7:52 PM, 21 August...on the way to Debbie Does Dallas

[Doove]

Originally Posted by wlhrgfan

...That to me denotes being married? But then there is a statement of never getting married?...

Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to back anyone in a corner by my line of reasoning with these comments rather its hard to take things with a grain of salt as to say when I my self have seen conflicting statements by someone about someones truth telling habits is all. I guess its like saying people in glass houses should not throw stones.

I can't speak for Vivian, but i suppose it's possible to develop a philosophy on something after it's too late for you to adhere to that philosophy yourself.

It's also possible that her philosophy is predicated on the inability for some to remain monogamous, which wouldn't apply to those who go in with the understanding that monogamy won't be a requirement. Particularly if their inability to remain monogamous is, in spite of their vows, for no other reason than the simple fact that they just want to have sex with as many different people as they can seek out as willing. Which is different than seeking out something that has either faded out over the years, or is simply currently lacking in one's marriage.

[Guest083011]

Originally Posted by Das Ubersoldat

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that.

If my wife knew I was dipping my wick elsewhere, she would annhilate me. If she didn't, my reaction would be: is she getting it elsewhere?

But if that were the case, would she and I start talking about having a fully open relationship and put all our cards on the table? FWIW, the wife is a considerably older than I which is one of the reasons I partake in the demimonde world.

[jokacz]

Originally Posted by wlhrgfan

I guess its like saying people in glass houses should not throw stones.

Viv doesn't need my white knighting. I'd say she has a pretty open marriage:


http://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p=453859&postcount=19

[wlhrgfan]

Not trying to bash her as she has a good reputation on this board and is well reviewed...I am merely illustrating the point about truth telling or making comments about whole truth and half truths. After all in an industry where many rely on secrecy, lies or half truths why scrutinize someone for telling the truth in no matter the form half or full? In hobbying as I was illustrating with the link we all can tell half lies or half truths.

[YSD]

IMO I think that this was the whole truth. What else is he to do? Details? To me that is getting into symantics. I am a widower (my wife passed at age 49) so I come from a different place on this. I do not think I could have told my late wife.


BUT from my expereince of 5 yrs being a widower, I am not sure where Vivian is going on this. I have hobbied and have had the proverbial fuck buddies. Seems like the younger ladies are a bit more open about this stuff. I look at things entirely differently now. I think that if I were to settle down again, I would have no issue with a more open relatinship. The important thing is to know that your partner is coming home to you and vice versa.

Sex in a realtionship is not overrated. If that keeps it fresh why not. I think that is what I like about hobbying. It is the proverbial dichotomy of the lies being the truth. I mean come on we all know the deal. Providers have husbands and signifcant others as well. So what is the biggie? We do not need to know the details, but we do need to know where the heart is. Vivan aren't you being a bit hard on Bob?

[Doove]

Originally Posted by Jericho99

IMO I think that this was the whole truth. What else is he to do? Details? To me that is getting into symantics.

That would depend on the details, no?

Vivan aren't you being a bit hard on Bob?

Again, that would depend on the details. It's entirely possible she's going easy on him.

[jokacz]

Originally Posted by Doove

That would depend on the details, no?

Again, that would depend on the details. It's entirely possible she's going easy on him.

The Devil is in the details.


Who's going to let him out?

[rooster]

Well, Bobby, I think the question we all want to know is.... just how much does she know? In other words, does she have ANY IDEA how many women you have been with and how much money you have spent? I'm real curious there.

Otherwise, I think you lucked out big-time. It sounds like she was smart enough to connect the dots awhile ago, and that she is mature enough to not let her worst emotions dominate her reactions to this.

I foolishly thought that my S.O. knew I was playing out, and that she would be big enough to accept her role in it when the time finally came. Holy Fuck, was I wrong. If I didn't want to divorce her before that discussion, I sure wanted to divorce her for what she put me through after that. I have never been a jealous person, and while I could understand her being hurt, 99 percent of her reaction came down to her own problems with herself.

Man, I'm gonna be thinking about this for a long time....

[Perryay]

Originally Posted by NormalBob

It's been a weird year.

Bob - I can only think that may be an understatement. My wife would probably do the "Bobbit" thing physically & financially. That being said, it appears to me that certain posters may have an agenda of their own in criticizing your actions. I can only read those I don't have on ignore but with a sense of reasonable inference, that may be their purpose. I can only wish both you and your wife well and hope for a peaceful resolution.

[DirtyJ]

Originally Posted by viviantonight

My thoughts exactly....honesty isn't telling bits and pieces of the truth ....it is telling the whole truth...
If you have one of those conversations where you claim to be putting it all out there on the table and yet you only disclose the tip of the iceberg ..you're just telling another lie and it hardly deserves a pat on the back or a high five...
this thread alone enforces my NEVER GET MARRIED plan!!!!!!

but hey, when writing reviews on pay for play encounters looses its thrill you can always move on to writing them about your wife....

Santa? Tooth Fairy?
When a Dr has to tell you you're going to die, should he also tell you how happy he is its not him?
Ever watched a horror movie and then covered your eyes when it was really gross? Sometimes people think they want the truth, even when they know they don't.
When your child loses his/her first soccer game because they missed a few open shots on goal, tell them it was all their fault right?

my wife is the love of my life.
If my wife was suspicious, I would have to tell her. TY NB for showing us its not always poisoned coffee and divorce lawyers. I hope I never have to trot that path.

NB,
Please do what you think is best. If you love your wife, tell her what she needs to know in order to begin healing, then worship her. You are obviously very lucky.
Good luck.

[viviantonight]

good point guys....those that know me know that I refer to my sig other as hubby and often call him my "pseudo husband" I guess i should have clarified my own relationship status before hand ....living and and functioning as a married couple but not being actually married. That may make me some what of a hypocrite but I'm not really concerned with that.
I'm NOT trying to be hard on anyone. In fact, I was quite surprised by the amount of sympathy I felt for his wife when I read this thread....that's where my response came came from. I just felt like it's a big god damn slap in the face...not only has her husband been unfaithful he has posted his "confession" and her reaction to it here for (what she would most likely perceive as the) "enemy" to see. It seemed to me a selfish act that only adds insult to injury. I believe we are all leading a double life in some way shape or form by participating in this hobby and I believe that some things (like the people that may get hurt because of our actions) should be kept sacred. Trust me I don't claim to be perfect and I am simply stating my personal opinion...to each their own ....I know plenty of couples that were on the brink of divorce before they started swinging and now they are happier than ever so couples find strength in different places. I wish the best for them, it is possible to overcome such betrayal !
but......not ever being married I will admit , I do not know why you would want to.

[dynastyc]

Well NB, kudos to you for keeping it honest with her. In my situation, I could never tell her. My wife had a tough childhood and has abandonment issues, which are totally what has led me down this road in the end. She doesn't know how to act or is concerned about making me happy in the bedroom. After 14 years of progressively getting worse, I turned first to some AMPS, and now a couple providers. But I could never tell her, oh no, for it would end everything and crush her heart. I need to do something to stay around for her and my wonderful little girl. I weighed the options heavily and decided how I'd approach it. Maybe I've been around too many Catholics, but I seem to have enough guilt to go around. I had my second appt last week and could hardly do anything - nerves and guilt were too much. So I really think it has to come down to each and every person and their own situation - without haste. Why'd I get married? I'm still not sure.

[jekemo48]

repeat after me, "i didnt do it, and ill never do it again"...

[NormalBob]

Originally Posted by viviantonight

In fact, I was quite surprised by the amount of sympathy I felt for his wife when I read this thread....that's where my response came came from. I just felt like it's a big god damn slap in the face...not only has her husband been unfaithful he has posted his "confession" and her reaction to it here for (what she would most likely perceive as the) "enemy" to see. It seemed to me a selfish act that only adds insult to injury.

Thank you the comments Viv.

Other than the notion that she would see providers as the 'enemy', this really hit home. She doesn't have a mean spirit and would not think poorly of the providers.

I invented Robert Normal in my basement one night during a prolonged period of believing my wife was neglecting the wants and needs I deserved having met. 'NormalBob' was intentionally set up to meet my most selfish desires, ones I felt strongly entitled to having met.

That sense of entitlement has receded but hasn't completely gone away. Meanwhile creeping perceptions of obsession and habit have seeped in to fill in some of that vacuum.

I think menopause has left us at our current gap where I'm 10x more interested in sex than she will be. Part of my rationalization has been that my libido will be dead in a few years or I could join the ranks of the other men in their 50s that fell to a heart attack. In other words, this was temporary.

So do I lead a double-life or try to get consistency in the one? It's the double-life that feels like the lie to me and the one that, for us, would do the most long term damage.

I thought that out of the 400 or so guys that read this board, one may have been down this road and would have some insight that would help. I also thought that a few of the providers who have found long-term stability in a relationship may share some of their wisdom.

Somewhere I heard or read that when the sex is good, it's 10% of your relationship. When it's bad, it's 90% of the relationship. That 90% was doing a lot of damage last year.

I started this thread under slightly intoxicated conditions and asked jack to remove the thread the next morning. It had been up too long for him to remove the thread. Don't post under the influence...

Anyway, jack offered to lock the thread. I'll ask him to do that. I appreciate the feedback, barbed or not. Thanks.

[jackfengshui]

This thread is closed at the request of the O.P.