Can one really love their spouse and hobby?

[doug_dfw]

Originally Posted by Sparafucile

Tell me more Fawlty!

I am curious about your interest. are you self analyzing or subliminally chastising?

[beyondthere]

When this topic comes up I find it interesting that the women usually jump in that you can do both and that men are geared this way. Hmm. I believe they chime in with that message to help us gents to justify our indiscretions with our hobby participation.

There is also IMHO a societal belief system that we as humans have sexual needs that need to be met and we are justified if they are not getting met at home to seek elsewhere. We that participate in the hobby tell ourselves this is true again in order to justify/rationalize our participation in sex outside the marriage.

Sex is not truly a necessity other than for procreation. Married folks can find some basic levels of intimacy through sex but not true and deep intimacy. IMHO that comes from deep mental, emotional and spiritual connections together.

Can a man love his wife and hobby? Well in my experience not on a deep and unconditional level. If I love my wife unconditionaly then it is not about my wants/needs being met. It is about accepting and loving her just as she is, where ever she is at and trying my best to enrich her life.

Lofty ideals that me being a selfish man could never seem to obtain as a husband.

I think a more fitting question may be. Can I hobby and still respect my spouse/wife? My belief absolutely not.

[Guest070818-1]

Originally Posted by Sparafucile

i have a cohort who, appears to be happily married "with" kids. Now I am not an expert in coming to conclusions but this guys ring comes off every time he takes a long lunch and he comes back looking flustered. I have even seen hobby sites up on his phone while he stepped away. This guy genuinely seems to love his family and I am not aware of any marital issues. He's actually the kind of guy who mentions his wife a lot (in a good way) and he seems to be always doing something for her. I can't imagine the ethical and moral dilemma this guy must go through. However, I may be wrong and this is completely not the case. But this leads me to my question, can a guy genuinely love his wife and partake in the hobby? I am interested in hearing from hobbyist and providers alike.

Here is my answer on love and sex:

God put your brain, heart, sexual organs in three different places.

Wouldn't life be scary if you woke up one day with your sexual organs placed right on top of your chest, and/or forehead?

[Fawlty]

Originally Posted by beyondthere

Can a man love his wife and hobby? Well in my experience not on a deep and unconditional level. If I love my wife unconditionaly then it is not about my wants/needs being met. It is about accepting and loving her just as she is, where ever she is at and trying my best to enrich her life.

Lofty ideals that me being a selfish man could never seem to obtain as a husband.

(I appreciate your humility in admitting this. Neither did I obtain it. Does anyone love uncondiionally - for who is not selfish by nature?)

Your entire post was very insighful. I think you distinguised well deep and unconditional love from a less than perfect level of love that most of us adhere to - unfortunately, even in our very hasty, unexamined marriage vows.

[omakase]

According to the web, marriage counselors can cost upwards of $1200 for the initial three months. On average a one-hour session can cost anywhere between $75 and $200. So, if the occasional indiscretion makes you a better husband and father at home than this hobby is actually a cheaper alternative to the costly expenses related to marriage counseling.

That is, unless your marriage counseling sessions are covered by your HMO.

[anita]

My answer is yes. Most people just divorce when love completely dies. Just because the wife doesn't want to have sex or is not open-minded sexually doesn't mean his heart stopped beating for her.

[Charlotte Breeze]

Can you not love someone and have sex with them?

Do you need to have sex with someone to be in love them?

Can you do other things with other people, besides sex, that you also do with your spouse, and still "really love" your significant other?

And the real question: IS monogamy a necessity to a loving relationship?

[DSK]

I think if your marriage was sealed in a LDS Temple, then you must be faithful. Otherwise, go for it!!!

[anita]

Some guys marry their high school sweetheart and didn't have time to sample other pussies. It's now or never. Doesn't mean go and divorce. Just hide it well... Although with bedroom skills improving I bet she suspects you're up to no good in these streets lol!

[Iaintliein]

Yes.
Next.

[Hercules]

My Pappy used to say I was like Jesus because I love all women.

[Brot]

Humans are sneaky monkeys. The real question to me is can you carry on a deception with someone and have a relationship. The answer is sure depending on the level of complicity that the other is willing to extend you.

[Chung Tran]

I guess the OP figured it out since his account is now disabled..

[icansmile]

Asking fellow hobbyists and those that they indulge their indiscretions with might skew your results. Ask some wives.

[DSK]

Originally Posted by icansmile

Asking fellow hobbyists and those that they indulge their indiscretions with might skew your results. Ask some wives.

A better question to ask would be of the husbands, "If there wasn't a religious objection, and wives had to remain faithful anyway, would you have sex with other women?"
Truthful answers would almost be unanimous in favor of prostitution. The only objection would be the amount to pay.