Whale Wars

[Wakeup]

958 calories, 50g of fat...why would I start that?

[dearhunter]

News Flash

deerhunter is alive.........more news as soon as we can get it out of him.

[Kurrin Beverly]

Originally Posted by dearhunter

News Flash

deerhunter is alive.........more news as soon as we can get it out of him.

Can you tell him that I'm really craving some fried fish with French fries? I need a man to come cook for me tonight. I know Wakeup won't do it, because he's already dishing out the calorie count on me. Can't someone just feed me my cravings and keep me happy for a change?

P. S. I misspell your name (sometimes) because I want to see your reaction. Why on Earth would you misspell your own name?

[Kurrin Beverly]

Don't answer that question: I believe I may already know the answer. I think chicagoboy put you up to it!!

Then again, I'm not very good at playing chess, so I could be totally wrong.

[dearhunter]

Kurrin baby, it is not safe for you in here......fat sperm whales are feeding

[SexyCassandra]

this thread is something else so ima just say........In my cool but yet sexy voice( You and me baby aint nuthin but mammals so lets do it like they do it on the discovery channel) sorry im done here i just couldnt resist.

[DarthMaul]

Originally Posted by Wakeuр

I don't threaten modtards...I just point out when they trip over their own pee pees...just like I'd do for anyone else...

Besides I'm going to go over to the NBA thread and post that I have some fouls to give...

Thanks for the compliment, but I have never tripped over it. There's an NBA thread!?

Originally Posted by dearhunter

In light of DMs opinion in this matter, I find his self restraint worth noting.

If it comes to the point where he feels that he has to do what he has to do, I will do the same.....there is no cause to get all up in his grill about it.

"It's your thing...do what you wanna do. I can't tell yah, who to sock it to..."

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by SexyCassandra

.....im done here i just couldnt resist.

Don't fret it......you are not alone.

[dearhunter]

Episode Nine - Into the Belly of the Whale - 2.0

Whale Wars Fans everywhere, we have a treat for you this morning.

Yesterday we announced in a very breaf manner that deerhunter is alive.

We surely apologize for cutting the program short as we did. But, it is not every day that we get to see a Fat Sperm Whale survivor.

As an added bonus for staying with this program in such a faithful way, we have decided to allow deerhunter to share his Fat Sperm Whale odyssey.

Without further adue, please allow me to introduce you to deerhunter (henceforth refered to as Jonah in private circles)

.............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. ...............

deerhunter:

Uhhhhhhhh hello. I'm deerhunter. uhhhhhhhh I was in a fat sperm whale. It was very dark and slimy. ummmmmmm I got sperm all in my nose and eyes. I saw my cuzin five times removed on my brothers wifes side of the family in the belly of the fat sperm whale. uhhhhhh she didn't recognize me with all of the sperm up my nose. ummmmm I was getting weak so I ate sperm coated cheesy poofs to give me strength.......uhhhh they tasted good. I grabbed my cuzins fin and started singing

Everyone loves the king of the sea,
ever so kind and gentle is he,
tricks he will do when newbies appear,
and how they will laugh when he's near!

They call him Flipper Flipper........the next thing I know we were sliding down this long slippy slide tube thingy. ummmmmm the last thing I remeber is shooting out of this huge vagaygay and a feeling of dayshavu. I woke up to someone slapping my face. I was kinda pissed cuase they were supposed to slap my ass as I recall.

.............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .................

Thanck you deerhunter for that gut wrenching tale of survival in a fat sperm whale.

I would add some information to his tale. We found deerhunter and the dolphin floating in the surf covered in ambergris.

We are in the process of analysing this ambergris to determine if it has any redeeming value.

We hope to have that information available in time for episode ten.......heh

[Guest123018-4]

There does not appear t be any aliens in this threAD.

[carkido45]

Poor DeerHunter the HORROR !!!!
HE will probably suffer from PTSD

[Rubchasertx]

Originally Posted by carkido45

Poor DeerHunter the HORROR !!!!
HE will probably suffer from PFSWSD

Fixed that for ya...

[dearhunter]

Fat Sperm Whale Facts Revisited

The fat sperm whale is a big toothed whale and is part of the (payum 2 fuckum) species, which also includes dolphins and porpoises.
The sperm whale is the largest of the fat whales and can grow as big as 400 lbs.
They also have the largest brain out of any animal known to exist (just ask them and they will tell you).
The name fat sperm whale comes from the fact that they trumpet their dick sucking skills in an effort to compete with the spinner dolphins and porpoises.
Fat sperm whales secrete a white waxy substance that was originally mistaken for joy juice by early whalers. We now know that it is putrified giz known as ambergris that they secrete as they birth their inner dolphin.
While the role fat sperm whales play is still not fully understood, in the past they were used for BBBJs (wet sloppy blowjobs seem to be their collective calling card....with rare exceptions) and cheap quickies at the end of the month.

Physical Characteristics

When fully inflated the fat sperm whale can grow to be around a quarter of a ton in extreme cases.
Fat sperm whales come in all colors of the rainbow, thinck of them as a big bowl of skittles.
In comparison to other whales the sperm whale has a very unique feeding habit and are unlikely to be confused with any other species of whale.
It has a fat head which can weigh as much as a baby dolphin.
Sperm whales don’t have gracious dolphin curves, but instead have huge rolls of fluck to snuggle into.

Diet

Sperm whales use a pod mentality to hunt for pry and navigate the blue waters (finally got that in).
Fat sperm whales live primarily on hohos, dingdongs and cheesy poofs (it turns out that cheesy poofs are made out of ambergris and shredded chedder......ijs)
Fat sperm whales can suck their body weight every day, if the whalers are available.
A standard diet for sperm whales usually consists of whaler dick and pussy (they have little pussies under their dick) krill and sharks (when one swims too close) RIP trey.
Stretch marks on the fat sperm whale’s body give a good indication of her fluke levels.
Sperm whales are also believed to prey on dolphins.
This study has documented two occasions where a fat sperm whale released her inner dolphin.

Migration

Fat sperm whales can be found swimming through all of the SHMBs.
Fat sperm whales typically remain in general forums in an effort to snare the unsuspecting newbie hunter.
Fat sperm whales rarely migrate to other city forums (unless they have developed a connection with a local pod in that area).

Defense

Fat sperm whales are very territorial in nature.
Fat sperm whales are known to run in pods of 3 to 15 whales in a pod.
When one fat sperm whale is harpooned, her wailing draws every fat sperm whale within a hundred miles to her defense.
The normal method of protection of a wounded fat sperm whale is the Marguerite Formation.

How to take out a fat sperm whale

Because the normal method of protection of a wounded fat sperm whale is the Marguerite Formation, the best method of taking out a fat sperm whale is to harpoon a fat sperm whale. Then, back off and wait. Soon, the wounded fat sperm whale will be surrounded by many other fat sperm whales.
Take your pick.
It is best to pick the the biggest fat sperm whale.
You harpoon the fat sperm whale and tie your harpoon off and go for a wild ride. Eventually, the fat sperm whale will wear down and you can go in for the finish.
Of course, we mean harpooning in a metaphorical sense.
We would never physically harm a fat sperm whale.
This is called the Nantucket Sleigh Ride......ijs

.............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................

And so we are come to the end of Season One of Whale Wars. I want each of you to know that your participation at every level has made this a great experience for me and the rest of the Whale Wars team.

Please let your local modtard team know if you would like a Whale Wars threAD in your local forum. We aim to please.

Be on the lookout for Whale Wars - Season Two.....you never know when one (or five) of these fat sperm whales will inspire me to return for another go.

As always, I leave my threADs open for questions, commentary and criticism.......who knows, you may inspire me to immortalize you on a SHMB......ijs.

[NIKKILOVE]

Originally Posted by dearhunter

Fat Sperm Whale Facts Revisited

The fat sperm whale is a big toothed whale and is part of the (payum 2 fuckum) species, which also includes dolphins and porpoises.
The sperm whale is the largest of the fat whales and can grow as big as 400 lbs.
They also have the largest brain out of any animal known to exist (just ask them and they will tell you).
The name fat sperm whale comes from the fact that they trumpet their dick sucking skills in an effort to compete with the spinner dolphins and porpoises.
Fat sperm whales secrete a white waxy substance that was originally mistaken for joy juice by early whalers. We now know that it is putrified giz known as ambergris that they secrete as they birth their inner dolphin.
While the role fat sperm whales play is still not fully understood, in the past they were used for BBBJs (wet sloppy blowjobs seem to be their collective calling card....with rare exceptions) and cheap quickies at the end of the month.

Physical Characteristics

When fully inflated the fat sperm whale can grow to be around a quarter of a ton in extreme cases.
Fat sperm whales come in all colors of the rainbow, thinck of them as a big bowl of skittles.
In comparison to other whales the sperm whale has a very unique feeding habit and are unlikely to be confused with any other species of whale.
It has a fat head which can weigh as much as a baby dolphin.
Sperm whales don’t have gracious dolphin curves, but instead have huge rolls of fluck to snuggle into.

Diet

Sperm whales use a pod mentality to hunt for pry and navigate the blue waters (finally got that in).
Fat sperm whales live primarily on hohos, dingdongs and cheesy poofs (it turns out that cheesy poofs are made out of ambergris and shredded chedder......ijs)
Fat sperm whales can suck their body weight every day, if the whalers are available.
A standard diet for sperm whales usually consists of whaler dick and pussy (they have little pussies under their dick) krill and sharks (when one swims too close) RIP trey.
Stretch marks on the fat sperm whale’s body give a good indication of her fluke levels.
Sperm whales are also believed to prey on dolphins.
This study has documented two occasions where a fat sperm whale released her inner dolphin.

Migration

Fat sperm whales can be found swimming through all of the SHMBs.
Fat sperm whales typically remain in general forums in an effort to snare the unsuspecting newbie hunter.
Fat sperm whales rarely migrate to other city forums (unless they have developed a connection with a local pod in that area).

Defense

Fat sperm whales are very territorial in nature.
Fat sperm whales are known to run in pods of 3 to 15 whales in a pod.
When one fat sperm whale is harpooned, her wailing draws every fat sperm whale within a hundred miles to her defense.
The normal method of protection of a wounded fat sperm whale is the Marguerite Formation.

How to take out a fat sperm whale

Because the normal method of protection of a wounded fat sperm whale is the Marguerite Formation, the best method of taking out a fat sperm whale is to harpoon a fat sperm whale. Then, back off and wait. Soon, the wounded fat sperm whale will be surrounded by many other fat sperm whales.
Take your pick.
It is best to pick the the biggest fat sperm whale.
You harpoon the fat sperm whale and tie your harpoon off and go for a wild ride. Eventually, the fat sperm whale will wear down and you can go in for the finish.
This is called the Nantucket Sleigh Ride......ijs

.............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................

And so we are come to the end of Season One of Whale Wars. I want each of you to know that your participation at every level has made this a great experience for me and the rest of the Whale Wars team.

Please let your local modtard team know if you would like a Whale Wars threAD in your local forum. We aim to please.

Be on the lookout for Whale Wars - Season Two.....you never know when one (or five) of these fat sperm whales will inspire me to return for another go.

As always, I leave my threADs open for questions, commentary and criticism.......who knows, you may inspire me to immortalize you on a SHMB......ijs.

______________________________ ______________________________ _____

After a couple poor days out of the gate, ‘Whale Wars’ is poised to become one of the worst movie investments in history. Analysts expect the Deerhunter. to take a HUGE LOSS that will earn it the indignity cast upon forgettable films like ‘Ishtar’ and ‘Howard the Duck.’ A variety of reasons for the movie’s poor performance have been floated — from casting to plot to promotion. Whatever the cause, it wouldn’t be the first time 'THE PLAYING THEATER" banked on a splashy blockbuster and lost big. Here’s a look back at ONE of THE TEAMS most colossal failures.

http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=449810

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by NIKKILOVE

______________________________ ______________________________ _____

After a couple poor days out of the gate, ‘Whale Wars’ is poised to become one of the worst movie investments in history. Analysts expect the Deerhunter. to take a HUGE LOSS that will earn it the indignity cast upon forgettable films like ‘Ishtar’ and ‘Howard the Duck.’ A variety of reasons for the movie’s poor performance have been floated — from casting to plot to promotion. Whatever the cause, it wouldn’t be the first time 'THE PLAYING THEATER" banked on a splashy blockbuster and lost big. Here’s a look back at ONE of THE TEAMS most colossal failures.

http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=449810

So let it be on deerhunter's head.....I never liked that asshole anyway.