Tips on Femme-DOM-

[stargirl3355]

I have found a possible sugar daddy, but he wants me to be his "owner".... he sent a few websites for me to read but they were kind of vague. He says he wants to be my slave and do anything i need him to do and for me to tie him up often and sit on his face.... These are all things I would LOVE!

But I need more advice and tips to impress him

He has not mentioned me using a strap on yet but should i assume he will want that? I have a little experience with strap ons but not much

He says he wants me to punish him if he does something the wrong way etc...

I have done a few BDSM sessions as a provider but I am definitely amatuer and need help/advice!

He calls it femme-dom not bdsm.. are these different??

[yourslave]

It's the same thing. Just something he made up. I've never actually heard of femme-dom. Don't assume on the strap on, but it never hurts to ask.

Sounds like he enjoys some punishment also. Maybe spanking, maybe cbt, maybe who knows. You might just have him go fill out a form like this one...

http://www.thebrc.net/check_list/default.htm

[MistressOlympia]

Yeah it's the same thing, he just doesn't want to use that word. Never assume things though, even ProDommes see guys who don't want strap on or any of the other things people think of. You should definitely bring him that list, it will be good for you to learn his kinks, and he'll think you're serious about providing this for him. Win Win!

[Krunkman]

A BDSM checklist is a good place to start. Then you'll need to review it and, possibly, research some of the terms yourself. It's actually not a bad idea for you to do the checklist yourself, with the intent of YOU identifying exactly what it is you are willing, and not willing to do. Just like him you need to find out where your limits are, and where you are willing to expand those limits, and where you will draw the line.

Once you've got your two lists, sit down with him and go over them. Make sure you both understand where each of you stands, in general and in the more squicky areas you each will have. Then you'll both need to make a decision on if it can work, and if the two of you are going to be able to work together for it.

Assuming you get past that point, you now need to start setting up the framework you'll be working under. He says he wants to be 'punished'... but does he mean play punishment, or real? There can be a big difference....

And you'll need to start working on your skills, learning how to use instruments, how to play (and punish) SAFELY so you don't break your toy! As the dominant its your responsibility to see that the things you do are safe, sane, and both parties are consenting.

Biggest thing is take it only at the speed you can handle it safely. And don't be afraid to ask questions, to experiment, to do things right so you can continue doing it. It's not particularly hard, but like any other profession you need to commit the time and effort to learn it so you can do it well.

[Guest032514-1]

I use the exact term 'FemDomme" on my escort site. I chose it over Dom/Domme/Domination as it seems to be a bit softer and to distinguish (with the Fem) that I don't offer p4p sub sessions. (I don't prosub hell no)

Sensual Domination as opposed to Domination may be where he is. He sorta sounds like he wants behavior/mental/emotional Dom over some of the more physical dom. IF he is a sub, he's been somebody else's sub. Who's? Check his refs.

Just like in escorting there is a 'menu" in bdsm. Find one, read it and ask. Again, IF he is a sub, he knows about check lists, negotiations, consent and contracts. You can be much more questioning and he can be much more forthcoming in BDSM culture. It's not just accepted there - it's expected.

Just remember - you are expected to honor that agreement just as much as he is.

[tjonesd]

It's "femdom" - as in female domination. You'll have better luck searching under that term.

Originally Posted by yourslave

http://www.thebrc.net/check_list/default.htm

That's a very good, very thorough list. Since he's volunteering to be your slave, I would make it clear which items would have him "receiving" and which he would be expected to "give/perform".

Upon going through the list with him, you might find it enlightening as to your own tastes/dislikes as well.

Good luck to you!

-Tom

[MissO]

Also keep in mind that many S&M acts (for $) are also illegal... esp. those involving genital contact (this includes buttocks). I would only discuss specific acts with clients with whom you'd met before... best to tell him that his servitude/compliance is the most important thing and YOU get to decide the ways in which he gets to show it... and educate yourself! Find out where on the body is safe to hit ('percussion play'), how to disinfect toys properly, read up on different fetishes (does he like edgeplay or is he into forced feminization? does he want to be your pony or simply be trampled for an entire session?), what are some different types of ways pain can be dealt out? how do different types of restraints work and which type allow for movement/manipulation of your sub? what is the BDSM acronym all about?... it's a FUn and challenging realm to step into!!!!
Here's a basic safety guide that may be helpful esp. in regards to barriers, risks, etc... http://www.actoronto.org/home.nsf/pages/bdsm

[Hot to Trot Daphne]

Originally Posted by yourslave

It's the same thing. Just something he made up. I've never actually heard of femme-dom. Don't assume on the strap on, but it never hurts to ask.

Sounds like he enjoys some punishment also. Maybe spanking, maybe cbt, maybe who knows. You might just have him go fill out a form like this one...

http://www.thebrc.net/check_list/default.htm

The term femdom is not something he made up. It has been in use for quite a while. There are tons of literature and clubs (there's a group here in Houston that goes by that name). Short for FEMale DOMination. The checklist would be useful, or have him write out a narrative of his fantasies, his desired methods of servitude. Once you get more acquainted with each other, you can add your own as you see fit. At least that's the method I use.

[Guest080311-2]

Ask PPE for Advice hes good with teaching!!

[RickO'shayRabbitt]

Femdom is a very real term. And like bdsm, it can have different meanings to different people. So communicate. The checklist is a good start, but it can also be sterile and shallow.

If I could make a suggestion, pick out a few stories about femdom (just do a search-you'll find some) and read them with him and see which ones float his boat. I'd read them to him while he was naked and you clothed, but that's just an idea.

Good luck. I hope both of you find that perfect fit.

[Kinkbox]

Different words do mean different things to different folks....

Here's something that may help. You are welcome to use my questionnaire with him.

You can see the original here http://www.kinkbox.info/quest.html - which has more questions for the introductory elements...

But here's the part of the list you are probably more interested in. Ask him which of these things does he have in interested in:

Abrasion
Anal Sex | Assplay | Prostate
Armpit Sex/Play
Bathroom Control
Begging
Biting
Blindfolds
Body Worship
Bondage
Boots
Branding
Breast Bondage
Brown Showers
Cages
Canes
Catheters
CBT
Chastity
Choking
Clips and Clamps
Clothespins
Cock Rings
Cock Worship
Collars
Corner Time
Corsets
Crawling
Creampies
Crops
Cross Dressing
Crucification
Cuckold
Cunnilingus
Cutting
Diapers
Dildos
Double Penetration
Eating Cum/Tasting yourself
Electrical Play
Enemas
Exercise Play
Exhibitionism
Eye Contact Restrictions
Face Slapping
Felatio
Feminization
Figging (Ginger)
Fireplay
Fisting
Flogging
Foot Worship
Forced-Bi
Gags
Gas Masks
Hair Pulling
Hairbrush
Harnesses
Heels
Hog Ties
Hoods
Hot oils
Housework
Humiliation
Hypnosis
Ice Cubes
Kissing
Knife Play
Kneeling
Lace
Lactation
Lap Dances/Strip Clubs
Latex
Leashes
Leather
Lingerie
Local BDSM Community
Maid/Butler
Masks
Massage
Medical Play
Menstral Sex
Mental Bondage
Mummification
Needle Play
Nipple Clamps
Nipple Weights
Obedience Training
Oral Sex
Orgasm Control
Paddles
Pain
Pantyhose Fetish
Phone Sex
Piercing
Pinching
Polyamory
Pony Play
Pornography
Posing for Erotic Photos
Punching
Puppy Play
Queening
Restraints
Rituals
Role Playing
Rubber Fetish
Scratching
Sensory Deprivation
Sensory Overload
Sex in Public
Sex Outdoors
Shaving
Shibari
Silk Scarves
Skullfucking
Sling/Swing
Spandex
Spanking
Speech Restrictions
Spitting/Saliva
Spreader Bars
Stockings
Stocks
Strap On
Suspension
Tease and Denial
Tickling
Theatrical Scenes
Uniforms
Vacuum Beds
Voyuerism
Watersports
Wax/Candle Play
Wearing Fluids
Whips
Wrestling
Vibrators

[Krunkman]

Thank you for the long list Kink, but normally we just post links and let people go find those things... there are kids around the world in dire need of all those pixels.... lets not waste them here!!!