Demiland, love, and dating

[atlcomedy]

I think terbul = Summerhill or at a minimum gets off on White Knighting for her...

Mod Note: We're new here so this is just a note to set some limits. The term "white knight" is a derogatory comment. As it is being used here, it is a derogatory comment aimed at another member. This is bad form and will not be allowed. Please refrain from such comments in the future.
Thank you.
John Bull

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Actually, yes, many friends do want to be with me on my birthday, knowing full well that others would like to share that day with me as well - friends, family, SO's, other Demi-suitors. Can't say any were disappointed I chose to spend it with them. .

The question is where do you want to spend that special time? No right or wrong answer.

[terbul]

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

I think terbul = Summerhill or at a minimum gets off on White Knighting for her...

?????

[Guest050715-1]

Within the context of the demimonde world, dating is a difficult proposition at best.

[guest041110]

Originally Posted by Exotic Lily

Yes I totally agree with you on this thought. Falling in love becomes eminent once a prolonged sexual relationship has been established and the guilt of being a paid companion with someone you're in love with causes much anxiety deep down inside.

I find it a good funny Lily that you wrote that because I experienced that first-hand. Yet, I had not thought of it like you wrote, so thank you for the different perspective as it puts a different spin on things of the past for me.

Originally Posted by WTF

...
I respect others love. I would question both my selfishness and hers. I get no joy out of hurting another....and however indirect, it is hurting another. And the flip side to that is.... I would question any relationship I was in if my SO choose to be with another on a important date that we celebrated.
...

Despite our apparent differences in thoughts and opinions WTF, what you wrote is very similar to how I think and feel which I find rather surprising. Trust me when I write that it is very rare that I find myself in this position but, in this instance, I do. I realize that what I quoted from you is out of context in regards to your reply to Lauren but it is relevant nonetheless.

Originally Posted by OliviaHoward

Within the context of the demimonde world, dating is a difficult proposition at best.

Yes, Olivia, it is and that is why I wrote what I did earlier in this thread.

[LynetteMarie]

The more I participate and read through these forums, the more I'm convinced of what I hear so often from my (very few) patrons:
I don't fit in here.

[guest041110]

Lynette, I think your perspective gives hope and fits just fine in this forum since sometimes people need to hear things like what you and the others have written.

[Guest020510]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

So to pose the discussion from the point of view of what you would find appropriate

[Aidan MacKenna]

Originally Posted by Sydneyb

Here's to hoping for the right thing for each of us - when we're ready for them - and to preparing ourselves to be ready for them.

I couldn't agree more.

My thought on the matter is that if any of these relationships were a success, would we be here on a hobby board discussing how successful was our endeavor?

In my short career, I have been in love with a client only once. It was the most volitile relationship I have ever experienced. Never had I felt such depth of passion and turmult all at once and in such a short period of time.

The whole damn relationship made me loose sight of what mattered to me most in the world and in the end I found that everything from his name to his marital status was a lie. It was for that reason the emotion I called love was quickly replaced by hate.

To this day I still self loathe over the error of my ways and fear I would only be sabatoging myself to vow to never let it happen again.

[Suzel]

I used to be a stripper and I have found that having relationships with men when

you meet in an unconventional way,

at least in my case,

ALWAYS

leads to the big ole

*double standard*

Not only that but I had to quit and they expected me to get a "real job." while going to school.

I don't mind going to school. I love school. I wish that was my job.

For some reason, I find "real" jobs soul destroying.

Anyways, in my case it was always I had to quit. Get a real job. Then I would bust

them going to clubs or seeing escorts behind my back. I even told my last ex after

busting him on aspd that we could have an "open" relationship, just don't tell anyone.

But oooooohhhh noooooo. I wasn't allowed to do anything sketchy.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

That's just righteous fault finding.

How so? Because I do not agree with you? And for the record, I was quoting dg in that response. It was a question directed toward him, though I do not mind discussing this with you at all.

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

You assume anyone with a different view point must be flawed compared to your superior expectation.

Where did I ever say that....though I do think we ALL have flaws. Don't you? I have different expectation, YOU inserted 'superior'. Nowhere did I say that.

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

You assert that my relationships are "questionable". That ceases to sound like a discussion.

No I did not. This is what I wrote "I would question any relationship I was in if my SO choose to be with another on a important date that we celebrated."

I would question a relationship 'I' was in. I would not want to play second fiddle to anothers job on a consistant basis where she had a CHOICE to be with ME or not. That is not a healthy relationship IMHO. You seem to have felt the very same way earlier, yet you seemed to have no problen dishing that out. I was asking dg to consider that and now I am asking you too. That is all , we are having a discussion, I do not expect to agree all the time but nowhere have I tried to be disagreeable. Sorry if it came across as so.

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Actually, yes, many friends do want to be with me on my birthday, knowing full well that others would like to share that day with me as well - friends, family, SO's, other Demi-suitors. Can't say any were disappointed I chose to spend it with them. It has nothing to do with "respecting others love", I'm not sentimental in that regard because I'm not monogamous. By default I don't believe that shared love is disrespectful.

This is not about who you spent time with but the SO that you DID NOT 'Choose' spend time with. Also it seems you want to have it both ways.....first you assert that many people want to spend a special day with you. Which carries a view of sentimentality on their part. Then you assert that

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

You're also assuming all people are sentimental regarding holidays and anniversaries, which they are not. It's only natural I would date people who are compatible with me, which means we probably have that in common.

That makes no sense. Either people you date are sentimental or not.

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

I think it's fair to say WTF, that we are in no way compatible. So to pose the discussion from the point of view of what you would find appropriate in your relationships is self-defeating. Though you may not be combative, you do like to prod.

Yes that would be fair to say on certain fronts.

I posed the question because YOU earlier stated you do not want to play second fiddle and yet turned around in the next paragraph and regulated your SO to second fiddle.

Nothing you have stated since has made sense in regards to your orginial premis. It could very well be me not being able to wrap my head around your reasoning. I'm trying to, believe me.

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Though you may not be combative, you do like to prod.

Isn't that what one does in philosophical discussions?

[WTF]

Originally Posted by LonesomeDove

I realize that what I quoted from you is out of context in regards to your reply to Lauren but it is relevant nonetheless.

It is not out of context but to be concise, it was a reply to discretegent in response to his response to my question posed to Lauren.

[Guest083011]

Originally Posted by terbul

It's even more than "special" days. Just like any freelancer/contractor/real estate agent/etc an escort will tend to take a paid day over a movie night, dinner out, SO’s birthday, etc. The impact on “routine” day to day stuff has to be handled as well.

I fit in this list: freelancer/contractor/real estate agent/etc. And yes, when the customer calls, whether it is a holiday or I'm out of area, there is financial compensation for my work. At the end of the day, it is a business, whether it is providing companionship, writing an article, building a house or selling one. Lauren has the ability to decide whom she wants to see when. Interestingly enough, I just had a private discussion, with one of our HDH here, about a meeting in the future. As the schedules presented themselves, an opportunity to meet was also a big wedding anniversary for me. One reason choosing another date was if the anniversary ends up with plans that would interfere with me meeting this lovely lady (and stay UTR). Yes, there is the karmic aspect to it; but it is what you are comfortable in your own mind. I know I am not tied to good karma/bad karma of dating on the side. As it seems Lauren is too. That's part of polyamorous. In these boards, we all step out of societal norms. Different strokes for different folks, that’s all.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by SR Only

At the end of the day, it is a business, whether it is providing companionship, writing an article, building a house or selling one. Lauren has the ability to decide whom she wants to see when.

Intresting, this business has a business aspect to it?
Lauren said that she did not want to play second fiddle to a wife, Should I quote where she stated that a man with a wife and a mistress could not provide the emotional things she might need if she were the mistress?...yet expected her SO to play second fiddle to her whims/business. To recap, it sounded to me like she would like emotional needs met from a SO , while not providing them in return.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Originally Posted by SR Only

Lauren has the ability to decide whom she wants to see when. Interestingly enough, I just had a private discussion, with one of our HDH here, about a meeting in the future. As the schedules presented themselves, an opportunity to meet was also a big wedding anniversary for me. One reason choosing another date was if the anniversary ends up with plans that would interfere with me meeting this lovely lady (and stay UTR). Yes, there is the karmic aspect to it; but it is what you are comfortable in your own mind. I know I am not tied to good karma/bad karma of dating on the side. As it seems Lauren is too. That's part of polyamorous. In these boards, we all step out of societal norms. Different strokes for different folks, that’s all.

Huh?

Please translate.

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

I think terbul = Summerhill or at a minimum gets off on White Knighting for her...

I can definitively state that they are not the same person. HTH