For the ladies......your opinon(guys chime in too!)

[Fancyinheels]

Originally Posted by Valerie

I've had A LOT of SD's and this couldn't be further from the truth...Good luck to any man, (ESP an SD), that tries to be in control of me

I can see that resulting in serious injury to pivotal parts of certain male anatomy.

The recent arrangement I had was semi-SD, I suppose. For a substantial set amount that we never actually agreed upon I visited a fellow in Mont Belvieu 3 or 4 days a month (usually in one chunk of time) for 4 & 1/2 years. (It just appeared in an envelope, I was quite happy, and nothing more was ever discussed. It amounted to a third of my income.) There was no control, nothing formal at all. He took me on trips, too, and often gave me gifts. If I was over more than usual, another envelope appeared, but never by my request. He passed away last month, and I miss him, not just his money. He was a good guy, caring and gentle, treated me better than anyone ever has in the Hobby. Probably should've married him, but again, there's that control issue. He wouldn't have let me continue being Fancy.

Hmmm, financial stability vs sexual independence. Duh, I'm an idiot.

[awl4knot]

Originally Posted by garcia_fan

That sounds way too formal and business like, which would ruin the fun aspect... For me at least. I think it boils down to trust, not taking advantage of each other and respect. If you find someone that you really click with, it can be alot of fun, trouble-free, and alot of fun.

I'm sorry, do you think that this isn't a business arrangement? This whole hobby thing is a business, even when it is sugar coated with GFE or PSE illusions and fantasies. Do you really think that ladies do this just for fun? No, my friend, they do it for the $$$ and the fun is bonus.

Look, I'm just relaying the experience of others. If the hobbyist is committing a lot of $$$, and the lady is committing a lot of time, the stakes are pretty high and it makes sense to understand exactly what is expected on both sides. If that kills the romance, so be it, but is better than having hard feelings when someone decides he/she doesn't like the way things are playing out.

So negotiate the deal, cover the contingencies and send an email that records what you and your lovebird for dollars agreed to do. It will pay off in the long run.

[garcia_fan]

Originally Posted by awl4knot

I'm sorry, do you think that this isn't a business arrangement? This whole hobby thing is a business, even when it is sugar coated with GFE or PSE illusions and fantasies. Do you really think that ladies do this just for fun? No, my friend, they do it for the $$$ and the fun is bonus.

Look, I'm just relaying the experience of others. If the hobbyist is committing a lot of $$$, and the lady is committing a lot of time, the stakes are pretty high and it makes sense to understand exactly what is expected on both sides. If that kills the romance, so be it, but is better than having hard feelings when someone decides he/she doesn't like the way things are playing out.

So negotiate the deal, cover the contingencies and send an email that records what you and your lovebird for dollars agreed to do. It will pay off in the long run.

Yeah I understand. I think I'm just a little more laid back than most.

[LadyRed]

Originally Posted by sketchball82

So, I maintain that in a true SB/SD relationship the SD is in control.

Originally Posted by Valerie

I've had A LOT of SD's and this couldn't be further from the truth...Good luck to any man, (ESP an SD), that tries to be in control of me

You got that right Valerie!!! BTW love your new website

[Valerie]

Originally Posted by Fancyinheels

I can see that resulting in serious injury to pivotal parts of certain male anatomy.

Heh heh heh

Originally Posted by LadyRed

You got that right Valerie!!! BTW love your new website

Thanks love....Yeah I think that guy must have been finding his SB's in the dark ages

[GypsyHeart]

I can see where it resembles the SB/SD arrangement. What I was thinking was what some have said. It is a discounted rate with a no clock-watching feel. Dinner dates with "dessert" or say couple times a week. Of course the arrangement would probably be different from person to person. I just couldn't find the words in my OP. To me, a SB/SD arrangement is a young woman being taken care of financially by a gentleman and she is seeing ONLY him. I could see where this arrangement could cause a problem unless you are doing it with an ATF. But, I know that some of the ATF arrangements are discounted anyway. It was great to see the feedback and I thank you all! Keep em coming!

[sketchball82]

My apologies. It was not my intention to hijack the thread. I was just trying to point out a couple observations. Several providers obviously disagree with me. Nevertheless, I won't argue as it really isn't germane to the OPs initial questions. Who is in control is a minor footnote. Good luck. I'm done with this thread. xD

[Old-T]

Originally Posted by sketchball82

My apologies. It was not my intention to hijack the thread. I was just trying to point out a couple observations. Several providers obviously disagree with me. Nevertheless, I won't argue as it really isn't germane to the OPs initial questions. Who is in control is a minor footnote. Good luck. I'm done with this thread. xD

I don't think there's any reason to apologize. You comments seemed related to the OP, and different points of view are exactly what these forums should be about--in my opinion at least.

[stimulatethemind]

neither party is "in control", but function as equals. My current relationship is very much like what the OP had in mind. I give her a monthly "allowance", and some frequent nice gifts, in return for very frequent time together. We initially met as provider/client, but our connection was instantaneous and developed quickly. Our first meeting, scheduled for 90 minutes became three hours and neither of us could believe where the time went. She is a highly intelligent, warm, caring, sensuous (and drop dead gorgeous) woman who gives me equally as much as I give her. She gives me a part of herself. A typical date night for us is dinner at a nice restaurant and then back to my place where we share a bottle of wine and just talk for a couple of hours (we talk about her life, my life and life in general) followed by some fantastic BCD time. Neither of us has any interest in marriage, living together or any other type of 24/7 relationship. This works for us!! She is a fairly low volume (3-5 appointments per month) provider and sees a very select, regular clientele. This is not a problem, as I know that I am always her first priority. She tells me that she is so much happier and content since we met and I know that my life is incredibly richer for knowing her. I deeply care about her and only want to make her life better as much as I can. Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that, yes, this type of arrangement can work as long as it's the right two people. But, isn't that true of any relationship? Neither of us knows how long it may last, but for now, we are both enjoying each other!!!

[guest010313]

Originally Posted by awl4knot

I'm sorry, do you think that this isn't a business arrangement? This whole hobby thing is a business, even when it is sugar coated with GFE or PSE illusions and fantasies. Do you really think that ladies do this just for fun? No, my friend, they do it for the $$$ and the fun is bonus.

Look, I'm just relaying the experience of others. If the hobbyist is committing a lot of $$$, and the lady is committing a lot of time, the stakes are pretty high and it makes sense to understand exactly what is expected on both sides. If that kills the romance, so be it, but is better than having hard feelings when someone decides he/she doesn't like the way things are playing out.

So negotiate the deal, cover the contingencies and send an email that records what you and your lovebird for dollars agreed to do. It will pay off in the long run.

Lol this guy (Garcia fan) is my not squirrelly sd. He is completely aware of the realities, we just mesh well enough that it isn't all SERIOUS BIDNESS.

He could give lessons on how to be a thoughtful and worthwhile sd.

[JayceeRivers]

Again I feel the desire to add my thoughts. I would thoughtfully mention here that I agree with Valerie, Stimulatethemind, and lilianna.

I would never allow someone control of me. It would end with him alone with all of his money and gifts and me with someone else. (Best for both parties anyway) Equally I would not attempt to take control of him/her either. As stimulate so wonderfully put it, equality. Discussing together what each likes to do and wants to do can satisfy both parties.

To the original poster. I have had retainers before. The only issues that ever crop up are trust issues. If for instance a medical problem fallows your monthly he may be worried you are fibbing to avoid his company or BCDs. Alternatively a women could lie to avoid her obligations as well abusing the gentlemen's generosity and the agreement. Not that I perceive you are that type or anything. So one would need a strong stable trust in the scenario before one could make any kind of retainer arrangement.

I would highly discourage making retainer or SB/SD arrangements with someone you barely know. There is the risk of advantage being taken on either parties end.
Once quite some time ago I had someone demand we meet up at midnight despite my high fever and flu. I handled it as best I could which was to return the monthly retainer (we were 3 weeks into the month by then with plenty of meetings that did happen) Yes I returned all of it, that night. I returned home with apologies that we were not compatible and I wished him luck in his future endeavors.
I will not lie and say I was not upset. Oh I was stark raving mad. However I knew that it was not worth the conflict nor headache. At some point he would cycle around to a woman that would take heavy advantage of him. Karma is like that.

To close. If you find someone you enjoy that respects you and you respect him. There are multiple types of relationships out there to explore. From sugar relationships to professional retainers.

[GypsyHeart]

Originally Posted by Fancyinheels

I can see that resulting in serious injury to pivotal parts of certain male anatomy.

The recent arrangement I had was semi-SD, I suppose. For a substantial set amount that we never actually agreed upon I visited a fellow in Mont Belvieu 3 or 4 days a month (usually in one chunk of time) for 4 & 1/2 years. (It just appeared in an envelope, I was quite happy, and nothing more was ever discussed. It amounted to a third of my income.) There was no control, nothing formal at all. He took me on trips, too, and often gave me gifts. If I was over more than usual, another envelope appeared, but never by my request. He passed away last month, and I miss him, not just his money. He was a good guy, caring and gentle, treated me better than anyone ever has in the Hobby. Probably should've married him, but again, there's that control issue. He wouldn't have let me continue being Fancy.

Hmmm, financial stability vs sexual independence. Duh, I'm an idiot.

There you have it!! This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. She had the freedom to see her other clients, he had the freedom to see other providers. They seemed to be each other's ATF and I bet the arrangement didn't begin immediately.

And then also, the gentleman who posted about his arrangement. bravo!!

It isn't about control. It is about a mutually beneficial arrangement that works with time, budget and personal relationship. You all have been great!

[ForumPoster]

I think that is what some call a Sugar baby

[wd420]

I had a good deal in Alabama last year. I met a married provider who's husband was out of work. I paid her rent (1200.00) directly to her LL. In return she gave me 6 visits. Best part...each visit was always at least 90 minutes or longer.
Need to find the same deal in Missouri...anybody?
Think I'll post on ISO...lol