Judging and What you don't know can't hurt you.....

[Jackie S]

Isn't one of the basic tenants of this entire "hobby thing" the anonymity of the entire endevour.

[Eccie Addict]

Originally Posted by Jackie S

Isn't one of the basic tenants of this entire "hobby thing" the anonymity of the entire endevour.

Seriously!! That's your opinion?? Since that is how you feel then let's not worry about anything. We don't need alerts, reviews, nothing.....

[Jackie S]

By that I mean this entire thing is a fantacy world. I know there are those who wish to meet and greet other hobbyist outside this world, but not me. "Jackie S" exist nowhere but in this relm.

Darn Addict, maybe you are taking this entire thing a little too serious.

But I will not judge.

[Eccie Addict]

Not this whole thing Jackie... I have no illusions about the hobby I assure you of that. Maybe I took your comment too serious lol. You forgot the smiley man.

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

Seriously!! That's your opinion?? Since that is how you feel then let's not worry about anything. We don't need alerts, reviews, nothing.....

Precisely.

[Sensia]

Originally Posted by blowpop

Good topic. I think that deception on a small level is part of being human. Women wear push-up bras. Guys put rogaine on their hair. And there are a thousand more examples.

In the hobby, we hide our identities. But there's a legitimate reason for that. Safety. Few of us want our real life and our hobby lives to ever cross, and protecting one's identity is the best way to make sure that doesn't happen. And it's honest; Using myself as an example, I doubt that many of you here think my real name is Blowpop. I'm not trying to pretend I'm someone I'm not.

However, I agree that it can be taken too far, and that's often done here. Examples:

Providers post inaccurate photos of themselves, sometimes a decade old.

Hobbyists purport themselves like idiots here, then book with a provider they've interacted with and conveniently omit their board handle.

I think neither is OK. Both are an attempt to get someone to see you who wouldn't see you if they knew the truth. That's deceptive, and dishonest. Perhaps it's a pipe dream, but I'd love to see a hobby where we are honest with each other, but still protect our privacy and security.

As far as "judging" goes, I think the whole "Don't judge me" is naive. People judge each other. Some just choose to keep quiet about it. Perhaps that's what's really being asked, "Don't tell me about your judgement of me."

I like what you posted above. There is just no way in the hobby world to know who has seen who, unless a review is posted and found. This works both ways for women and men in the hobby. I personally don't judge our TS and gay counterparts, but to a degree there is a higher risk of contracting HIV and other STD's in the "gay" world. However, the hobby itself presents those same risks, even if protection is used and precautions taken. So it makes me wonder is this more about men who judge women who see men that "take a walk on the wild side"? Are the women in the hobby protecting their "hobby reputation", or just protecting themselves from more "risk" seeing men who do take a "walk on the wild side"? I think it may be a bit of both.

I too have looked over the "other reviews" and took note of who posted and tend to shy away from dealing with someone who is into that part of the hobby world. I am really just more concerned with the extra amount of risk given the statistics and the rate of HIV infection among gay men and transsexuals. I am also aware in this "anonymous" hobby world of ours I might not ever know if someone has dipped into the waters of the TS or gay world, and quite honestly all I can do is screen the best I can and hope I weed out those who I think may put me more at risk health wise.

[Eccie Addict]

Originally Posted by Guilty Pleasures

I like what you posted above. There is just no way in the hobby world to know who has seen who, unless a review is posted and found. This works both ways for women and men in the hobby. I personally don't judge our TS and gay counterparts, but to a degree there is a higher risk of contracting HIV and other STD's in the "gay" world. However, the hobby itself presents those same risks, even if protection is used and precautions taken. So it makes me wonder is this more about men who judge women who see men that "take a walk on the wild side"? Are the women in the hobby protecting their "hobby reputation", or just protecting themselves from more "risk" seeing men who do take a "walk on the wild side"? I think it may be a bit of both.

This post is not about that specifically. The thread that inspired this post was about that. This thread is about what I originally posted. It's in part about why some care so much about whether or not someone sees them or not. Some care so much in fact that they will use other means and force you to cross a personal boundary you have for yourself. Some even take pleasure in doing so. I'd say that's not very "tolerant" of those that want others to be "tolerant" of their lifestyle.

[Sensia]

Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

This post is not about that specifically. The thread that inspired this post was about that. This thread is about what I originally posted. It's in part about why some care so much about whether or not someone sees them or not. Some care so much in fact that they will use other means and force you to cross a personal boundary you have for yourself. Some even take pleasure in doing so. I'd say that's not very "tolerant" of those that want others to be "tolerant" of their lifestyle.

I just kind of skimmed through some of the posts, so missed the point of yours. I agree it is "deceitful" and "dishonest" and does not show much in the way of respect when someone does that. Not much you can do about that given the nature of this "hobby world" of ours. If I choose not to see someone because I read on this anonymous board that "X" poster said terrible things, or even had an alert on them, it would be difficult for me to know who they are if they set up an appointment under a false name, or persona.

As far as crossing a personal boundary, this world of ours crosses a lot of those, and the men push boundaries daily with the women. \

I don't view it as much of an actual boundary crossing as such, but more a desperation of someone who probably found out the hard way, that the ladies do read these boards and take note of specific posts, therefore they gained a "bad reputation" and cannot get seen by anyone off the boards. In a way I think it is the "ladies last laugh" that they would have to go to such means and trouble as creating another board name, and persona so that they can set up time with the ladies.

You can never know what a person's true character is like, even if they have a good rep on the escort boards.

[Eccie Addict]

GP.... I agree with what you've said. I know that you can never truly know a person. We have to accept that. Same reason I think we should accept that others don't share our views and not bitch because somebody doesn't share their views. It's interesting that some will post a review of their side of the story and jump up and down if somebody question it. As if their word is gold. The same person is most likely one that omits info he knows will cause a provider not to see him.

Some providers will take pictures that don't show their bodies in a true light. Those sane ladies wouldn't hesitate to post an alert on a guy that cancels, NC/NS, or shorts them....

Which brings me to the question... When is it ok to lie?

[Sensia]

Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

GP.... I agree with what you've said. I know that you can never truly know a person. We have to accept that. Same reason I think we should accept that others don't share our views and not bitch because somebody doesn't share their views. It's interesting that some will post a review of their side of the story and jump up and down if somebody question it. As if their word is gold. The same person is most likely one that omits info he knows will cause a provider not to see him.

Some providers will take pictures that don't show their bodies in a true light. Those sane ladies wouldn't hesitate to post an alert on a guy that cancels, NC/NS, or shorts them....

Which brings me to the question... When is it ok to lie?

Lying comes in all forms and for different reasons.
It is an unfortunate side to this hobby of ours. It comes with the territory. It comes with anonymity. I think lying for the soul purpose or intent to harm someone in some way is probably the worst and that definitely is not OK.

[Eccie Addict]

Agreed!! Now what is your definition of "harm"?

[Sensia]

Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

Agreed!! Now what is your definition of "harm"?

Well let's see: For the purpose of physical or mental injury or to ruin someones reputation in the hobby in some way, to steal from someone, etc.

[Eccie Addict]

Is it only considered harmful to use other means to see someone you know would say no if they know about it and ok if they don't know? Is it only ok for a girl to hide her physical attributes that some would consider unacceptable if they accept it once they are there?

Seems to me that to point out to others that their way of thinking is simply a false sense of security is just to mess with their mind. If somebody does that to educate then most would do it privately but when done publicly wouldn't that be considered harmful?

Really and truly the only one that can say it's harmful or not is the ones it's being done to...

[Sensia]

Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

Is it only considered harmful to use other means to see someone you know would say no if they know about it and ok if they don't know? I don't see this as harm in my definition, just deceptive and getting around a road block. Unless they do it for the intent to cause "harm" as I mentioned above. But there is no way to guard against this behavior unfortunately.

Is it only ok for a girl to hide her physical attributes that some would consider unacceptable if they accept it once they are there? Hiding? Well the only thing that will happen is the guy gets there and is disappointed, and has wasted a bit of time and gas. If he has any common sense he will politely decline and leave if that is the case. Again, no real way of guarding against this. It is part of the hobby world. I don't see this as real harm other than just sheer "annoyance" and "aggravating" for the person who this happens to.

Seems to me that to point out to others that their way of thinking is simply a false sense of security is just to mess with their mind. If somebody does that to educate then most would do it privately but when done publicly wouldn't that be considered harmful? Well, honestly there is no real security in the hobby world. Yes, I agree that to state things on a board to undermine a persons self esteem and scare them is harmful. "What can you do"? absolutely nothing but ignore them. Am I making sense here?

Really and truly the only one that can say it's harmful or not is the ones it's being done to...

I definitely agree. I think everyone has a certain "moral compass" so to speak, and there is basic common sense with regard to what is regarded as "harm" to someone. (albeit some do lack common sense)

[boardman]

I get a lot of mileage out of being a cat....just sayin'