Urgent Advice needed!

[Chung Tran]

update us... what happened? did your old lady tell you to quit using the couch as your personal toilet?

[daveindallas]

Next time fuck on the floor. Or in the shower.
Easier to clean.
Cleaning products will only raise suspicion. What man cleans the sofa?

[phildo]

Oh c'mon, I clean my leather couches. I have large dogs that think they're napping stations.

I use a damp cloth (except on lighter colors) to get rid of the mystery crusty stuff and Armorall Leather Gel. Use just the leather gel if your couch will water mark with anything else. Tell her you spilled something, the dog did something or you were in your undies and had a surprise shart from eating badly while she was gone...the excuses are endless, the solution is easy. Unless she's used to the febreeze or the scenetd oil warmer or whatever, don't do that shit because it IS kinda suspicious. A clean couch is one thing, a haz-mat approach is not.

[Bestman200600]

The neighbors that saw the hooker leave will rat him out to his wife. He's fucked..

[Tara Evans]

Originally Posted by umakemefeelsogood

I wouldnt use Oxyclean on leather as it will take the color out. I would go to the auto parts store and get a leather cleaning kit. Would work great and smell clean and fresh. The SO may walk in thinking you bought a new car, though wondering why it is in the house.
As for the ass smell, I sure as hell would find another outcall provider if she left anything in my house smelling like a bucket of ass. Damn Man, Must have been copious amounts of bad booze envolved

Didn't do that on my leather couch. It worked miracles. On Stains and smells.

[Lust4xxxLife]

Originally Posted by Boogeyman

Yea, the ole lady will be home tomorrow and I need to know how to get the smell of ass of a leather couch??

Stand up and go sit somewhere else. LOL. I crack myself up.

[yewhew]

I think Manslut's recommendation is the most creative, LOL

[PoontangScout]

Take a Laxative and make sure when she comes home you have shit in your pants and you are sitting on the couch....Dumbass

[cheatercheater]

As soon as she walks in the door, ask her who she's been fucking cuz she reeks. And tell her not to sit on the couch cuz you don't want it to stink like ass either.
If that don't work, tell her you left the door open when you went to get the newspaper and the neighbors cats came in and you didn't see them. You locked the house and went to work like a good boy. When you came home and opened the door, the pussy ran out and they must have been fucking on the couch cuz it stinks.

[Prolongus]

Who says us guys aren't creative? Awesome advice here...and one of the funniest damn threads in a while...

Could have been worse, OP...a lot worse. Aunt Flo could have plopped down for a visit.

[OldGrump]

Enough about cleaning leather sofas, how are you going to get that shit-eating grin off your face?

[phildo]

He can blame that on the junk food Mama doesn't let him eat when she's around.

[Prolongus]

Hey OP, how'd it go? Would have loved to be a fly on the wall for this one...

Shit eatin' grin, shit on the couch...LMFAOOOOO

[wolfking1212]

OMG ManSlut... I cried laughing. Too good!

[Boogeyman]

Okay, thanks to everyone who offered advice. However to all who thought my balls were on the chopping block, you will be disappointed. It was my 17 year old nephew who was the guilty party. Little shit, stayed over at the house while my SO and sister were gone and had some girl over while I was at work. He had to clean the couch and love seat with armor all leather gel cleaner. Told the ole lady he wanted to make some extra cash so I made him clean the sofa and loveseat. Best thing is he gets to spray my fence with a waterseal the next nice weekend we have to fix his screw up.