Can Providers and Hobbyists be JUST FRIENDS?

[Boltfan]

I have several good friends that I met as providers. Some started as social, some as clients. It doesn't happen often.

[Bad_Mojo]

Originally Posted by muffin101

Ya or you can become post buddies on this board.

I miss JP

Yep, JP was a good egg. I hope that relationship thing is going well for her.

[motor]

easy answer..........yes, I have some good friends that are hobbyist and providers

[Guest102215]

NO!! All of you are lying..you don't fuck your friends, jealousy would come between you two..someone will like/love or have more feelings than the other. That's the truth

[SexyPlatinum]

It is possible some very sweet guys on here and I tell you it helps sometimes having them

[DiyosaBaby]

Originally Posted by cush

NO!! All of you are lying..you don't fuck your friends, jealousy would come between you two..someone will like/love or have more feelings than the other. That's the truth

Well dang it, that's what I was trying to say! Lol

[eccienewbie]

It happens naturally or not at all, and it doesn't require any discussion about whether you are or are not friends. In fact, I'd be kind of weary if it becomes a topic of conversation (i.e., "we can be friends, right?", or "you don't think of me like the other guys/girls, do you?"). That raises a lot of red flags, in my mind, but it kind of depends on who it's coming from. Words that may set off alarms emanating from one person may come off as perfectly appropriate from another.

The foregoing said, yes, I have had friendships in the hobby community. It can happen, and it's a very nice thing when it does. And once it happens, it's like any other friendship except there's a duality in the relationship that doesn't exist in purely RW friendships. You're always "friends" with such individuals, but there's the hobby aspect of the relationship which must be respected in the same way as any other hobby relationship, including the monetary aspects. meh, I'm gonna stop there, 'cause, as you can see from the number of words already written, it's kind of complicated. Nice and very cool, but complicated. In the end, everyone finds their way and learns their role or the relationship stagnates (or worse) and dies. Same as in the real world, but different....

[melannie_star]

I would say that I do have personal relationships with those that I genuinely care for.
A different time, different place.. could actually see myself hanging out because we just click. Though because of the nature of what this lifestyle brings I do my best to be respectful as far as not over stepping boundaries. So as far as going out off the clock, I am not too sure.. but they know if ever in trouble day or night, I am only a phone call away When we do see each other BCD it is like hanging with an old F*kbuddy from the good ole days. Which makes it that much more exciting every time we get together!

Not too sure if that answered your question but it is the best way I could explain it..lol

p.s. I do not even have many I consider friends in my RW life.. Since I have made certain lifestyle changes.. People, places, and things are a bit different.
I am a home body and I like it that way.

[Tony Gambino]

Originally Posted by muffin101

Ya or you can become post buddies on this board.

I miss JP

I miss jillian also, this board isn't the same without her....JP was greatness!!

[Eva Damita]

Can a nurse be friends with a patient? Can a lawyer be friends with his client? Same thing here - your work doesn't define you.

[Angel Ryder]

Now that's I've read everyone's opinions I am going to post mine. I don't think it's possible because you can't really reveal who you truly are to a hobbyist. I made the mistake of doing this earlier in my career when I thought that since this one client was easy to talk to, we could be friends. And the more time we spent together, the more I revealed about myself, until it ultimately cost him as a client because he knew way too much about me and couldn't handle knowing the truth behind the fantasy. And so I think it's better if the illusion of passion is kept up not just during an appointment, but anytime a client contacts me.

Let's face it: men hobby for all sorts of reasons, but the main reason is to escape. The hobby is a form of escape, a world in which the shy guys and the nice guys win at the end of the day. The beautiful girls don't choose the bad boys, but rather the ones that are respectful, clean and nice. And to them, we are always sweet, giving and available. And then after we spend time together, we part ways, with no baggage. The only things we know about each other are what makes the other feel good, and I think that's more than enough. I think getting too close can hurt business. Plus, like others have mentioned, there is that thing called "feelings" that will come up when you are having sex with someone and also share intimate secrets.

I don't know about you guys, but that sounds too much like a relationship and that's exactly what I DON'T want. I typically cut a client off when he starts showing signs of wanting something more than what I can provide. I actually recently had to tell a client that I am not here to be his friend. I am here to provide a service to him, so call me when you want that service, not to ask me how my day went. I hate to be so cold, but I am just protecting myself. Plus, who's to say if things do end sour, this client will not want to seek revenge and tell everyone all of my secrets I shared? I can't risk that. The less someone knows, the better. Less ammo to hurt you with in my opinion...

[Sir Lancehernot]

There's a discussion going on elsewhere about this same topic. I hope I'm not out of line by saying that, in general, the consensus there is decidedly negative about the potential for real friendships in the hobby. Many of the participants, many of whom base their opinions on past experience, view providers and their motives with a high degree of suspicion, and seem to thing that all women in the business have the same desire to get as much from every guy with as little work as possible, and that they all graduated from the same school of hustling.

I don't have extensive experience in OTC relationships with providers, but I have been burned, once, badly, a long time ago. She said a lot of things that caused me to make a significant emotional investment, but, ultimately, she was playing me, using me for the help I gave her in being successful while staying UTR. I have been exceedingly wary of "friendships" ever since.

The questions guys have to ask yourself are, "What is she getting out of this?", and, more specifically, "What can I give her that she can't get from any other PL that she's seeing, or anyone in her real life?" If the only answer you can come up with is either "money," or "not a damn thing," take it as a warning. I'm going through the same thought process every day with a couple of women whom I've known for more than two years -- it's a constant mental pinching I do to try to figure out why someone who had zero success with civilian women now finds himself treated with what appears to be some degree of genuine affection.

The conclusion I am reaching is that many providers are hustlers; many of them aren't interested in a friendship, for any number of reasons. But some are good people. Some don't have many friends or don't date and enjoy some kind of relationship that takes them away from the kids or out of the bedroom for a bit. Sometimes something will click. Like all friendships, relationships with providers develop on an individual basis. Guys who seek a friendship need to be prepared to be rebuffed, whether overtly or just by being ignored, just as in real life. They need to never make a financial or emotional commitment without checking their spidey senses. And any emotional commitment they make must be tempered with the knowledge that they are not the only man in her life, and probably not the only "friend" she has; you can't be wondering what she's doing with all the other guys she's seeing, or how she feels about them, whether they are her clients or civilian friends. All you should be concerned with is what she does when she's with you, whether BCD or not. And if you're expecting freebies, you're cultivating the relationship for the wrong reason. Keep your dates and your appointments separate.

How do you try to develop one? Lots of guys here have more experience at this than I do. What I have been told by a few women is that they appreciate my interest in their lives and my ability to remember the little things they've told me -- kids' birthdays, for example. I always let them know that I'm happy to buy them lunch anytime they ask, but I don't push it. If the lunch happens, then I let them know I'm open to other activities. One really wants to go to Six Flags without kids in tow, and I have been looking for a chance to do that for six months. And I already have a date lined up for "Fifty Shades of Grey." Again, don't push it -- if they respond, great. If not, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Ultimately, it comes down to this: Is what you are getting from the relationship worth what you are putting into it, whether it's money, time, emotion, or some combination? Is she giving you what you need, whether it's sex, OTC time, a warm fuzzy, or any other intangibles? If it's all one-way, step back, evaluate, and act according to what's best for you.

One more thing: If you buy into the Cold War concept of Mutually Assured Destruction -- that is, if you know enough about her that you think you can fuck her over in return in case she fucks you over -- it's quite likely that she has a lot less to lose than you and is less concerned about her life becoming a nuclear wasteland than you are.

Oh, and one more thing: A generalization here, but .... Every one of these girls by herself has more problems in her life than everyone else you know put together. Be prepared for that.

[RAMP]

I would tend to say NO, but a business savvy provider might make you think you're a friend.

Reading some of these responses, it sounds like there are indeed some business savvy providers. The exception would be our beloved WNs. Obviously, they have close "friends".

[Guest092216]

You either click with someone or you don't, just like real life. The point at which I start to unclick is if they start demanding my attention or blowing up my phone.

Most importantly (to me anyway) is that I am NOT their type BCD. That takes a lot of the mystery out of it as to whether or not they are just trying to get freebies. If a guy wants to fuck you, he mentally and emotionally can't be a genuine friend to you because he is in hunting mode, not friend mode. It would be like expecting him to be friends with a deer. Won't happen.

As far as the hustle...well some hookers are REALLY good at that longggggg hustle. And some guys are too. Its called having a shitty character. That's it. Some people have one and some people don't, hobby or not. They're easy to spot though if you aren't a total pushover. Some people don't want to believe they are smelling bullshit even when its crammed up their nose and that's no one's fault but their own.

Friendship takes mutual respect, observation of boundaries and a good chunk of time. It doesn't happen overnight or even over a month. Its not forced or planted or anything else. It just happens one day like "damn, this fucktard is like a friend to me". And then he is.

And btw, money should not come up. If it does, then it should be paid back immediately and if not then they are not your friend. Friends pay each other back. No room for error on this piont. Same in the real world.

[Prolongus]

Originally Posted by Slim.

Let's face it: men hobby for all sorts of reasons, but the main reason is to CUMMMMMMM.....

Fixed that for ya, baby...

Regarding your post, the Provider/client roles can, and have been reversed.
Friendship happens. Ya never know when, how, why or where. Sometimes the right chemistry is...just there.