The Obstacles to Sex

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by pyramider

Rejection is not an issue for the men. We have grown up with rejection all thru our formative years into puberty, high school, and life in general. We become immune to rejection. Taint that a wonderful thing.

This is a very interesting point. Just a few days ago I read an article about successful males dating versus successful females dating. It pointed out that males are more flexible, since they have been taught since century to either date below their standards (since education for women was not always there) or date younger women (since they were rejected by same age women in their early lives) and hence they are better off when older. This might be a wonderful thing indeed Thanks for your input!!!!

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by lostforkate

some of the limitations i have encountered in the past that was a barrier to "great sex", is when a person thinks it needs to be:

do a
then b
then c
then d

and if one parts partner makes it a process, or expects another to do it a certain, then I think that is limiting

sex should never be a duty, and I think can be a common barrier

Oh gosh, yes that is so true. Like Sex as a "Stage act" without any spontaneity. In relation to escorting this can be a bummer at times when you encounter clients with "very" fixed expectations. Like they have a vision in mind and you have to give life to it. It`s mindboggling for me. But I am sure there are entertainers out there , who enjoy that kind of submissiveness.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Ed Highlight

My biggest limitation is a lack of willing participants!!

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Alice Glass

" What gets in the way of great sex? "

That is a beautiful question to ask. Sex is just one way we can relate to each other.
In essence, most that are having this challenge lacks a basic understanding of people because they don't really understand themselves and/or sometimes they don't sincerely care. When there isn't a common ground of something, there is usually chaos. To fully answer the question, one would need to study all human relations in their own uniqueness. Everyone has value if you are looking for it. Sometimes it is fun to rise to the challenge and other times you do what you can. This may or may not help . . .

I think this is a wonderful statement! I think this makes it the basic for all unique relationships, that you can never get bored by a person unless you stop exploring the others soul.

[Snuggles]

true intimacy and passion.

great sex isnt about possitions, or normal/abnormal...or anu such nonsense.

the greates sex I have had I dont even remember possitions, did I throw a lil hip rotation in , did I do X that she says she likes. I just melted into my lady. and we were a rolling ball of passion. Sweaty, sticky, I was just in her arms. We both just passed out, wet sheets n all.


aaah...just the thought...I miss her.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Snuggles

true intimacy and passion.

great sex isnt about possitions, or normal/abnormal...or anu such nonsense.

the greates sex I have had I dont even remember possitions, did I throw a lil hip rotation in , did I do X that she says she likes. I just melted into my lady. and we were a rolling ball of passion. Sweaty, sticky, I was just in her arms. We both just passed out, wet sheets n all.


aaah...just the thought...I miss her.

word!

[Ed Highlight]

The biggest obstacle I have to mind blowing sex seems to be the Atlantic Ocean.......right Nina??

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Ed Highlight

The biggest obstacle I have to mind blowing sex seems to be the Atlantic Ocean.......right Nina??

That`s why I look forward to the method of "beaming" hopefully invented very soon

[Guest121613]

parrot, ditto, yes, repeat, + infinity, ok, I am overdoing it a bit

Originally Posted by Ed Highlight

The biggest obstacle I have to mind blowing sex seems to be the Atlantic Ocean.......right Nina??

[Fast Gunn]

Wow!

. . . I am blown away!

Originally Posted by ninasastri

Hello ,

I am not sure if anyone knows Alain de Botton, he wrote some great books about Love and Romance, putting down the history of these agendas in a great personal and funny review.

Here is an article I hope some of you find intriguing as well, it`s about the "obstacles we face to get a fulfilling sex life". I think it`s a nice read:



"It is rare to get through this life without feeling — generally with a degree of secret agony, perhaps at the end of a relationship or as we lie in bed frustrated next to our partner, unable to go to sleep — that we are somehow a bit odd about sex. It is an area in which most of us have a painful impression, in our heart of hearts, that we are quite unusual. Despite being one of the most private of activities, sex is nonetheless surrounded by ideas about how normal people are meant to feel about and deal with the matter.

In truth, however, few of us are remotely normal sexually. We are almost all haunted by guilt and neuroses, by phobias and disruptive desires, by indifference and disgust. None of us approaches sex as we are meant to, with the cheerful, sporting, non-obsessive, constant, well-adjusted outlook that we torture ourselves by believing other people are endowed with. We are universally deviant — but only in relation to some highly distorted ideals of normality. So it's time to accept the strangeness of sex with good humour and courage, and start to talk about it with honesty and compassionit's time to accept the strangeness of sex with good humour and courage, and start to talk about it with honesty and compassion.

What, therefore, are some of the things that get in the way of that mythic ideal: great sex?"





http://www.powells.com/blog/original...ain-de-botton/

[Guest021817-2]

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

Wow!

. . . I am blown away!

F (silent a) G......

You are my super hero,

Continue, your good work to man kind.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

Wow!

. . . I am blown away!

So sweet! I assume this might give you the overkill

http://www.guernicamag.com/interviews/illouz_6_1_10/

"Love in the Time of Capital"
Eva Illouz

"The rising intellectual star on how commodities create feelings, the modern lingua franca of therapy-speak, and Israel’s emotional style.

When Eva Illouz says passion depends upon scarcity, she does so with the best of intentions. Recently named one of the most important thinkers of the future by German newspaper Die Zeit, Illouz could very well be the twenty-first century’s next great public intellectual. And how did she become internationally popular? Instinct. In trying to get at what most irks her, she’s analyzed everything from love’s leap into leisure, to Freud’s popularity in the American workplace, to psychobabble as a new lingua franca. Historian? Philosopher? For lack of a better term, Illouz is a cultural theorist. Unlike other theorists, however, her ideas are more than just complex complaining; they are surprising and poignant, perhaps because all of her investigations come from the heart. Things get to her, or as she told me, they “trouble” her.

It was then that Illouz began to trace back our obsession with feeling, which, according to her, began in the workplace, where surprisingly, Freud was used to better workers’ effectiveness. Soon, the early psychologist’s ideas spread to the private sections of our daily life, to the extent that now we can’t describe our lives without psychotherapy, as Illouz points out in her most recent book, Saving the Modern Soul: Therapy, Emotions, and the Culture of Self-Help. To explain our actions we have to hearken back to childhood memories and recognize emotional needs. She sees Howard Gardner’s concept of “emotional intelligence” as an extension of this psychological trend. What for Gardner is an aptitude for person-to-person response, Illouz sees the new calculating currency of advanced “emotional capitalism.”

If there is a predecessor to Illouz’s intellectual eclecticism, it would be the Frankfurt School’s attempts to analyze modern life on its own terms. For Illouz, those terms are web 2.0. She sees this phenomenon fueled primarily by the self’s modern currency: emotion. Drawing on nearly every thinker imaginable from Descartes, to Habermas, to Foucault (thanks to her background as a polymath, literati, and more recently, sociologist), Illouz can take the most tired topic and breathe new life into it. She sees Freud in Oprah, Machiavelli in Facebook, and the capitalism inherent in a candlelight dinner. And yet, despite the sheer variety and volume of thinkers she borrows from, her subjects are so topical, so right on, that it’s hard not to be pulled in.

Her first book, Consuming the Romantic Utopia: Love and the Cultural Contradictions of Capitalism, focuses on love’s attachment to consumer capitalism. When love leaves the house and enters the public sphere in the nineteenth century, the date, as we know it, is born. Simultaneously, advertisers create new marketing strategies for domestic products to attract women. Domestic doodads like dish soap are magically transformed into Mr. Perfect magnets. In no time at all, it would seem, romance and consumption become inseparable. It stays that way until some fifty years later, when romance is rationalized. What was once passion becomes calculation, as she describes it in her next book, Cold Intimacies: The Making of Emotional Capitalism. Rather than waiting to be whisked away by the Bounty man, or good fortune on the Ferris Wheel, we look for matches via cost-benefit analysis. "

[Ed Highlight]

Originally Posted by ninasastri

So sweet! I assume this might give you the overkill

http://www.guernicamag.com/interviews/illouz_6_1_10/

"Love in the Time of Capital"
Eva Illouz

"The rising intellectual star on how commodities create feelings, the modern lingua franca of therapy-speak, and Israel’s emotional style...... "

Nina darling, you're good....you just gave FG an intellectual blow-job!!

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Ed Highlight

Nina darling, you're good....you just gave FG an intellectual blow-job!!

No, he told me I was not good enough, and I bored him to death .... (( bwahahahaha. So I tried better , because in times of the "better bigger faster more" I always want to be "the best" (just kidding...... cynical joke hahahaha)


But seriously, Illouz books are very good! She exactly portrays the habits of creating a lay-psychobabble world where anyone knows anything about psychology or intimacy or whatever, or love, without having to dive into the subject in a profound and reflected way, so it creates the simplistic thoughts that people can only feel good, if they "communicate" a certain way (best non-violent of course, don`t have an emotional break down or are angry, just say that you are angry... bwahahaha) and if they "work on their personalities a certain way" (best with trainer and sex therapist xyz") and "if they have sexual and intimate feelings" (standardized in a certain way to promote a certain form of intimacy) a certain way. This is represented everywhere in the discourse analysis of certain media and such. She argues that the new "self help culture" represented nowadays (and the words about "good versus bad sex" are exactly that) is based on the feeling of being not good enough and on the feeling of suffering. The narratives are that people "suffer" and then someone comes around (an escort, a self help promoter, the latest - 100 ways to create superhot intimacy bullshit - columne") promising a narrative of a solution.

It is simple but interesting. It always somehow disgusted me - this standardization and classification of sex as a comparative methods depending on "dick sizes" and "how often to do it" to do "it" right.

And I personally think that this "capitalistic" promotion of "how to do it - in 10 simple steps" is clearly helping escorts to get business. Logically, you can`t put individuals or emotions or sexual acts in a competitive agenda, and the fact that it is done anyhow, like promoting a good cup of coffee over a bad one, is simply hilarious . Because people usually don`t feel a performance pressure (or at least they are not supposed to) when booking someone like us. So , I assume, this might be up for an interesting discussion, also about the agendas of "promoting" escort work.

[London Rayne]

There are several reasons why so many people are confused or agonizing over sexual tendencies....blame perversion, religion, spiritual influences, and downright corruption. People today lack a serious degree of SELF control, and they are actually praised for acting on every impulse regardless of how destructive it might be, when it pertains to sex. NO, not EVERY thought or desire that is placed in our minds is good or natural, and I must laugh at those who claim otherwise.

People OBSESSED with sex, are a far cry from people who simply "enjoy" sex. The hobby is a prime example of people who claim, "They will die without sex." Sorry, but not the case. Though a healthy sex life is documented to improve prostate health, reduce stress, and a number of other biological factors, the same can be accomplished from jacking off, not necessarily have sex with a partner. Men seeking TRUE connections from p4p, never made much sense to me. I don't say that to put down anyone, but simply that I can't grasp that concept from a female perspective. This is why you don't hear about too many females paying male escorts...because what we want, cannot be in the form of a transaction. The money paid, cancels out any possible delusion.

There is a reason some people cheat, and others do not...one group allows their emotions or urges to dictate their lives, and the other group is ruled by strong convictions and decisions...dare I say, even promises.

Here is an example: In the realm of the hobby, providers are usually viewed as sexual creatures who cannot have many facets along with our profession. People are almost shocked to hear a provider say, "I will not cheat on my mate, regardless of what I do with other people's cheating mates." They are equally as shocked to hear we don't all bring home other partners for our mates (if we have one), nor do we all hang out at swinger's clubs on our off time.

It is as if one part of your life does not line up with the "norm" as some like to call it, that you should just be thrown to the dogs, and embrace every other lustful or defiant behavior pattern, because of your chosen profession.

Of course, spiritual and religious upbringing has an enormous impact on the decisions people make with regards to sex, but that is not always a bad thing. The sudden outbreak of various strains of STDs, and the AIDS epidemic, should give some people a clue. Sex was never meant to be a reckless activity, like some of made it today. It was meant to be embraced, and enjoyed, still having boundaries.

That's all I got lol.