Loosing Virginity

[pyramider]

Originally Posted by slim07

Dude, I've been jerking off since I was about 6 years old. I think it's time to move on.

This post was research.

There is a big difference between research and asking how to get your nut. Do your homework and look things up, or keep jerking off.

[Guest041413-2]

Originally Posted by slim07

I don't' know that I want to be a hobbyist. It may turn out to be the only future for me. Don't know. But I need to get the virginity thing out of the way so that I can have a normal social life. At my age It is impossible to yuck it up with other men without talking about women and sex. And without a social life it's impossible to get attractive girls. As an older virgin I am in the weirdo zone and need to get out of it pronto to get on with my life.

1 (possible) Answer: Mature Provider (hands down, you will probably have the sexperience of your life! Mature is not always necessarily age, it's experience, it's personality and most importantly, it's her mind!)

Enjoy

[slim07]

Originally Posted by buzzworm86

Your last two paragraphs are right on. You need to be honest with yourself and admit that you are developmentally arrested regarding sexuality and relationships. Your story is not that different than mine, but I had a short lived relationship after high school, but the next 10 years were awash with depression and my own introversion. Last fall I wound up here due to poor experiences with backpage girls who were not on ECCIE or P411.

I really do not believe that you will find the "cuddling," seduction and "public displays of affection,” spontaneity and intimacy that you desire until you establish a relationship with a provider with whom you form a connection and an established history. This will probably take several engagements with different providers and if/when you find a provider with whom you have a connection, this will take more time to develop what you want. It is similar to finding a barber, it takes seeing many before you find the one and after that several visits before s/he knows what you need. Until that point you will spend a lot of $$$$$$$$$ and be really disillusioned at times.

This is my experience and I have concluded that the intimacy that you desire is probably elusive if it can be had at all. I quit hoping for anything and only try to have the best sexual experience that I can. Similar to the Billy Joel lyric "you will be sharing [your] drink called loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone." You also need to remember that sex is a mechanical function so don't blow the experience out of proportion like it will be the ultimate experience in life. But read the reviews here on ECCIE and cavort with the providers and establish a foundation with some of the providers who participate here.

Good luck and don't do anything rash or stupid!

ps
Sketchball and I flirted with Kandy Kelly in the past, she is from Dallas and has great reviews and is really sweet on the boards here. You might contact her, I pleaded with her to come to KC last year! She is a sweet and beautiful young woman.
http://www.eccie.net/providers.php?do=view&id=54336

Thank you for sharing your story. Introversion and depression. That is me to a T.

I have browsed backpages. It's appears to be primarily drug-addicted streetwalkers and their thugs and scam artists -- at least in Dallas. The Dallas police have pretty much ended street walking here so the girls have all migrated to backpages. Harry Hines Blvd. is completely gone. When I first moved here there were some girls walking near the strip clubs on North West Highway. But even that has been eradicated.

I picked a girl up once on Northwest Highway. She was very young and very pretty. She sorely tempted me. But when she spread her legs and I saw the needle marks on the inside of her legs and the big number some pimp had talked her into tattooing on her arm, I thought, what the hell am I doin? turned around and took her back to where I picked her up. She wanted me to buy her a hotel room. I suspected she may have been on the lam from her pimp. That's just what I need, some wanna be pimp hanging around my upscale apartment complex beating the windows out of my car.

I ran sort of a sugar daddy add once in backpages. Didn't know what I was doing at that time, clueless. All I got was a gay guy with a girl's picture, a wanna be pimp with no girls, and a scuzzy street walker who offered to f me better than anyone else could.

[Jannisary]

My advice.

Get over the "nice guy syndrome" BS excuse. You're not a nice guy from what I've read in your posts. You've got an attitude and its not a good one. Read this article Why Nice Guys are often such LOSERS Then do some honest self-assessment. There is a HUGE difference between being a "good man" and a "nice guy". You can fuck all the pros or civilian women you can handle and if you don't figure out the "good man" vs "nice guy" thing you'll still never be happy or truly satisfied in many aspects of your life.

"Too religious" is a BS excuse for not having sex. I don't believe it and probably deep down you don't believe that's the real reason either. You need to figure and deal with WHY you never got into a relationship that tempted your deep religious beliefs. Even in deeply religious communities relationships form between the opposite sexes. Then if you went to college, what happened or didn't happen there? If you don't deal with whatever the underlying issue is, having sex with hookers isn't going to really solve your problem. There is a huge difference between fucking a hooker even a well reviewed total GFE one, and being in a true intimate relationship.

Now meeting and fucking providers can give you some experience and some confidence in dealing with women. But it can also be a trap that could lead you to relying on paid companionship instead of seeking satisfying true relationships with women. This is especially true if you don't deal with whatever the issue is that has caused you to reach this point in time.

If you go down this road realize that hobbying is a gamble. Even with access to the premium content of reviews here and on other sites, a guy is taking a gamble every time he meets somebody new. Even if all the pictures and descriptions of the lady and her services are accurate, you just never know how you're really going to "click" with someone until you actually meet them face to face. The first meeting is nerve racking for most of us - hobbyists and providers. It can take a few times to really be able to relax and have a great time with someone.

You might also want to consider other options besides escorts to get you more used to more intimate physical interactions with women. Strip clubs and masage parlors are other options where you can get some interaction without having full sex. Once again though, that activity can become a trap of sorts that might limit your real personal growth if you're not careful.

Whatever you decide, don't be cheap. If you are looking for a social only date with an escort first make sure you are clear about that from the first. Some do offer social date only rates, others don't. Remember you're suppose to be paying for her time, not the activities. Being cheap and trying to haggle a provider on rates is not a good way to make a reputation. It is a good way to wind up on a blacklist as a haggler and timewaster.

Texas is one of the best places to hobby in the US. Good luck.

[slim07]

Originally Posted by sketchball82

Overall, I would suggest that if you want a longer term arrangement (especially if you want to start slow with dating and build to BCD activities), go SB/SD (see seekingarrangement.com to find your SB). If you want glorious one night that starts with dinner, goes through cuddling, all the way to BCD activities quickly, see a provider.

The choice is yours. GL.

I really like this idea. Thanks for taking the time to share this and to honestly advise me. I didn't know this option existed.

I have started the process of approval at the arrangement site. I think if I put some effort into combing through the profiles there I may find the perfect situation, if I don't weird the girl out.

One draw back will be: due to my religious background frugality is programed into me. And I'm not sure that I will be able to get the conclusion that I so badly desire out of a girl. I may be too much of a nice guy and too frugal. I may get taken to the cleaners without much to show for it. Or I may have my fragile male ego even more damaged by rejection. But nevertheless it's worth a try. Nothing tried, nothing gained. Getting taken to the cleaners by a beautiful girl would be a huge step up for me given my current patheticness.

I'm having visions of amazing times. Being seen with a beautiful woman (not to mention spending time with her and basking in her glow) is a major turn on for me, as opposed to a beautiful woman knocking on your door and discretely blowing your mind and nobody knows but you, nice though that is. I'm highschool enough that I want to make other guys jealous. And to get my rocks off probably I have to feel like I'm The Man and she's The Star. For some men exchanging money for sex probably gives them that feeling -- or at least the I'm The Man feeling. But the money and "power" game is not turn on for me. It's the same reason line-ups and bargaining at brothels doesn't turn me on. In fact, it has the opposite effect. I love women and I love to worship them, not have a power trip.

[pyramider]

Hug Me Jacket: Coat for the Cold and Lonely

By Sarah B. Weir, Yahoo! blogger

• Posts

By Sarah B. Weir, Yahoo! blogger | Fall Fashion – Tue, Sep 4, 2012 12:45 PM ED

photo by Hill & AubreyHere is the perfect parka for the long, dark, and lonely days of winter. "Everybody needs love, don't they?" asks emerging menswear designer Si Chan on his blog. Chan says he designed his eccentric kelly green puffer jacket, which features a row of clasped hands running up the front, to make the wearer feel "warm and hugged."
Tips: Kelly Osborne's Fashion Advice for Real Women
While Chan, who recently graduated with top honors from London's College of Fashion, purposely exaggerated the padding to resemble a kid's stuffed toy in order to emphasize the warm and fuzzy vibe of the jacket, there's also something a little creepy about it and some of the other touchy-feely items in his collection of six outfits. The grabbing hands conjure up straight jacket from a future planet or tree branches-turned-arms from a child's nightmare.
Yahoo's Fashion Headlines
Courtesy Si ChanChan explains that hugging hands are a symbol of what makes it possible for humans to "express love" and "depart from loneliness" and he insists his vision is sweet, not sinister. A photo from his blog titled "Inspiration" bears that out. It's a sun-washed snapshot of him as a giggling toddler being given a loving squeeze by his older brother. If only a jacket could make one feel that good.
The "Hug Me Jacket" is a prototype but the designer tells Yahoo! Shine he would like to produce it for sale online this winter. The cost would be about £800 ($1,1200).

[slim07]

Originally Posted by Jannisary

You're not a nice guy from what I've read in your posts.

What about my posts indicate that I am not a nice guy. I'm puzzled. I go out of my way to be respectful of providers, because I actually do respect them. They are strong women by any definition. Any woman who walks for work is an extraordinarily strong woman. Any women who hangs around a convenience store in the bad part of town in hot pants and heels is a strong women. Certainly a stronger woman than a kept woman in a suburban house.

I have been very careful to use appropriate euphemisms at all times. I don't understand. I have zero respect for pimps or men who use providers for masochistic reasons. But providers? I will never say anything bad about a provider.

You've got an attitude and its not a good one.

Please explain.

Read this article Why Nice Guys are often such LOSERS Then do some honest self-assessment. There is a HUGE difference between being a "good man" and a "nice guy". You can fuck all the pros or civilian women you can handle and if you don't figure out the "good man" vs "nice guy" thing you'll still never be happy or truly satisfied in many aspects of your life.

I haven't read that article, but I have read Dr. Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy book -- twice. I listened to the audio version and than went and bought the hard copy and read that as well. I posted about my older virgin issue on his web site forum. I got much better advice here.

I was a nice guy and didn't consummate my relationship with one of the girlfriends I had in the fundy community even though she ask me to, because I knew I was leaving the community and she wasn't. If it had been found out that she had been intimate with me (and it would have been), we would have forced to get married. But because I was leaving, she would have been single the rest of her life. Nice guy or good guy, either way I ain't doing that to a woman. In fact, I have always assumed that that is why she verbally offered herself to me, she was in love (as much as teens can be) and wanted to keep me. That was often how marriages happened with the community. More fodder for anti-religious people.

"Too religious" is a BS excuse for not having sex.

I have never said that was the reason. I think I have probably always been agnostic, only now I admit it. I have no moral qualms about sex. Never have.

You need to figure and deal with WHY you never got into a relationship that tempted your deep religious beliefs.

You seem to misunderstand. I have no religious beliefs. Not only am I no longer a part of anything fundamentalist, I haven't been inside a church for years. It is not religious BELIEFS that have stunted me, it is the life inside a religion that I didn't even belief in and the fall out from that that has stunted me. It's the childhood beatings (the black and blue variety), the lack of parental affection, the lack of contact with the outside (try being a teenage and not knowing how to order off a mcDonald's menu, see that does for your ability to yuck it up with other teenager). I have, or have had, severe self worth issues. All of these things have held me back socially. I have now reached a place, the college education, the success at work, where I think I could socialize better, if I didn't have the virginity skeleton in the closet that I have to keep hidden at all cost. I would agree that there are complex issues as to why I am still technically a virgin, but that is beyond the scope of this board. The issue for me right now is getting laid and bringing my sexual develop closer to what it should be for someone my age.

If you don't deal with whatever the underlying issue is, having sex with hookers isn't going to really solve your problem. There is a huge difference between fucking a hooker even a well reviewed total GFE one, and being in a true intimate relationship.

True.

Now meeting and fucking providers can give you some experience and some confidence in dealing with women. But it can also be a trap that could lead you to relying on paid companionship instead of seeking satisfying true relationships with women. This is especially true if you don't deal with whatever the issue is that has caused you to reach this point in time.

My entire life has been a journey away from my unfortunate background and dealing with that. I am not comfortable being open about my past because of all the weird questions I get about it. And the weird ideas people have about it. For that reason I never socialized much in college (a prerequisite for getting laid) even though the school was fundy it was a world away from how I was raised. Now my journey has reached a point where I feel like due to my other successes I could socialize better and have more confidence than I used to have (i use to really be a mess, could hardly talk to people) if I could get rid of the V card.

I can't have a true relationship with an attractive, successful woman, till I lose my loner status. But my virginity makes me by default a loner. There is no way to socialize with other men (outside of religion) without talking about women.

The first meeting is nerve racking for most of us - hobbyists and providers. It can take a few times to really be able to relax and have a great time with someone.

This is one of many reasons why providers are strong people. They have my respect. There is not a lot of people who can do what they do.

You might also want to consider other options besides escorts to get you more used to more intimate physical interactions with women. Strip clubs . . .

I have never been in a real strip club. Been to best buns contest, etc in bars. There are some men who feel comfortable sitting in a room full of with other men who have erections and there are men who don't. I fall into the ladder category. Strip clubs seem like they're for losers and its demeaning to the performers. I know thats not always true. I like to worship women (see my other comments) but I like to see them as comfortable and relaxed and happy, feeling as much like royalty as possible, and I don't see that happening in a strip club, although I am sure there are many dancers who enjoy their work.

There is no question I have an intimacy problem. I have been on a few dates with girls in the past. Generally not more than a first date. I have problems opening up to them and have problems escalating sexually, much to the girls frustration. It's partly a nice guy problem, which leads to not being honest, and partly severe self worth issues, and not being comfortable with who I am .. . an ex -- feel in the wacko religious denomination.

Whatever you decide, don't be cheap. If you are looking for a social only date with an escort first make sure you are clear about that from the first. Some do offer social date only rates, others don't. Remember you're suppose to be paying for her time, not the activities. Being cheap and trying to haggle a provider on rates is not a good way to make a reputation. It is a good way to wind up on a blacklist as a haggler and timewaster.

I understand this. But the legal issues make being clear about what I want a problem. I have to, as a newbie, in order to avoid jail, say that it is a social date only that I am looking for whether that is actually the case or not. In my case social it is all I wanted, but there is no way for a provider to know if I am playing it safe by saying that or if I am covering my ass.

I take full responsibility for the first provider I contacted flaking on me. I think it was poor judgment on her part to up the agreed on price. She knew where the restaurant we had agreed to meet was located before hand. However, there were more gentlemanly ways for me to deal with the situation, generosity being one of them. The price was not entirely out of line. My bad.

[slim07]

Originally Posted by pyramider

Hug Me Jacket: Coat for the Cold and Lonely

You're not a bad guy after all. Point taken.

[omakase]

Go overseas. Don't over-think. Let her do all the work. Drop the prerequisite need for emotional compatibility.

[TheAntichrist666]

I totally like Empty Wallet's idea, that be fucking awesome! You would be a hero to me and everyone else. That would make you a real bad ass! ( =

Originally Posted by emptywallet

I would advise getting premium access and spending some time looking at the reviews of potential candidates.

If I had 2000 and my virginity to lose, I would do it this way...

Set up a meeting with 4 providers for 90 minutes. If anyone ever asks how you lost your virginity, you can say, "I lost it in a reverse gangbang with 4 ladies." In terms of making a "connection," you will have increased your chances by 4.

After the 90 minute reverse gangbang, ask 3 or less providers to leave. Spend your remaining time and money with the remaining provider(s) -- the one(s) with whom you have made a connection.

Have fun. Good luck.

Now that I've given myself wood, time to masturbate...

[LordBeaverbrook]

Definitely find a more mature provider, say late 20's to 40's, and an experienced one as well IMHO. There are some great ones here, cool ladies that have their heads on pretty straight and love sex. Be prepared to spend $$ to $$$$$ depending on length. I'd say at least an hour maybe more depending on your preference. Consider tipping if she makes it easy and memorable. Do your research and PM a few likely providers and give them a little bio info, newbie and a bit more, then move it to phone or e-mail. The dinner date idea is a good one, but few providers will not do it for full price on time so you frugal nature probably rules that out. I'd think about posting a request in ISO early in the week asking for a scheduled weekend day. BP is not the place for u IMHO. I've had a little success, but I got lucky, have a little sense (know too good to be true when I see it) patience and a healthy fear of entanglements with the law. I've also had great success with the non-white providers, but I don't know how u feel about that.

As far as foreign fun, girls in Europe are very open-minded and there are some great spas in Germany and Belgium, but then getting there is costly and the living and fun ain't cheap either. Latin American women are very passionate, but I don't skimp there either due to safety, disease issues and language issues.

Good luck with the quest. I would get the V thing dealt with first and don't forgo that because you aren't guaranteed the perfect experience. Most of us lost our V under far from perfect conditions - dark, hurried, don't know what ur doin, guilt, fear of being caught-getting her pregnant-STDs, etc... Once you've done it once the quest to practice, practice,practice and perfect ur skills can be worth the effort. Fell free to PM me if any of this helps and u have questions. Good luck & I want to read that review!

[ck1942]

Finally, the crux of the matter:

"There is no question I have an intimacy problem."

Disregard all the snipers and others who may question why you are here and here meaning looking at our community but not yet declaring intent to join the community.

Perhaps backing up a bit -- look for some books on intimacy -- which as many ladies who know me understand I am talking about everything in "companionship" and excluding the sexual part.

To me, intimacy is the much more important part of human sexuality. Way more important than the s-e-x part of human sexuality.

In fact, my counsel would be NOT to engage a provider merely for s-e-x. I say this because, due to your upbringing, the resulting "guilt" could last a very long time and definitely interfere with what you appear to want in the end stage -- a real relationship.

Indeed, if you sincerely are seeking a real relationship, get the heck away from here and interact with real world groups. I don't mean see a shrink. I mean check out some in-person groups, religiously oriented or not, preferably not, and just "hang" a bit and see what happens.

If after you find some potential dates in the real world, be as honest as you can be about your background, your upbringing, maybe even, when the time is right, about your lack of sexual experience.

First off, while technically you are a virgin to intercourse, the activities you have described mean sexually, you are prepared for that which follows. Inexperienced, yes, but ready to move ahead when the time is right or ripe, as case may be.

My bet is that in the RW you will find more than a few ladies who will consider your sexual inexperience very refreshing.

[LadyRed]

Originally Posted by slim07

Take me darling!

Slim take a little trip up I-35 and Cum get you some...

[Pink Floyd]

Originally Posted by slim07

[/B]

You're not a bad guy after all. Point taken.

You don't know him

[Gramatik]

Slim, first off, do you have a therapist? If not I would strongly advise getting one ASAP. They can really help you work through your issues in a productive and positive way.

If you have a therapist, I would highly recommend you speak to them about this endeavor. Get their opinion on it at least. Be upfront with them.

I wish you the best of luck.