American Women and Getting Paid

[Camille]

Originally Posted by pjorourke

In the long-run, all good relationships are partnerships with equal effort/input on both members. Input/effort comes in many forms -- money is just one.

Agreed PJ. Such a succinct but valuable point.
There are many components that make up a whole relationship.
The ingredients may differ slightly from couple to couple, but generally we are talking about basics such as finances/an ability to take care of one another (meaning non-financially related efforts such as cleaning/cooking/making sure someone gets home safely late at night etc). To me it doesn't matter who does what...just that all the ingredients that make a whole ("whole" as seen by both of us) are there. I don't expect absolute balance of input on both sides because I think that's a bit rigid and perhaps unrealistic (it can be hard to place monetary values on some inputs yet easier on the more tangible) but I would prefer to feel that we felt it was as close to equal as possible. The only way that is posisble really is if someone places as much value on what I bring to the relationship as I do them...even if both are bringing entirely different things. There is going to be no value to a man of my ability to cook or clean if he likes to eat often and has a house cleaner. Just because it's may seem positive input to me doesn't mean it is to him and of course vice versa.

That's just me though. I'm careful about who I depend on, the likelihood of me feeling comfortable being a dependent on anyone is on the minus scale....which is why I strive for balance which is not always easy Some women are less worried about that, just as some men are. I have always tried to live a relatively independent life. As such, I feel I have more options of what I could "input" into a relationship..that range from tangible to less tangible things. The key I think (for me) is not to let a man I like feel as though I can input so much that he is superfluos to my needs other than the obvious. That can be the downside of being independent at times...which could also be a topic in the misconception thread

Happy Sunday all.

C xxxx

[Guest050715-1]

I, for one, do like you Leah! But, I have to disagree on this one. I believe in each party carrying their own weight: emotionally, financially and socially. Even in the demimonde where the interaction is a bit more quid pro quo than in the dating world, I don't believe in the man paying and paying and paying. At some point both parties need to give as much as they take. It strips respect and the balance of power (for lack of a better word) for one party to be financially dependent upon the other and / or for one party to be financially abusive (again, for lack of a better word).

[Lovely Victoria]

Originally Posted by Leah Ireland

I really like Nina Sastri's post on 'Powerful Women'.

It provokes me to mention something I mention often and am required often to work on in my other/main life:

I am constantly teaching American women to get looked after/paid for by their men.

I tell them are they INSANE to pay half of dates, and the very real fact is that people pay for what is emotionally important to them. So if a guy is not paying for you, in whatever world you're in, he thinks very lowly of you.

How could he not?

A much older girlfriend tried to explain the b-----it she had been dealing with in her newish relationship to me recently, and how my words to her had pulled her through. She insisted he pay all bills for an upcoming trip. Duh.

She tried to explain to me the terrible debt American 'feminists' are paying now - "We burned our bras...".

I cut in in - "We did that in Britain too. Then we took their wallets.".

Any gentleman worth his salt knows he has to pay for his date. That's what I'm teaching American women that I meet - the more a man spends on you, the more he respects you.

Once they hear my logic, women always say "Well, yes!". Young or old.

It's a matter of respect.

Not that all women don't know that of course... I'm just repeating ancient sense.

Leah Ireland

I tend to think that only a beautiful woman, such are yourself, could make this kind of statement. But I could be wrong.

Originally Posted by Black Sedan

I am completely uninterested in an emotionally intimate relationship with any woman with this attitude. Such women with the attitude you espouse reduce themselves to merely a sex object; property.

I for one love being a sex object.

Originally Posted by Black Sedan

Further, I doubt that a thinking provider would expect her personal relationships to mirror her hobbyist in this way, and still hope to be happy.

I don't expect, but as Alexander Pope said, hope springs eternal.

Originally Posted by pjorourke

In the long-run, all good relationships are partnerships with equal effort/input on both members. Input/effort comes in many forms -- money is just one.

Very nicely stated.

[ForumPoster]

Originally Posted by WTF

A powerful woman does not need a man to buy them a fucking thing.

I dont NEED a man to by me a fucking thing ... I will however ALLOW someone special to enjoy treating me as a Lady.

It is not about "getting men to buy me shit" .... it is about being fully capable to take care of myself and to show respect to someone SPECIAL in my life by graciously ACCEPTING his attention and gifts and not cutting off his balls.

Lina

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by Sensual Lina

I dont NEED a man to by me a fucking thing ... I will however ALLOW someone special to enjoy treating me as a Lady.

It is not about "getting men to buy me shit" .... it is about being fully capable to take care of myself and to show respect to someone SPECIAL in my life by graciously ACCEPTING his attention and gifts and not cutting off his balls.

Lina

Exactly.. but I don't think WTF understands that.

_____________________

Nothing wrong with requiring a man to foot that bill. In my eyes, he's a man. That is what he's supposed to do.
That doesn't mean I don't have my own money. For example: My aunt runs a very successful clothing company..
she is well off and so is my uncle but he pays for everything. It has nothing to do with her not having money.

[ForumPoster]

Originally Posted by Naomi4u

Exactly.. but I don't think WTF understands that.

_____________________

Nothing wrong with requiring a man to foot that bill. In my eyes, he's a man. That is what he's supposed to do.
That doesn't mean I don't have my own money. For example: My aunt runs a very successful clothing company..
she is well off and so is my uncle but he pays for everything. It has nothing to do with her not having money.

Yep. Not to make broad generalizations, but often american born/raised women forget that in order to be with a MAN they should let guys BE one. I covered the bill for my SO's birthday outing. Next time I pull out my wallet on a date will be ..... his next Birthday



Lina

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by Sensual Lina

Yep. Not to make broad generalizations, but often american born/raised women forget that in order to be with a MAN they should let guys BE one. I covered the bill for my SO's birthday outing. Next time I pull out my wallet on a date will be ..... his next Birthday



Lina

Damn Lina you said a mouthful! I soooo agree!

[charlestudor2005]

This thread has brought us all the users.

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

This thread has brought us all the users.

So who are they? Care to mention them by name? Sad that you see this as "using".

[Black Sedan]

Originally Posted by Lovely Victoria

I for one love being a sex object.

If you are aware that's what the situation is, then so be it. Don't expect me to understand how that can be enough. I pity the men and women who aren't taking advantage of this life to feel more.

[acp5762]

Originally Posted by Leah Ireland

I really like Nina Sastri's post on 'Powerful Women'.

It provokes me to mention something I mention often and am required often to work on in my other/main life:

I am constantly teaching American women to get looked after/paid for by their men.

I tell them are they INSANE to pay half of dates, and the very real fact is that people pay for what is emotionally important to them. So if a guy is not paying for you, in whatever world you're in, he thinks very lowly of you.

How could he not?

A much older girlfriend tried to explain the b-----it she had been dealing with in her newish relationship to me recently, and how my words to her had pulled her through. She insisted he pay all bills for an upcoming trip. Duh.

She tried to explain to me the terrible debt American 'feminists' are paying now - "We burned our bras...".

I cut in in - "We did that in Britain too. Then we took their wallets.".

Any gentleman worth his salt knows he has to pay for his date. That's what I'm teaching American women that I meet - the more a man spends on you, the more he respects you.

Once they hear my logic, women always say "Well, yes!". Young or old.

It's a matter of respect.

Not that all women don't know that of course... I'm just repeating ancient sense.

Leah Ireland

What I think Leah is actually implying without actually saying it, is "all women are basically whores" and men should compensate them for everything to keep the relationship going. The more a Man spends on a Women the more he will respect her and she will respect him less. Isn't that right Leah.

[Camille]

Instead of berating Leah for what she expects a man to bring to bring to the table why aren't people (that disagree so profusely with what she says) asking what she will bring to table that she sees of equal value? I think that's reasonable. Of course, you may disagree in what Leah perceives as value but aren't you even curious to see if it would affect your opinion?

C

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Sensual Lina

I dont NEED a man to by me a fucking thing ... I will however ALLOW someone special to enjoy treating me as a Lady.

It is not about "getting men to buy me shit" .... it is about being fully capable to take care of myself and to show respect to someone SPECIAL in my life by graciously ACCEPTING his attention and gifts and not cutting off his balls.

Lina

Originally Posted by Naomi4u

Exactly.. but I don't think WTF understands that.

_____________________

Nothing wrong with requiring a man to foot that bill. In my eyes, he's a man. That is what he's supposed to do.
That doesn't mean I don't have my own money. For example: My aunt runs a very successful clothing company..
she is well off and so is my uncle but he pays for everything. It has nothing to do with her not having money.

I treat people as human beings and base my givings on needs (not gender).

Sometimes mine needs come first . Sometimes theirs. If those two needs cross paths fine.

What you two are having a hard time understanding is a much broarder picture.

Different countries, different cultures, I get that. Your mind is not open to different idea's.

Originally Posted by Camille

Instead of berating Leah for what she expects a man to bring to bring to the table why aren't people (that disagree so profusely with what she says) asking what she will bring to table that she sees of equal value? I think that's reasonable. Of course, you may disagree in what Leah perceives as value but aren't you even curious to see if it would affect your opinion?

C

I do not disagree with her entirely, I just think it is difficult to make such a broad statement. I think it is a case by case type sititation.

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by WTF

Your mind is not open to different ideas.

Interesting. I agree. Won't argue there.

[ForumPoster]

Originally Posted by WTF

I treat people as human beings and base my givings on needs (not gender).

Sometimes mine needs come first . Sometimes theirs. If those two needs cross paths fine.


What you two are having a hard time understanding is a much broarder picture.

Different countries, different cultures, I get that. Your mind is not open to different idea's.

I am dating someone for few months now. EVERY time we get in/out of his car he opens the car door for me. Yes, he walks around the car, open the door, helps me in and walks back to driver's site. Same but in reverse when we get to our destination.

Does he do it because I am incapable? Noop. I have had to open car doors all on my own.

He is as american as american pie. I am eastern european to core. Where I come from, it is sign of respect. For him - it is small gesture that allows him to be a Gentleman he is.

Lina