Share your best, worst, and funniest time with providers or clients

[readyd]

Funniest (for me, not her). She was a tiny little spinner (4'11" at most), pretty skinny, college girl. Had a strict no-anal policy. Since I'm a foot and a half taller than her, and more than three times her weight she wanted cowgirl. She got too into it, rose up too far, I popped out of her, then she slammed back down going balls-deep into her poopshoot. She screamed, ran to the bathroom. I saw the small spots of blood, then I noticed the poop on the floor near the bathroom. She shit herself. We were only 15 minutes into an hour session. She spent the next half-hour crying and saying she was done. Ended in a argument on if she deserved the full donation.

[melannie_star]

Originally Posted by readyd

Funniest (for me, not her). She was a tiny little spinner (4'11" at most), pretty skinny, college girl. Had a strict no-anal policy. Since I'm a foot and a half taller than her, and more than three times her weight she wanted cowgirl. She got too into it, rose up too far, I popped out of her, then she slammed back down going balls-deep into her poopshoot. She screamed, ran to the bathroom. I saw the small spots of blood, then I noticed the poop on the floor near the bathroom. She shit herself. We were only 15 minutes into an hour session. She spent the next half-hour crying and saying she was done. Ended in a argument on if she deserved the full donation.

OMG, I had that happen to me before, minus the crying and arguing or accident. I knew it wasnt on purpose. LOL
We were enjoying ourselves and He pulled back too far, so when he went back in, it went HARD into my backside. I squeeled
haha! I forgot all about that until now. That was my funny Moment

My best is My beach vacations. We are still friends and text eachother every Titan or Cowboy game. We would meet in Nashville and travel together down to Florida for the Week. I loved the sunrises and sunsets, boat drinks, and Jimmy Buffet!

My Worst was of course something most of us providers go through every now and then. Had an all night at a Nice Hotel, Valeted, and Went through alternative screening using ID and Work Verification. While I was calling for my car in the morning, He grabbed my purse from my shoulder and we fought. Literally. LOL
I had such a grip on it, that I got drug out my room and in the doorway of the hallway until I fell, I did get a kick in from the ground but then I took one good punch to the face and I let go. I put up a good fight. It hurt my feelings more than anything. Grrr. I now have a punching bag and practice my kicks all the time, It is good to have self defense instincts.

[Pangolier]

Best : I had a rather miserable experience setting up an appointment with someone I later learned was the girl's agent, and not the girl herself. Of course I didn't know that at the time. The guy was a total d bag and I was on the verge of cancelling the appointment. I was rushed with a very long drive to the hotel in another city, and in a bad mood. I saw a few partially obscured pictures of the provider beforehand, but didn't know what to expect. I heard a knock at the door to my hotel room and opened it. The door swung all the way open and I didn't see anyone there. After several seconds Alessa stepped around the corner of a pillar in the hallway. My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. I was definitely not expecting to see someone so beautiful standing there. The situation only improved from there in various ways. I guess I went in with very low expectations and was quite pleasantly surprised.


Worst : Entering a hotel room to find a smelly individual more than a decade older than advertised and who immediately began speaking unprofessionally. I honestly don't want to get into anymore details and would rather just forget that situation ever happened.


Funniest: I'd rather keep that one to myself, as it's borderline not appropriate to share here. Though I do see a girl on a regular basis who always manages to make me laugh.

[readyd]

I'm not sure if you'd call this one the "best" per se, but it did give me a sense of retribution.

Back around 2003, one of the first gals I ever saw ended up doing a grab-the-cash and run routine on me. She stole $300.

Fast forward to 2008. I was looking through the ads, and saw new pics for a relatively well reviewed lady I hadn't seen before (no face pics). Something seems familiar about her, then I noticed some extremely distinctive tattoos. Yep, my former scammer had learned that straitening up and being a reputable provider was better than being a thief.

As I was older, as well as losing several pounds and dressing better I doubted she'd remember me. I made an incall appointment, met her, confirmed it was her, had the date, then I was the one that ran out with the cash.

I know that kind of thing isn't cosher, but as far as I'm concerned I all ready paid 5 years prior, and I let her know that when she started blowing up my phone.

[Go4it]

Worst - Her on top - she goes up/I go down. Dick pops out and she slams down again bending my dick in half. Actually broke my dick. It is painful to say the least. Caused a very embarassing Dr Visit. During my healing phase it was swollen and purple. My dick has never been the same.

Funniest - the lady in question filled up the bathtub with bubbles and lit candles all around the tube. Then we both got in the tub. She did an excellent job of soaping me up and cleaning my body. When we started some more strenuous activities she was on the bottom (and about to drown from the sloshing water) when she raised up, threw her head back and caught her hair on fire.

Strangest - Had an in-call with a street walked in her run down motor home. She had a teeny tiny little dog. Not much bigger than my hand. When we went into the bedroom the little dog jumped up on the bed as well. As I started fucking, the little dog grabbed his favorite toy dog by the neck and started fucking the toy. It was fucking gross. Everytime I'd start pumping he would fuck the shit out of that toy. She thought it was funny but it made me sick.

Another strange one --- Had date with a SB. After getting everything arranged she told me where she lived. Another trailer park. This place was WAY OUT in the sticks. The roads in the tailer park had holes in them deep enough to drag your car. I drove around and around trying to find her trailer. It was dark and no street lights anywhere. As I rounded a corner, walking down the middle of the road was this overweight big guy wearing a wife beater shirt with a pair of numchucks practicing his moves while walking down the middle of the road. Holy Fuck. Scared me to death. Just like something out of a scary movie.

Best - Don't have one. Almost all are excellent and those that aren't, aren't worth remembering.

[TigerBear69]

Best- was with a somewhat new and shy provider. I asked about Greek and she said no, but offered a bit extra to just try. I told her if it she didn’t enjoy it we’d stop. She could keep the extra just for trying. Well, I lubed her and myself pretty well. Not only did she end up enjoying herself, but she told me she’d never orgasm like that before. I knew she wasn’t lying cause the way her body quivered. She wanted to know how much more she could orgasm, so I ended up staying with her for a few hours on the house.

Second best was with a provider who had tried Greek only in her personal life. I tried to convince her to do it with me several times but had no luck. One day, I went for DATO and she seemed to enjoy. I asked if I could insert a digit and she said yes. Next thing I know, she’s begging me for Greek. She was so wet, we didn’t even need lube. I entered slowly just in case, but man, that was an amazing feeling. The way the tip went in was amazing. I almost came in that moment, but was able to get for longer. That was an awesome lunch date.

Funniest - I was about to move out of my apartment and decided to try out a new girl. I didn’t care if she knew where I lived since I was moving out. I called for a lunch date, she came over around 2. I lived in the first floor of a 3 story building. It was a school day so I figured the family upstairs was at work and the kids at school. We started the session and I didn’t realize how vocal she was with the dirty talk. She called me daddy and encouraged me to beat her kitty, grab her ass, and the loud moans. We finished and then I hear a toilet flush upstairs. I could hear multiple footsteps as well. I then realized the neighbor upstairs heard everything, including some of the kids.

Worst - this provide I met gave me bad vibes and I had the sense of a rush job too. We started off with minimal CBJ, which I know was already a red flag. I put her on all fours. She gave me a cheap rubber, so a few thrusts in and the rubber gets stuck inside her. I pull it out to put it back on and she says no. You’ve already put it inside without a rubber and you have to leave. I told her I didn’t put it inside without a rubber. I told her I know the difference. She starts putting her clothes on and asked me to leave. No refund either. She just wanted a quick buck and wanted an excuse to get rid of me.

[FLWriter]

Worst/Funniest - My companion took a pizza delivery right in the middle of our 'time.' Robed up, went to the door, then took the pizza to her starving family in the back room. So, I paid for the pizza and kindly dismissed myself. Forever.

Best - pretty much all of them!

[DallasBella]

I’ll just share my funniest:
We were at the swingers club. My date was not a young man, mind you. Late 50s. We hadn’t been at the club long when he turns to me freaking out saying “oh my God my parents are down there in the corner.” ����������

It gets better…. I said “The lady with the red hair and big titties? I saw them here last time”

[MILFEater]

Funniest:
We had just finished up round one and were sitting on the couch in the hotel room chatting and having a drink. There were many implements strewn across the bed and in comes housekeeping. The bed was between us and the door, the housekeeper almost rounded the entryway but saw me and got an eyeful of what was one the bed when her eyes just about popped out of her head as she beat a hasty retreat. We laughed about it for quite awhile and still do today.

[Survivortexas]

Funniest:

Watch out for the dogs.

I was with a provider in missionary and just going to town and both of us lost in the moment. She start screaming for me to go harder and next thing I know her chihuahua is on the bed licking my ass. We both laughed hard at that one.

[regalbeagal43]

Originally Posted by Precious_b

Best: Have had so many. Singles/doubles/sisters...

Worst: Nearly getting smacked down when she let a guy in.

Funniest: Was with a couple of Providers and went to dinner. Hobbyist invited himself to come along (he was smitten with her.) Ends call and she say "Boy. He's gonna be surprised when he finds out my husband is going to be there."

WHERE DO YOU FIND SISTERS!!!!!

[doseccie]

One local provider always has her little dog with her. I thought I was getting psoriasis or just dry skin. Turns out the dog and the incall have fleas 😃😃

[doseccie]

Originally Posted by regalbeagal43

WHERE DO YOU FIND SISTERS!!!!!

There were sisters in Plano. Both cute. But as far as I know they never did doubles. One is retired and the other is about to be a guest of the county

[Easygreeny]

Funniest- Was leaving my atf after a great visit. We’re on real world level so it makes this funnier. As I was giving a last kiss and ass grab goddbye, my wife was calling and showed up on my watch. My mind was thinking of her as I kissed and I Told my atf that I “loved her” It just came right out. I got to the door and realized what happened. I looked back and we both lost it laughing. We both knew I didn’t mean it that way, I explained the call. Laughed all the way down the elevator.

Worst- Showed up to a first time visit years ago. Excused myself to shower real quick. Skid marks in the toilet and half a shaved cat in the drain of the tub. Gross.

Best. Hard to pick. Too many.

[TristanThick]

Worst: Okay, bad news first, early in my hobby life I go outside of the boards and what I know to be right because I found a cutie elsewhere (and let’s face it, i was thinking with the wrong head). Get to the incall, which was nice enough, but the little sexy chocolate piece (younger than I’d have liked) who answered wasn’t the one in the photos, but was definitely cute enough, and I wanted to rock with her so I shrugged it off. She’s sweet enough and we sit on the couch to converse - she’s funny - and kisses me passionately then gets between my legs and starts to work me over, dirty talk, stroking, sucking, sloppy - the whole nine - and it’s good. Pop the hat on and she turns around to dance a little, twerk and takes a minute to fit me inside, drops down on it and starts to ride. She’s spectacular. Moaning load, talking dirty, shaking ass, working me out. I want her on the bed and I pick her up still inside and we move over. I’m working her out from the back passionately and she started out loving it, but then - guess she wasn’t used to stamina - and kept asking if I was ready to cum and it was distracting. So we move back to the couch and it’s some mutual masturbation. She keeps egging me on, then, after only 20 minutes (booked an hour) flips and tells me I need to leave and I asked what was wrong and she said, “I have my reasons, don’t make my pimp come in with his piece and wet you up…” I didn’t even want the drama so told her, “love, I guess you need that more than I do, I don’t want any drama.” And left.

Bummer.

Funniest: With one of my ATFs, she was giving me a stripper slide on the bed on top and got so worked up she squirted all over me and in my mouth, and the headboard then proceeded to tell me, “come here, it’s about to get nasty babe, I want you to cum all over my pussy”. Who am I to not oblige? So, she makes a pocket with her hand and I’m working her clit slowly, grabbing her shoulders while my dick is in between her and her hand. It’s feeling so good, so I start to bounce a little quicker, get all worked up, and raise up to stop the orgasm, but she grabs the tip and strokes it and instead of her pussy, I explode all over her body, tits, face, in her mouth, hair, on the floor behind her bed and her dresser. And at the same time she moans so loud that could’ve raised the dead and unleashes a massive squirt again underneath me and all over the bed. Amazingly hot. After we collapsed we both laughed for a while after that and she said, “well, I guess you owed me one.”

Best: TOO many to name, but one of my very first hobby visits, with another ATF, I was nervous and her kisses and sweet talk/demeanor calmed me. She played therapist for a little bit, undresses me, then climbs on top of me, while my back was against the headboard and said, “I just want to feel you and be close to you.” Then proceeded to give me, and I quote, the best and most sensual BBBJ I’ve ever had (to this day) while I massaged her back and explored her body. Managing to take it out and compliment me repeatedly, she worked me for a solid 30 minutes before taking everything I had right down the hatch. We talked for a while after after a sensual cleanup and some little extra tastes for good measure, she was so cool, laid back, so sexy and there when I needed her to be and it’s still one of the best, if not THE best visit I’ve had. VERY high bar to meet for everyone else after.

Sorry for the length, but happy reading. ;P