a long time ago, i learned from a counselor that
when you want to tell someone your decision, just say what your decision is. nothing more.
if you start explaining how or why you've come to that decision, that gives the other person a wide open door to start questioning your decision, derailing the discussion, or worse.
in my 10+ yrs here, i've given "honest" feedback to several providers who gave me a slightly below to def below average deliteful time. i did so, cos i thought they might need to know - hoping that they might see the "light" and change their tune.
based on my experience doing so,
i no longer believe that the following is the appropriate thing to do in this crazy little sub-culture we play in, mainly cos real world rules/protocols/courtesies dont apply.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by whitechocolate
... the provider should tell the client in a direct way why she doesn't feel it would be a good mix. ...
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in my experience, it just doesnt help.
one or the other persons either gets mad or all high & mighty; retaliates in one form or another; starts an argument nitpicking w/ the replies; cant or doesnt want to believe what the other person wrote/said. fortunately, no one has stalked me or outed me over what i told them. [knock on wood]
my bottom line suggestion: if, after a bit of back/forth, either side decides it's not what they wanted,
just say "i'm gonna pass on an appt. thanks for your time & consideration." and move on. you dont even have to tell them "I don't think we will mesh".
and
no need to apologize or say you're sorry. it's your decision - dont be ashamed of it.
note, this is not for those situations where a provider or client is really giving you a bad time [harassing, stalking, extorting, bashing online, or worse].
in those case, publicly tell your peers [guys, gals, or both] the facts as you know them.
