It's Not Just A Job

[Jennifer W Eastwood]

I am a children's author but i also write for adults too. Here is a piece I wrote many years ago when ASPD first started-

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I have had quite a few different types of jobs. Some more challenging than others. I have been everything from a model, to a stripper and worked as a chair-side assistant in a dentist office to a secretary for a very well known lawyer back in Texas.

What do I tell the new girls about my last sixteen years as a provider? I tell them that those years were the best of times and the worst of times. It is funny but some of my favorite people that I have met have been some of you. You were the ones that helped me.

If I could change something it would be the safety factor of course. That really cannot be helped sometimes. If I could have a big box of bandages in assorted sizes that would heal the pain inside of you it would be such a great help.

I don't know when this happened, but I would guess about 13 years ago. I went to a man's home. Outside it were four brand new cars with paper plates on them. I went inside and what had happened was very sad. The man had just given his fiance' her huge engagement ring. A little later he either went some where or came home to find her in bed with his best man!

At this point he started yelling and I felt the pain pouring into the room. I knew he was not yelling at me but simply needed some type of release of his pain. When he calmed down, I looked at him and told him how lucky he should feel.

He was lucky it was BEFORE the wedding and BEFORE she could take half of his home, new cars and business that he owned etc etc. My body somehow absorbed a lot of the pain that came out of him and I cried for many hours. I didn't have the bandages to help, the words about his good luck were not seen in the proper light but I am proud to say I did help release some of his stress in my own special way.

After all of these years and tears I still remember his first name!

One time a man called and asked me to come see him. He briefly made some type of statement about not meeting the height requirement for a job he had really wanted. We had spent a little time on the phone and I knew I had to get ready and get on my way there. Nothing could of prepared me for what was about to happen.

I got to the hotel door and knocked. Soon the door opened and I was looking at a man about 2/3 rds my height. I panicked, but I heard Steve say, "you can always walk through those flames." On this evening I thought it was a walk for me but little did I know how very blessed I was to be in the presence of this angel. I learned so very much from this little man. He was bigger than life! He never uttered a single negative word about anything during either of those two evenings. There are so many things that you and I take for granted. So many things that are a real struggle for him.

Somehow, maybe by his happy attitude, he made me look at myself. I did not like what I saw at all. I had to get tough and tell myself to take a dump or to get off my pity pot. So many had more reasons to need it. I was in a hotel suite, yes, but I did have a roof over my head. I had cigarettes and a little cash for food, gas etc.

It was because of this man that I saved enough donation to move from a hotel suite into a duplex. I could not of done it on my own. His wings lifted me and carried me to a height I may not of made on my own. Can you imagine saving $3,400 on top of the $43.00 a day rent plus the $300 back rent? He was the one who made it happen. I remember his first name too. If that man is out there I sure could use his strength in the coming weeks. I must move again from a suite but this move will also include leaving my boyfriend and feeling brokenhearted.

The boyfriend situation burns it is true but this weekend I cried mostly for one of you! I hate this!!!! I see you guys go through pains, illnesses, divorces, or women etc but I am not allowed to try to help. I cannot hold you or tell a friend about you. I am bound by a code of silence. If those bandages were available, it would help. All I can do today, is to try and make choices after thinking everything through. My number one priority is you but I need safety too. If the choice benefits everyone then it has to be the right one. By the way, the right choice is usually not the one you would choose. Please, think and choose the right answer. If the choice may cause someone to endanger themselves or put someone into danger somehow, then the other option is what we must live with.

Do NOT ever take what you have for granted. My friend may lose the greatest things in his life and I wish all of this hadn'y of happened because he was a very, very dear friend. I know to keep the relationship a business one but I cannot. I am highly emotional and an ad or news story about a stranger can bring me to tears.

If I could save even one of you from the pain my friend is going through I would do it in a second. We are all adults and must make our own choices. The reason for this is because we will be the ones to hurt if we do not choose carefully. It doesn't matter if you are married or single; what you have right now is very important. The grass looks greener from either side so don't sweat it. Both sides are full of problems. Nothing in life is easy and sometimes the right choice is something that you do not want at all.

Don't tell me I do not know because I left my baby daughter with her father BECAUSE IT WAS WHAT WAS BEST FOR HER; moving in with his family beats a cheap hotel I paid for by stripping at a nearby army base. This DID NOT make that choice any easier. If I could go back I would make the wrong choice because I missed so much and yet I know I did what was right. Be a man and think first about what is best even if it is for someone else. Give a little bit and you may see great changes in the right direction.

It will benefit both of us in the long run but for me the run will be so very long. He was the first man that was asked for by my family. He went through many tears that many of you all caused. There were a few of you that dried many tears that he had caused too.

I am not ever supposed to do this but I care very deeply for the man that made me cry this weekend. I know it is forbidden but, kind of think of it, I care for so very many of you. This job would not be half as hard if I did not care.

Yes, the best of times and the worst of times. When I do leave you there will be many a tear shed. It was because of the lack of bandages and all of the tears I cried for you that made me have to go. All in all, some big and some small

THIS IS NOT JUST A JOB IT'S AN ADVENTURE!

I have many a funny story that happened because of this adventure. Someday maybe we can trade laughs.

As a few of you know, I am an author today. What nobody here knows is that I am writing an autobiography. It will be written as just a novel because my lawyer friends have told me that I could do time in prison for the crimes that I have committed.

I hope that you have a wonderful day. I am at home reviewing others writings.


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[Tiffany Cums]

A very good post...and very true! I have only been a part of this community for about 6 months, but have already had expeirences that is life changeing. I too, am guilty for 'careing too much'!
I applaud you!

[charlestudor2005]

Jennifer--

I have rarely been as inspired as I have been by your post. You have truly discovered the important things in life, and I salute you for it. Your compassion is amazing in this rough and tumble hobby.

[Tiffany Cums]

I was once bothered when I learned one of my hard working gentlemen was wearing a shirt with a turned up collar because his wife doesn't iron his clothes...why would this be upsetting to me? I don't know...but it was....and that is the most minor thing that has gotten to me.

[Exotic Lily]

Originally Posted by Jennifer W Eastwood

What do I tell the new girls about my last sixteen years as a provider?

I think you summed it up pretty nicely with the quote "THIS IS NOT JUST A JOB IT'S AN ADVENTURE!".... such lovely memoirs. I've also been in this industry for over 10yrs and there's some things we'll never ever forget.

[GuYFoX]

Is writing like this that both move me and challenge me to think about a number of deeper issues in my hobby life, because for me is just that a "hobby", but getting to spend time with a beautiful lady is one of the best experiences of my life I simply cannot express how much I enjoy it so i could never bring my self to ever worry a provider with my problems no matter how big or small, but that's just me i do have a very sunny disposition

[Guest083011]

Dear Jennifer,
What a beautiful piece. Thank you for sharing. And thank you for sharing your emotions with the gentleman you've met and will meet. I hope our paths will cross as I am sure it would be delightful. Best!

[Mr Clever]

Nice post......makes you think. But, your right.