Are you guilty of making these "Mistakes" in bed?

[Iaintliein]

43) Getting it on with an amature when a pro is available. . . you wouldn't let some drunk chic in a bar drain your transmission fluid, would you?

Regards,

[Fiero]

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.


I was really messing these two up...Apparently taking my pants off in the parking lot was a no-no. Good to know!

[garlandBone]

As to point#7
A famous person once said, "A man may have a penis, but a woman is pussy all over."

I have to take task with point#40,
It just seems discourteous to fuck, and then walk out the door. There is nothing wrong with telling the person you enjoyed yourself and had a good time and would like to see them again.

[benny9770]

Too Funny. Where was this list when I was first starting out? This ought to be given to each guy on his 16th birthday (or maybe earlier)

[ftwranchman]

WOW. I think I have been doing most of the list wrong. Thanks for the info. I'm gonna print this off and memorize it.

[now&then]

Wow, i don't know how many of these I do "right" but it's great to have the ladies give their opinions and perspectives. thanks

[Guest101610-2]

OK Kelly that is the shit. That is the, and I mean THE list for men to live by. I'm going to copy and paste it to my website. And a huge clap for number 11. (yes go back and read them all again guys.)

I completely gave up on teaching how to eat pussy because nobody listens to me. Guys seem to be well entrenched in what they think is right and we will just agree if they can do it long enough. (except they will have probably eaten a hole into my body before I agreed just to get them to stop.)

If I were to ever teach a class, each one of the 40 points would be a month long chapter.

[Guest050911]

Kayla,

I listen....

LOL

PPE

[beachcomber]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWrCf...eature=related

I love this thread. Like putting your finger on mercury! Thanks, Kelly!

Beach

[txcwby6]

Damn! It's Final Exams alllllll over again! Although,,,there was that one hot professor that let me cup her....ahem..never mind!

[xperiment]

So saw an extended 40 list to 50, some are just expounding on the others while there are a few more. http://www.eioba.com/a2849/fifty_mis...hen_having_sex

Now I saw a list of 50 mistakes women make. Although I find some of these rather arrogant bull (but funny), I have highlighted the ones I like.

50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".

17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy. I find that some women actually like dirty talk and use it to fire themselves up. To each their own.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun. HELL YEAH!

20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all f*cking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big f*cking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.

30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.

31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis. I don't know why women dont get this. They want to be known more for a mouth, tits, and a vagina.

32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them. This is just like 31. Just as ladies have more then just the clit and "hole", men have more then the shaft and head.

33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty f*ck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory. I find this more to the self-centered vain ones. The ones who truly enjoy sex will take a bit of the right combination of rough and sensitivity.

36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.

38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.

40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.

41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't. I don't want the faker, I can tell the fakers...most of the time. But yes make moans and sounds. How in hell are we suppose to know what rocks your socks?

43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.

47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really f*cking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be. Agree with this when sex is spontaneous and the moment has that passion. Don't stop that passion by an hour long prep time.

48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok. Hasn't happened to me but I could see why this would suck, in a bad way.

50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

[Spikebaby]

xperiment..... thanks for posting that...I am literally sitting at my computer crying I am laughing so hard.
What I find even more funny is your Avatar..... A Twinkie riding a Twinkie CLASSIC!!

Spikebaby

[mrod]

So far the POST of the year.. good job... ive got a lot of homework to do... If i happen to print this list out and have it bed side. No, nevermind that would make the list a 41 topic list..

[timpage]

Regarding clitoral stimulation. I've had partners who prefer direct, hard, continuous and agressive stimulation....and I've had those who don't. I don't think there is a paradigm. I rely on my partner to tell me and react accordingly.....when I am down there face to face with the promised land, I always say "tell me what you want".....

[GrayGhost1975]

HAHA .. that was great.... when I got back from Iraq I think I made all 40 mistakes