Whale Wars

[dearhunter]

Season One - Episode Two - The Whales are organizing

From the diary of Captain Ahab - Yushin Maru 2

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0730
It is a great day for hunting whales. I have a large pod on my sonar in Coed and am going in for the kill. The harpoon gun is primed and ready. I have instructed the research team to ready the laboratory ship for some sperm whales. I love harpooning sperm whales. I hear that a 1000 japanese can live off of one sperm whale for a whole year (depending on how thin you slice them).

0945
We are coming up on the pod of sperm whales. They are not difficult to find. They make so much noise and displace enough water that you have to be deaf and blind not to find them. I see some fucktards circling around the pod of sperm whales. I will wait my turn to harpoon one or three (strictly for research depending how thin you slice them).

1320
I am witnessing a sad occurrence. the fucktards circling the pod of sperm whales are not going in for a kill. They are frolicking with the pod in Coed. I am going to maneuver in amongst them and see if I can pick off one of the cow herd.

1435
I am ready to sinck some fucktards around here. I cannot believe what just happened. I went in among the pod to size up the herd (damn they are big). When the fucktards saw me preparing my harpoon for this really big white sperm whale (I will refer to her as Migaloo for future reference), the fucktards started getting in the way of my shot. Migaloo is a behemoth. I will re-adjust and attempt a shot.

1620
I am effectively blocked by the whale blockers. They have complained to the local authorities about my aggresive tactics, and I have been recalled to port. I will not forget their antics. More, I will not forget Migaloo. There are a lot of hungry people in Japan.

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As the narrator of this epic melodrama, I want it known that I appreciate the assistance of the Sea Shepherds in preventing a travesty in Coed. The harpooning of fat sperm whales should never been done out on the open board.......ijs.

[Valerie]

Shouldn't this thread be called 'Fat hooker wars'...

[dearhunter]

Where is the fun in that?

[Valerie]

Oh plenty of fun...some have trouble reading between the lines

[dearhunter]

that is half the fun........I know it is temporary while they figure out how to respond.......but.......do you'll hear the peace and quiet?

[lesbianbob]

Where is greenpeace? Shouldnt someone get their boat between DH's speargun and the Whales? I guess greenpeace wont get involved since there are so damn many of them

Now watch the video damnit

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by lesbianbob

Where is greenpiece? Shouldnt someone get their boat between DH's speargun and the Whales? I guess greenpiece wont get involved since there are so damn many of them

Now watch the video damnit

I fixed that for you, lezbobob........I thinck your video should be required watching for the masses.........and to be accurate, I am adamantly opposed to spearing the fat sperm whales........the environmental impact alone could be too much for the board.

In answer to your "greenpiece" question.......they are off chasing spinner bait.......ijs.

[GentlemanTexan]

This should be one whale of a tale. And hopefully it will answer such elusive questions such as what happens old whales? Will whales really swallow you? And do whales smell fishy? But, the biggest question of all, which is better to hunt, a sperm whale or a humpback whale?

[dearhunter]

GT, those are some very astute questions.......we will get to the bottom of this whaling enterprise and hopefully answer all of your questions.

It occurs to me that I still have that language translator from the Joanie experiment.......I wonder if it works on sperm whales?

[enderwiggin]

It occurs to me that the only reason these massive pods keep coming around is because some idiots keep feeding them...

[dearhunter]

I have hacked into a news feed from a CSPERM camera crew doing a news report in ISO. I am working on breaking the code now.......many thancks to lezbobob for the heads up on this one.

We couldn't bring you fucktards/hooktards/modtards this up to date live melodrama without the valued contributions of the masses.......ty

[NIKKILOVE]

[QUOTE=GentlemanTexan;2851331]This should be one whale of a tale. And hopefully it will answer such elusive questions such as

what happens old whales?
Depends on the type of whale. Humpbacks live about 125 years. Gray whales live 30 to 60 years. Blue whales live between 80-90 years. Fin whales about 85 years. Minke whales 40-50 years. The sperm whale about 75 years.
The life expectancy of a killer whale in the wild is 50 - 60 years for males, and up to 90 years for females, however, killer whales in captivity live less than 30 years.

Will whales really swallow you?
While some accidents have occurred with Killer Whales in captivity, there isn’t any record of a killer whale attacking a human.

And do whales smell fishy?
Whales are cetaceans which belong to the order Delphinidae. This means that they are “Dolphins” regardless the word “whale” is in its name.

Being that they are non a "fish" , then I think your answer is NO.


But, the biggest question of all, which is better to hunt, a sperm whale or a humpback whale?
Which ever one floats your boat!



Next......

[NIKKILOVE]

Originally Posted by Valerie

Oh plenty of fun...some have trouble reading between the lines

I'm pretty sure, ANY ONE can see what DA mean DH is doing.

[dearhunter]

hmmmmmm something here smells fishy.......I will have to look into that......ijs.

[dearhunter]

Whale Wars - Season One - Episode Three - Pounding the Fat Sperm Whale

News Flash: We have just finished breaking the code to a news feed for CSPERM

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This is Big Spuncky reporting for CSPERM SHMB News.

I am flying over the scene of some recent sperm whale sightings. I am hovering over the Houston Forum in a MD-500 fast moving helicoptor.

It is difficult to describe the scene I have just witnessed below. But, as your faithful chronicler, I will try.

A short while ago, my crack news team and I made a quiet entrance into the Houston Forum (as quiet as you can be in a helicoptor) to observe this fat sperm whale phenomenon that has occured. the sight that we witnessed was amazing to behold. We noticed a large whaler casting his net into the water. At first we did not understand what he was doing. I always thought Whaling ships were supposed to harpoon the fat sperm whales. This Whaler did not even have a harpoon. What it did have was a massive crane set in the midship area. This crane was attached to the large net. After a moment, we were able to glimps a large sperm whale move up to the side of the Whaler. The fat sperm whale moved into the net. Then amazingly, the net was lifted up into the whaler and the big fat sperm whale was like a fish out of water flopping around on the Whaler poop deck. The strain on the crane was horrendous. I thought for sure it would capsize the Whaler. But, it became very apparent that this Whaler was a seasoned fat sperm whale hunter. I am instructing my pilot to move around to the front of the Whaler to see who it is...........there it is. I see it. The LezboBob Barker. I am including an attachement of the video we shot. I see a Pulitzer in my future.

http://www.break.com/usercontent/200...a-whale-165318

Sadly, we ran out of film before the dismount. it was at least an 8. I will add that the Whaler did do a catch and release. The big fat sperm whale did not look any worse for the wear.

This is your roving SHMB reporter, BS.

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I want to thanck the IT department for getting this footage to us so quickly.