Its saturday night and I ain't got no honey

[remix]

I emailed them to her Tues and She emailed me back Thursday saying she got a nice reference back and to let her know what time. I emailed Friday morning asking what worked best for her and that I was available all day. She emailed me back saying she was unavailable. WTF? Now am I wrong in assuming we had a date pending reference approval?

Flyboy, I've had similar situations occur as well and it's usually (not always) because I did not make a firm appointment right away. Like China said things come up and a sure thing beats a maybe. Could be a lot of other things as well like not feeling great or family issues that changed her availability. It sucks but I wouldn't read too much into it either.

[FlyboyNY]

Thanks to everyone that took the time to respond to my post. I hope you understand that I posted this to see if it was something that has developed recently because I have never had that many of these situations in the past. I did not post the providers name because I do not intend to call her out in public. I just wanted to see if other guys are as frustrated as I am and found out there are many others. And by no means does this apply to every lady here. Many of them are great and take care of us be it first time or old friend. To sum up my thoughts on all the comments: NB, I contacted the provider after she sent the last email saying she was not available and asked for an explanation. So far, not a peep. Jekemo, I always consider that it could be me. Nobody is everybody's cup of tea. But her and I never met and I was more than respectful in my email. And she told me she had gotten a very sweet review. Cnym, I think some of the ladies would suffer if we here did not see them but certainly not all. And it wouldn't be fair to the ladies that do a great job.
Anita, what can I say darling other than I don't know why I am not in the car right now headed east as fast as the law would allow. Actually, faster. I will make that trip soon. Thankyou for the vote of confidence. It means alot to me!!!!
China Doll, I do understand what you are saying about holding the spot but I didn't just inquire what her hours were, I told her I wanted an appointment. And if that was not enough, She told me thursday after she recieved the "sweet review" to let her know what time. I think it just sucks to blow someone off at the last minute to take care of a regular. I am regulars to other girls and would not expect them to do it for me. And trust me, I never want to minimize the effort you girls put in to run your business. And I know you can't be in constant contact. But she had made the effort to say yes and stiffed me at the last moment. Just isn't right. Doove, I know she sees more than one person per day so that would not be the reason.
In conclusion, it all really doesn't matter for that provider because I am quite sure she will not see me now. She has not answered my last email. But I will put it behind me and move on. Again in closing, I was just curious if this is becoming a trend and it seems to me in some cases it is. Thanks again all. I so appreciate this community.

[China Doll]

You seem like a really sweet guy, Flyboy. I'm sure you will have better luck in the future with another lady.

[NormalBob]

Originally Posted by FlyboyNY

China Doll, I do understand what you are saying about holding the spot but I didn't just inquire what her hours were, I told her I wanted an appointment. And if that was not enough, She told me thursday after she recieved the "sweet review" to let her know what time. I think it just sucks to blow someone off at the last minute to take care of a regular.

FWIW, when I read China's post it made me think I had missed something in your post. I had and she picked up on it.

It seems you ran into the "Bird in the Hand" principle (...and a little bit of bad TCB).

Your provider may have confirmed her time(s) with other guys for Friday before she actually ever got your first requested time. She took the sure appointment(s) over the highly probable appointment. I can understand why she would do that if that's what happened.

I would think that she would have written you back just to shut down the open loop and to keep you warmed up for a future date. Not doing so isn't good business.

Towards the end, I put a great premium on TCB as a criteria. While filling her calendar was good TCB, not closing the loop with you was not.

Of course maybe something happened to her comms.

The computer blew up. The phone got lost. Her mom died and she's had to drop off the net'.

Who knows. Hopefully she'll let you know and you'll want to set something up some other time.


Happy Hunting.

[China Doll]

Originally Posted by NormalBob

Your provider may have confirmed her time(s) with other guys for Friday before she actually ever got your first requested time.

[nods] I didn't want to belabor the point by picking apart Flyboy's post, but yes, this is what I think happened.

Come to think of it, I have been guilty of this. When a number of different clients are vying for an appointment on one day, I won't contact every single one of the people who have asked for my available hours on that day. It would be too time-consuming. This is a little different, though, because of how close you both were to setting an appointment. Am I correct in assuming that she failed to respond to your inquiry about an explanation before you posted this?

[cnym]

Originally Posted by anita germane

hmmm..well I can say thats not too cool..it always is a huge bummer when you know you
got bumped for another..especially when you had that day and time worked out. I have had it happen to me..it kinda hurts your feelings abit..

Anita, I can not agree with you more

[offshoredrilling]

To all the providers that bumped me for another guy or for swingers. I forgive you. Please forgive me for the times that I have done the same, or backed out for that bill I forgot. That had to be paid. To the guys and swingers that I got bumped for I forgive you. Please forgive me if I was the one. NOT

[FlyboyNY]

NB, the one main point that you and China both missed is this. The communication did not end with my requesting her availability or end with me sending her references and waiting to hear back. That has happened to all of us and certainly if a lady is waiting to hear from a reference and gets another sure request, she is going to book it. In my business I may be waiting for a part to fix a machine and if the part is going to be in on a certain day I will tentativly book that job. But if another job becomes available that I have the parts for, certainly I am going to book that repair first. Too many times the part has not come in on time. TOTALLY AGREE TO THAT POINT. That is not my frustration. Thursday I was contacted by her to tell me that the reference was good and let her know what time. Why would she say that if she was already booked as NB has proposed? As I said, She could have told me at that time what time to come. I had made that clear that ANYTIME was ok with me. Instead when I contacted her she said she was unavailable. I even understood at that point because as I said, s**t happens. Maybe she got sick or had a family emergency. Things do happen. But that was not the case. So it seems obvious to me that after she wrote me Thursday to say we were on she booked a preferred appointment instead. So although I can appreciate both of you wanting to see the glass half full in this situation, that Friday I was pretty darn thirsty.

I do believe we have beat this horse beyond its death so lets just close with this. It is not the first time this has happened to me or most of us I am sure and certainly I have let people down occasionally too. I just felt it seemed to be happening more and the info I got back seems to agree with that. So as we always do, we will adapt and enjoy the company of those that we can.

[NormalBob]

Originally Posted by China Doll

Come to think of it, I have been guilty of this. When a number of different clients are vying for an appointment on one day, I won't contact every single one of the people who have asked for my available hours on that day. It would be too time-consuming.

There are limits to time and huge demands for it.

As a hobbyist, I can say that if I know a provider has completed screening me and I asked for a time that would work on a given day, I expect that the question doesn't go into a black hole. I would want a "that day won't work" or alternatively "that day didn't work" followed by some kind of future oriented proposal like "how does your schedule look next week Bob?"

Any response though is always better than no response.

I think most guys would say something similar.

I also know that no one ever said 'no' to me more nicely than you did China. That always left me with the feeling that we're just busy people and it's worth trying again.

I sent a token of appreciation to one provider when I had to cancel even though she said she couldn't accept it. I was convinced she was doing the polite form of the "I can't accept it" and not the harsher "I won't accept it." The loud silence after sending it came across as an "F you" when a simple "Thank you" wouldn't have taken much time. She may have meant to say thank you and got busy and then forgot. Who knows. In my mind "F you" filled in the silence.

Bottom Line: Silence in the aftermath of a guy expecting a response does not build the relationship.

PS I miss you. I hope you're well. [...and I don't expect a response to that. (-:]

[NormalBob]

Originally Posted by FlyboyNY

NB, the one main point that you and China both missed is this. The communication did not end with my requesting her availability or end with me sending her references and waiting to hear back.

I got that.

I think she should have responded to you, if not before the day was done, then in the days afterward.

"NCNS" is such a huge business killer in the provider's business that it is natural they would book a sure thing, repeat customer over holding open a possible time for a first-timer.

To me, go ahead and book the sure thing. Just don't leave me in radio silence.

[FlyboyNY]

Bob, no disrespect here. But man you say you got it but you don't. She did respond. With a YES. She contacted ME and said "let me know what time." That to me means you are approved, I have openings and I WILL BOOK YOU. She put the ball in my court and all I had to do was set the time which she could have done herself. She had a reference that said "he is a show kind of guy". Then she went with somebody else. Her perogative. My loss. Maybe. As the song from the Jefferson's went. Movin on up!

[NormalBob]

We absolutely agree that she owed you communications.

Please PM me if it was any of CrystalAries, Faith, Heather, MJ, or Velvet Touch because I would be surprised if they would string you out that far and then go into radio silence.

[Doove]

Originally Posted by FlyboyNY

Doove, I know she sees more than one person per day so that would not be the reason.

Flyboy, you seem to have ignored about 3/4 of what i said. I said nothing about her being open or not open to the idea of seeing more than 1 person per day. Here's what i'm suggesting may have happened. And again, this is only a theory based on what you've said, but it's as logical as your theory that she bumped you for a more favorable client.

On Thursday, she agreed to see you. We don't know what her availability was on the day - whether she had all day open or just a short time. But let's assume for the sake of argument that when she emailed you on Thursday, she had all day Friday.

In the meantime, another client requests a very specific 12:00 appointment. She agrees.

Only then, something comes up that takes away the remainder of her Friday availability. Maybe her kid gets sick and has to stay home that day, and she can only manage to line up a babysitter for a very short period of time.

Hence, she's able to see someone on Friday, but is unable to see you even though she agreed the day before. Unless she were to cancel someone who set up a confirmed time.

I would ask, why didn't you just email her with a requested time on Thursday? Why wait until Friday morning? I've gotta say, and China can chime in to either back me up or correct me if she'd like, but i would bet girls get awfully frustrated with guys leaving out these vague requests for a specific day while waiting until the last minute to set a time. Frankly, TCB skills work both ways.

When i was attempting to book with Gabrielle, i started doing so a few days, even a week or more in advance. And even when i settled on a preferred day of mine, due to travel requirements i wasn't sure what time i could make it. Don't hold me to specifics, but it went something like this. I told her that i might be able to make it at 1. But i wasn't sure, and given other requirements i had that day, combined with the distance involved, i might not be able to make it until 2:30. That was my availability, but i made it very clear to her that until i gave her a specific time, i was ok with her booking with someone else for either or even both of those slots. I didn't expect her to not book a 12:00 because i MIGHT book a 1:00, and i didn't expect her to not book a 3:00 because i MIGHT book a 2:30. As it turned out, i did in fact need to book a different day. And i was perfectly ok with that. As far as i'm concerned, until i give a specific time request, then there is no request.

That said, her not giving you an explanation is something entirely different, and i more readily see your side of things.

[NormalBob]

Originally Posted by Doove

until i give a specific time request, then there is no request.

That said, her not giving you an explanation is something entirely different, and i more readily see your side of things.

Ditto on 1

On 2, then there is the weekend thing. It seems like some providers stick to their real lives on the weekends and don't maintain contact while on the dark side of the moon.

[China Doll]

Originally Posted by FlyboyNY

That is not my frustration. Thursday I was contacted by her to tell me that the reference was good and let her know what time. Why would she say that if she was already booked as NB has proposed? As I said, She could have told me at that time what time to come. I had made that clear that ANYTIME was ok with me. Instead when I contacted her she said she was unavailable. I even understood at that point because as I said, s**t happens. Maybe she got sick or had a family emergency. Things do happen. But that was not the case. So it seems obvious to me that after she wrote me Thursday to say we were on she booked a preferred appointment instead. So although I can appreciate both of you wanting to see the glass half full in this situation, that Friday I was pretty darn thirsty.

I am having difficulty understanding exactly what happened. Please forgive me, but there appears to be an inconsistency in your story. Here you say that you had made it clear to her that you were available all day before she told you she was open. In the original post, you claim that you told her on Friday morning that you were available all day, to which she responded that she was not available. It makes it extremely difficult to properly analyze this situation for you when the sequence of events is so unclear. I get the feeling that you are done discussing this, so I won't ask you to explain.

Originally Posted by NormalBob

I also know that no one ever said 'no' to me more nicely than you did China. That always left me with the feeling that we're just busy people and it's worth trying again.


PS I miss you. I hope you're well. [...and I don't expect a response to that. (-:]

....

Originally Posted by Doove

Flyboy, you seem to have ignored about 3/4 of what i said. I said nothing about her being open or not open to the idea of seeing more than 1 person per day. Here's what i'm suggesting may have happened. And again, this is only a theory based on what you've said, but it's as logical as your theory that she bumped you for a more favorable client.

On Thursday, she agreed to see you. We don't know what her availability was on the day - whether she had all day open or just a short time. But let's assume for the sake of argument that when she emailed you on Thursday, she had all day Friday.

In the meantime, another client requests a very specific 12:00 appointment. She agrees.

Only then, something comes up that takes away the remainder of her Friday availability. Maybe her kid gets sick and has to stay home that day, and she can only manage to line up a babysitter for a very short period of time.

Hence, she's able to see someone on Friday, but is unable to see you even though she agreed the day before. Unless she were to cancel someone who set up a confirmed time.

I would ask, why didn't you just email her with a requested time on Thursday? Why wait until Friday morning? I've gotta say, and China can chime in to either back me up or correct me if she'd like, but i would bet girls get awfully frustrated with guys leaving out these vague requests for a specific day while waiting until the last minute to set a time. Frankly, TCB skills work both ways.

When i was attempting to book with Gabrielle, i started doing so a few days, even a week or more in advance. And even when i settled on a preferred day of mine, due to travel requirements i wasn't sure what time i could make it. Don't hold me to specifics, but it went something like this. I told her that i might be able to make it at 1. But i wasn't sure, and given other requirements i had that day, combined with the distance involved, i might not be able to make it until 2:30. That was my availability, but i made it very clear to her that until i gave her a specific time, i was ok with her booking with someone else for either or even both of those slots. I didn't expect her to not book a 12:00 because i MIGHT book a 1:00, and i didn't expect her to not book a 3:00 because i MIGHT book a 2:30. As it turned out, i did in fact need to book a different day. And i was perfectly ok with that. As far as i'm concerned, until i give a specific time request, then there is no request.

That said, her not giving you an explanation is something entirely different, and i more readily see your side of things.

Doove, this post makes a lot of good points. You're absolutely correct that we become irritated very quickly with vague requests for appointments and specific requests on the same day. It is extremely difficult for me to take same day appointments most of the time, and I would imagine I am not alone in this. I'm certainly not going to take 2+ hours to get ready for a "maybe."

So, let's make up a situation. A gentleman contacts me and asks for my availability. I tell him I am free on Friday, and I plan on taking two appointments that day. I book one appointment, and another client with whom I have a potential appointment e-mails me Friday morning with a time. Will I see him? Well, yes, if I can. But it is highly likely that I am no longer available for another appointment because I have other personal things scheduled.

Availabilities change quickly. Without actual, scheduled times, I'm not going to keep myself open forever. Usually the night before is your last chance.

Doove's words make sense to me. Until a specific time is requested, there is no official request.

I think that there are a couple points on which we can all agree:

1) It would have been nice if she had kept him informed and responded to his inquiry at the end of the back and forth.

2) We don't know what happened, and because of this thread, it is unlikely that anyone ever will, save the provider in question.

What if NB is right? What if she is one of the providers who leaves work at work on the weekends? That means that she may find this thread before she ever reads that message. Flyboy, even with all of the viable explanations that have been offered to you, it seems that you are still set in your desire to believe yours. Knowing my business in and out, I would say the a few of them are even more likely than your "preferred client" idea. I give up.