case rings. but never had it on. Other than to make sure is was a good fit. So I was thinking better to leave this to the married, or have been married.(the rings fit better than the relationships, good thing never made the "I DO" walk)

Maximum4 gave his point of veiw. I also felt like it was a bit judging how he made his point. But if you read the point of veiw, with out the judging. He is being true to what he has stated. And I am sure if he was to ever find another, he would drop out of the hobby.

And cnym is right about the "If you want to refer to any religion,". And may I add the law of the land(silly law). So will dare to say there are no males here that have "sainthood". Maybe a few females for putting up with us.

Maximum4 can answer "Why he is here" if he wants. But he does not have to. And as I think he is living what he stated, "why not?". I will have to say I saw the "?" as a jab at him, after one member all ready asked him not to "pass judgment"(thanks jack). And so I was thinking after rereading all of Max's post to this thread. "why Not". And cnym is right, that my "why not" does now answer as to "why".

Maximum4's post do tell one way for the OP not to feel any guilt. And that would be ok you joined the board. But do not join the Hobby. If I was a prude, I could add, Do not read other threads or look at any pictures. But I am not. If the OP does not go for it. What would I care if he reads, and posts a few times, or drops out. (edit)If does not join the Hobby, yet if he stays on the board. I would like to have his "point of veiw.

Edit thanks NB (post #43)

[Das Ubersoldat]

Originally Posted by jackfengshui

I am sorry that all you saintly single guys have to put up with so many married sinners like me in here.

Jack, I'm not passing judgement on anyone, and I am no saint. According to my religion, I have broken or shattered the 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 8th, and 10th Commandments. No, I don't have them committed to memory, I just had to look them up.

I also understand that some men here have SOs that can not have sex for various medical reasons. For them i am truely sorry about their dilemma.

Others come from points where ther SO has just ceased any sexual activity. Here I am sure there is a deeper issue, and that needs to be discovered.

I guess my point is that if you have an SO, and you are seeing other people to have your sexual needs met, and you do not have your SOs expressed permission to do so, you are cheating. Yes, it is that simple.

Everyone can delude themselves into believing that it is ok by whatever mental gymnastics they have to preform to come up with a rational reason. All I'm saying is if you think it is ok, then why not tell your SO? And for those that really think their SO doesnt know after years of them not having sex, that is the biggest delusion of all. They may not want to admit it or confront it, but they know when they are being cheated on. Trust me, I've been on that side of the fence.