How The Hobby Changes Providers

[jbravo_123]

Keep in mind that many people have this mentality that since they're paying for services, they have the right to be a complete asshole to the person they're getting services from.

Now imagine that you have to perform a service that is not only illegal (in most states), but is usually a very intimate and vulnerable act as well.

It's not hard to see how that can negatively impact someone over time and I give props to the ladies that can handle it with grace and class.

[proudoftexas]

No doubt.

[Zabrina Sarafina]

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

What have been your observations regarding how the hobby changes providers over the course of time?

When most providers start in the business, they are generally young, fresh and optimistic about how they will make so much money and it will be easy work with whatever schedule suits their lifestyle.

It all seems rosy at the start, but then slowly the business starts to take its toll on these women's bodies, minds and attitudes.

Personally, I find it very disturbing when I encounter a provider that I remembered from years back when she was just starting in the business and she was so sweet, so giving and so considerate, but now, its like it's an entirely different person inside her skin. The sweetness is gone and a cold hardness has taken its place. She no longer speaks with a polite deference that was so endearing, but with an arrogant attitude behind an angry tone that is very unattractive.

. . . What happened I wonder? Is this the typical fate of most providers if they remain in the business long enough? Is it just the demands of the work that slowly coarsens their soul or they're just doing something wrong?

I think the scariest thing I have seen is how deeply focused some women get on making as much money as possible. As if nothing else in life matters as much. Giving up your life in exchange for what? Sounds like some providers lock themselves into sex slavery

Originally Posted by Cpalmson

With the older ladies, the experience factor is almost non-existent. That makes being with them a bit easier; however, with the more experienced ladies, you run the risk of no spontaneity. At times, it can seem like they are going through the motions-- almost jaded like.

BTW, I think it goes both ways. What about us guys? We change too. Not to generalize, but over time, I think we as guys tend to see providers more as a "conquest" and not a connection. For some of us, it might become more of a game. How many ladies can I be with? What is the ultimate fuck? Can I find an even hotter experience than the best one. Also, I think a guy's experience in the hobby might contribute to him wanting push boundaries-- either good or bad.

Hmm...I've always admired and looked up to older and more experienced providers as role models. They seem to have this sexy sense of maturity, confidence in knowing who they are and being able to openly express it, which makes them very attractive to men who like confident experienced women. Jaded, less spontaneous? If you're living a provider lifestyle that's healthy, well-balanced then you should only be getting better over time

As for "conquest" types, I rarely seem to come across them, the guys I meet are always deeply appreciative of me and never make me feel like just another number, I'm simply not turned on by being someone's "flavor of the month" casual hook-ups. Not looking down on it either. There is somebody for everyone

Originally Posted by oktome

Of course every choice we make affects our psyche to some degree. Watch the documentary about former porn stars and their feelings. I think anytime a person has to shut down all emotions to complete a task over a long period of time is going to disconnect them from others and cause emotional issues.

There are going to be exceptions of course, but in a bell shape curve I would bet the long term affects for most are not optimal. Intuition tells you that.

Part of the reason i only hobby a few times a year and keep it as a reward is to make sure it stays a very small part of my life and not a "hobby" is to keep it from having any affect on my pysche the best I can.

Disconnection = feeling numb, emotionless, depression, robotic are strong "warning signs" from your higher self, telling you that something is wrong, very wrong, that you are on the wrong path, as in not staying true to yourself, and if you keep ignoring these signs, usually there is some type of breakdown, you can't avoid it. Usually the breakdown leads to a spiritual transformation phase ... fun stuff. More often it's not a matter of what you're doing is wrong, but how you're doing it isn't right for you

Originally Posted by B.Wayne

It could be that some of that you describe may come from outside factors such as being influenced by the wrong person or wrong type of people. Pimps could have an effect too that in turn could drive someone nuts with the brainwashing and control I would imagine. Also, some have to keep this type of thing hidden and I would venture to guess having to live two different lives could take it's part in adding to stress if having to make up excuses ect, ect. Forbidden topic could also play a role. This could be a very complex issue. I would imagine some women when meeting a new client would have to keep guards up all over the place because they have to worry if they are meeting LE, some crazy, or whatever. Over time guys may turn into jerks wanting more for less and not appriciateing her as they once did and that could take it's course in this too I think. There seems to be a lot of factors that can go into this so it's really a tough answer.

Brainwashing and control sadly, are the key tools to lure in and keep new ladies who are often times at the moment feeling quite desperate ...the promise of a secure lifestyle ...if only the truth was obvious. You are always and always will be safe, in your true form of consciousness. Money in form of security is simply an illusion

Originally Posted by proudoftexas

The transaction can give the guy a sense of entitlement over what they're doing that wouldn't be there necessarily if a transaction wasn't involved. For the woman, clear boundaries need to be there and a way to communicate them. I'm sure that's one of the things a new provider lacks compared to an experienced provider.

yes sometimes the best teacher in life is experience

Originally Posted by proudoftexas

I could go on and on. At the end of the day, if you're doing a job, even one that you love, there are going to be some aspects you dread. But you do it anyway, because it's your job. It's not necessarily unique to the hobby. Sure, the situation is more extreme, because of the intimacy involved, but it's still the same kind of dynamic of compromise that each and every one of us have to go through to some extent.

I am very sympathetic and appreciative of the women who have chosen this as their profession. I get a lot out of meeting them. I hope each one of you have figured out ways to do this that do not compromise your core values in such a way as to make you feel like less of a person. But I do know all of us have to figure out what we're willing to sacrifice to just function from day to day. That doesn't change just because we change careers. It's just different aspects of who we are that we're having to sacrifice.

Let's not forget the people who do what they do because it is their heart and soul passion. To them it's not 'work' something you just have to do, it is something they must do because it is their life. There is little to no aspects to dread or sacrifices to make lol. It's like a feeding frenzy, you're always hungry for more ...

Originally Posted by shorty

If meeting for the first few times, the provider seems all nice and sweet. I think that's because she looks at it as a chance to get a regular or someone she can count on when she's in town. Then once everyone gets comfortable, its all about the money with less services or time from the provider.

Wow ...the relationship, trust and respect should naturally deepen over time

Originally Posted by Jimmiwad

I think the business is more difficult than most expect. What can be so hard about sex for dollars is their initial mind set I suspect. If you are attractive with a great body the attention you get is overwhelming. I know a lady who got into the business and lasted exactly 2 months. She was the flavor of the moment and had every guy wanting an appointment. She texted me at the beginning she was happy and would never be broke again, than came she was getting "burnt out", then "I feel like a piece of meat". She quit shortly after than.
Depends on the make up of the lady I suppose. If she takes her time and is selective it is probably a better life. Entertaining 400 to 500 different guys a year has to take a toll on the body. And of course knowing you are doing something most people conside just wrong has to affect her mentally.
Myself, I'm glad there are ladies that do it and I appreciate everyone of them.

I don't understand how they do it myself. I admit I don't expect them to last very long, but often times they don't want to be in it for the long haul. They have a goal to meet then they're happy to escape. Not all high volume providers are like this of course, some of them do a great job of balancing everything out. Kudos to them

Originally Posted by Zimmie6942

Doesn't how there clients treat them and how the rest of society look at the profession in general have a negative effect. If everyone treated them as helping people and releasing the daily stress and pressure that men have to deal with in there jobs or running a business. For me I would of killied my self many times with the amount of pressure I have on me running over 50 furniture stores and having to juggle all the financial pressure it comes with. The only thing I have to look forward to is meeting a nice young girl who makes it all worth it. So for me over time i have grown to have more respect for the girs or as I like to call them Patriots. Its been over 5 years in the hobby, and the more I get to know providers and little by little understand where there coming from the more I respect what they do and appreciate it.

It also might be that for about 5 years before that I went to the Yellow Rose strip club every Tuesday, and would spend 4-6K a month and grew to need the service they provide every week. But providers provide a way better service that cost way less. So instead of wasting $800 to $1000 a day and waste 6-8 hours in a club - I can spend $200-$300 and it only takes an hour so I can get rid of all the stress and get back to work refreshed and only wastes an hour versus a whole day. So I can get more work done. It has helped out my business a lot. Because of all that I guess that is why I it offends me when men talke bad about a provider for any thing they do or don't do.

If more people appreciate what they did and didn't give them shit for small things things then a small part of there stress or irritation would go away. I'm sure it builds up over time that some guy you didn't want to spend time with but you do anyway because that is your job and then for what ever reason he doesn't fully enjoy his time and then he treats you bad or writes a negative review for some small issue that really doesn't matter. His dumb as still got a hot girl to sleep with him and still isn't satisfied. I understand that writing honest reviews helps keep providers providing better service.

How they are treated by there clients and society has to have a large effect on how they look at themselves and they work they do. Over time that has to build up and can leave them jaded and end up hating the profession that brings a lot of joy into my life and a lot of other men. Its the same reason I get made at my 7 nephews who take shit about the girls they sleep with and then call them sluts. It is so counter productive and stupid. Women should be rewarded and praised for sleepping around not called names and looked down on. Why as men do we try and make it harder for the next guy to sleep with girls. Its next to impossible to sleep with a girl and have you be the last guy that she ever sleeps with so why not make her feel good/proud of sleeping with you instead of her feeling guilty for sleeping around. I don't know it just seems stupid to me that if we want to sleep with more hot girls then shouldn't we work hard on making them feel good about sleeping with a lot of men.

What am I missing?

Zimmie your thoughts make me smile

Originally Posted by jbravo_123

Keep in mind that many people have this mentality that since they're paying for services, they have the right to be a complete asshole to the person they're getting services from.

I don't understand the logic of that ....but a good ol' fashioned saying would be 'treat others like you would like to be treated, and what goes around comes back around'

[Old-T]

I tend to see ladies I like repeatedly over a period of time, often across years. I have gotten to several of them from early in their working career through retirement. I’ve seen a few indicators that generally predict whether this work will eat their souls or whether they we leave relatively unscathed.

First, do they really understand what the business entails and are they realistic about what they will get out of it. Those that have delusions of instant riches for little effort--or those who think every client will be well mannered, clean, and respect boundaries—can become very jaded when that isn’t how life unfolds. Those who have realistic expectations usually handle the rough spots better without it eating at them from the inside. It seems to help a lot if the lady is not only in it for the money, but does enjoy the romance, the companionship, the sex, and the adrenalin rush—at least with some of her regulars.

Second, having an exit strategy and working if from day one. For some it’s when they graduate and get a different job. For many it isn’t so much knowing when they will leave, but it’s making sure that WHEN they decide they want to leave, they can. The saddest stories I have seen are ladies who want to leave but feel they cannot. Those are ones I have seen spiral downward into some very dark places. The corollary is being able to realize signs that say it’s time to retire.

Third, the type of clients they go after. The more selective ones—especially if they tend to screen for some amount of compatibility as well as safety—seem to do better.

Lastly, those that have a life, friends, and family beyond the business. A place to find balance, and a support system to help them through the bad client experiences that JBravo references--they are all too real and all too common.

If you think about it, those are really the same attributes that affect anyone becoming jaded in their job. The reference to EMT crews was a good one. Or social workers, cancer treatment providers, and many others.

[Tiffani Jameson]

Originally Posted by Old-T

I tend to see ladies I like repeatedly over a period of time, often across years. I have gotten to several of them from early in their working career through retirement. I’ve seen a few indicators that generally predict whether this work will eat their souls or whether they we leave relatively unscathed.

First, do they really understand what the business entails and are they realistic about what they will get out of it. Those that have delusions of instant riches for little effort--or those who think every client will be well mannered, clean, and respect boundaries—can become very jaded when that isn’t how life unfolds. Those who have realistic expectations usually handle the rough spots better without it eating at them from the inside. It seems to help a lot if the lady is not only in it for the money, but does enjoy the romance, the companionship, the sex, and the adrenalin rush—at least with some of her regulars.

Second, having an exit strategy and working if from day one. For some it’s when they graduate and get a different job. For many it isn’t so much knowing when they will leave, but it’s making sure that WHEN they decide they want to leave, they can. The saddest stories I have seen are ladies who want to leave but feel they cannot. Those are ones I have seen spiral downward into some very dark places. The corollary is being able to realize signs that say it’s time to retire.

Third, the type of clients they go after. The more selective ones—especially if they tend to screen for some amount of compatibility as well as safety—seem to do better.

Lastly, those that have a life, friends, and family beyond the business. A place to find balance, and a support system to help them through the bad client experiences that JBravo references--they are all too real and all too common.

If you think about it, those are really the same attributes that affect anyone becoming jaded in their job. The reference to EMT crews was a good one. Or social workers, cancer treatment providers, and many others.

Yep. This about sums it up, Old-T!

The way a lady enters this business is very key to the changes she undergoes as a companion. It was pure logic that led me here. Because I got into this with an open mind and a job 7 years ago, my only challenge and changes have been to make sure this life stays in it's proper placement on my priority list. Had I been desperate, or some impressionable pre-teen who didn't like/dropped out of school with little to no support system, this life would have taken a different toll on me.

I'm glad you gents are looking at us ladies as more than just objects. I encourage all the men of this board to have that same bit of observation in their selection process. That's the change I would like to see in clients. You may be able influence a lady to take a look at her life, and make sure that her focus in life is on what truly matters.

Great topic, Fast Gunn!

[pyramider]

Of course being in the hobby changes people, both men and women. We can all become jaded over time. The hard part is not becoming jaded. There are asshats all over and not just in the hobby.

The ladies I have seen are of varying age, race, and body types. I reach out to them to book an appointment after watching how the ladies interact on the icky. I do not want to spend time with a lady that is just a one way physical attraction. The ladies I see, I would be comfortable being in a public social setting with them.

[HoneyRose]

Originally Posted by Jimmiwad

If she takes her time and is selective it is probably a better life. Entertaining 400 to 500 different guys a year has to take a toll on the body.

Absolutely! They need to pace themselves LOL!

Seeing two or three clients a week keeps a provider refreshed, excited to be with each hobbyist, and certainly doesn't reduce any encounter to mechanical.

Shoot, I have less sex now than when I was married! And it's not with the same man, the same way, week after week!

It's a nice mixture of new people and old friends, so that triggers different feelings. (the excitement of someone new; the comfort of a returning friend).

[Fast Gunn]

You're right on that point from my perspective.

Personally, I always prefer low volume providers.

. . . They usually provide higher quality service which promotes return business.

Originally Posted by HoneyRose

Absolutely! They need to pace themselves LOL!

Seeing two or three clients a week keeps a provider refreshed, excited to be with each hobbyist, and certainly doesn't reduce any encounter to mechanical.

Shoot, I have less sex now than when I was married! And it's not with the same man, the same way, week after week!

It's a nice mixture of new people and old friends, so that triggers different feelings. (the excitement of someone new; the comfort of a returning friend).

[bogator]

I do not post much. But I find this very interesting. I have seen changes in ladies that I have seen over time. Some got very mechanical and just seemed to go through the motions. While some became just better and better. I think this happens form being in the hoppy and from is or is not a connection between the two.
With that being said I have also changed. Now at 49 I look for a lady that I find interesting and is more willing to have a conversation with me and willing to stimulate both mind and body. And to be honest most of them seem to be more my age. And I am no longer willing to help ladies out yes I know I am stupid. But I have done it sometimes worked out most time I got used. But hey an education is not cheap. When I first started in this hoppy I would contact a lady maybe several times and wait way to long for a response. And it was for the most part LUST and an I want some of that. Now I will contact a lady maybe twice and if no contact is made most the time move on and if is is made and right after hello the question is what town you in and how long of an appointment do you want. I pretty much know start to run cold on the lady.

With all that said lol We all change some for the better if we are lucky and some not. That is the toll life takes on us. The ladies I seen when I first started to do this for the most part I would not see now. But I find that respect is falling my the way side and it is just not nice much of the time anymore. Sorry for the rant lol. Just my views I talk much better than I type

[TGBeldin]

Wow, great thread. Seen a lot of these things with my favorite providers.

ProudOfTexas, Old-T, Tiffani, Zabrina, thanks for the thoughts. Some of the best stuff I've read here is a while. I'd like to see more of this discussion.

[TGBeldin]

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

You're right on that point from my perspective.

Personally, I always prefer low volume providers.

. . . They usually provide higher quality service which promotes return business.

How do you tell if she's really "low volume"? I think it's like the other thread you posted, you can ID some high volume providers but the professional ones will convince you you are their only appointment of the week even if it's far from the truth.

[pyramider]

Just check the notches on the headboard.

[Zimmie6942]

Wouldn't it make sense that if we want them to provide a good service for us then that we need provide a good/save/nonjudgemental environment for them to provide that service in. If we want what we want shouldn't we provide them with what they want. My favorite sale quote is from Zig Zigglar "If you help enough people get what they want you will eventually get what you want" I know what I want, so I guess my question is what, other than $, what do most providers want?

[Tiffani Jameson]

Originally Posted by Zimmie6942

Wouldn't it make sense that if we want them to provide a good service for us then that we need provide a good/save/nonjudgemental environment for them to provide that service in. If we want what we want shouldn't we provide them with what they want. My favorite sale quote is from Zig Zigglar "If you help enough people get what they want you will eventually get what you want" I know what I want, so I guess my question is what, other than $, do most providers want?

Providing a good/safe/non-judgmental environment for YOU AND HER is what I'm talking about. It's about what THEY may not even realize they need: someone to consider other parts of them besides the parts you want to use. Why choose a woman who is obviously hurting, or close to burnout? Why see a woman who is obviously not screening, and inviting Lord knows who to her incall?

I know, this gets a bit heavy, but do we not read the ALERTS section? I don't think they understand what they need to do to be safe. There is tooo much information on this board for a lady not to be able to learn to do better for herself. How many times does she have to have a close call before she changes?

You can't change her, but you can change yourself, and the way you do things so that they are less risky for you.

[pyramider]

I cannot change my tainted ways.