Feral hog pack is back in Katy near Bush Park

[pxmcc]

so like most of the universe is just empty, and then you get these lumpy zones where there's all this shit everywhere all of a sudden..

so i wake up early, on a Sat, and no work gigs. i'm tempted to just have a drink and go back to bed. then i say, naw you lazy ass, get your fat ass up..

so i got my tires pumped up, spare CO2 cartridge, and I head out on my Rock Hopper. I did some crazy detours-like riding on Braes Bayou in spots there's only grass and still muddy soil-and i'm thinking about avoiding chiggers..

i'm like bro, you're gonna do a real ride today; stop wearing yourself out. by the time i get from the Med Center to Highway 6, it's only 10am. cruise down the feeder from Barker Cypress to S.H. 90 in no time flat; something about cars doing 90 that kinda gets ya going..

stop for a mango smoothie in old katy on 90. then head to brookshire. all those 18 wheelers going to amazon gave me a huge boost.

not long after, took the road to Sealy; had zero issues except i had a tailwind. figured the 60 miles back was gonna be hell. little did i know..

finally got to just before i-10 in sealy, and circled around a new pond instead of hitting up the katy freeway service road, which is bike unfriendly in that area. check my bike gps. route is 58 miles back home. no biggee..

so i loop the pond and start heading back. i'm at about 5 miles back when i hear this psssss sound, and i think, i'm fucking sealy with a flat tire. this might be fun..

first tried my CO2 cartridge, and i hear psssss sound again. my lucky day..

check for bike shops in sealy. nope. check in brookshire. nope. my best shot is sun and ski sports at katy mills, like 15 miles away. they close at 9. walking navigation puts me there at 1030. no can do. so..

hop back on and started my one wheel wonder. the bike is trying to shake me off, so i said, fuck your bike, just focus on the road. and that's what i did. made so much headway that i got my bicycling eta down to 8:20, so switched between walking and riding.

suddenly the wheel locked up. tube was all twisted and stuck, so bought a cool pocket knife at a gas station for 15 bucks. cut the tube like rubber. cycling eta is 8:40 now. get back on and 5 minutes later, same thing happens to my tire!

pull out my tire to cut it off, and one section has steel belting on it and won't cut! i'm like, wtf..

so then i start wheeling the bike with only my back wheel. walking navigation says 910 eta. that won't due at all. so i start like walk jogging while holding the handlebars with only the back wheel touching the ground, and this starts wearing me the fuck out, til i finally just sit my fat ass down to recover some strength, and all i hear in my brain is tick, tick, tick..

t.b.c..

[pxmcc]

sux about Ike. i'm going to treasure that last infraction he gave me..

[pxmcc]

finally admit that there's no damn way i'm gonna get to katy mills by 9. then i consider getting an uber all the way home. finally consider another option as my clock strikes 830. if i hurry, this might work..

i look at ubers available. down at the bottom there's a "spacious luxury option." wheels begin to turn.

i select it. payment declined. then i remembered that human parasite Girly Love whole stole my credit card info. last charge on it before i reported fraud was a frickin uber charge. and i didn't even know her real name. what a fucking retard..

quickly i select change my payment info. put in the new payment info. card declined. fuck. b of a smelled a rat, and no damn time to fix it. pick choose a different payment method. scroll through the options. venmo. ya lemme try venmo. glance at the time. 835. venmo goes through!

i get an update. my driver is 10 min out, but my cell is at 5%. tell him i'm at the car wash, and i need to make sure he can fit my bike. no reply, but i start getting updates. 9 min. 8 min. 7 min. its 8:42. every second feels like an hour. finally get an update. 3 min out. this might frickin work. hopefully..

finally, this rav pulls in. I point to my bike. ok? he smiles. mexican guy. he pulls one seat down. i lift my bike, and i'm so exhausted it feels like 160 lbs. my fighting weight. i point to the front wheel, and he straightens it out, but the back still wont close. i point to the other latch in the back seat. he runs around to the other seat and lowers that seat. one final push. success!

i hustle to the front. my phone is on 3%. it's 847. but says 3 min away! a miracle, maybe?

he takes a call while pulling out and just starts blabbering in spanish. i catch just enough to gather they're talking about the pros and cons of this gig economy. i start laughing to myself cause i'm just a glorified gig worker myself..

we pull into katy mills and he, following gps, flies right by sun and ski sports. i motion backwards and he laughs and turns around. we pull into handicapped parking, but the lot is sort of dead. strange. i hop out, he pops the "trunk" back seat thingee. feels like i use all of my remaining strength just to lift this silly mountain bike out. i glance at my phone. 852. is this improbable miracle actually going to happen?

i lift the front tire and half run to the well lit door. put the kickstand down to open the door. suddenly my expression changes, as i see a...deadbolt.

t.b.c.

[winn dixie]

Every year bout this time. Them walking catfish wiggle out of their mud pack hibernation and come on land. Them feral piggies are smart and know this. They are sticking close to these water holes waiting to get them walking cat fishes. I would not recommend going close to these areas right now. I'm telling ya. I learneded the hard way..

[pxmcc]

Originally Posted by winn dixie

Every year bout this time. Them walking catfish wiggle out of their mud pack hibernation and come on land. Them feral piggies are smart and know this. They are sticking close to these water holes waiting to get them walking cat fishes. I would not recommend going close to these areas right now. I'm telling ya. I learneded the hard way..

are them the cats that look like they pre-dated the dinosaurs? one got left behind in a storm and he waddled like 3 feet to try to get back in to the bayou in a couple hours. i ended up eating him lol but channel cats taste way better, imo..

you had a close encounter with a feral hog or two, or 20?

[winn dixie]

Originally Posted by pxmcc

are them the cats that look like they pre-dated the dinosaurs? one got left behind in a storm and he waddled like 3 feet to try to get back in to the bayou in a couple hours. i ended up eating him lol but channel cats taste way better, imo..

you had a close encounter with a feral hog or two, or 20?

When feral hogs start feeding on them walkers it does something to their hormones. They become cray cray. They attack anything and everything. No sir. Not going in the bush right now. No sir.

[pxmcc]

so once i see that sun and ski is closed already-google maps had its hours wrong-i look up to see my uber driver pulling away and i bark out loud enough for him to hear me-no damn way i'm spend the night out in katy-"wait one second!" and he literally screeched to a halt and turned around.

now at this point i'm so exhausted i'm not even thinking clearly, but i tell him i need a ride to the med center. he was like, sure no problem. now this makes no sense, but i tell him i need a ride to the med center, and give me a second to lock up my bike, which made no sense since his rav could fit my bike, but anyway that's what i did.

he told me to change my destination instead of hitting cancel, but my brain was so tired, i couldn't even manage that much. he put my address in his system, and we were off.

when i got home, i checked my venmo account to see how much the trip cost, but b of a thought the two venmos looked suspicious, so they voided the second one for 30 bucks. so i got a free ride home from katy lol..

the reason i say the universe is lumpy is the fact that the same thing happened 3 times-either my tube or my tire got locked up while wheeling one flat tire, requiring me to have to cut it off with a knife. that had never happened til it happened 3× in a row, because the universe is lumpy af..