The New Infidelity no Longer Sex...

[Bebe Le Strange]

This does not surprise me one bit. My exhusband had a secret bank account for years, I didn't find out till the time of the divorce and through a mutual friend. People always think of women as being the ones with the financial infidelity, but it just as prevalent with men as it is with women.

Financial infidelity may be new normal: poll

– Thu Jan 13, 4:56 pm ET NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) – Three in 10 Americans commit "financial infidelity" by lying to their spouses about money, sometimes suffering consequences such as separation or divorce, according to a new survey.
The Harris Interactive online poll of 2,019 adults released Thursday showed 31 percent of American couples who have combined finances were not truthful about issues such as hiding cash or a bank account or about debt or earnings.
"Financial infidelity may be the new normal," said Forbes.com, which commissioned the survey with the National Endowment for Financial Education.


One-third of respondents also say they have been deceived, and both sexes lie to their partners about money in equal numbers.
"These indiscretions cause significant damage to the relationship," said Ted Beck, chief executive of the National Endowment for Financial Education.
Sixteen percent of couples affected by financial infidelity said the deception led to a divorce and 11 percent said it caused a separation. Sixty-seven percent said it led to an argument and for 42 percent it lessened trust in the relationship.


The most common lie, at 58 percent, was hiding cash, according to Forbes.com (http://tinyurl.com/4jjtw4l) Fifty-four percent of respondents admitted hiding a minor purchase, 30 percent hid a bill, 16 percent did not disclose a major purchase and 15 percent hid a bank account.
Eleven percent lied about debt and an equal number were untruthful about earnings, the survey showed.
(Reporting by Daniel Trotta; editing by Patricia Reaney)


http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/us_money_couples

[Capt. Lincoln F. Stern]

Its been my experience to witness that most couples who get married and maintain separate checking and savings accounts after 1 year of marriage usually end up divorcing.

I have also known couples where the man sets up a separate bank account, has his paycheck DD'ed to it and then he transfers money to the joint account for her to shopping etc... basically puts her on a financial lease.

To quote Ben Kingsley in the movie "Sneakers" - " Too many secrets"

[Bebe Le Strange]

Originally Posted by Spirit13

Its been my experience to witness that most couples who get married and maintain separate checking and savings accounts after 1 year of marriage usually end up divorcing.

I have also known couples where the man sets up a separate bank account, has his paycheck DD'ed to it and then he transfers money to the joint account for her to shopping etc... basically puts her on a financial lease.

To quote Ben Kingsley in the movie "Sneakers" - " Too many secrets"

Agreed... Where there is no trust there is no relationship.

Relationships are learning to trust, compromise, negotiate, and learn to accept the ever changing relationship as time goes by. Relationships are a constant work in progress.

[Chica Chaser]

When I was married, I always operated under the assumption that what's her's is her's, and what's mine is...hers!

[Bebe Le Strange]

Originally Posted by Chica Chaser

When I was married, I always operated under the assumption that what's her's is her's, and what's mine is...hers!

Hence your no longer married? LMAO

J/K =)

[Chica Chaser]

Originally Posted by Bebe Le Strange

Hence your no longer married? LMAO

J/K =)

You got it!

[macksback]

I know two couples who appear happily married and maintain seperate bank accounts.

[Theory]

My wife of 4 years and I maintain separate bank accounts, however, we are a bit more progressive on our relationship outlook. We have been married 4 years but together 15 and since I can remember have always kept money separate. She has certain bills she pays. I have certain bills I pay. As long as we keep up each others end, what we do with the rest of our money is up to us (savings, investment, retirement included in said bills). On mutual expenses (vacations, big ticket items, etc...) we split.

[BellaIsabella]

My husband and I keep the same checking accounts, I have had a couple affairs on him, but money is something I am always very honest with him about and really have no reason to lie to him about it. Different times in our relationship he has earned more then me, but now I earn more then him. We both try to keep things pretty simple and don't spend a lot of money on anything unless it is something very special.

[TexTushHog]

If I were to be married again -- an unlikely occurrence -- and maintained joint financial status, again unlikely, I would consider financial infidelity to be far more serious than sexual infidelity. You can lie about sleeping with someone, but you can't lie about significant sums of money. That's just immoral is a big way.

[Bebe Le Strange]

Originally Posted by TexTushHog

If I were to be married again -- an unlikely occurrence -- and maintained joint financial status, again unlikely, I would consider financial infidelity to be far more serious than sexual infidelity. You can lie about sleeping with someone, but you can't lie about significant sums of money. That's just immoral is a big way.

They are saying that couples who keep separate banking accounts are more likely to divorce. I found that comment in one article interesting. I wonder if it is a trust issue? As we all know without trust your relationship is pretty much doomed from the start.

I think both sexual and financial infidelity are equally wrong. Especially when you have to lie about both. Lying = deception, Deception = broken trust, No trust = doomed relationship

[Capt. Lincoln F. Stern]

@ Bebe I personally know of 3 couples who maintained their own accounts before marriage (normal) then after marriage they never merged them, or opened a "joint" account so as to pay things like rent, utilities, and food from the joint account. They would divide the amounts and each pay 1/2 or one would pay it and the other back them 1/2 of it.

Trust is a factor in all aspects of a relationship, and if trust is lost in one area, they other areas are at risk

[TexTushHog]

Originally Posted by Bebe Le Strange

They are saying that couples who keep separate banking accounts are more likely to divorce. I found that comment in one article interesting. I wonder if it is a trust issue? As we all know without trust your relationship is pretty much doomed from the start.

I think both sexual and financial infidelity are equally wrong. Especially when you have to lie about both. Lying = deception, Deception = broken trust, No trust = doomed relationship

If there is a pre-existing agreement for separate banking accounts, I don't view that as deception, hence no infidelity. And I'm not talking about small amounts of money, either. I'm talking about significant amounts. Of course what is significant will vary depending on household income.

[pyramider]

I had a boss that he and his wife kept the moneys separate. He did not know what she made and visa versa. Bills were split, no one bitched about hobbies, cars (she drove an expensive sportscar, he drove an old jeep), etc. Both were on their second rodeo. It works for them.

[Bebe Le Strange]

Originally Posted by TexTushHog

If there is a pre-existing agreement for separate banking accounts, I don't view that as deception, hence no infidelity. And I'm not talking about small amounts of money, either. I'm talking about significant amounts. Of course what is significant will vary depending on household income.

I agree if a prenuptial agreement is signed prior to marriage then both have agreed to it. With the aging of baby boomers and the high rate of divorce I can totally see this.