Demiland, love, and dating

[guest051510-1]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

A few quick thoughts.

If it was clear that there were feelings on both sides I would give it a chance. Hopefully, with a clear eyed view that how we met could be a real factor in going forward.

Since I have been in both open relationships and monogamous ones how we proceeded on that front would only matter in that it was consistent. If the lady decided she wanted to be monogamous that would be fine. If she wanted to continue working that would also be manageable, however, it would have to give me the right to play if I chose. The argument that "for me it is a job" would not fly.

It has been years since I booked a 1 or 2 hour appointment so the odds would be pretty good that the gal would be a low volume escort. My only real condition would be the same as in a more usual open relationship: if she is going on a date that she tell me she is - I don't need any more information unless she chose to tell me for safety reasons - and that if I chose to spend time with an escort that I tell her.

OK, DG, I've changed my mind. I could get married again if he thought like you.

[Sydneyb]

When I first started working, I had the most difficult time being intimate with people that I wasn't in love with. I proceeded to have a series of crushes - I think it was so innate in me to connect intimacy with love, I simply engaged in transferrence. Two of the several crushes I am still in contact with. One is a facebook friend, one I ran across on Match.com after his divorce. Pretty neat to maintain relationships for 7+ years.

As to actual love - twice with clients and once with a civilian who was in a terrible marriage for 20+ years and never once joined in the demimonde world. That made me feel very safe because monogomy in my relationships is important to me and I knew if he never cheated on someone who treated him terribly, he would worship the ground I walked on. And he does. Also very important to me ;-)

Client # One was the most miserable experience because of his need to control, but I have to thank him for putting my head in a space where I was ready to get out of the business. When I met him, all my friends were in the biz and I was too involved to get out of it alone -- with his help, I was able to begin to explore my options in the real world.

The second time, it was someone I never would have guessed I would eventually have feelings for due to our extreme differences in personalities and interests. However, he became very important to me (and will always be) and was absolutely the most kind, loving person to me. Someone who allowed me to be completely who I am and did nothing but help me become stronger and more independent. And spoiled the absolute HELL out of me, which really had never been something I'd experienced before - as a child, young woman or mature woman. A gift that can never be repaid. And allowing me to be financially independent frankly, wasn't in his best interest (a point guy #1 figured out and exploited promptly). I am sad to say that I hurt him. We would never have been together forever and while dating him still, I met someone completely out of the business while on a flight. Guy #2 said "I should have made you sit in the goddamned back of the plane". Fair 'nuff. But its because of his love and good treatment, I have a chance of my own true love. Something I wasn't sure I would ever have, at some point in my career.

Within a few weeks of meeing, I told Mr. Plane about being kept and my ENTIRE past. His response was "You are such an entrepreneur" and immediately hugged me. I couldn't ask for a more loving response - I always wondered what would happen when I told someone about my past, and his response was ideal. There were (are) logistics to work out - financial obligations to Mr. #2, the fact that I'm an expensive jerk sometimes, but they are being addressed and it looks promising.

Here's to hoping for the right thing for each of us - when we're ready for them - and to preparing ourselves to be ready for them.

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by Hanna Darling

For me, I can not be a paid Companion and a girl friend at the same time...conflict of interest.
In each instance, I've "retired" from this world to pursue matters of the heart.

...

So did you work in another profession? Were you akin to a kept woman?

[Ansley]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

Just following the wishes of a lovely lady Compliments - Page 7 - ECCIE - Your source for escort reviews

Ever fall in love with an escort? a client? would you run away and scream in horror if it was happening or go with the flow and see what happened? Would you date an escort if you met outside of the demi world? As an escort would you be upset if your SO saw escorts?

When I entered this business I knew that I was forfeiting any type of romantic relationship. I don't even remember my last civie date. In real life I have always been in monogamous relationships. I strayed once, while I was married. That was 20+ years ago and I was divorced a few weeks later.

Early on I developed a crush on a client. He was very gentle teaching me the boundaries in this business. A couple of years later I developed another crush on a client. I had to step back and not see him BCD a couple of times. I needed time to regroup and make sure my head was on straight. Boy am I glad that I took that time, because we have had some great times since!

While I am in this business I will stay satisfied with a great crush every now and then. It's just best if I keep things simple.

[Guest042611]

Ever fall in love with a client?
Yes, but when it's happened I never pursued a relationship. It was either because the gentleman was married, or because I could feel that, despite our passion for one another, we wouldn't be compatible as partners.

Would you run away and scream in horror if it was happening or go with the flow and see what happened?
If I thought there was potential, I would absolutely go with the flow. I am horrible at turning off my emotions.

Would you date an escort if you met outside of the demi world?
I dated a male escort for a while. We met through a mutual friend who didn't know what either of us did for a living. On our first date, we came out to each other and very quickly fell in love. It was probably the most functional, honest and happy relationship of my life. Now, we've unfortunately been separated by geography.

I met another male escort through this profession (a couples appointment) and developed a serious crush on him. I found our chemistry to be unbelievable. But I was never quite sure if the feelings were reciprocal.

I guess I have a thing for other escorts. It turned me on so much that these men understood me and my lifestyle and wanted the same thing for themselves. Being in this industry takes courage and intelligence—not to mention good looks and social skills! All things I find very attractive.

As an escort would you be upset if your SO saw escorts?
Ooh, can I see them, too? Seriously, I don't think I'd have a problem with it at all as long as we were honest with one another. I'm not the jealous type at all, and I think even if I ever do settle down, strict monogamy will probably never be part of my future. Sex with a new lover is just too exciting, even if you're perfectly enamored with the one you already have.

[WTF]

Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there. ~Eric Hoffer, Passionate State of Mind, 1955

[guest012511]

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

So did you work in another profession? Were you akin to a kept woman?

I did the kept woman thing.
It was fun and very exciting in the beginning
It later became quiet boring and effected my self esteem.
Not fun being financially dependent on a person....

Prior to that, I always kept some sort of a normal employment...
Worked hard all my life...
Put myself through school -and and and...
So it seemed a blessing, my first client / companion relationship, to be taken care of...and living a lavish and luxurious lifestyle.
But then, reality started to set in-
and I realized that I ENJOYED being financially independent
and I enjoyed having a job / purpose...
and not completely living the leisure life.


Finance was not the basis of our (any of my) relationships.
Ive always had my own...(of some sort)
Mr.1st just happened to have quiet a bit...
It both helped and hindered our relationship at first...

Thankfully, our relationship was based on honesty and continuous communication...
which allowed our relationship to grow and grow...
and last for many many years.

[Guest053011]

Ever fall in love with an a client?

Yes, more then once. I've been terrified to express it. I'm afraid any kind of change will ruin an wonderful thing. I've been afraid that saying something would send him running. Granted, I imagine that my actions would speak louder then words.


would you run away and scream in horror if it was happening or go with the flow and see what happened?

If a gent fell for me and the feelings weren't mutual - I'd be perpetually worried that I was leading him on with empty hope. If there was potential for him to get hurt because he has poor crush-management skills, I'd probably stop any future dates.

If it was mutual love? Only if he were single. If he's married, I'm forever playing second fiddle, I get to be the dirty little secret. When I need him, he can't be there for me. I can't just call him or visit on a whim. It becomes a very lonely relationship. So, if that's the way things are going to be, I feel it's only fair he make an effort to at least financially provide for me, as he can provide little else.

I would consider a personal relationship with a single man. However, I'd really question his ability to handle dating a professional companion. I always tell anyone getting into a relationship with me that quitting is not an option, and not up for discussion. Often guys think they can handle it, but when confronted by the reality - things become unstable. It's not easy to know your girlfriend is off gallivanting with other men and having a grand time. I'll cancel plans with an SO because a date with someone I'm fond of came up. I'm often away my birthday and holidays with a demi-gent.

There's always the hope that I'll quit which is dashed as the years roll on and I continue to insist I'm happy and nothing will change.

Deception never played a role in my relationships. He always knew when I was away one a date, but usually knew little else.

As an escort would you be upset if your SO saw escorts?



I have always encouraged my SO's to see other ladies. I ask only that they not be in my social circle. I strongly prefer it be a professional lady instead of a swinger or some woman he picked in a bar.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

[I]

If it was mutual love? Only if he were single. If he's married, I'm forever playing second fiddle, I get to be the dirty little secret. When I need him, he can't be there for me. I can't just call him or visit on a whim. It becomes a very lonely relationship. So, if that's the way things are going to be, I feel it's only fair he make an effort to at least financially provide for me, as he can provide little else.

So you do not want to play second fiddle , understood.

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

[I]I would consider a personal relationship with a single man. However, I'd really question his ability to handle dating a professional companion. I always tell anyone getting into a relationship with me that quitting is not an option, and not up for discussion. Often guys think they can handle it, but when confronted by the reality - things become unstable. It's not easy to know your girlfriend is off gallivanting with other men and having a grand time. I'll cancel plans with an SO because a date with someone I'm fond of came up. I'm often away my birthday and holidays with a demi-gent.

Yet you regulate your love to second fiddle?

I realize the answer might be that it is their choice (a Hobson one it I ever saw it)....yet do you really want a person who does not feel any better about himself than you do?

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

[I] I strongly prefer it be a professional lady instead of a swinger or some woman he picked in a bar.

Why?

Please understand that these are more philosophical questions than combative one's.

[Exotic Lily]

Originally Posted by Hanna Darling

For me, I can not be a paid Companion and a girl friend at the same time...conflict of interest

Yes I totally agree with you on this thought. Falling in love becomes eminent once a prolonged sexual relationship has been established and the guilt of being a paid companion with someone you're in love with causes much anxiety deep down inside.

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by WTF

Yet you regulate your love to second fiddle?

I realize the answer might be that it is their choice (a Hobson one it I ever saw it)....yet do you really want a person who does not feel any better about himself than you do? Why?

I think the key is

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

It's not easy to know your girlfriend is off gallivanting with other men and having a grand time. I'll cancel plans with an SO because a date with someone I'm fond of came up. I'm often away my birthday and holidays with a demi-gent.

We all do a balancing act between business/work and family/friends. Not all work situations would cause people to cancel a family engagement, not all date offers would lead to cancelling plans with an SO.

[Guest053011]

WTF:

If my partner wants to fool around with other women, he's free to do so. I don't feel that makes me "second fiddle". I'm talking about a man in a monogamous relationship with another woman wanting me to play a major role in his life. As long as I'm "first wife" he can have all the playthings he wants.

I give what I expect on return. If I'm sleeping around with other men, as long as he's "First Husband", fairness isn't an issue.

Also, keep in mind some lovers don't want to play the first fiddle. They're happy with being in a "best friends with benefits" situation. They can still offer emotional support and there's no element of shame or hiding.

If he is in a polyamorous relationship, and the woman knows about me that doesn't bother me. As long as he doesn't expect to be the center of my world and is fine playing second fiddle himself.

Even if men weren't seeing me professionally, I expected them to contribute to my life if I trusted them with my heart and welcomed them into my bedroom. Otherwise, more then a one night stand is over staying your welcome.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

We all do a balancing act between business/work and family/friends. .

Yes we do.**

Originally Posted by discreetgent

Not all work situations would cause people to cancel a family engagement, not all date offers would lead to cancelling plans with an SO.

The problem as I see it is Lauren owns the company. She can choose to be with whomever she wants on her birthday (I'm using BD as an example). Would you want to see a lady you were fond of on her birthday knowing that she had a SO wanting to see her also? I would not. I respect others love. I would question both my selfishness and hers. I get no joy out of hurting another....and however indirect, it is hurting another. And the flip side to that is.... I would question any relationship I was in if my SO choose to be with another on a important date that we celebrated.

I think timing at times (haha) is everything. I would not want to impregnated my wife if I were going off to war. Bad timing. ** The nature of this business makes it very difficult to compare with another job. It makes dating/marriage a very very difficult juggling act. The SO other does not have to be second fiddle to a selfless fiddle player! lol

[Guest053011]

The problem as I see it is Lauren owns the company. She can choose to be with whomever she wants on her birthday (I'm using BD as an example). Would you want to see a lady you were fond of on her birthday knowing that she had a SO wanting to see her also? I would not. I respect others love. I would question both my selfishness and hers. I get no joy out of hurting another....and however indirect, it is hurting another. And the flip side to that is.... I would question any relationship I was in if my SO choose to be with another on a important date that we celebrated.

That's just righteous fault finding. You assume anyone with a different view point must be flawed compared to your superior expectation. You assert that my relationships are "questionable". That ceases to sound like a discussion.

Actually, yes, many friends do want to be with me on my birthday, knowing full well that others would like to share that day with me as well - friends, family, SO's, other Demi-suitors. Can't say any were disappointed I chose to spend it with them. It has nothing to do with "respecting others love", I'm not sentimental in that regard because I'm not monogamous. By default I don't believe that shared love is disrespectful.

Two different life approaches that could be argued till you're blue in the face, simply because they're actually polar opposites, so there's no end of disagreement.

You're also assuming all people are sentimental regarding holidays and anniversaries, which they are not. It's only natural I would date people who are compatible with me, which means we probably have that in common.

I think it's fair to say WTF, that we are in no way compatible. So to pose the discussion from the point of view of what you would find appropriate in your relationships is self-defeating. Though you may not be combative, you do like to prod.

[terbul]

It's even more than "special" days. Just like any freelancer/contractor/real estate agent/etc an escort will tend to take a paid day over a movie night, dinner out, SO’s birthday, etc. The impact on “routine” day to day stuff has to be handled as well.