Just Wondering Why?

[Charlie Brown]

Hobby On TP!

Being here you've moved past any guilt that can come with hobbying in general and your post doesn't reveal anything so serious to consider quiting unless you just decide you want to stop.

As you know, the widely held concensus on sexual desire has always leaned heavily toward men versus women - it's not an exclusive club, there's always the exceptions.

Personally, I plan to quit right after I make funeral arrangements for myself.

[Tony Patella]

Originally Posted by Charlie Brown

Personally, I plan to quit right after I make funeral arrangements for myself.

Now that's some funny shit!

[Sir Lancehernot]

Originally Posted by Dannie

If civilian women would learn how important sex, food, silence, and appreciation are to men, their SO's would be a Hell of a lot less likely to stray. Yet, they are amazed when they discover their spouse is cheating. Wake him up with a BBBJCIMNQNS and then go make breakfast....and they'd have a very happy man that looks forward to coming home. It's fairly simple.

The problem with this quote, great as it is, is that it will never be seen by those who need to see it, just like the women who need to know about Steak and BJ Day will remain clueless.

I wish this quote would go as viral as that e-mail about Bill Gates sending me money for forwarding a message to my friends.

[Guest071613-2]

Originally Posted by Sir Lancehernot

The problem with this quote, great as it is, is that it will never be seen by those who need to see it, just like the women who need to know about Steak and BJ Day will remain clueless.

Steak and a BJ day...March 14th, ladies.
(I only know that because it's a few days before my B-day, and I like to celebrate both events)

[mansfield]

So, what’s my beef? Sex. Or the lack thereof to be exact…and the fact that she views me as a pervert for having some very vanilla desires.

This is so true. My SO thinks I'm a "freaky perv" for buying her Victorias Secret stuff and leaving it on the mattress.

WTF was I thinking....

So yes, she's showing you a glimpse of the future. Run now while you can, it wont' get any better.

[Jobe0111]

A true relationship will satisfy you mentally, emotionally and physically. If you are missing any of them, that person is not the right one. Just be friends with her.

Even though she said "get it somewhere else," it was not really permission to play around.

Again, just be friends. Don't make it a relationship.

[ElisabethWhispers]

Sometimes, I just don't get it. There are women out there that have a great guy like Tony and she doesn't appreciate him and then there are women like myself ... who would probably spoil a man so rotten that he would be in seventh heaven, and would be an excellent and caring companion, and I don't date.

Guess that I don't really try, though.

Point being, it's so tough to find a special someone. The problem that I have is on occasion, I've met a man to go out with and I'm so spoiled with the men HERE that I find the average guy not particularly that interesting at times. Plus, the men here seem to have a vested interest in being good in bed.

Although I just do NOT understand the sex every so often thing. I'm more of a once or twice a day woman (easily) and would be regardless of profession. It just amazes me. This topic, rather.

It's a good one and I wouldn't expect anything less from Tony. But how frustrating!!!

Elisabeth

[Tony Patella]

Interesting perspectives, thanks to all, but at the end of the day it's not an easy decision.

Dated, lived together, enjoyed, and then split a couple of years back. Amazingly, stayed FWOB (Friends With Out Benefits) as we share many mutual interests and friends. It was also handy when either of us needed a "corporate date," since we're both career people. I've got almost ten years on her, so age shouldn't play into the desire factor. Kind of makes me second guess my own desirability, not a good thing.

No need to make an urgent decision, and it will come to me in time. Guess I was overly optimistic thinking I could settle down and walk away from the hobby in couples bliss. LOL! For now, it works...down the road, "only the Shadow knows!" as my Dad used to say.

[Guest100413]

Very good topic.

The stories about relationships that lacked contact are the entire reason I ended up in the hobby. I'm in one myself. I don't want sex to be a chore and I don't want to be someone's duty. It's just insulting and actually a tough one to take emotionally. Not trying to get all tree-hugger here, but we guys actually want to feel wanted.

For me AMPs were my gateway drug. I could go in and for a reasonable fee get an hour of undivided and loving attention from a (normally) attractive woman. I've elevated that to massages with extras outside the AMP world. Now, despite a couple of half-hearted attempts to see a "real" provider, I'm ready to go that route.

Why? Because the last time my SO and I were in bed, she appeared so uninterested, I decided to not even bother. I probably won't bother again with her.

[Guest122610]

Hell no Tony, I would run fast and far from this. I have been with my SO for over 29 years. I love her as much or more than any man loves his wife. We have done more than I will ever do in the hobby. Lets just say I knew I had to have a very sexual woman, above all else when I decided to mary her. As she got older, things slow down as they always do (you need to think what yours will be like later). She mentioned get it somewhere else one too many times for me. She never meant leave, so here I am. She decides when and if I ever hobby. She is my first choice by far. However it is as important as eating (maybe more) for me. I will not starve if I can help it. I would lower my standards if I had to, less than once a week, not yet for sure, the bid starts at more than once a day.

[Guest012612-4]

Originally Posted by Dannie

If civilian women would learn how important sex, food, silence, and appreciation are to men, their SO's would be a Hell of a lot less likely to stray. Yet, they are amazed when they discover their spouse is cheating. Wake him up with a BBBJCIMNQNS and then go make breakfast....and they'd have a very happy man that looks forward to coming home. It's fairly simple.

It's really that simple. If you have a good man treat him like you don't want to lose him. Even if you dont like sex. Hell, I hate shopping but would do it 3 or 4 nights a week if I needed to.

[npita]

Originally Posted by Tony Patella

So, what’s my beef? Sex. Or the lack thereof to be exact…and the fact that she views me as a pervert for having some very vanilla desires. It seems that for her, once every month or two is enough. For me, I’d prefer every day or two. Toys? Uh, no. Spontaneous, ravenous sex on occasion? Uh, no. A little dirty talk? Uh, no. Some limited mutual anal play. You guessed it, NO! Requests that don’t seem too over the top, or is it just me?

It's not you. It's your girlfriend.. She's an anomaly, trust me. I did retire from the hobby and started dating precisely because provider sex never came close to the sex I got in the real world. I hobbied to avoid getting into a relationship (which didn't work out as planned either), but ultimately, I chose dating over hobbying for the sex and just figured I'd worry about the relationship entanglment aspect if and when it came up.

So now, I’m faced with a dilemma. Continue the romance (Actually, I use that term loosely…) and seek pure sexual gratification elsewhere. Or, toss away all of the good qualities because of one disconnect? Or settle for less, and buy more stock in Astroglide.

I'd say toss her. In the real world, it's hard to find a woman as worthless in bed as your girlfriend seems to be. I've never actually met one like that. When I decided to go back to civilian land, I had a pretty clear list of things that I expected any woman to want to do if I were to date her (including NQNS - all BJs are BBBJs in the civilian world, so BBBJ goes without saying) and never found a woman who balked at my dealbreakers.

I'm engaged to a woman I've been dating for a year and a half and the sex is as frequent as I can deal with without becoming a zombie. I've never been tempted to see a provider since then. The problem isn't that your girlfriend is a civilian. The problem is that your girlfriend missed her calling as a nun. You would have to be really unlucky to find someone like her twice. You don't have to settle for that.

Guess I was overly optimistic thinking I could settle down and walk away from the hobby in couples bliss.

You can as long as you don't expect to do it with your present girlfriend.

[Tony Patella]

Originally Posted by npita

It's not you. It's your girlfriend.. She's an anomaly, trust me. I did retire from the hobby and started dating precisely because provider sex never came close to the sex I got in the real world. I hobbied to avoid getting into a relationship (which didn't work out as planned either), but ultimately, I chose dating over hobbying for the sex and just figured I'd worry about the relationship entanglment aspect if and when it came up.
I'd say toss her. In the real world, it's hard to find a woman as worthless in bed as your girlfriend seems to be. I've never actually met one like that. When I decided to go back to civilian land, I had a pretty clear list of things that I expected any woman to want to do if I were to date her (including NQNS - all BJs are BBBJs in the civilian world, so BBBJ goes without saying) and never found a woman who balked at my dealbreakers.

I'm engaged to a woman I've been dating for a year and a half and the sex is as frequent as I can deal with without becoming a zombie. I've never been tempted to see a provider since then. The problem isn't that your girlfriend is a civilian. The problem is that your girlfriend missed her calling as a nun. You would have to be really unlucky to find someone like her twice. You don't have to settle for that.

You can as long as you don't expect to do it with your present girlfriend.

npita:

Appreciate your thoughts. Not sure my GF is that much of an anomaly, given the reports from my married friends and the input on here regarding dwindling sex lives.

Like you, with one or two exceptions, the physical side of the hobby lacks the closeness of the physical experience in a relationship. That's part of the reason I find myself gravitating toward FSBM...no expectations of closeness in that realm.

I've never been able to find the perfect partner...but as I get a bit older, my compromise points seem to have changed. That's why I keep trying...call me the eternal optimist if you'd like.

The current GF is far from worthless in bed. When we play, it's usually pretty good. Matter of fact, my desire for some rather vanilla kink would be easily set aside, if we could just get to bed a bit more often. Hell, with my travel schedule once a week would thrill me to death.

It's the other amazing qualities she has that keep me trying...and marriage isn;t in the cards for either of us. No real reason to, but cohabitating wouldn't be a bad thing.

TP

[Braveheart]

Cool discussion. How about a radical stand. Have an open talk about your needs, and if she is open to "opening up" (pun intended), then go to a sex therapist (I mean like the ones on HBO!). Then report back!

[Iaintliein]

Go to the next phase and you'll get all of the frustration plus the sing-song "I Love You" 12 - 15 times a day. . . and if you don't give the proper counter sign you get to have a mini argument 12-15 times a day. Then there is the obvious mercy fuck, that's the thing about marriage . . . the only illusion is your belief it will get better.

Yet we are all like moths to a flame. If there is a god, it has a really bent sense of humor.

". . . for he who made kittens put snakes in the grass. . " ____Jethro Tull