The funniest thing happened to me on my way to the islands!

[garlandBone]

True story.

This afternoon, I almost lost my wedding ring while attmpting to fist a provider. It reminded me of an episode that happened not too long ago.

I was pre-lubing my partner for some greek. I started with my pinky. After she was comfortable with that I withdrew and inserted my ring finger. At this point in the story I should point out that I was a Big Beautiful Man when I got married and subsequntly lost the weight, thereby making my ring slightly loose. As I'm withdrawing my ring finger, Her tight spincter literaly snatches the ring off my finger! (talk about being ripped off by a provider!). I'm having one of those "oh shit" moments. Luckily, after some "probing", I was able to retrieve the ring. Thank goodness, for it would have made for some tough explanations.

"Honey?...Where's your wedding ring?"
--"Oh, it got stuck up some escort's ass!"
(dont worry though, I'm sure I will get it back in 24 hours!)

It would make for an interesting x-rated xmas carol:
"...five golden rings.."

Or an adult version of Tolkien's 'Lord of the rings'
"At last, I have found the ONE ring of power..."

Truth can be stranger than fiction.

[w900l]

Mr GB I'm not telling you what to do, just for your information, one time on ASPD I told a joke with the word c**** in it and was given points for it, and they weren't points for being a funny joke!! I'm not saying the same thing will happen to you here either, just letting you know about my experience and to be careful.

[Makenzee_Ryder]

I would I have given it back to u Gb

[garlandBone]

Makenzee, you would have gotten a piercing and used it as a clit ring!

[DFWRaven]

I'm really sorry I opened this thread.... TMI.. Way TMI

[hotlips_houlihan]

Originally Posted by garlandBone

This afternoon, I almost lost my wedding ring while attmpting to fist a provider.

way too much info-gross

[Joe Smith]

Originally Posted by hotlips_houlihan

way too much info-gross

My thoughts exactly.....Some things are best kept to yourself.

[OldGrump]

Originally Posted by DFWRaven

I'm really sorry I opened this thread.... TMI.. Way TMI

Right you are. Time for a lens cap. (creative avatar).

[garlandBone]

You all have lost me.

TMI ??? gross ???

This forum is loaded with threads like
who has the best nipples
who gives the best oral
how to treat a clitoris
best ways to fxxx

and on nd on and on.

what I have posted is no more or less grahic than most of the threads here.

I thought I was dealing with open minded people who wanted free exchange of information.

At the time of said incident , myself and the provider in question were rotfl because it realy was kind of funny. I was attempting to share the humor, not offend anyone.

I guess in the future I will try to be "politicaly correct" which sort of flies in the face of what sites like these were intended for.

Thankyou for our tolerance.

[broes]

I realize that there are several married hobbyists on this board. It seems like most of them hobby because the wife can't or won't give them what they need in the bedroom. They love and would never leave the wife so they go elsewhere to fulfill their needs in the bedroom department. I get that. What I dont get is laughing about losing your wedding ring in another woman's asshole and the prospect of having to wait for her to shit it out. Maybe it's time to think about divorce.

[garlandBone]

Dude, you hit a serious sore spot with me.

I happen to love my wife. When I got married in '95, we mated like rabbits. In '98, she was diagnosed with stage 2 cervical cancer. She had to have all of her "girl parts" removed. It gets better. A few years later, she was diagnosed with degenerative arthuritus. She is now bound to a wheelchair. Every movement hurts, and when the wether is bad, she is in constant tears, and as pain pills are no loner effective on her, there is not a damn thing I can do about it. I feed her, cloth her, bathe her, and do the best I can to give her some kind of a life. I remember when it first started happening, we were watching this movie, and there was a lovemaking scene at which, out of the blue, she broke out into loud sobs. I asked her what was the matter. She said she was afrid I was going to leave her because she couldn't give me sex. I told her that I would never leave her, and that I would take care of her for the rest of her life, because I love her. Asto the Hobby, I have needs to take care of. I am not cheating, I am self-medicating. I look on sex providers the same way as I would look on health care providers. I pay them to make me feel better. I dont tell her what I do, but she is an intelligent woman, I'm sure she has figured it out. She also has a sense of humor like my own. If I were to tell her a story about someone losng their ring in such a manor, she would laugh at it.

My god, I'm surrounded by the walking dead.

[Duffman]

GB, I think many of the participants treat this as a dating site rather than what it is. I enjoyed the story. But then, I am a perv.

[mikahranae]

I enjoyed it as well...made me laugh!

[PT-109]

Sounds like an ECCIE version of a Sienfeld episode. LMAO.

Duffman- I agree. This isn't a dating site.

GB- So sorry to hear about your wife. I commend you for being a MAN and loving her in "sickness and in health."

Also, Sounds like your SO has a great sense of humor. Cherish it.