Ladies, here is your chance; Gents, pay attention....POPCORN TIME!

[rrrabbit]

I am truly surprised that guys have not chimed in with penis wrinklers of their own.

... or would that be considered hijacking the thread ?

[WorknMan]

Originally Posted by rrrabbit

I am truly surprised that guys have not chimed in with penis wrinklers of their own.

... or would that be considered hijacking the thread ?

There's already a thread for that.

[MarleyMonroe]

Also... trim nipple hair if u like em sucked. Makes it a Hard to do it with a mouth full of hair ya know.

[Guest110911]

gross!
but same goes for the ladies! lol

[Guest020916]

That's not BO, that's l'eau de toilette.
Those aren't stubbles, that's a shadow.
Trim the pubes? Those are knotty pube locks.
Skidmarks? Nah, just cat scratches.
For bad breath, there's Menthos. Makers of Fresh!

[harkontume]

see below.

[harkontume]

wash, shave, brush, rinse , repeat.
I get it.
Are there really men on this board that HAVEN'T gotten it?
REALLY?

I also hear negotiation= bad
spiting while kissing = bad.
Sucking too hard on Marley's nips = bad
Making BB your Bitch = dangerous
Stealing = bad
Late = bad

The votes are in (mine) and "Making BB your Bitch" WINS!
followed by "Sucking Marley's nips to hard."

[Sensual Sophia]

Great thread. I know this stuff seems like common sense but at least once a month I have a session where basic hygiene is sorely lacking.

I am surprised how often guys will take showers that are rinse only without actually using soap on the boys or the armpits. These guys claim they have recently showered, but I don't see how that is physically possible unless they are just standing under the hot water. I don't know what to say to these guys... I know for a fact there are MANY hobbyists who don't use soap to wash their armpits after a session because I take showers with most of my clients. It makes me wonder if they wash them before the session...

I wouldn't even go to the grocery store smelling the way some of my clients smell. I think if you are not sure about your freshness, go to the bathroom and rub your hands all over your balls and sniff them. Then do the same thing with your armpits. But then again these stinky guys might be desensitized to their own smell. I mean, when I can smell funk before he has removed any clothings, then I assume he must be desensitized because otherwise I don't see how he could stand it.

I will say this, if a provider takes the time to mention that she has a shower available and you are not 100% certain that you have scrubbed your entire body within the last hour and used a good antiperspirant, then she might be giving you a hint. Same goes with mouthwash or gum -- if she offers, better to take her up on the offer and risk being overly clean than to get a less than ideal session.

Most providers have a variety of soaps and hygiene supplies available but if you are unsure if she will have your preferred brand, bring your own. It's easy enough to have a small toiletry kit at your office or in your car to bring with you to appointments.

I agree 100% on the drooly kisses.... I can't stomach DFK or even LFK if you're going to slobber all over me -- thankfully that rarely happens. Another word about kissing -- DFK is great, but it's nice when there is some variation with LFK or closed mouth kissing. I don't understand people who just immediately open their mouths wide and shove their tongues down a girl's throat and try to go like that for extended periods of time without mixing it up at all. I have never met a woman who likes that. If you're a guy who didn't spend much time making out in 9th grade, here are some other tips. Suction is good. And so is kissing of the neck and ears. Varying deep and light kisses makes things more exciting.

Another gag inducing phenomena is when large beads of sweat begin raining down on me from above. I'm not the only one who hates this guys -- it's one that a lot of us complain about when we get together. If you are a profuse sweater, perhaps keep a hand towel nearby (Lord knows i have plenty). Or you could use your hand to occasionally wipe off the large beads so they don't rain. Obviously when you are being energetic some perspiration is expected and I have no qualms about that -- it's just when large droplets dive bomb my eyes or plop into my mouth that it can be a bit much...

I also agree with Tess about the scratchy beards and stubble. What's unfortunate, is that many men can shave in the morning and be painfully stubbly by 4 pm. An easy way to test this is to run the back of your hand along your upper lip, chin, and jaw. How does it feel? If it feels rough, chances are it will feel the same for her.

But for me, the number 1 session killer is bad breath or strong onion or garlic breath. I LOVE onions. But I never eat raw onions on a day when I will be providing. Caramelized onions are fine because they are less strong but raw onions seem to stay with you no matter how many times you brush your teeth. And garlic is excreted through the sweat glands as well. I understand how hard it is to say hold the onions on that taco or burger or to avoid those roasted garlic cloves on the pizza, but if you know you have an appointment with a lady that day, trust me, it will be worth it. When I am with a client who smells nice, the experience is extremely pleasurable and I know he gets a better session out of me. When he smells bad, my mind is constantly devising ways to avoid or reduce my exposure to the bad smells and really is not focused as much as it should be.

Thankfully, the vast majority of hobbyists exhibit good hygiene.

[maxieryan]

all right, all right, all right!!!! So I'm guilty of the onion/garlic thing!!!!! I'm finally getting the hint, I can't help it, I LOVE garlic and onions!!!! I'll lay off of them.

1. Strong cologne is a NONO, especially if it's expensive. That stuff will stay on our skin even AFTER using soap.
2. I request that EVERYONE use the wipes provided on their tushies. I even have 5 kinds of unscented soap!!! But some guys are smelly, claiming they have recently showered, and will avoid them at all costs. If you are hairy and have a difficult time cleaning, rinse. JUST USE THEM AND BE INVITED BACK!!!!!
3. First time visitors; you do not have the keys to the kingdom. If S/M is what you want, find a girl that offers it! Until you know a lady and discuss things with her- don't try to chew on parts of her or briskly slap her ass, OR demand that she talk dirty to you- she doesn't KNOW you!
4. Hickies and biting are NEVER acceptable behavior..........
5. Your time starts at your appt time. Calling 10 min early, saying "I'm here" is NOT acceptable. On the flip side, If you are late chances are that your appt may still end at the same time. Those that behave as if it's a SOFT appt time, saying "i'll be there around 3", will probably not be seen again. And they'll probably be mad that I didn't stop my schedule to accomodate their inconsiderate tardiness. Sometimes it works out to get that time back, usually no. That's why it's always good to be on time.
6. Trying to SHOVE your finger in the back nine. Not everyone likes that.
7. Sending emails and not calling then being mad about no reply. Pay attention to the method of contact in the ads. Not everyone can live on the computer! LOL
8. We are not your personal pimps. If you are looking for a different girl, please don't act like it's our responsibility to point you in the right direction. Especially if you're cheap and drive a luxury car!!!
9. References, hmmmmmm. I give 10 or so OKs a week.......it's been a year since I got a review......I ask gents to leave a few sentences about their session on my guestbook page, most won't even do that.......I give at least 3 refs a week for gents........I love giving refs , but all this free PR I'm giving out is really inequitable. That is basically wanting something for nothing. Of course not all are like this.

That's all I have for now, you have all been wonderful in this thread, thanks so much!!!!

[Dagny D.E.W.]

Originally Posted by maxieryan

5. Your time starts at your appt time. Calling 10 min early, saying "I'm here" is NOT acceptable. On the flip side, If you are late chances are that your appt may still end at the same time. Those that behave as if it's a SOFT appt time, saying "i'll be there around 3", will probably not be seen again. And they'll probably be mad that I didn't stop my schedule to accomodate their inconsiderate tardiness. Sometimes it works out to get that time back, usually no. That's why it's always good to be on time.

My 1st time usually starts at 11a so I just recently had a gent ask for 10:30. I usually say "not a minute before the stated time" on the 1st one of the day but I lost my voice and was limiting my words and he showed up 15 minutes early even then. wow that is really pushing the envelope.

I try to be ready and if I am I will have ya come on up but that just wasn't possible. I think 5 minutes is ok with most but I have heard many ladies complain about this. So please arrive at the time we expect you to be there.

Originally Posted by maxieryan

7. Sending emails and not calling then being mad about no reply. Pay attention to the method of contact in the ads. Not everyone can live on the computer! LOL

I was going to start a thread about this because phone etiquette is important. I have a pager, had it for years. (yes they still exist).
It says clearly on my voice message, you need to leave a VOICE MESSAGE with name & number or I won't answer back.
HINT: pagers do not capture your phone number like cell phones so if you D.E.W. not leave the number I can NOT call back.

Recently I have been getting lots of pages with just the number (like pagers used to show) What I found out recently is that IF he TEXTS me I will only get the phone number. So I assumed that they just punched in a number and he (I'm sure) is assuming that I saw a text from him and never returned the call.

This results in miscommunication ON THE GUYS PART for:
1. not looking for the prefered method of contact
2. & not listening to the clear message on the voice mail and
3. not following directions.

Not everyone texts. Let me repeat that....... Not everyone texts!

Please try the more archaic method if your text is not answered.

[MarleyMonroe]

Originally Posted by harkontume

wash, shave, brush, rinse , repeat.
I get it.
Are there really men on this board that HAVEN'T gotten it?
REALLY?

I also hear negotiation= bad
spiting while kissing = bad.
Sucking too hard on Marley's nips = bad
Making BB your Bitch = dangerous
Stealing = bad
Late = bad

The votes are in (mine) and "Making BB your Bitch" WINS!
followed by "Sucking Marley's nips to hard."

Lol! How have u been stranger? Nice to c ya!

[harkontume]

Originally Posted by MarleyMonroe

Lol! How have u been stranger? Nice to c ya!

/

[cmandy]

short summary of the thread = providers are people too!

Actually good summary of BCD behavior w/ or w/o provider. Maybe someone should summarize it and post a sticky? Must say, HarkOntume's post is the funniest in the thread!

[Dagny D.E.W.]

Originally Posted by Dagny D.E.W.

I was going to start a thread about this because phone etiquette is important. I have a pager, had it for years.

Here is another one, just happened but it happens at least few times a month... I get a call on my cell. I ask "why are you calling the cell not pager when I haven't heard from you in a long time?" He said he was sorry, that was the number he put in his phone. ACK! NO NO!

The number you put in your phone should be the 1st # listed as the contact number. PLEASE! Just because we have spoken by cell to cell doesn't mean that you can put that # in your phone and bypass the prefered contact next time. PLEASE.

And when you do call a lady (usually if you have seen her regularly) still say hi her name, this is YOUR NAME. Even if we speak every week, I still like you to say who you are so I make sure I know who I'm talking to. I D.E.W. not put gents #'s in my phone and D.E.W. not have caller ID so I won't recognize your number. Let's say even if I do, it is only polite. Please!

[Sweet Heather]

Originally Posted by maxieryan

adies, what have you encountered that really ruined the session for you? !

When Mr. Wonderful, who had disrobed except for his overly large t-shirt, accidentaly let it slip up to reveal a fully loaded colostomy bag. Talk about a turn-on!!!