Respect a simple yet lost concept

[Fancyinheels]

Snide Meaning and Definition from WordNet (r) 2.0

1. snide adj : expressive of contempt; "curled his lip in a supercilious smile"; "spoke in a sneering jeering manner" [syn: supercilious, sneering]

Snide Meaning and Definition from Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary
Snide (adj): Tricky; deceptive; contemptible; unworthy of esteem

I'm sorry, but while I frequently do express myself tongue-in-cheek, what I said above wasn't contemptuous or even sarcastic. It's just a statement that I actually do believe.

[Fancyinheels]

I agree with you, WTF, that thick skin is definitely a necessity (and I often wish that mine was much more defensively substantial), but some comments are so insulting, so glaring, that they make it past anyone's bulletproof armor and leave a wound. Seems like there's a lot of that here, and so much negativity brings us all down, IMHO.

[Guest042611]

Originally Posted by ninasastri

You are right with people have to be nice to each others. But i`d stop short that being nice is only a thing withing words. Sometimes honest rudeness can be nicer than dishonest backstabbing delivered with nice flowers, although the second one is perceived as correct. I`d say when it comes to the argument of what is PAINFUL, the second action is much more painful in the long run. The pain lasts longer.

That's true, yet I don't think politeness and honesty should be at odds with one another. The best communicators are both at the same time. I believe an honest, perhaps even brutally so, message is most poignant when delivered with civility and respect.

[Bebe Le Strange]

Originally Posted by ninasastri

I think people fell the need to bully also when not in internet boards. And also when not anonymous. I think we have to differ here further. I don`t think anonymity explains it. If that would explain it we all would not have heated discussions and be rude in the first place because - even though anonymous - we are hurt by statements. I`d say for me this does not help because i feel hurt nevertheless. And Nina Sastri , although not my real name is also a brand and not completely anonymous in that sense. I think blaming the internet is not the whole explanation. There is more behind it, becuase people are also rude when not anonymous.

I do understand what you are saying, and I agree. I just think that the internet chat boards seem to foster this type of behavior more so. Where as being rude or mean to a person "in person" generally will reap a quick reaction in some form or fashion. So there is more of a deterrent for that kind of behavior, most individuals prone to rude/mean behavior will "hold their tongue to avoid face to face conflict. It has been my experience (in general) that the people who come across rude/mean or bullying on an internet chat board generally lack self esteem, and in real life avoid confrontation of any kind.

[Tiffani Jameson]

Originally Posted by Bebe Le Strange

I personally will give respect automatically, (I also give most people the benefit of the doubt) up until something is said or done to lose that respect. I think what Nina says with regard to the written word is true. You cannot hear a person's voice or the tone of it when they have written something, nor see body posture or facial expression. So much of what we take in when talking to someone face to face is more visual and sound than anything else. If someone says something in person, then writes the same thing they said in a chat forum, most likely some people will interpret it completely different in written format than they would if they were in front of the person listening to them making the same statement/questions.

I think some people have poor writing skills, poor grammar, English etc; and they have the most difficult times with communicating effectively on a internet chat board.

I agree totally with this, Bebe, I am that way too. Or so I thought. We've had a discussion here previously about what we THOUGHT was respect, but it turned out to be politeness. Charles is right. When you actually LOOK at the definition of respect, you don't initially do so. You are just nice to a person until you learn more about them, and deem them worthy of respect. I think we call it that because that's what our parents told us we were doing. Respecting our elders. Your fifth grade teacher was mean as hell, but you still had to respond with 'yes ma'am'. You only really gained respect for her after you understood why she was the way she was.

I have very few people I dislike, since I allow people to follow their own paths. It's not my purpose to have EVERYONE agree with me, just understand where I'm coming from. Even if my opinion differs from someone, I respect them for having one. Even if the opinion (in my opinion) comes from ignorance. If I can be a voice of reason or offer a new perspective, just to give them something to think about, then I've done enough.

The problem with communication for me is consideration. It's not necessarily what is said, but how it's said. I recently had an upsetting issue, and when a certain negative-communicating person in my life was informed of this issue she called me. When she started with her normal tone I asked her this question: "If I were on a bridge about to jump, would what you say to me make me step off the edge or jump in?' In that very moment, you have to care if a person is hurt by what you say or not.

It is true that you cannot communicate with everyone the same. Some people need to be given that tough love, and some need to be handled with kid gloves for what you say to be received (that is the true reason we open our mouths or move our hands across the keyboard, right? Otherwise we just sound like Charlie Brown's teacher, and speaking out was just a waste of energy). We just have to make the choice to be considerate enough to care which approach to use.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by Fancyinheels

I agree with you, WTF, that thick skin is definitely a necessity (and I often wish that mine was much more defensively substantial), but some comments are so insulting, so glaring, that they make it past anyone's bulletproof armor and leave a wound. We see a lot of that here, and so much negativity brings us all down.

Since I don't pack (see the protection thread), the only bullets I have left are verbal. I will admit I've been more hesitant to pull the trigger in my posting.

[Fancyinheels]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Since I don't pack (see the protection thread), the only bullets I have left are verbal. I will admit I've been more hesitant to pull the trigger in my posting.

And I respect you more for that!

I've always found words to leave a sting that feels worse and lasts longer than physical pain. Kids may not remember exactly how and when they skinned their knees bloody, but research has shown that they carry the effects of verbal bullying into adulthood.

If I've ever disrespected anyone on here it wasn't intentional. I try not to personalize my comments, but I do tend to make light of things in an attempt to break tension and bring a wee bit of humor in. I can see where that might have been misunderstood or even inappropriate at times, and for that I apologize.

My Irish granny would salt and tan my hide for disrespect, but this was also the woman who had a plaque on her kitchen wall that read:

Grant me a sense of humor, Lord,
the saving grace to see a joke,
To win some happiness from life,
And pass it on to other folks.

[WTF]

Tell me the difference between a freedom fighter and a terrorist?

It all stems from a matter of perspective.

For example, in regards to believers vs. nonbelievers.

Believers have no problem condeming nonbelievers to hell. Hell, I say, HELL! It is what they teach and are taught but let a nonbeliever laugh at them for such thoughts and they think you are not respecting their views on life.....never mind that they are condeming you to hell. They think it respectful for them to try and convert you. And tell you they will pray for your soul. They think nothing of that. Respect is a very complicated matter.










That said: ''Step back nonbelievers, for the rain will never come....'', sorry folks, I like that song.

[London Rayne]

Originally Posted by WTF

I agree, I much prefer honesty to my face than this two face PM crap where people hide behind how nice they SAY they are but that same person is fighting to get one banned or worese the whisper lie. They will whisper a lie behind your back and not have the whetherall to say it to your face.

No worries....I think we all know I don't have to hide behind anything to say what I want to say. I could give a flying flip about impressions. This is not match.com, and my honesty has certainly not affected my reviews or my rates.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

No worries....I think we all know I don't have to hide behind anything to say what I want to say. I could give a flying flip about impressions. This is not match.com, and my honesty has certainly not affected my reviews or my rates.

Can I hide in your viginia? Pleeeeeese, I promise not to tell, if you won't. I'm afraid these new Mods are about to come looking for mean ole me!



Talk away London, your honesty is refreshing!

[Valerie]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Since I don't pack (see the protection thread), the only bullets I have left are verbal. I will admit I've been more hesitant to pull the trigger in my posting.

You have been and we are all very proud of you Charlie!

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by Valerie

You have been and we are all very proud of you Charlie!

+1 hope it lasts...

[Sisyphus]

Originally Posted by WTF

Thanks Sisyphus, I had forgotten this question. Tell me the difference between a freedom fighter and a terrorist?

You're welcome, WTF! The royalty check is in the mail...

Everyone else, my apologies!

Beyond that....eh...I got nothing. I just can't muster the enthusiasm for yet another argument about respect and/or politeness.

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

No worries....I think we all know I don't have to hide behind anything to say what I want to say. I could give a flying flip about impressions. This is not match.com, and my honesty has certainly not affected my reviews or my rates.

)))) Too funny! "This is not match.com". Honey some people really think it is

[Valerie]

First off, I think too many people mistake difference in opinions as being disrespectful.
It really seems like if a person is not used to being challenged/debated, or is very narrow-minded, then they usually don't respond well to anyone who thinks differently than they do....

I'm a very open-minded woman, and I will be the first to admit that I have a smoking hot temper, and to quote WTF," a sharp tongue", and sometimes if I'm feeling very passionate about an issue I can come across as being disrespectful, I admit that, but the more someone gets to know me, they understand 9 out of 10 times, I'm not meaning to be, I'm just quite straight forward...

I'm not going to lie, I honestly don't think everyone is automatically entitled to respect. When I first meet someone,( or on here- read another member's thoughts), I try and get to know what they are all about, then once I've had a feel for them, they may have my respect, or they may not...

To clarify, just because I may not personally respect someone, doesn't mean I don't respect what they have to say. There are several people on eccie whom I care not for, however, If I feel they have a valid point on a topic, I will respectfully agree with them, regardless of my feelings of them as a whole....