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DallasRain · 02-26-2012, 10:43 AM

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for w itnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

angusranch · 02-26-2012, 11:34 AM

I got arrested last week for indecent exposure...but they let me go for lack of evidence.

horserider · 02-26-2012, 11:58 PM

3 old men were talking, 1 was 60yo, 1 was 70yo, 1 was 80yo. The 60yo said "60 is the worst age to be, I go to the bathroom and I strain and strain and only pee a few drops, it's terrible". The 70yo said "that's nothing, 70 is the worst age to be, I go to the bathroom and try to take a crap, I grunt and strain and get red faced and nothing, it's really bad". The 80yo said "that's nothing, 80 is the worst age to be". The 60yo ask him "what's the matter you can't go pee"? The 80yo said "nope regular as clock work 6:30 every morning I can pee a quart with no problem what so ever". The 70yo ask "what's the matter you can't take a crap"? The 80yo said "nope every morning at 6:30 I take a good bowel emptying crap with no problem or straining what so ever". The 60yo and the 70yo both ask the 80yo "then whats so bad about being 80" to which the 80yo replied "cause I don't wake up till 7:00".